


Langst Prompts

by prince_yoongi



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Gen, Illnesses, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Langst, M/M, Overdosing, Self-Harm, Sickfic, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture, Vomiting, klangst, shangst, so much langst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-04-20 08:16:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 91
Words: 149,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14256768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prince_yoongi/pseuds/prince_yoongi
Summary: These are langst prompts that I was given on tumblr. I will keep updating this as long as I keep writing prompts. Send me one either in a comment or on tumblr @prince-yoongi <3





	1. Red and Blue

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Hey about Lance hearing red and blue have you considered the lions begging able to possess Lance and the two keep making him do weird and random stuff

The team has noticed Lance acting strange lately. He was quieter than usual. A lot quieter. And they always found him sitting alone in dark rooms muttering to himself. They brushed it off for the most part, until one day during breakfast.

It seemed like a normal day, until Lance walked in. He looked like he was still asleep, and for a moment they thought maybe he was sleep walking. He was still in his pajamas and he looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. He barreled into the room and the paladins barely had time to register that fact before he was standing directly in front of Keith. Keith looked startled as Lance hovered in front of him, his face contorted.

“Uh, Lance?” Keith shifted uncomfortably because of Lance’s close proximity. “What are you doing...?” Lance didn’t respond, instead he grimaced and clenched his fists at his sides, muttering something unintelligible under his breath.

“Lance, what’s going on?” Shiro said, stepping closer to the two. Lance’s arms twitched at his side. Keith glanced to the side and tried to move around him. Lance’s arms shot up and grabbed Keith’s shoulders. Everyone froze.

“Stop” Lance whispered. Keith looked terrified. “I’m sorry” he groaned before he leaned down and pulled Keith into a hug. Keith’s eyes widened and the whole room went silent. Suddenly Lance pushed Keith away and bent over, panting.

“Uh...” everyone stared at Lance in confusion.

“Oh, fuck you!” Lance shouted.

“What just happened?”

“Red thought Keith needed a hug” he mumbled, not explaining any further as he sat down at the table and began eating. Keith blinked and then crossed his arms, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips.

~ ~ ~

The team quickly forgot that odd moment, until a few days later. They were all sitting around the lounge, just hanging out before dinner. Lance was sprawled out on the floor, looking half asleep. Suddenly he jumped up and started running around the room. He darted from one side to another, seemingly with no pattern. He jumped up and smacked the wall, and the dropped to the floor. The paladins watching him, bewildered. He continued to do this for almost a minute before he finally stopped, dropping to the floor again with a groan. Everyone sat in a stunned silence until Pidge started laughing. Everyone turned to look at her.

“I’m really sorry, Lance” she said, holding up a small silver laser-pointer. “I was just testing out a theory”

~ ~ ~

Lance had always loved swimming. He swam every day as a kid. The day he found out that the castle had a pool, he was thrilled. The day he found out that Red hated swimming, he was crushed. He always wondered why Keith never went swimming with all of them, and now he knew. Now when everyone went swimming he hung behind, claiming he had something else he had to do. Finally, Keith asked him about it.

“Hey, Lance was sitting in the training room by himself, sparing with one of the training robots. “What’s been going on with you?” Lance stopped.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Lance reached for a towel and wiped the sweat off his head. Keith sat on the bench and watched him.

“You’ve been acting weird”

“It’s just… Red and Blue are both in my head now and- and I feel like there’s no room for me anymore. Also, they’re getting along way to well. They both find it funny to make me do stuff”

“What kind of stuff” Lance groaned and then vaulted across the room towards Keith, coming to a sudden stop a few inches from his face. He lifted his finger and poked Keith on the nose and said, “Boop”

“…Dude” Keith said with a weird look on his face. Lance threw himself on the bench next to Keith.

“Guys, that’s not even funny!” he rolled his eyes. “I’m not entirely sure, but I think they’re laughing. They’re always in my head, Keith. Always. They’re driving me crazy”

“You just have to learn how to handle Red. She doesn’t like water, but if you ease her in she gets used to it. And she doesn’t like a lot of foods, so you gotta briber her. Let her know that she can have the foods she likes if she eats the ones that she doesn’t like first, kind of like rewarding a toddler with ice cream if they eat their dinner” Lance nodded appreciatively.

“Okay, I’ll try that” he said. “Thanks” Keith shrugged.

“She’s difficult sometimes, but

“Hey, Lance” he said softly after a moment. “Can you tell her I’m sorry. And that I miss her” Lance felt his arm move around Keith’s shoulder against his will.

“I think she misses you too” he nuzzled his face in Keith’s neck. Keith stiffened. “This is Red, I swear”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Langst prompt ideas: 1) fucking dealing with a sudden kidney infection or appendacidus and is just trying to grit and bear the pain until theyre done training cause he doesnt wanna be A Burden 2) blue trying to help him out ona Bad Brain Day cause why the hell not
> 
> Trigger Warnings: Sickness and vomiting

1) Trigger warnings: Sickness, Vomiting

He had noticed it a few hours ago. There was a strange pain in his abdomen. He was in the middle of a training simulation with the team, so he tried to ignore it. It would go away eventually.

But the pain didn’t go away. Instead, it got worse and worse as the day wore on. He was sweating more than usual. It was practically pouring off of him by dinner time. Hunk shot Lance a nervous glance after they had all showered and were waiting for dinner.

“You feelin’ okay buddy?” he asked. Lance was still sweating. He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand.

“Mm-hmm” he mumbled. The pain in his stomach felt white-hot and he felt like he exhausted. He didn’t bother telling anyone this because tomorrow they were scheduled to go to a planet to find more people to join their resistance against the Galran empire. He had to be there to get them to join. They were a major group and would be an incredible asset to Voltron.

Lance barely picked at his food at dinner. He didn’t feel hungry. But Shiro chastised him for not eating, saying that he needed to keep his strength up, so Lance tried his best to shovel it all down. It didn’t stay down for long. He had hardly made it back to his room before he was hunched over in the bathroom throwing his dinner back up.

He stayed like that most of the night, throwing up until there was nothing left but bile. His stomach hurt so much that his body was racked with sobs. He cried because he was in pain. He cried because he was alone. He couldn’t tell anyone. They couldn’t know he was weak.

He woke up the next morning with his face pressed against the cold bathroom floor. His entire body was covered in sweat, but he couldn’t stop shivering. He pulled himself up and dragged his tired body into the shower. When he felt some resemblance to a living being he pulled on clean clothes and took a deep breath. He was okay. He was going to be okay. He had to be okay for the team. For Voltron.

The recruitment was going surprisingly well. Lance had pulled himself together enough to fly around in Red all morning as they showed the inhabitants of the planet what Voltron could do. He even managed to stand up next to everyone and force a half-hearted smile as Coran gave his speech, asking them to join the resistance against the Galra.

The pain was still there, the dull ache in his stomach. He hadn’t eaten since breakfast the day before, and his skin felt clammy. The longer he stood there the harder it was to keep himself upright. Coran’s speech seemed to be going on longer than normal. Lance groaned under his breath as he was hit with another wave of nausea. Pidge eyed him.

“What are you doing?” she whispered.

“Nothing” Lance hissed. He was hunched over, both hands on his stomach. Suddenly the aching in his gut tripled in intensity, sending Lance to the ground. He gasped in pain and heard whispers from the crowd as he gripped his stomach in pain. He gritted his teeth and tried to remain as still as possible, until he couldn’t hold it in anymore. The pain was so unbearable that he felt detached from his body. He heard a scream as everything started to fade away. For a moment everything was blurry, and the pain stopped. Then as his head snapped back into his body and he realized he was the one screaming. He wasn’t outside anymore. He was in something. One of the lions. He tried to crawl onto his knees, but the pain hit him again full force and he doubled over, vomiting on the ground in front of him.

“Hang on, Lance! We’re almost there” A voice called to him from across the room. He tried to get up again, and then there was a pair of hands on him pinning him down. He screamed and tried to break away. He quickly gave up, crumpling in on himself, clutching his stomach. The pain seemed unbearable. He’d never felt anything like this. What was happening to him? Was he dying? Oh god, he was going to die. All because he didn’t want to be a burden. This was his last thought before everything faded to black.

There was still a pain in his stomach when he awoke. But this was a different pain. A bearable pain. He groaned and groggily tried to push himself up.

“What… happened?” he mumbled. Someone rushed to his side, telling him to relax and lay back. He complied.

“Your appendix burst, Lance” Shiro said, pressing a hand to Lance’s forehead. “Your temperature seems to be down. That’s a good sign”

“My appendix? So… I wasn’t dying?” Shiro laughed in surprise.

“Dying? No, you weren’t dying. But, Lance, how long were you in pain? This could’ve been really serious. You should’ve told me” Lance shifted uncomfortably. He hated disappointing Shiro. That’s why he hadn’t told anyone in the first place. He didn’t want Shiro to be disappointed in him.

“I’m sorry. I thought I could handle it”

“Tell us next time you feel bad, okay?” he said, squeezing Lance’s hand. Lance’s eyes filled with grateful tears.

“I promise”

2) Some days it was hard to get out of bed. Some days it felt impossible. On the impossible days, Lance felt helpless. You can’t just take a day off from saving the universe. There were things to be done every day, hardly a spare moment to take a breath. Days like those were okay, once he got up, because he was constantly busy from the moment he would drag his body out of bed to the moment his head hit the pillow late at night. But the occasion days off they got were much worse. There was nothing to distract him from his thoughts. From the crushing weight that constantly hovered over his chest, waiting for the moment he paused so it could drop on him, stealing his breathe.

On days like these, Lance felt alone. He felt isolated from everyone else. No one really understood what he was going through. None of them felt the same way. He didn’t want to bother them anyway, they would only make fun of him or accuse him of making a joke out of people who were really in pain. No, he had to keep it to himself. But he had to talk to someone, or he was going to go crazy.

So, he turned to the only person who ever truly understood him.

Blue.

He stood in front of her, unsure. Things between them hadn’t been the best since he started piloting Red. Lance was still a little hurt that she wouldn’t let him in anymore, but he understood. Allura was her paladin now. It was nothing personal. At least he hoped it wasn’t.

“Blue?” he said hesitantly. She was standing motionlessly in the hangar. He approached her slowly. “Blue, I know we haven’t talked in a while, but I was hoping you could listen to me for a minute. I don’t know who else to talk to” he stopped when he was a few feet away from her. He craned his neck and looked up, waiting for her to answer in some way. She didn’t move. Lance’s shoulders slumped, and he sucked in his bottom lip. “Right, yeah this was stupid. I’m sorry, I don’t deserve to talk to you anyway” he turned and started to walk away. Suddenly, Blue pushed her paw out, catching on the back of Lance’s shirt, pulling his back. He stumbled and landed on top of her foot. His heart swelled. “Are you sure?” she hummed in response. Lance smiled gratefully. “Thank you”

He crawled onto her paw and let it all out. He told her everything. How tired he was with everything. How he felt like he couldn’t tell anyone that he was feeling this way, that everything felt so hard. He told her about the stupid fight he had with Shiro, and the passing comment that Allura had made that hurt him more than he let on. He told her about that nagging feeling deep in his mind that he wasn’t meant to be here, that he wasn’t good enough to make any sort of a difference. Blue never responded with words, but her hums and purrs encouraged Lance to simply let everything out. It helped.

Lance had no idea how long he’d spent talking, but he knew it had to have been a while. But now he was done. He was out of words, and he definitely felt better. “Thanks, Blue” he said. “This really helped” his smiled faded as he sat there. There was one last thing that bothered him. “I never meant to hurt you, Blue. You know that, right?” he asked quietly. Blue responded by lowering her head and nudged her nose against Lance. He smiled in relief. “Good” Lance laid down on her paw and began stroking it absently. “I missed this. Us. I miss being able to talk to you. You’re the only one who understands me” Blue laid her head down next to her paw and breathed out. Lance took that to mean she missed it too. “I love you, Blue” She purred contently.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: voltron prompt: that soulmate au where a person can only see in black and white until they meet their soulmate with klance can be langst or not you decide
> 
> Trigger Warnings: Suicide, overdose, vomit

It seemed like it was any other normal day when Keith woke up. If he had known this was going to be the day that the color of his life changed, he would’ve done things differently the day before. It was the first thing he noticed when he opened his eyes. At first he was confused and disoriented. He wasn’t sure what was different.

Then it hit him.

Everything was black and white.

The colors had faded away, like they had been before he met his soulmate.

There was only one reason that would happen.

His soulmate was dead.

Keith shot out of bed faster than he ever had before, praying to every god he could think of that he was wrong. That this wasn’t happening.

His feet slid out from under him as he rounded the corner. He quickly scrambled to his feet and sprinted the remaining distance to his room.

His room.

Keith didn’t hear the shouts of concern and confusion that followed him. He was focused on the door that was now in front of him. He suddenly felt paralyzed with fear. He couldn’t move to open the door. If he looked inside, this would all be real. He would know the truth.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. “Keith,” it was Allura. Her voice normally soothed him. Today it sent shivers down his spine. “What’s going on?” she asked. He could tell that everyone was standing behind her, waiting to see what was happening.

“I can’t… see” he whispered. “It’s all gone. All of it. There’s only- this is the only thing—” he choked, feeling like he couldn’t get enough air. “My colors are gone” The hallway went completely silent as everyone processed that information. When it clicked in everyone’s minds what that meant, Keith was gently moved out of the way and they pushed into Lance’s room.

Lance.

Keith stared at the floor outside of his room, waiting to hear the news. He waited a few seconds, but no one came back out. He frowned and hesitantly stepped into the room, his heart hammering in his chest. Everyone was staring at Lance’s bed, where he laid. His back was turned to them.

He was asleep.

Relief flooded through Keith’s body. This was all a mistake. It really was just a mistake. He felt the urge to cry as he stepped up to Lance’s bed to wake him up and let him know how much he had scared him.

He didn’t hear the cries of protest as he rolled Lance over.

He rolled back limply, eyes wide open. They were glassy. His skin was cold. There was a pool of vomit on the side of the bed against the wall. Keith kept his hand on Lance’s shoulder. He didn’t understand. Why wasn’t Lance moving. He was gray. Everything was gray.

And then everything was black.

He woke up in the infirmary. Shiro was sitting next to his bed. Keith groaned quietly and sat up. He looked around again and saw that everything was black and white. His heart squeezed painfully as he remembered the feeling of Lance’s cold skin beneath his hand.

“Keith, I think you should lay back” Shiro said gently. “You passed out. You need to rest”

“Wh- what happened” his voice cracked as he spoke. Shiro looked at him with sadness in his eyes. He looked tired too. Keith wondered briefly how long he had been out.

“I don’t think I should tell you right now. You should rest—”

“Tell me what happened!” Shiro sighed and braced his arms on his knees.

“He overdosed on pills” Keith went completely still. He… killed himself? Why would he do that? Was it because…

“Was it because of me…?” Keith wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer. Shiro hadn’t even opened his mouth before Keith knew.

It was his fault.

Keith nodded stiffly and discretely pinched the side of his thigh. This had to be a dream. He was dreaming. There was no other explanation. “Did he… did he leave a note?” his voice shook. He was hardly keeping himself together.

“Keith…”

“Just answer me!” he snapped. He didn’t have time for Shiro’s comforting. He wanted to know why this had happened. Why Lance had… Why Lance was dead.

“Yes, he left a note. And before you ask, no. You’re not reading it” Keith started to protest. “Keith, I’m serious. You’re in shock right now. You’re going to lay down and get some sleep”

“You can’t tell me what to do” Keith subtly glanced around for the note. Logically he knew that it wouldn’t be in here, but he wasn’t thinking straight. He was in shock.

He started to climb off of the bed, but Shiro’s arms came around him, pulling him back. Keith screamed, scratching at Shiro. He turned around in his arms and tried to pull him off. He had to find the note. He had to know the reason Lance had killed himself.

Deep down, he already knew the answer.

His screams slowly morphed into sobs. His arms went limp at his sides. This was pointless. He didn’t need to read the note. He already knew the answer. He began crying so hard he was shaking. Shiro loosened his grip on him.

“I really did love him” Keith sobbed. “I did”

“I believe you” Shiro said gently. Rubbing circles into his back.

“I loved him”

“I know” Keith’s fingers gripped Shiro’s t-shirt as he cried into his shoulder. His words were muffled.

“I told him that I didn’t love him” his heart was breaking more and more each moment. Every second that passed brought back the realization that Lance was gone, and he was never coming back. Keith half-expected Lance to pop through the door and say this was all some sick joke. But he never did. “I told him that I didn’t care that he was my soulmate. I thought it was a bad idea for us to be together. I thought- I thought that it would mess up the group” his throat constricted. He couldn’t get anymore words out. How stupid had he been? He thought that him and Lance being together would mess up the group, but this was worse than anything their relationship would have affected.

Their group wasn’t right without Lance.

Everything was going to change now, and it was all Keith’s fault.


	4. Escape from Beta Traz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The is based off of @jigglejaggle (on tumblr)‘s prompt which is based off of Season 2: Ep. 10 of Voltron (thank you so much for sending this prompt to me i loved it so much!!)
> 
> Okay, this got really out of hand. It’s nearly 3k words and I wrote it all in one sitting… oops. Also I’ve never really written a fight scene before, so I tried to stay pretty close to the actual plot in the episode, so the first half of this fic pretty much mirrors the events of Escape from Beta Traz episode.

This isn’t how this was supposed to happen. This mission was supposed to be easy. Sneak in, sneak out. All they had to do was hack into the security system and rescue the inmate, Slav. Everything seemed to be going well, until Lance met back up with Shiro.

“I got Slav!” they both shouted at the same time. Lance did a double take.

“Wait what!” he screamed. Shiro looked at the creature next to Lance in confusion. Shiro’s ‘Slav’ shook his head.

“Oh, you have Laika” he said calmly. “That is the Warden’s pet. He will not be happy about that” Lance looked at the creature by his side in dismay.

“You’re not Slav!?” he shouted. It looked back at him.

“Yep” Lance continued running, slack jawed. He wholeheartedly believed that this was the Slav that they were looking for. There was no time to decide what they were going to do with this creature. Pidge announced over the intercom that she was going to meet them in the hangar.

The doors to the hangar slid open, revealing several guards surrounding the Lion. Everyone began shooting at once. Lance and Shiro pulled up their shield. Shiro yelled something to Lance, but he couldn’t hear it over the ringing in his ears from the blasts that were pounding against the shield in front of his face.

Lance dove out of the way of an oncoming blast, and Shiro took off across the room, taking out two of the guards almost instantly. They continued the fight for almost a minute, taking them all out one by one.

When they thought that they were finally done, Shiro called for the real Slav to come out of hiding, and they started to head to the Lion. Suddenly, a door slid open and the Warden appeared in the doorway. He shouted and jumped in front of them, blocking their path.

“You think you can get away with stealing my pet and my prisoner?” he laughed. The purple liquid that was held in the tubes attached to his suit slowly started to disappear, and he began to grow. The Warden tripled in size and loomed over the paladins. “You’re not going anywhere!” he boomed.

“What the heck!?” Pidge screamed.

The Warden charged forward, knocking the three of them to the ground. Lance hit the ground with a thud, but quickly jumped back on his feet. This was bad. The Warden was huge. Lance wasn’t sure they were going to be able to beat him. He shot a worried look at Shiro, and saw his reaction was mirrored on his face. Shiro wasn’t confident in their chances either.

“In case you are wondering” Slav yelled from where ever he was hiding. “The chances of all of our survivals, are now only 3.7%!” Shiro turned to scream at Slav to shut up but was cut off when he was hit. He was thrown into the wall and landed hard on the ground.

Lance continued shooting at the giant in front of him. It didn’t seem to have any affect. Lance thought back to his conversation with Pidge earlier.

“I’m the sharpshooter of the group!” he had said. “You are?” Pidge commented with a confused expression.

Did the team really not think that that was his thing? Did he not have a thing? Maybe the reason this wasn’t affected the Warden was because Lance wasn’t a as good a shot as he thought he was.

Lance was so lost in thought that he didn’t see the arm coming towards him and knocking him into the air. He waved his arms around frantically, and then braced himself for the impact.

But it never came.

The Warden grabbed him out of the air and held him tight in his grip. Lance grunted as he tried to squirm out of his grip.

“Lance! No!” Pidge called. She shot her bayard at the monster, who swiftly caught it and flung Pidge across the room. Lance cried out as the hand around him tightened. There were spots flooding his vision. He stopped squirming, hoping that it would alleviate some of the pain.

It didn’t.

Shiro yelled something, but Lance couldn’t hear it. His vision was fading.

Then, a snap.

Something inside of Lance broke. He thought maybe it was a rib. A scream ripped out of his lungs as the pain flooded his body. The shouted around him grew louder, adding to the noise. There was another sickening snap, and then another. Lance wished that he would just pass out from the pain, but he didn’t. His brain cruelly refused to let go.

Shiro and Pidge went back and forth, attacking the Warden, barely making a scratch on his giant metal body.

Lance wasn’t focused on them, however. He was preoccupied with the intense burning that he felt throughout his body. This was the worst pain Lance had ever endured. Nothing, he thought, could ever be worse than this.

Until he was thrown to the ground.

He felt his mouth open in a silent scream as he was hurled toward the floor. His throat was raw with the force of noise that he was producing.

There weren’t words to describe how Lance felt when he hit the ground. All of the air was knocked out of his lungs, and the pain increased to the point that his mind went completely white. He couldn’t see, hear, or speak. The blood curdling scream trapped in his throat.

The Warden stepped towards Lance, his foot hovering over Lance’s face. Lance’s whole body shook from fear, every tiny movement sending sharp pains into every corner of his body. The edge of his boot pressed into the side of Lance’s face, further pressing him into the ground. “You are weak” he spat.

Behind him, Shiro and Pidge were staring at him in complete shock. They didn’t know what to do. There was nothing they could do. Nothing even phased him. They were going to watch in horror as their friend was crushed to death.

Suddenly the whole room began to shake as the bay doors began to open. Everyone turned to look at it in surprise. Off to the side of the room, Slav had pushed the button to open the hangar doors, causing everyone and everything to fly towards it. Pidge grabbed hold of the Lion as Shiro flung a piece of junk at the Warden. It hit him square in the back, forcing him through the opening and out into space.

Slav quickly closed the door, and it was all over.

Lance’s body rolled to the floor again as the gravity returned to the room. There was a strange numbness overtaking him now. He wasn’t in as much pain as he was a minute ago.

He heard loud footsteps as Shiro and Pidge came running.

“Lance!” one of them screamed. “Are you alright?” Lance didn’t respond. He wasn’t sure he could. He started to roll over to face them, but a pain ripped through his side, causing him to cry out.

“Oh god,” Pidge said. “Don’t move. Oh my god. Don’t move” Something started to come up Lance’s throat, and he began to choke. A pair of hands gripped his arm, rolling him onto his side. He tried to scream, but blood began to pour out of his mouth instead, resulting in a strangled choking noise. “Oh fuck” Pidge sounded scared. Lance imagined that he looked just about as bad as he felt.

“Lance, I know it hurts, but you have to try and stay still” Shiro said in a gentle but slightly panicked voice. Now that the blood was out of his throat Lance began gasping for air. He couldn’t get enough air. “Shit” Shiro cursed. “Alright, I’m going to pick you up now. Pidge, get Slav onto the Lion and clear somewhere to lay Lance” he instructed. Lance saw Pidge’s feet run off across the room. His head felt fuzzy now, like he might pass out. Too little too late.

Lance was vaguely aware of Shiro’s hands checking various parts of him to see what was hurt. Lance squirmed under his touch.

“Okay, I think you have some broken ribs, Lance” Shiro said.

“No… shit…” he coughed out more blood.

“Try not to talk. I’m going to pick you up now, okay?” He didn’t wait for a response before he gingerly wrapped his hands around him and started to lift him up.

Nothing could have prepared Lance for the pain. Now that the adrenaline of the fight was beginning to wear off, he was starting to feel the full extent of his injuries. And Shiro jostling him around was making it so much worse.

“Stop!” Lance screamed. “Please! Stop, oh my god!” tears began to leak out of his eyes. “It hurts so much. Shiro, PLEASE!” Shiro set Lance back down quickly. Lance began writhing around in pain.

“What happened!?” Pidge yelled as she came sprinting back.

“I can’t move him. It hurts him too much” Shiro responded.

“But we have to get him out of here! If we stay here much longer…” she trailed off.

“You think I don’t know that!” Shiro was freaking out. Lance had never seen him like this. But then, none of them had ever been injured this severely before. “God, what are you muttering!?” Shiro shouted at Slav, who was standing near the group. He stared back at Shiro, completely unphased.

“The chances of his survival are dropping every minute we stand here” he stated. Pidge began to cry. Shiro pulled on his hair in frustration.

“Then what do you propose we do!?”

“Get out of here” Slav said. “The current chances of Lance surviving are currently at 7%” he said. Shiro started pacing back and forth. “6.4%” Shiro marched up to Lance, and then turned away. He couldn’t do it. “5.6%”

“Will you shut up!” Shiro covered his ears and closed his eyes. He stayed like that for a moment, trying to clear his mind and think of something. “There- there’s no other way” he said in dismay after a moment. “I have to move him” Lance whimpered at his words. Shiro’s face broke. “Lance, I am so so sorry. I wish there were another way, but we have to get you out of here. Do you understand that?” Lance tried to nod his head. He did understand that. If they stayed here, he was going to die. But, if they left there was still a chance that he was going to die. Moving him might not make a difference.

Shiro clenched his fists and took a deep breath before bending down and lifting Lance up in his arms. Pain ripped through Lance again as he moved him. He muttered apologies under Lance’s desperate cries for him to stop.

His vision completely faded. All he sensed was pain. He didn’t know how long it took to move into the Lion, but it felt like hours. In those few moments Lance was ashamed to say that he wished for death. He wished that he would just die and be free of the pain.

Instead, he passed out.

When he awoke, Lance was aware of a faint humming noise coming from somewhere. His head was propped up, and someone was running their fingers through his hair. He groaned in pain as he woke up fully, the pain hadn’t lessened any since before.

“Shh, you’re alright” Pidge said in a shaking voice. “We’re on our way back to the castle now” Lance faintly heard Shiro talking as he laid there, Pidge stroking his hair and whispering to him that he’d be alright.

“Broken ribs… at least three I think… his legs are… it’s not good, Allura” he said in a hushed voice. “I think one of his lungs collapsed when he landed” he paused as Allura responded to him. “Yes, and he’s been vomiting blood since I picked him up. I tried not to move him, but- but there was no other way- I didn’t know what else to do! I- I know…” he sighed. “I know” Lance closed his eyes again and tried to shift his head closer to Pidge’s hand. His entire body ached, and he could barely breathe, but that felt nice. “Don’t yell at me like that, there was nothing I could do! He overpowered us and grabbed Lance… Allura, I know” Lance tried to tune his voice out. The only other noise was Slav standing nearby muttering statistics to himself.

“If they would only… but that’s just 0.2% better… that is better than nothing- No. Not good enough. Only 2.3% chance that…” Lance pinched his lips together and tried to focus on his breathing. It was getting harder now.

“Oh, oh no” Slav said loudly. Shiro and Pidge whipped around to look at him. “The chances of survival for blue paladin human… are zero percent” the room went dangerously quiet. No one dared to breathe. Pidge slapped her hand over her mouth as everyone stared at Lance in horror.

Lance’s entire body went cold.

0%

He was going to die.

Lance always imagined that he was going to die this way. At least, he had imagined it recently. He couldn’t go into a million fights where the odds were against them and expect to make it out completely unfazed. Someone was going to get hurt sooner or later. Lance was glad that it was him, and not anyone else. They were all essential parts of Volton.

He? He could be replaced.

“Slav” Lance wheezed out. Pidge tried to shush him, but Lance waved her off. “What are… Volton’s chances of—” he stopped to cough up some more blood. “Of defeating Zarkon… if I- If I die…?” Slav was silent for longer than he had been since he arrived on the ship.

“If you die, their success rises 12%”

“Slav, you shut the fuck up before I chuck you out of this ship and into the nearest black hole!” Shiro shouted threateningly. Pidge started crying again.

“The chances of you finding a black hole—”

“I said shut it!” Slav finally listened.

“Lance, don’t listen to him!” she said in between sobs. “You’re not going to die. You can’t die” Lance knew he was going to die. He could feel it. His body was beginning to go numb, and his breaths were slowing. “We need you. We can’t defeat Zarkon without you” Lance reached blindly for Pidge’s hand. She laced her fingers through his, squeezing tightly.

“Pidge,” he smiled faintly. “I love you” he could feel a trail of blood dripping out of the corner of his mouth.

“No, don’t you dare. You’re not dying. You’re not!” 12%. If Lance died, they had a 12% better chance of winning. He was afraid to die before, not knowing what would happen to everyone else. But now he could die in peace, knowing he gave them a better shot.

“Shiro,” Lance’s voice was barely audible.

“Yeah, buddy?” Shiro’s voice shook. He couldn’t come to them, because he was piloting the Lion.

“I love you… too” Lance wheezed. “You were… always my hero…” Tears splashed down onto Lance as they dripped off of Pidge’s face. “Tell… everyone else that I love them too—” The air rushed out of Lance’s body, and he gasped. The only sound he could hear was Pidge’s sobs. A smile curled at his lips as the pain melted away.

He laid his head back, and let go.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Langst prompt that Lance used to make scars on himself when he was in the garrison to make people care about him and then someone (maybe Keith?) finds the scars.
> 
> If you are struggling with self-harm, please talk to an adult that you trust. They can help you. 
> 
> Trigger warning: Self-harm

Keith had noticed something weird about Lance. Lance was never without his jacket. He wore it all the time, even to bed. The only time he was without it was when he was wearing his armor. He never brought it up to him. He didn’t see the point. Maybe it was something his family gave him. Maybe he just really liked the coat.

It wasn’t until the day that Keith saw him without it that he became really concerned.

He wasn’t looking for Lance, and he was pretty sure Lance didn’t know he was there. It was the middle of the night and Lance was standing in the kitchen frantically scrubbing a wet cloth on his arm of his jacket. Keith hesitated in the doorway. Lance hadn’t seen him yet. He was muttering something under his breath. After a minute of doing that he shook his head and then slowly tugged the jacket off and draped it across the table. Keith’s eyes widened at what he saw.

“Oh my god” he whispered. He said it too loudly. Lance whipped around, trying to cover himself with the jacket as he did.

“Who’s there!?” Keith stepped into the room. “Keith…? Wh- what are you doing in here?”

“What happened to you arm?” Keith asked bluntly, moving towards Lance. Lance took a step back and ran into the counter.

“I- I don’t know what you’re talking about” Lance stuttered out. Keith frowned.

“Lance, if you’re hurting yourself—” Lance’s face turned red.

“I’m not!” Keith shot him a look. “I’m not” Lance said, calmer this time. He sighed. “I don’t… I don’t do that” he paused. “Anymore” he dropped his jacket. “And it’s not what you think! I didn’t want to hurt myself” Keith crossed his arms and eyed the large faded scar running down his left bicep. Underneath it was several other smaller scars.

“What do you mean?” Keith asked, tearing his eyes away. He was afraid that Lance was going to brush it off, saying that it was cat scratches or something. He was going to have to tell someone else about this before it got too serious.

“Keith, I’m serious. It’s not what you think. I did… I did do these to myself but not because…” he stopped and frowned. “Actually, I kind of don’t want to tell you. It might be worse than what you think” he lowered his head in shame.

“Lance, you need to tell someone about this” Lance back away Keith.

“No!”

“Then if you won’t tell them… I will” he said reluctantly. He didn’t want to tell them, but if Lance was having trouble…

“You can’t!” he said in frustration. “I- I just… Alright! I’ll tell you if you promise not to tell anyone else about this. Not even Hunk”

“Okay, I promise” Lance chewed on his lip before speaking again.

“When I was in the garrison… I was really lonely. No one wanted to talk to me because I was annoying. I come from a really big family, so I wasn’t used to not having people to talk to. So… I started making up things to make me seem more interesting” he tugged at the edge of his sleeve unconsciously trying to cover up his arm. “I said that this was from a car accident” he gestured to the large scar that Keith had seen.

Keith looked at his friend sadly. He had done this to himself just so that people would pay attention to him? Would he do that now if they stopped paying attention to him? Keith was worried that it might happen. Lance had been withdrawn lately.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Keith asked carefully. He didn’t want to push, but he wanted Lance to know that he was here for him.

“I’ve never… I’ve never talked about it with anyone before. No one knows. Except you now, I guess” he said in embarrassment.

“You can tell me anything, Lance” Keith said genuinely. Lance nodded. They both sat down on the floor and leaned up against the cabinets.

“It was fine at first, I would lie about things I had done, places I had been. But then people started to get bored of that, and they wouldn’t believe me” They were sitting side by side now on the floor. Lance had draped his jacket over his knees. Keith watched as he began wringing his hands. “Sometimes I—” he stopped and looked away, too ashamed to make eye contact. “Sometimes I would pretend to be sick or hurt so that people would pay attention to me” he admitted. “One time I missed school for a couple of days and I… I told everyone I had appendicitis”

“Really?” Keith laughed shortly. Lance pinched his lips.

“I was 14” he shrugged. “The reason I had missed so much school was because my little sister had been sick, and I had to take care of her while my mama was at work” he twisted his fingers into his jacket unconsciously. “When I came back to school one of my classmates asked to see my scar” his voice shook. “So, I ran into the bathroom and cut my stomach with a pair of scissors” Keith stared at him in shock.

“Lance…”

“Do you want to see the scar?” he asked, turning his head towards Keith slightly. Keith didn’t know what to say. Lance lifted the hem of his shirt, revealing a jagged pink line near his right hip. “Everyone talked to me that day. It was the best day of my life” there was a faint smile in his voice.

“Why?” Keith breathed out before he could stop himself. Lance hesitated.

“I- I don’t really know. I just wanted people to like me. I wanted them to pay attention to me” Keith studied the side of Lance’s face. For the first time he noticed a thin scar traveling from the bottom of his hear down his neck. He reached out and touched it. Lance jumped in surprise.

“I’m sorry” Keith pulled his hand back instantly. Lance reached up and held his hand over the spot Keith had touched.

“That one was from the day Daniels got a black eye” he explained. “Everyone babied him all day. I went to my room that night and did this…” he licked his lips. “It really hurt”

“You could’ve really hurt yourself, Lance” Keith said in dismay. How had he never known about this? He went to the same school, and never realized that this was happening. He had lived in the same ship as Lance for the last two years, and never noticed.

“I know… It was so stupid. But I couldn’t stop myself” he said quietly. “It was like… an addiction. I don’t do it anymore --!” Lance clarified. “I told my mama about it one time when I went too far and- I started going to a therapist when I was 16 and… yeah… I don’t do that anymore. You don’t have to worry about me” Keith smiled sadly.

“I’m always going to worry about you” he said. Lance watched him. “I’m always worried about you. I don’t want you to get hurt”

“I don’t want you to get hurt either” Lance said softly. Keith blushed. They were both silent for a moment. Lance slowly laid his head down on Keith’s shoulder.

“I think you should tell the others about this” Keith said tentatively. “You don’t have to if you’re not ready!” he added quickly. “Just, they’ll understand. We all went through shit when we were in school. They’re not going to think any different of you” Lance sniffed.

“I’ll think about it” he said.

“That’s all I ask”

“Hey Keith?” Lance shifted closed to him.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you”


	6. Furry Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This is technically one of my langst prompts but it's not really langst oops)
> 
> Prompt: Did you consider that like in the mind scope thing Lance gaining cat ears and tails? Like on red one blue?
> 
> A/N: Okay, I’m going to be completely honest, I’m not entirely sure what the mind scope is? So I kind of took this in my own direction.

Lance walked into the training room that morning feeling strange. There was something different about him, something wrong. He didn’t know what was wrong, but he found out when he walked into the room. Pidge turned to greet him and then froze, staring at him wide-eyed.

Lance frowned at her in confusion. “What?” he asked. At the sound of his voice, Hunk and Keith both turned to look at him, their jaws dropping. “What!?” He asked in a more panicked voice. What were they looking at? “Stop staring at me! Why are you all—” he suddenly stopped when he saw something out of the corner of his eye. It moved away quickly. He spun around, but it moved away again.

“Oh. My god” Hunk said, his voice barely audible. Lance stopped and looked at them in dismay.

“Tell me what’s going on!” he pleaded.

“You- you got a little something there” Keith spoke slowly, pointing at his own head. Lance reached up and touched his hair. Everything seemed normal, until—

“WHAT THE HELL” he dropped his arm like he had been burned. “What is that!?” without waiting for an answer he ran across the room to the full-length mirror that ran down the side wall. What he saw made his jaw drop to the floor.

There were two ears sticking out of the top of his head, one red and one blue. They weren’t just normal ears though, they looked like cat ears. Darting around behind him was a blue tail, that he didn’t seem to be able to control.

A startled scream ripped out of his throat.

Shiro, Coran, and Allura all came running. They all stared at him in complete shock with the others.

“What the in world…” Allura breathed.

“What happened to you!?” Coran asked. Lance was still making a high-pitched whining noise. He didn’t know how to comprehend this. Why had this happened? How had this happened?

“IF I KNEW DO YOU THINK I WOULD BE SCREAMING” he shouted.

“Lance, try and calm down” Shiro said gently, stepping towards him. Lance backed away.

“I’M A FUCKING CAT”

“Lance—” Shiro rested his hand on Lance’s arm. “You’re not a cat” he said. “You just… have cat ears for some reason. And a tail” Lance shakily lifted his hand back to his head and touched one of his ears. It was fluffy. Fluffy.

“How did this happen?” Allura asked. Everyone was standing around him in a circle. It was making him nervous.

“I- I don’t know!” he stuttered. He couldn’t think straight.

“Okay, have you done anything differently in the last day or so?” she asked calmly. He frowned and tried to think. The only thing they had done in the last few days was go to that space mall. And all he’d done there was—

Shit.

“What?” Shiro asked, seeing the look on his face. “What is it?”

“I… I may have… eaten something” he mumbled. “At the mall the other day, this guy, his name was Blat I think, gave me a cookie”

“A stranger gave you a cookie,” Shiro clarified. “And you ate it” Lance grimaced.

“Well it sounds bad when you say it like that”

“There’s no other way to say it!”

“Well can I just—” he stopped. “Can someone help Pidge I think she’s in shock” she was still staring at Lance with her eye wide. Hunk tapped her shoulder.

“I don’t even know which joke to make!” Pidge squealed. She looked overwhelmed.

“Guys, help” Lance whined. “We have to fix this. I look ridiculous!”

“I don’t know, it’s kind of cute” Keith said with a shrug. The room went dead silent as everyone stopped and looked at him. He crossed his arms uncomfortable. “What?”

“Keith’s a furry!” Pidge screamed. Lance covered his face with his hands and groaned. His tail curled around his body in embarrassment.

“Can we get back to how the hell to fix me!?” Lance said though his fingers. Coran began circling Lance.

“How strange,” he said. “Something about that serum made some of the Lion’s physical attributes manifest on your body. Remarkable” he poked at Lance’s red ear, making it twitch. Lance batted his hands away. “Was there any leftover cookie?” Coran asked. Lance looked away in embarrassment.

“There’s one in my room” he mumbled. Shiro made a noise of exasperation. “I was saving it for today!” Lance defended.

“Hunk, we should get that cookie and analyze it to find out what’s in it” Hunk and he started to leave the room. Pidge was still staring at Lance with her eyes now squinted.

“Pidge, you wanna help up?” Hunk asked. Pidge made a pained face.

“Too. Many. Jokes. Can’t. Function” Hunk rolled his eyes and pulled Pidge out with him.

“Me and Allura can go try to track down the merchant that gave you that cookie” Shiro said. Allura nodded. “It’s going to be okay, Lance” Shiro said, patting his shoulder. Him and Allura left the room, leaving Keith and Lance alone.

Lance sunk down onto the floor, leaning against the mirrored wall, and buried his face in his hands. “What am I going to do?” he groaned. Keith sunk down next to him

“Hunk and Pidge will find a way to fix this, don’t worry” Keith said stiffly. He obviously didn’t know what to do in this situation. Lance sighed and leaned his head back. Keith was staring at him intently.

“Just touch them” Lance said flatly. Keith blushed and looked away.

“What are you talking about?” he said innocently.

“I saw you looking at them”

“Sorry” he said sheepishly.

“It’s fine, you can touch them if you want. You’re right, Pidge and Hunk will find a way to fix this. So, you might as well feel them while you can” Keith tentatively reached his hand up and curled his fingers around Lance’s red ear.

“They’re so soft” he said quietly. Lance sat perfectly still. Keith slowly started running his fingers up and down the ear. Lance closed his eyes and felt a noise come out of his body. It sounded like… purring?

“Somewhere in this castle, Pidge is having a stoke” Keith said. A laugh escaped from Lance’s lips as Keith pulled his hand away. His eyes widened as Lance’s tail darted out and tickled Keith’s face.

After a few beats of silence, Keith turned back to Lance.

“Hey Lance?” Keith said with a slight frown.

“Yeah?”

“What’s a furry?” Lance choked down his laughter. Keith pouted at him.

“I’ll tell you when you’re older”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Lance has hallucinations or something and believes that he is saving the team even though there's nothing there. 
> 
> A/N: Okay so I’ve watched a lot of Community in the last like two weeks, so this is kind of based on the episode when they play the floor is lava and Abed thinks that the lava is real, except in this they’re playing like laser tag and Lance believes that there’s someone chasing them.

Lance reached his head up towards the ceiling above his bed. It wasn’t a ceiling anymore, it was a sky full of stars. He longed to touch them, to feel them in his hands. But they were always just out of reach.

Lance knew he was different from an early age. He saw things that other people didn’t see. Most of the time it was harmless, an animal that wasn’t really there or stars on his ceiling. People always told him that he had an overactive imagination, even though he tried to explain that these things were real. They weren’t in his head. He hadn’t noticed anything recently, but there may have been things that he hadn’t noticed. Space was strange, after all.

Today was the first time he had noticed it in several months. At first, he thought he was dreaming. He often dreamed about stars, his dream was always to travel to space. But now that he had achieved that dream, stars didn’t seem so special anymore. They were just… there. The stars above him were real. Just as real as the bed he was laying on. He knew logically that they weren’t there, but they were real. In his mind they were real.

There was something moving out of the corner of his eye. It quickly disappeared when he turned to look at it. He shook his head and got ready for the day.

Everyone was sitting in the dining room eating breakfast when he arrived. Late, as usual. No one even looked up when he sat down.

“Morning” he said. Everyone mumbled various hellos. “I see that you’re all up and excited for the day” he said sarcastically. Pidge groaned and slumped down in her chair.

“So. Bored”

“Well, you’ll all be pleased to know that our mission for the day has been canceled” Allura spoke up. “We have the day off, so you’re free to do what you please” Everyone instantly perked up.

“Why did our plans get changed” Shiro asked. Allura began to answer him, but Lance wasn’t listening. Something was moving just out of his eye sight again. It was a shadow that he couldn’t quite see, moving along the wall. He froze in his seat and watched it move through the room, getting closer and closer. His heart leapt to his throat. What was that? And why was it here?

“We should all do something together” Hunk suggested. “Like a team bonding thing” The shadow suddenly moved off of the wall, becoming a solid object and moving towards the table. Lance felt terror grip his chest. He had to do something. He had to get everyone out of here.

“We should play like paintball or laser tag or something” he said quickly. “We could split up into teams and make hideouts and attack each other. And we should all wear our armor, so we look like badass and stuff” he was rambling, but he had to get his plan out fast. He didn’t know what else to do.

“That sounds awesome!” Pidge said, bouncing up and down excitedly. Hunk nodded.

“Super cool idea, dude. I’m in” Shiro shrugged.

“Sure”

“I’m in” Allura said. There were two shadows now, and Lance was running out of time.

“Great! Keith? Coran?”

“I should really get back to—” Lance cut Coran off.

“That sucks, man! Keith?” Keith hesitated.

“I don’t know—” Lance shot out of his chair and grabbed Keith’s arm.

“Nonsense. You’ll be on my team” he was talking really fast, but he did that when he was scared. “Hunk and Pidge, you’re team two, Shiro and Allura, you’re team three. Go change into your armor and grab the laser guns that I assume Pidge has invented by this point because she’s a nerd” he said as he dragged Keith towards the door.

“Hey!” Pidge protested. Everyone started to follow behind him.

“Am I wrong?” he called over his shoulder, making sure everyone left the room. They all did.

“…The guns are in the cabinet in the main room” Pidge said reluctantly. Lance smirked slightly.

“Alright so does everyone like get the rules of laser tag/paintball or whatever?” Allura raised her hand. They were all practically running trying to keep up with Lance.

“I’ve never heard of his game. Are we using real lasers?” she asked. Lance groaned quietly, glancing over his shoulder to make sure the shadows weren’t following them. When he was confident that they were not,

“Shiro, explain” he instructed. Shiro nodded and began quietly explaining the basic rules to the game. “You hit someone, you get a point. You get hit, you’re frozen for twenty seconds. Sound good?” Everyone nodded. Keith looked at Lance strangely, and Lance realized that he was still squeezing Keith’s arm. “Sorry’ he mumbled as they arrived in the room where they kept their armor.

Pidge explained how the guns worked as they all changed into their armor. The lasers would leave a colored mark on whoever they shot. She assured them that they wouldn’t hurt anyone. “I tried them out on Lance when he was taking a nap on the couch on day” she explained. Lance didn’t react to her comment because he was too busy watching the door. Afraid that something was going to come through it at any minute.

“Lance,” Keith said, nudging him. “Are you… ready?” he asked. When Lance turned around everyone had left.

“Oh, yeah” he said, glancing back at the door they had come through. He hadn’t seen any sign of the figures yet.

Lance and Keith took off through the halls to get to the main room where they found the laser guns in the cabinet that Pidge said they would be in. After they picked them up, they jogged off to find a hiding spot.

The game went on for over an hour, the three teams ambushing each other from behind doors and underneath tables. They were all really into it. All of them except for Lance. The other teams had scored more points off of him than any of the others combined. He was so distracted watching the shadowy figures out of the corner of his eyes, that he never noticed the laser guns pointed at him.

He had also been noticing that the castle had been slowly filling up with a thick white fog. He didn’t know where it had been coming from, but he knew that it was somehow tied to the shadowy figures.

“Keith” he whispered loudly from across the room, never taking his eyes off the door. “Let’s move” he said.

“But—” Keith protested. “This is a really good spot!” Lance shook his head. The fog was thicker in this room. They need to get out. Fast. He’d been dragging Keith around the castle all day, never explaining why that particular spot wasn’t good enough. But Keith always followed.

“I think we can find a better one” he said. “Let’s go” the fog was getting thicker and thicker by the minute. He could hardly see Keith now.

“No! We should stay here. We’ve been running around all day. We’re losing” Lance ripped his eyes away from the door to look at Keith. He started to say something to him, and then stopped abruptly.

One of the shadowy figures was right behind Keith.

Lance dove towards him, firing his laser gun at the figure, not realizing that it would have little to no affect on the being. He cursed and wrapped his fingers around Keith’s wrist and tugged him away. Keith let out a startled yelp and then followed closely behind Lance. Their feet pounded against the floor as they ran down the empty hallway. Lance couldn’t see where he was going. He didn’t know where he was at.

He turned into the first door he could find.

“Lance, will you slow down! It’s just a game” Keith said loudly. Lance’s heartbeat was racing.

“No, it’s not!” Lance whispered. They were in the kitchen. He pulled Keith down behind one of the cabinets. The fog hadn’t gotten in here yet. They were safe for a moment.

“What are you talking about?” Lance clenched his fists and shook his head. This was too open. They had to find somewhere else.

“Come on,” Keith pulled his arm out of Lance’s grasp.

“No! Tell me what’s going on. Why are you being so weird?” Lance winced slightly.

“I- I—" he sucked in a shaky breath. “Keith, you don’t understand” He saw something move out of the corner of his eye. He grabbed Keith’s arm and pull him to his feet before he knew what was happening. Lance turned and ran for the closet door. He pushed Keith inside and slammed the door, locking it behind him.

“What the hell!?” Keith shouted. Lance slammed his hand over Keith’s mouth to keep him quiet. He didn’t have long before they found them again.

“Shhh!” he said frantically. “Keith, for the love of god, keep quiet!” Keith peeled Lance’s hand off of his mouth.

“Lance, it’s just a stupid game. Why are you taking this seriously?”

“It’s not a game, okay!” Lance shouted. He covered his face and groaned. “It’s not a game” he repeated, quieter this time.

“What are you talking about?” Keith asked. His eyes flashing in concern.

“This isn’t a game to me. It’s- This is real. There are things chasing us. And I- I can’t let them get you!” Lance’s breaths were coming out in pants. He was starting to hyperventilate. He knew he was being too loud, but he couldn’t stop himself. Keith had to understand. He needed someone to understand. “I know you don’t see them, but—” he clenched his fists at his sides. “They’re real. I see them. They’re real” Keith stared at Lance intently. Suddenly his eyes widened.

“Oh my god, you’re serious, aren’t you?” he asked. “You really see… things following us?”

“I’m not crazy” Lance whispered, crossing his arms self-consciously. Keith scrambled to his feet.

“I didn’t say you were crazy” he frowned. “Is that why we’re playing this game? Because you thought we were in danger?” Lance lowered his head in shame.

“I couldn’t take the chance that this was real. Sometimes I’m not sure…”

“How long has this… been happening?” Keith asked gently.

“Since I was a kid” he mumbled. “I didn’t want you guys to worry about me or anything. It’s not a problem it’s just… it’s embarrassing”

“It’s not embarrassing” Keith argued.

“It is” Lance said firmly. “I made you all wear your armor and play a stupid game where we hide from each other, so I could feel like you were safe. I don’t want to see these things, I swear. But I can’t make them go away. And I can’t stop playing this game until they’re gone” he lowered his laser gun. Keith opened his mouth to say something, but Lance heard something and held up his hand.

There was a sudden noise, coming from the kitchen. Lance pushed Keith behind him and pulled out his blaster. His real one. He had had it stored on his hip the whole game. Fog started pouring in from underneath the door. Lance started hyperventilating again. They found them. Keith was in danger. Lance lifted his gun and pointed it at the door right as it swung open. There were four shadowy figures standing outside. He put his finger on the trigger and—

“Lance, no!” Keith shouted from behind him. The figures stopped moving. Lance didn’t lower his gun.

“I have to protect you!” Lance said through clenched teeth. Keith didn’t understand. These things wanted to hurt him. They wanted to hurt everyone that Lance cared about. “You can’t get hurt because of me!”

“Lance,” Keith said quitter this time. He put his hand on Lance’s shoulder. “I need you to look at me” Lance shook his head, steadying his arm again. “Put the gun down”

“No!” Keith made a sound of desperation. Lance knew that he was being impossible, but he couldn’t take the chance that these were actually real.

“Lance, please look at me” Keith pleaded. He stepped around Lance, so that he was standing in front of him. Lance aimed the gun over Keith’s shoulder. “Look at me” Lance’s eyes flicked from the figures, to Keith’s face. “They’re not real. Nothing here is going to hurt you. Or me” A whine escaped Lance’s lips. He wanted to believe Keith, he really did.

“They’re right behind you” Lance said, tears filling his eyes. “The shadowy figures. I see them”

“Those aren’t shadows” Keith put his hands on Lance’s shoulders, forcing him to look him in the eyes. “Those are your friends” He looked over Keith’s shoulder again, and the fog was gone. The shadowy figures were gone. In their place, was four of his friends with worried looks on their faces. Lance dropped his gun and stared at them in horror. They were looking back at him in concern.

“Oh my god” he said numbly. While trying to protect them, he had almost hurt them himself. “I’m so sorry” He choked out. Keith pulled Lance toward him. Lance leaned limply into Keith’s hold.

“It’s okay. You’re okay” Keith whispered, rubbing his back gently.

“I thought- I thought that they—I almost…” Keith shushed him.

“I know. But it’s okay now” he said. “You’re okay” Lance gripped Keith’s jacket and buried his face in it.

He always felt like he was alone in this world, the world that only he could see, but he had never felt scared. Today, right now, he was truly scared that he could do something like this. That he had almost hurt his friends because of this.

“It’ll never happen again, I swear!” he sobbed. Keith nodded.

“I know” he said. “You don’t have to go through this alone. You can talk to us. We can help you. If you don’t know if something is real, just ask” Lance nodded. Why had he thought that he could ever go through this alone?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Heard you wanted langst prompts. How about a fic where Lance always volunteers to tell bad news or take blame for little things that go wrongs so the others won’t get scolded or yelled at
> 
> A/N: hate making the Shiro the bad guy, but I mean who are we kidding at this point we know it’s either Haggar is controlling him or its Kuron.

Shiro had been strange lately, touchier. Every little thing seemed to set him off. Lance couldn’t stand him yelling at the others. So, he decided to do something.

Every time the others made a mistake or made the wrong call during a mission, Lance was there, claiming responsibility. And Shiro was always there to tear him down.

At first the others tried to prevent Lance from taking all of the blame, telling them that they were able to stand up for themselves. They threatened to tell Shiro that Lance hadn’t actually done anything wrong, but Lance convinced them that this was for the best. That he was protecting them.

Every time he took the blame, every time he held himself up in front of Shiro and absorbed his yelling, the disappointment dripping from his every word, Lance felt heavier. Like another stone being dropped in his bucket. At first it made him feel good, knowing that no one else was getting yelled at for mistakes that they couldn’t have prevented. But after a while it grew tiring.

“Lance, can I talk to you?” Shiro asked, based on his voice, Lance knew what was coming next. “Alone” Lance ducked his head and followed Shiro away from the other and into the empty kitchen.

“If this is about the training accident earlier—” Shiro put his hand up.

“Lance, we have to talk about your behavior lately” Lance sat down on the edge of the counter. It was better if he braced himself. “I don’t know what’s been going on with you lately, but whatever it is, you need to fix you. If you don’t get your shit together you might seriously hurt the team” After that Lance shut down. He hunched his shoulders and let Shiro’s words wash over him, trying to ignore them, but absorbing each one. Reckless. Childish. A screw up. These were words that Lance had heard his whole life.

“I’m sorry” his voice was small. Shiro stared at him with his arms crossed. He was so much bigger than Lance, not just height wise, but physically. Lance was ashamed to say that he had become afraid of Shiro. He was sure that he would never hurt him, but the fear was still there.

“Don’t. Let it happen again” Shiro said, and then he turned and walked off.

“What’d he say?” Hunk asked nervously as Lance walked into his room. Everyone was waiting for him in there. He had intended to be alone, afraid that he was going to cry, but he pushed it down.

“Nothing bad” he lied. Hunk and Pidge were sitting on his bed, and Keith was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

“Really?” Keith pushed. “Because I could hear him yelling from here” Lance looked away. “Why do you keep doing this? It was my fault. Everyone knew it was my fault. I’m the one that ran into that training robot and knocked it into Allura. You weren’t even in the room when it happened”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t know that. And Shiro thinks that I was messing around and knocked it over, okay?” Everyone slowly nodded. As much as they hated Lance sacrificing himself, they hated being yelled at by Shiro even more. Pidge sprung off the bed and wrapped her arms around Lance. She hated being yelled at the most.

“Thank you” she whispered. He smiled thinly and held her close.

It was two days before he was yelled at again. This time it was none of their faults. One of the machines in the kitchen broke, spraying the whole room from top to bottom in goo. They had all turned the malfunction into a food fight. Everyone was having fun until Shiro walked in.

“What happened in here!?” he demanded to know. The room went silent, as everyone stared at Shiro. “Who did this!?” Lance pushed down the urge to cry as he stepped forward.

“Lance, no” Keith said softly. Lance clasped his hands behind his back and waved Keith off. He had to do this. It was for the good of the team.

“It- it was me” he said, praying that his voice would stop shaking. Shiro’s eyes flashed with something that Lance couldn’t quite place.

“Of course it was” Shiro growled. “It’s always you” Hunk took a step forward.

“It wasn’t him!” Hunk said. Lance shot him a look. “Lance, I can’t let you do this” he pleaded. Shiro turned to Hunk and squinted his eyes, as if he didn’t understand what he had said.

“Don’t cover for him, Hunk. He did this, so he should clean it up” Lance lowered his head.

“But he didn’t do it!” Keith shouted, he stepped forward as he did and slipped on a pile of goo, falling to the ground. He flailed his arms out as he fell, knocking Pidge down with him.

Shiro stared at the scene in front of him, his face turning red. Lance knew this was not going to end well. He knew that look from experience.

“Everyone out!” he shouted. “Lance, clean this place up!” Hunk started to protest, stepping towards Shiro again. Lance knew that look in Shiro’s eye. He knew what was coming next.

“Don’t touch him!” Lance jumped in front of Hunk as Shiro moved to shout in his face. Instead, he was nose to nose with Lance. Before Lance could even close his eyes, he felt a sharp sting on his cheek. The sound resonated through the room. No one dared to move. No one dared to look at Shiro.

“Everyone. Get. Out.” Shiro repeated dangerously. Keith and Pidge scrambled to their feet and followed after Hunk. Lance stayed rooted in his spot. He didn’t know if could move even if he wanted to. “Lance, I want you to clean this room until it’s spotless” he hissed. “And the next time you make a mistake” he emphasized. “The consequences will be far worse” with that, he turned and left the room.

As Lance sat on his hands and knees scrubbing the floor, his cheek still stinging from the slap, he thought about his friends. He was doing this for his friends. As long as he did this, they wouldn’t get in trouble.

He would do anything for his friends.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: lance is sick and everyone is annoyed at him for coughing all over the place so they start ignoring him and one day he doesn’t come to breakfast everyone shrugs it off but he doesn’t come to lunch either and then they find him collapsed on the floor of his room because he pushed himself too far
> 
> Trigger warning: sickness, vomiting
> 
> [UPDATE: By popular demand, I wrote a short second half to this sickfic. A lot of people wanted to know what happened to Lance, and what sickness he had, so I added it to the end of this fic]

Lance hated being sick. He hated the runny noses and the never-ending coughs, the headaches and fever. Whenever he was sick he felt useless and stayed in bed until he was better. But now that he was in space there was no time to be sick, no time for a break.

“Dude, gross” Hunk said with a disgusted look as Lance blew his nose for the seventh time since had sat down. Lance shoved the tissue in his pocket and pushed himself away from the table.

“Sorry” he mumbled. “I think I’m getting sick” he sniffed and rubbed his nose on his sleeve. This throat was sore too, it was almost impossible to swallow his food. He didn’t feel hungry anyway.

“Good news everyone, we have the day off” Coran announced as he walked in. Everyone cheered. “Which means you all have more time for training!” the cheers abruptly ended.

“Seriously?” Pidge said. “Don’t you think we’ve trained enough? We deserve a day off”

“Do you think the galra are taking the day off?” Shiro asked.

“Probably!” Pidge exclaimed. Lance began to laugh, but it quickly turned into a coughing fit. Keith subtly scooted away from Lance.

“Well they don’t” Allura chimed in. “And until you all learn to work together without getting into a fight, you won’t either” There was a sense of finality in her words. Everyone groaned. There was no arguing with her. “Great, so everyone meets in the training room in 30 minutes” Lance stayed in his seat

“Uh, guys” he said hesitantly. “Would it be alright if I sat this one out?” he asked. “I’m not feeling too hot right now” Allura squinted her eyes at him and then cleared her throat.

“Oh, well of course, Lance” she said slowly. “You don’t have to come if you don’t feel up to it” Lance hunched his shoulders guiltily.

“I- I’m sorry. I’m sure I’ll fell better tomorrow!” he called after her. She didn’t even turn around. He hated being left out of things, but he really didn’t feel good. He was sure it was just a cold though, and it would be over soon enough.

Lance slept almost the entire day. When he woke up, he was still coughing and drenched in sweat. By dinner he was so weak that he could barely drag himself out of his room. Even though he had just showered he was already beginning to sweat. No one would sit next to him. He understood that it was just because he was sick, but it still hurt.

“Hey, you guys wanna go watch a movie?” Pidge suggested. Everyone groaned.

“I’m sick of alien movies. I can’t understand anything” Hunk complained.

“I have some downloaded on my laptop. I finally found a way to connect my charger to the power here in the castle!” she announced proudly.

“No more alien movies?” Hunk asked breathlessly. Pidge shook her head proudly.

“No more alien movies” They all cheered.

“Let’s go!” Lance said excitedly. He immediately sneezed afterward. He was tired, but he hadn’t seen a real movie in so long. And it would be fun to have some downtime with everyone together.

“Oh,” Allura said slowly. “I thought… you were going to go to bed” she said slowly, not looking him in the eyes. Lance felt a lump form in his throat.

“Yeah, you look rough buddy” Hunk added quickly. “Why don’t you get some rest? You can watch a movie with us next time” Hunk’s tone had a sense of finality in it. Lance pinched his lips together and hunched his shoulders.

“Oh, yeah. Okay. Whatever” he half-heartedly waved at the group, who quickly went back to discussing which movie they were going to watch and walked out of the room. He didn’t understand why everyone was being so weird to him today. They were almost ignoring him. It wasn’t like he wanted to be sick.

“Allura, why are you being so mean to Lance?” Shiro asked after everyone else had left the room. She sighed, picking up her empty plate.

“I hate to be rude to him” she started. “But you know he’s faking this illness to get out of training, right?” she said. Shiro shifted uncomfortably.

“We don’t know that” he said. She shot him a look with her eyebrows raised. “I mean, I did suspect it” he admitted. She nodded.

“He knows that this castle filters out all known illnesses. The chances of him getting sick are less than one percent” Allura explained. “I let him off for training, but I can’t knowingly reward that kind of behavior. Which is why I sent him off for bed. Honestly, sometimes working with you five is like dealing with toddlers” Shiro reluctantly smiled.

“Well, I’m sure Lance has already found something else to do without us” he said.

Lance had been hunched over the toilet for hours. He was so dizzy he couldn’t even stand. He practically had to drag himself into the bathroom when he had woken up. He didn’t understand what was happening. He felt okay when he had gone to sleep, he thought he was getting better. He wanted to ask for help, he really did, but the way they had treated him earlier had him hesitating. They acted as if they didn’t believe he was sick, like he had made it up.

What, he really wanted was to be curled up in his mother’s bed, letting her rub his back. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the wall next to the toilet as he imaged her hands running through his hair as she told him everything was going to be okay. He could almost feel her hands on him. He could almost hear her voice.

“It’s going to be alright” she whispered.

“Mama?”

“Shh, hush now Love. You’re going to be alright” A smile crept over his face as he fell back limply on the floor.

They didn’t see Lance the entire next day. No one mentioned it until dinner.

“God, I hope Lance is okay” Hunk said worriedly. “I haven’t seen him all day”

“I’m sure he’s just pouting” Allura said shrugged. “He doesn’t want to admit that he was caught in a lie. He’ll come out when he’s ready”

“Yeah, Lance is probably sulking in his room right now” Pidge said, pushing her food around her plate. “He’s probably embarrassed or something”

It wasn’t until the next morning that they finally became worried. When he didn’t come to breakfast, Hunk headed to Lance’s room to check on him. He didn’t see him anywhere in his room, so he checked the bathroom. That’s where he found Lance passed out on the floor.

Hunk shouted for help as he knelt down next to him, checking his pulse. It was there, weak, but still there. He pressed his hand to Lance’s forehead. He was burning up. Lance let out a weak moan when he felt Hunk’s presence.

“Lance, it’s alright” Hunk said, the panic evident in his voice. “You’re going to be alright” he jumped up and shouted for help again.

It was a few minutes before everyone finally heard what had happened. Shiro scooped Lance’s limp body up in his arms and rushed him out of the room. They didn’t know how long he had been there.

“Oh god,” Allura said as they were rushing Lance’s unconscious body to the healing pod. “I’m so sorry, I should have listened to you” she cried trying to reach for his hand. Keith grabbed her arm and pulled her away. Shiro was walking as fast as he could without jostling Lance too much.

Whatever sickness Lance had was so rare that even the castle couldn’t filter it out. They had brushed Lance off when he said he was sick, and now he was unconscious and there was nothing they could do for him, except put him in the healing pod and pray.

All they could do was wait and hope that he got better. None of them wanted to think about what would happen if he didn’t get better. Because if he didn’t get better, it would be their fault. Their fault for ignoring him, for not believing that him.

They all hoped to god that he would get better.

Or else his death would be on their conscience.

~ ~ ~

The paladins sat outside the healing pod for three days, nervously waiting for the results. They didn't know what Lance had, let alone how long it was going to take to cure it. None of them dared to leave the room, in the fear that something would happen to him while they were gone. Coran was taking care of them by bringing food to them every few hours and making sure none of them had gotten sick as well.

It wasn't until the morning of the fourth day that Lance finally came out. He stumbled out of the pod, disoriented. Keith managed to catch him before he fell and maneuvered him to one of the couches. Everyone crowded around him.

"Lance!"

"Do you feel okay?"

"How are you?"

"What happened?"

"Everybody back up!" Shiro commanded. Lance held his head in his hands. It was pounding, but he felt a million times better than he had.

"How long was I in there?" he groaned. Pidge put her hand on Lance's arm.

"A few days" Keith spoke up. Coran stepped around them to get the results from the healing pod that Lance had been in. "You were pretty bad when you went in"

"I thought that castle was supposed to make us like immune to diseases or something" Pidge said.

"It does" Allura said. "Which is why I was so slow to believe that Lance was really sick" she said. "Lance, I sincerely apologize. I should have listened to you when you told me you weren't feeling well. If I had believed you this wouldn't have happened. I'm sorry" Lance ignored her.

"What did I have?" he urged. Coran stepped toward the couch with something in his hand.

"I believe you had something called a... flew?" Coran said in a confused voice. Everyone fell silent. Lance went completely still. "Flowe? Flew? I believe I'm pronouncing it right. It must be very rare" he said. "I've certainly never heard of it" Shiro cleared his throat.

"Do- do you mean the flu?" he asked. "Like F-L-U?"

"That's what I said!" Coran answered. "The flew!" Shiro took the tablet from Coran's hands and read the report. Everyone looked to Lance for his response.

"Are... are you kidding me?" he asked slowly, his voice hoarse from not talking for several days. "I almost died... from the motherfucking FLU!?" Shiro put a hand on his shoulder and tried to calm him down.

"Actually, Lance, it says here that you almost died from dehydration because you didn't drink any water for two days and you had the flu" He read from the tablet. Lance stared at Shiro in disbelief.

"How is that any better?" Shiro faltered.

"Well, uh... I don't know"

"Are you telling me that all I needed was a bowl of fucking soup!?" Lance screeched. Shiro tried to calm him down again.

"Seriously, Lance," Hunk said. "No matter what you had, you need to rest. We all want you to get better" he said gently. Lance wiped his red nose and glared at the ground.

"I can't fucking believe this" he pouted. "Two fucking days I was puking my guts out and if someone had had the decency to give me goddamn glass of water I would've been fine" Lance stood up. "Fuck you all, honestly"

"Lance!" Allura chastised. "Please," Lance threw his hands up and stumbled backwards. He was still a little dizzy.

"I'm pissed!" he explained. "I think I deserve to be pissed at you! I almost died because you didn't believe that I was sick. How little do you all think of me? Seriously" he frowned sadly and shook his head. "Seriously" he repeated, quieter this time. He turned and left the room.

He couldn't believe that his own friends, no, his family, really thought so little of him that they would think that he was pretending to be sick just to get out of training.

He though so highly of them, but obviously they didn't do the same.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: how about something where lance is actually a genius in science/piloting etc and he hided it from his teammates because he used to get bullied about for being weird and people thought it was his only defining feature happy ending or sad one idk
> 
> A/N: I know like -5345 things about science, so I made a bunch of shit up I apologize if it makes no sense

Keith noticed that there was something weird about Lance. Lance was a loud person, anyone would tell you that, but whenever they would start talking about school, specifically science, he was unusually quiet. The first time he noticed it was completely by chance. He was sitting in a room with Pidge, Hunk, and Lance.

“I can’t figure out how to counteract the effects of this chemical” Pidge said one day, when she and Hunk were working in the temporary lab Coran and Allura had supplied them with. They were working on developing new weapons to use against the galra.

“I’m pretty sure if you pour this one in there—” Hunk began to say.

“Use the acid in the blue bottle. If you use that one you’ll burn your eyebrows off” Lance said absently mindedly. Pidge and Hunk turned to look at him in shock. Lance looked up at them, only half paying attention. “What?” he asked. Suddenly, he seemed to realize what he had said. He straightened up, his eyes wide. “I- I mean I think. I don’t know. I don’t really understand science or anything—” he laughed sharply. Hunk and Pidge went back to their experiments, taking Lance’s note, and completely forgot about it.

Keith didn’t forget about it.

Every time they brought up anything science related Lance put himself down, saying that he was really stupid when it came to stuff like that. It seemed to him that Lance was hiding something. It was almost like he was holding back. One day, he asked him about it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Lance laughed, brushing him off. But Keith saw something in Lance’s eyes. It almost looked like… fear? He was concerned, but if Lance didn’t want to talk about, he wasn’t going to push.

It wasn’t until one day after they had gotten back from a mission that Keith had finally had enough. Lance had again given them a suggestion for their weapons, that ultimately made them more powerful, and then brushed it off saying that he guessed.

“Why do you do that?” he asked him when they were alone. Lance forced a smile on his face.

“What are you talking about?” he said innocently. Keith frowned and started to peel off his armor. Lance was doing the same.

“Why do you always pretend like you don’t know stuff? And don’t say I’m crazy, cause I’m not. I’ve noticed you do it a lot” Lance got a big cheesy grin on his face.

“So, you’ve been watching me, huh?” he wiggled his eyebrows. Keith didn’t fall for it.

“Yeah” he said bluntly. Lance’s smile faltered.

“Well- uh…” he scratched the back of his neck and then resumed changing out of his clothes. “I really don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve never been very good at science type stuff. But uh, thanks for bringing it up” he huffed. Keith didn’t even flinch. He knew an act when he saw one, even if it was convincing.

“Cut the bullshit” he said, now half undressed and completely focused on Lance. “You understand it. I can tell when you’re following along Pidge and Hunk’s science rants. You knew which chemical to use the other day to strengthen their weapons, and you’re extremely smart, Lance. And I can’t figure out why you’re hiding it” Lance dropped his arms and stared at Keith for a long minute, debating whether or not to give him another half-hearted lie. He knew Keith. He knew that he wouldn’t make fun of him no matter what. But the fear was still there, deep down.

“I- I- I don’t—” he nervously fidgeted. Keith’s face softened.

“You don’t have to lie to me, Lance. You know you can tell me anything” Lance hunched his shoulders with a defeated sigh.

“You promise not to make fun of me?” he asked in a small voice. Keith frowned at his request but nodded.

“Of course,” Lance sank down onto the bench, still holding the top half of his armor in his hands. He was still covered in sweat from the mission. They both were.

“Okay,” Lance started. “Uh, you know how I started the garrison in the middle of a semester?” he said. Keith nodded, even though he didn’t. He never really noticed Lance when he was there. He was too busy trying to keep his head down and graduate. Clearly that didn’t work. “Well the reason I did, was because I- I didn’t want to keep going to my school anymore”

“Why?” Keith asked when Lance paused.

“They—” he let out a breath. “Okay, I was really into science as a kid” he explained. “My dad was- is a scientist, so I grew up watching him. That’s what I wanted to do. I was a really nerdy kid, like I was the teachers pet in all of my classes” Keith couldn’t even imagine Lance as a teacher’s pet. In his mind he had always been this loud lanky boy.

“Really?” a laugh spilled out of Keith’s mouth before he could stop himself. Lance nudged him with his shoulder, a smile on his face as well.

“Hey, I said no making fun of me” he said, only half-joking.

“I’m not making fun of you!” Keith clarified. “It’s just… weird to imagine you with like… nerdly glasses and reading all the time”

“Hey! Those glasses were very stylish in the third grade, I’ll have you know” this caused Keith to laugh again. “So, yeah. I was like the classic ‘nerd’ or whatever” he shrugged uncomfortably.

“Then why did you change schools?” Lance visibly stiffened at the question. He got a distant look in his eyes and glanced away from Keith.

“People- uh, people didn’t really like when others were ‘different’” he said slowly. “I was really good at science. I was really good at all of my classes. I got straight A’s and everything. I won all the science fairs. When I got into Jr. High… my classmates started to realize how different I was from them. How smart I was. I actually skipped seventh grade, so I was the youngest and the smallest in my class” Keith nodded, to let Lance know he was listening. “The other kids picked on me a lot for the first few months. Calling me like a nerd and stuffing me into lockers and stuff” he shrugged.

“They like actually stuffed you into lockers?” Keith asked incredulously. He thought that was only something that happened in tv shows.

“Mm-hmm. We had half lockers, so they had to really squeeze me in there” he shivered and lowered his voice. “That’s why I’m so claustrophobic”

“That’s horrible!” he exclaimed. Lance laughed humorlessly.

“Dude, that’s not even the half of it” he smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Their nickname for me was Boy Wonder, which in itself wasn’t that bad, but they made it sound bad. Someone also started a rumor that I was gay, which in that town was like being accused of being a witch” he rolled his eyes. “Anyway, it all died down for a while and I thought maybe they had gotten used to me but then—” he abruptly stopped.

“What?” Keith asked. Lance’s eyes widened.

“If- if I tell you you have to promise not to tell anyone. Ever” he said seriously. Keith frowned.

“Um, okay?” Lance’s eyes filled with fear.

“I’m serious, Keith. What they did it’s- I don’t even want anyone to know about this. Not even Hunk” his voice shook as he said it. Keith had no idea what could be so bad that it made Lance this scared, but if he didn’t want anyone to know Keith wouldn’t tell anyone.

“I promise, Lance. I won’t tell anyone” he said, hesitantly resting his hand on Lance’s leg. Lance chewed on his lip nervously.

“Okay, so one day after school I had stayed back to help one of the teachers clean up his classroom. After we finished I went back to my locker to get my homework for the weekend and everyone had already gone home. Or, at least I thought they had. The people who bullied me the most had stayed behind to catch me when I was leaving” his voice cracked. “They, um, knocked me to the ground and dragged me into closet of the science room and tied me up. After they kicked me around a little they started making fun of me for thinking I was some kind of genius or- I don’t know. I don’t remember that much” he cleared his throat. “The found some of the chemicals that the teacher kept for experiments and asked me if I could identify them when they touched my skin—” Lance’s face when white.

“Oh my god” Keith whispered. Lance sucked in a breath.

“They poured them all over me, most of them were harmless, but some of them burned. There was even a bottle of Acetic Acid that…” he pushed the hair off his neck and lower his head, revealing a large patch of red skin. “It never healed properly” he said. Keith stared at the spot in complete horror. “One of them dropped a vial of Acetylcholine Chloride, and it splashed in my face. I started breathing funny, and I guess I passed out or something. All of them freaked out and left and- and- no one found me until the next day” Keith stared at him in shock.

“Lance…” Lance looked away uncomfortably.

“It’s fine” he said. “I’m fine” he didn’t look or sound fine. “I was in the hospital for a few days and they were all expelled. I changed schools after that and everything was fine”

“But- but that’s horrible!” he said. “That so… fucked up” Lance shrugged, like it was no big deal. Keith stared at him like he was seeing him for the first time. That event had messed Lance up so much that he pretended not to be smart in fear that people would hurt him again.

“I- when I changed schools I decided that I didn’t want to go through all of that again” Lance said, moving on because Keith’s silence was freaking him out. “I wasn’t going to be a scientist anymore, so I decided to be a pilot. People like pilots. They’re cool. I wanted everyone to like me, so I acted dumb and funny”

“But why did you hide it from us?” Keith asked. “You know that we would never do anything like that to you. You don’t have to hide who you are from us” Lance cracked a small smile.

“Yeah, I know” he said. “It’s just easier this way. Everyone likes easygoing Lance more than Boy Wonder” he said, and then got up, ending the conversation.

Keith never pushed him to tell anyone else, but in the back of his mind he always wondered what it would be like if Lance was more open about his true self.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: When lance lists his immediate family in S5 he doesnt mention his dad and it got my langst gears turning. Lance's dad was abusive. His mother would always try to take the brunt of the abuse. Shiro possessed by haggar, loses his temper with lance. Hunk takes blame because Shiro has been really harsh with lance lately. Except it's worse than usual. And Shiro is livid. He’s screaming at hunk and getting in his face about Lance’s mistake. Lance can’t handle watching someone he loves get hurt again. He spirals into a panic attack, blacks out, he sees his father instead of shiro and lashes out at him physically. The rest of the crew try to snap him out of it and shiro comes back to himself. Lance feels horrible.

The last thing Lance remembers is Shiro’s face in front of his. He knew he was yelling, but he couldn’t hear the words. The minute he raised his voice Lance shut down. He had just been talking about how much he missed his family, but this was too much like home.

The yelling didn’t last long, before Coran was ushering Shiro away. Lance felt numb as he stood there, still not able to hear anything. Hunk appeared in front of his face. He looked concerned. He put his hand on Lance’s shoulder and helped him sit down.

“…ance?” Lance put his head in his hands. “Guys, just… give him some space. Yeah, he’s fine, just—” Lance groaned, and then the noise stopped. He sucked in a breath.

“Lance, are you okay?” Hunk asked, crouching down in front of him. Hunk was the only one that knew what his life was like at home. He was the only one who knew about Lance’s father. “Just breathe, just breathe. You’re okay. It’s not him. He’s not here” Lance took a few more calming breaths and then nodded.

“It’s okay” he said, his voice shaking despite his efforts to keep it steady. “I’m okay. I’m okay” he wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince.

“He didn’t mean it” Hunk said softly. “He’s stressed out. We’re all stressed out. He would never—” Lance waved his hand.

“It doesn’t matter” he stood up abruptly. “I’m fine”

“Lance—” Hunk protested. Lance walked out of the room without another word. He didn’t want Hunk to worry about him. There was no need for him to get worked up about this. Lance had just freaked out. He hadn’t meant to react that way, it was just something that happened sometimes when people yelled at him.

He hoped that the others hadn’t seen too much. He didn’t want them asking questions. He just wanted that to be over with.

“Shiro, what’s wrong with you?” Hunk asked, trying to keep his tone neutral. He was angry, but he didn’t want Shiro to know. He had been acting weird lately. He was always on edge, like he was moments away from an outburst. But he had never lashed out like that.

“What are you talking about?” Shiro asked, looking confused. Hunk crossed his arms and stepped closer to him. Shiro got a weird look on his face and stepped back.

“I’m talking about yesterday. You had no right to freak out on Lance like that. I understand that you’re—” Shiro straightened his back and gave Hunk a hard look.

“Excuse me?” he said. Hunk faltered.

“Wh- uh…” Shiro crossed his arms, flexing his muscles intimidatingly.

“I didn’t ‘freak out’ on Lance” he said. “I reprimanded him on a mistake he made. I told him what he did wrong, so that it wouldn’t happen again” Shiro said sharply.

“It wasn’t even Lance’s fault!” Hunk said, raising his voice. He was starting to lose his cool. “He tripped. It was a mistake. People make mistakes!”

“People are punished for mistakes everyday” Shiro retorted. “Lance should be punished for his reckless mistake, so that it doesn’t happen again” Hunk threw up his hands in frustration.

“What is wrong with you lately!?” he shouted. They were both shouting now.

“There’s nothing wrong with me for reprimanding someone for their mistake” he said coolly.

“It wasn’t even his fault, okay!” Hunk said angrily. “I tripped him. It was an accident! I didn’t see him coming, and he tripped over my foot!”

“Stop covering for him, you’re not helping anyone” Shiro said.

“I’m not covering for him! It’s the truth!” Hunk exclaimed. All their shouting had caught everyone’s attention. They all gathered outside the door to listen in. Lance was standing in the doorway opposite to everyone else, hovering just out of view. He felt frozen in place. He hated that his friend was getting yelled at for something he did, but he couldn’t make himself move.

The shouting only intensified from there. At some point Hunk had given up arguing and lowered his head as Shiro continued to shout at him.

“He was reckless. If you take the blame for him every time he screws up he will never learn! Honestly, you are all a bunch of ungrateful idiots!” Lance’s head spun. He pushed himself back against the wall and squeezed his eyes. Shiro’s words reminded him of someone else. Lance was struggling for breath as he pounded his fists against the wall, trying to keep himself together. He sunk to his knees and felt everything fade away.

“They’re all a bunch of ungrateful idiot!” Lance’s father shouted in his mother’s face. Lance was cowering underneath the table with his two younger siblings. Lance had accidently knocked over his father’s drink, spilling it all over his lap. He had shouted at Lance, and when his mother tried to defend him, saying it was just an accident, his father snapped. Lance and his brother and sister dove under the table as his father charged at his mother, shouting at her about how she had raised them. “If you would teach them some damn manners and respect, this wouldn’t happen!” Lance’s mother reached for a towel and tried to dry off his lap for him. “Get off me!” he pushed her away, slamming her back into the kitchen counter.

“Please, not in front of the children” his mother pleaded. His father ignored her. He got out of his chair and slapped her across the face.

“I didn’t raise these children this way!” he said, roughly grabbing her chin so she was forced to look at him. “This is all your fault! You raised a bunch of lazy,” he slapped her. “Stupid” slap. “ungrateful children!” The last slap made Lance’s ears ring. He was so scared he was shaking. His brother and sister had run out of the room long ago, but Lance couldn’t move. This was his fault. He spilled the drink. His mother didn’t do anything, and she was taking the blame for it. She was being punished for his mistake. “You’re so damn lucky I’m around” his father snapped. “Who knows what the hells those kids would be like if you raised them all on your own” Lance had had enough. He couldn’t stand to watch his mother be hurt anymore for something that wasn’t her fault. Before anyone knew what was happening, Lance had dived out from under the table, shoved a chair up behind his father and climbed onto it, wrapping his hands around his neck.

“Get off her!” he screamed. His mother buried her face in her hands and slumped to the floor in tears. His father clawed at Lance’s hands, trying to peel him off. He backed up, tripping over the chair and falling to the floor on top of Lance. All the air was knocked out of his lungs, but he refused to let go. He squeezed his fingers tighter around his neck. This was for all the times he would stumble some drunk and angry and take all of his anger out on his mother. For all the times he yelled at her. For all the bruises he left on her where he thought no one could see.

His father’s body went completely limp on top of him. Lance slid out from underneath him. “Don’t ever touch her again!” he screamed in his unconscious father’s face. His mother was sobbing on the floor. Lance didn’t understand. Why was she sad? He had stood up for her. Wasn’t she proud of him?

“Get off her!” Lance screamed. Keith and Hunk were desperately trying to pull Lance off of Shiro. He had his hands wrapped around Shiro’s neck. Neither one of them seemed to understand what was happening.

“Lance!” Keith yelled. “Snap out of it! Let go of him!” Shiro’s eyes are starting to roll back in his head. Lance seems to have some sort of inhuman strength because Keith and Hunk combined can’t pull him off. Allura rushed over and joins them, trying to pry Lance’s hands off Shiro’s neck.

“Lance, please listen!” Hunk pleaded. “Whatever you think is happening, it’s not. You need to wake up buddy” Lance was suddenly started screaming.

“Why are you doing this!” he shouted. Pidge was standing off to the side of the room looking on in complete shock. “DON’T EVER TOUCH HER AGAIN” he screamed.

“Lance!” Keith, desperate for a way to get Lance to stop because Shiro was quickly losing consciousness, took a step back and then lunged at Lance, wrapping his arms around Lance’s middle. Lance tumbled to the floor with Keith, and now that Lance was no longer holding him up, Shiro collapsed. Lance looked around in a daze.

“Wha—” he noticed Keith pining his hands to the floor. “What are you doing?” he asked in confusion. “Get off of me!” when Keith refused to budge, Lance started panicking. “Let me go!” Hunk rushed to his side.

“Lance! Lance, calm down. You’re okay” he said reassuringly. Lance fought against Keith’s grip. “You’re okay. No one here is going to hurt you” he stared at Hunk in confusion.

“What are you talking about!?” he asked, looking around. His eyes landed on Shiro’s frame crumpled on the floor. “What’s going on?” he lowered his voice in fear. He didn’t want to look at Hunk, fearing that what he thought was true, so he looked to Keith who was still holding him down. “Keith?” he asked desperately. Keith frowned.

“I- I don’t—” he looked at Hunk, trying to understand what was happening with Lance. Hunk motioned for Keith to get off of Lance, but he hesitated, clearly unsure of what Lance was going to do. Suddenly it clicked in Lance’s mind what had happened.

“Oh my god” he whispered in horror. Keith’s grip on Lance loosened at Lance’s words. “Did I-? I- I- did, didn’t I?” his face turned white as a sheet as he realized what had happened.

He choked Shiro.

He hadn’t known he was doing it, obviously. But when he heard Shiro shouting at Hunk, something in his mind took over and he had done it.

While Lance was figuring out what had happened, Shiro came to. He sat up, with the help of Allura, completely disoriented. He had no idea what had happened.

“Keith, get off me” Lance said quietly. Keith hesitated, but Hunk nodded, so he rolled off of Lance’s body. Lance shakily stood up and walked toward Shiro. Everyone tensed up. “Shiro,” Lance sunk down in front of him. “I’m so sorry” he said, tears beginning to drip down his face. “I don’t know what happened, I- I- I just… I don’t know what happened” he began sobbing. Shiro was staring at him in confusion. He had no memory of what happened. In fact, he didn’t remember anything from the last few hours.

“I don’t understand” Shiro said slowly. His throat hurt. He reached up and touched his neck, wincing as his fingers came in contact with his skin. “What…?” Lance’s eyes widened as he continued to sob.

“I’m so sorry!” he repeated before jumping up and running out of the room. Hunk followed closely behind him. Shiro shook his head and looked up at Allura for help. She looked at a loss for words. No one had any idea what was going on. What had happened to these two?

“Lance, wait up!” Hunk called. Lance sprinted until he grew tired. He was in a hallway that he didn’t recognize. He sank down against the wall and buried his face in his knees.

“I didn’t know what I was doing” Lance choked out. Hunk sat down next to him and pulled him into a bone crushing hug.

“I know” he said. “You didn’t know. It’s okay”

“I could’ve really hurt him!” he sobbed. “I thought- I thought he was my—” Hunk nodded.

“I know. It’s okay” he said again. “He can’t hurt you from here. Shiro isn’t him” he started rubbing Lance’s back to calm him down. “He’s never going to hurt you again” Another sob racked Lance’s body. He twisted around so he could cry into Hunk’s shoulder.

Across the castle Keith and Allura were filling Shiro in on what happened.

“You really don’t remember any of it?” Keith asked, arms crossed. Shiro shook his head.

“I don’t remember anything. Especially not yelling at Hunk, I don’t know why I would do that” he said, still kind of dazed. His neck was throbbing. Keith noticed that dark red marks were beginning to appear around Shiro’s neck. Those bruises weren’t going to go away any time soon. He didn’t think this moment was going to be something that any of them forgot about.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Langst prompt: lance gets stabbed during a mission and doesn’t tell anyone they all find out when he stumbles out of his lion covered in his own blood. 
> 
> i hear you wanted a langst prompt! what about lance becoming really giggly because of blood loss with like platonic shance or plance?? 
> 
> A/N: Okay so I combined these two prompts, I hope that’s okay. I made it really long and really sad to make up for it. Literally it’s like 3.6k words holy shit.

Lance felt the sharp knife pierce his armor before he even saw it. It was a white-hot pain tearing through his skin. The object stayed lodged in his side as the assailant sprinted off, disappearing behind a new wave of Galra soldiers advancing towards him. Lance stumbled behind a large boulder and looked down at the piece of metal sticking out of his side. The pain was spreading to his chest and back. For a moment everything was silent he couldn't breathe. He put his hands on the handle of the knife and grit his teeth. He pulled it out with a scream. The noise as it slid out was sickening. Lance resisted the urge to vomit and then—

His world snapped back into focus and he darted back into the fight as nothing had happened. If it wasn't for the dark red stain starting to form on his right-side Lance might've thought he'd imaged the whole thing. A sword swung down inches from his face and Lance snapped back into action. He retrieved his bayard from where he had dropped it a few feet away from him and jumped back into the fight.

Across the planet the other paladins were in the middle of the battle. The majority of it was over, they were picking off the last few stragglers who refused to surrender. A few minutes later, after the last of them had fallen, Shiro called them all to return to their lions. He could see Hunk and Pidge, but Keith and Lance were nowhere in his sight.

"We're all finished here" he said into the com in his helmet. "Everyone get back to your lions and return to the castle. We'll talk when we're all back" everyone responded, except for Lance. Shiro waited a few moments as he watched Hunk and Pidge run off to their lions. "Lance? You there?" he asked. He didn't respond. "Has anyone seen Lance?" A bolt of panic ran through him.

"I saw him a while ago" Pidge responded. "He ran off to help some villagers, I haven't heard from him sense" Suddenly a voice crackled through their headsets.

"...n't get through—" Shiro straightened.

"Lance? Is that you?" he asked. "Are you okay?" A second went by. And then another.

"Hell yeah!" Lance laughed into the com. Relief flooded through Shiro. He turned and started to head back to his lion. "Sorry, I was talking to some of the villagers. They gave me this sweet ass knife!" Keith gasped quietly.

"Can- can I see it when we get back?" he asked hesitantly. Shiro smirked.

"Sure" Lance said, obviously grinning.

"Alright, enough chitchat. Get back to the castle asap" Shiro ordered. Everyone mumbled their replies. Shiro sat back in his chair, breathing a sigh of relief as he watched the four other lions fly off the planet. Another mission gone well. He didn't know why he worried so much.

Lance sat back in his chair with a heavy sigh. Now that the battle was over, his adrenaline was starting to wear off. His side felt like he was being pricked by a thousand needles. He held his hand over the wound and then pulled it away. His hand was completely coated in his blood. It was beginning to drip onto the floor below him. Lance felt lightheaded. He'd never done well with seeing blood, especially his own. And there was a lot of blood. A lot.

Blue made a noise of distress, seeing Lance in pain. He cleared his throat and focused on flying her towards the ship. "I'm fine, Blue" he reassured her. There was no point. He knew what he was thinking and feeling. She knew that his vision was blurring as he spoke to her. "I'm going to be alright. I... I fought like this for a while. Obviously it's- it's not that bad then, right?" he wasn't sure if he was trying to convince her or himself.

He shook his head and tried to calm his breathing. He was starting to freak himself out. He tightened his grip on the controls and tried to ignore the sound of his blood dripping onto the floor. It wasn't that long of a flight back to the castle, he only had to hang on for a few more minutes.

Lance didn't want to bother the others with this. He hated needing help. Plus, the others would most likely accuse him of faking or greatly exaggerating his injuries. No, he didn't need their help. It wasn't that bad. He could hardly even feel it. It was actually kind of numb...

He hardly had time to notice the alarmingly large pool of blood that was surrounding him before he passed out.

"I call the good shower!" Hunk shouted as he jumped out of his lion. Pidge ran after him, protesting.

"You got it last time!" the two of them chased each other out of the room, but Shiro and Keith hung back. Allura and Coran entered the room as well. Allura pulled Shiro aside to talk about the mission. Keith awkwardly stood next to his lion.

"Waiting for someone?" Coran asked when he noticed Keith hadn't moved. Keith shifted nervously.

"Uh, not really no" he shrugged and walked out of the room in the direction that Hunk and Pidge had gone. Coran watched the boy curiously, wondering what he had been hanging around for. He turned and joined Shiro and Allura.

"Aside from the small mishap in the beginning, everything went fine" Shiro said. "And that was just a miscommunication. No one is at fault" Allura nodded.

"Good. And it seems that since the Galra have left that planet completely, they have decided to join us" she said happily. "I say we can confidently call this mission a success" she clasped her hands together and beamed at Shiro. "You are all doing a wonderful job. I have no doubts that this has brought us ever closer to ending the Galra's reign of terror" With that statement, she excused herself. Shiro turned to Coran.

"Is everything alright?" Coran asked, seeing Shiro's furrowed brow.

"Hmm?" he mumbled, looking up. "Oh, yes" he said. "I was just... I don't know what it is. I feel like I'm forgetting something" he said with a frown. Him and Coran both started heading to the door.

"Well, I'm sure it's nothing" Coran said brightly.

"Yeah... I guess" he said slowly. He had a sense of dread in the pit of his stomach, but he didn't know why. He tried to shake it off and left to clean up.

It wasn't until dinner time that everyone realized what was wrong.

Lance wasn't at dinner.

In fact, no one had seen him since they had arrived on the planet earlier that day. Aside from his response to Shiro over the coms, no one had heard from him at all since the battle began. The moment they all realized that Lance had not been seen since then they all split up. Hunk went to check Lance's bedroom, Keith the common room, Pidge the control room. Allura searched the kitchen while Coran looked in the medical room. Shiro headed straight to the hangar. Now that he thought about it, he had never seen Lance leave his lion like he had the others. Everyone else came out and went straight to the room where they stored their armor and took decontamination showers.

The room was eerily quiet when he walked in. The door closed behind him with an ominous thud. He didn't remember it always being so dark in there. He approached the blue lion slowly, not sure what his plan was. The lions didn't generally let others in.

Shiro stood in front of the blue lion, ready to tell her that he was here to find Lance, but the words died on his lips. On the edge of the lion's mouth there was a smear of something red. He crouched down to look at it and realized that it was blood. His heartrate skyrocketed.

Was Lance hurt? Where was he? Why didn't he say anything?

"Blue," Shiro said urgently. "You have to—" before he could say anything else, the blue lion opened her mouth, allowing Shiro to step inside. Shiro rushed in, shouting Lance's name.

"Lance!" he called, searching as he walked in. "Lance, are you in here? Are you okay?" there was no answer. Only Shiro's voice echoing back to him. He cursed and stepped into the control area of the lion. He slowly approached the chair, dread filling his chest. As he stepped around to the front of it he stepped in something.

Blood.

There was a frighteningly large amount of blood smeared on the chair, and even more pooled on the floor around it. Shiro covered his mouth with his hand, trying to block out the sickening metallic smell in the air. He stumbled back, pressing himself onto the control panel behind him. "Oh god" he said in horror. This amount of blood was worrying. Why hadn't Lance said anything about being injured? He sounded fine when he spoke to Shiro before they all headed to the castle. What had happened?

"Shiro?" A voice shouted from outside the lion. The hair on the back of his neck stood up. Was that...

He sprinted out of the lion, Blue's mouth snapping shut behind him.

"Lance!?" Shiro looked around frantically. "Lance, is that you?"

"Shiro?" Keith stepped into the light a few feet away from Shiro. "What's going on?" he asked. "Did you find Lance?"

"No, haven't you?" Keith shook his head. "Fuck" Shiro tugged on his hair in dismay. "Everyone needs to search the castle for him immediately"

"I'm sure he just fell asleep somewhere or—" Shiro had already brushed past Keith and started searching every inch of the hangar. "Wh- where are you going!?"

"There's something wrong with Lance" Shiro said.

"Yeah, no shit" Keith snorted. Shiro spun around and grabbed Keith's jacket.

"Keith, listen to me" he said shortly. Keith's eyes widened. He'd never seen Shiro like this before. "Lance is hurt. There was a lot of blood in his lion. He's here somewhere, we have to find him. You need to go tell the others and split up to look for him" Keith started nodding dumbly. "Hurry!" Keith turned and ran to tell the others. Shiro continued his search.

It was a long time before any of them found any sign of Lance. The castle was large, there were parts that even Allura wasn't completely familiar with. They all had been searching for hours. Shiro was growing more desperate with every passing moment. Hunk had been the first person to find a smear of blood trailing down the hall. He'd nearly cried when he lifted the walkie talkie to his mouth to tell the others. Even the sight of blood made Hunk feel faint. But he continued looking. He had to find his friend.

Coran had been the next one. Finding a piece of Lance's armor leaning against the wall, coated in blood. He was worried about the amount of blood Lance had lost. He wasn't sure how much more he could afford to lose before he... He shook away the thoughts. He was going to be fine. He simply needed to find him.

Shiro had been calling Lance's name for so long that he was beginning to lose his voice. He hadn't seen even the slightest hint of Lance's presence. He was exhausted, they all were. It had to be almost morning by this point, he was sure. Based on the amount of blood they had found Shiro was afraid that Lance didn't have much longer.

Up ahead in the dimly lit hallway Shiro saw movement. He tensed and tentatively called out Lance's name. The figure disappeared into one of the rooms off the hall. Shiro chased after it. He pushed the door open and flipped the lights on. What he saw in front of him made his heart leap into his throat.

Lance.

Lance was alive. And he was... laughing?

"You found me!" he giggled. Shiro rushed forward, searching him up and down for injuries.

"Lance! Are you okay? Where are you hurt?" he asked. Lance pulled Shiro into a hug.

"You're... really good at-this game" his speech was slurred, and he was barely keeping himself up right. When he pulled away Shiro noticed that some of Lance's blood had gotten on his left arm. He leaned down and examined Lance's right side. Lance had discarded all of his armor at some point and tied his shirt around his middle. All he was wearing was a pair of tight fitting black pants that they all wore under their armor.

"Yeah?" Shiro said absentmindedly. He tried to peel the shirt away from Lance's bloodstained skin to look at the wound. "Lance, what happened to you? Where have you been?" Shiro stood up straight. "Wait, what game?"

"This game!" Lance threw his arms out, almost falling over. He laughed. "We're playing hide and seek!" he grinned from ear to ear. Shiro took a moment to look at Lance. Really look at him. He was too pale, and there were dark circles under his eyes. He was shaking like a leaf, but he didn't seem to notice or mind. There was dried blood on almost every part of his body, and even more was leaking out from underneath the cloth that was plastered to his body. Sweat covered his body, even though he was shaking. He was a mess. Shiro didn't know how he was still conscious. He was clearly delusional.

"Lance, we need to get you to the pod right away" he said. Lance crossed his arms and pouted.

"No! I want to keep playing this game!" he said childishly. Shiro didn't have time for his. He picked up his walkie talkie.

"Guys, I found Lance" he said. Everyone cried in relief.

"Oh, thank god" Allura said. "Is he alright? Where was he?"

"He's lost a lot of blood. It's coming from a wound in his side, but I can't see it. He covered it with his t-shirt"

"Smart" Pidge remarked.

"No, smart would be telling us he was injured and then immediately going into the healing pod" Keith said. Shiro sighed interrupted them.

"We don't have time for this. I'm not sure where I'm at, but I'm going to try and make my way back to the infirmary as fast as I can. You all should

"Shiro, respectfully, fuck that" Pidge said. "None of us are going to sleep knowing that Lance is hurt" everyone all mumbled their agreeance. Shiro didn't care he didn't have time to argue with them. Currently Lance was trying to climb onto Shiro's back.

"Lance. Lance!" Lance tumbled over Shiro's shoulders, landing on the floor. "God, doesn't that hurt!?" he knelt down to help Lance up, but he jumped to his feet by himself.

"Nope. I don't really feel anything" he laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world.

"We need to get you into the healing pod" Shiro said, trying to lead Lance out of the room. Lance shook his head stubbornly.

"Respectfully, fuck that" he mimicked what Pidge had said over the radio.

"Okay, fine" Clearly Lance was feeling the effects of extreme blood loss. "How about we... team up and try to find the other? You know, cause we're playing hide and seek" Lance's eyes brightened.

"Let's go!" he looped his arm through Shiro's and pulled him back into the hallway. Shiro eyed Lance wearily as they walked arm in arm down the hallway.

"Do you know where you're going?" Shiro asked.

"Does anyone, really?" Lance said seriously. Shiro raised his eyebrows in surprise. Lance couldn't keep a straight face. He bust our laughing. His laughter quickly turned into a coughing fit. They both stopped for a moment until it passed, and Lance resumed walking like nothing had happened. Shiro noted the small smear of blood in the corner of Lance's mouth. He picked up his pace a little bit.

"What happened to you, Lance?" Shiro asked as they turned down another dark hallway.

"Hmm?" Lance mumbled. He was leaning into Shiro's side more and more with each step. He was practically holding him up at this point. "Oh this?" he pointed at the blood-soaked shirt. Lance giggled. "Someone stabbed me" Shiro stared at him in shock. "Can I tell you a secret?" he asked, arching his neck back so he could be closer to Shiro's ear. "I kept the knife" he whispered with a grin.

"You kept the knife that someone stabbed you with? I thought you said a villager gave you that" Shiro asked in confusion. Lance nodded, biting his lip to hide his smile.

"I lied. I kept it. It's pretty" he said. "I think Keith would like it. I'm going to give it to him. After I clean my blood off of it, of course" Shiro shook his head in amusement.

"Of course," he didn't know if he should be concerned or impressed with Lance. Though he was almost entirely incoherent, he was still standing. He was still conscious. He couldn't think of a single person who would have made it this far with a hole in their side.

The minute he thought this, Lance's knees buckled, and he fell to the floor.

"Lance!" Shiro bent down and checked his pulse. It was racing. "Shit shit shit" he scooped Lance up in his arms and doubled the pace he had been walking before. Lance rolled his head onto Shiro's chest and smiled, his eyelids heavy.

"My knight in shining armor" he giggled. Shiro forced a thin smile onto his face.

"At your service" he said.

"Shiro?" He was looking around, desperately searching for something that he recognized. How big was this damn castle!? "Shiro, I'm cold" Lance said weakly. All of a sudden Lance's slurring grew worse and his shivering intensified.

"We're almost there, Lance. Just hold on a little longer"

Lance reached up and traced the scar on Shiro's nose with his finger. "'ve always liked-this... scar" he said quietly. His words slowing. "Made you seem more... human... I guess" Lance closed his eyes, dropping his hand back down. Shiro needed to keep him talking. They were almost there. Shiro was finally in a hallway that he recognized.

"I guess this arm doesn't really help then, does it?" Lance laughed faintly.

"No, but I love it. It's very you" he lifted his hand and touched the bit of white hair on the top of his head. "Love this too. I love you, Shiro. You were my hero" he closed his eyes again, too tired to keep them open. Shiro noticed blood dripping through his hands and onto the floor.

"I love you too, Lance. I need you to keep talking to me, okay? Try and keep your eyes open we're almost there" Lance mumbled something that Shiro couldn't make out. "Lance, come on. Stay awake. For me" Lance's eyes suddenly flew open. Lance flailed his arms out, reaching for something.

"Shiro" Lance gasped. "Shiro, I'm scared" he said in between desperate pants for breath. Shiro was practically running now, while trying not to jostle Lance as much as possible. "Shiro, I can't- I can't-!" He squeezed Shiro's shoulder and then fell back limply in his arms.

"You can't what?" Shiro asked, his voice barely audible. Fear gripped his heart. "You can't what, Lance?" the infirmary was just head of him. He could see the door. "Lance, please. We're almost there!" he pleaded.

He barreled into the room, nearly knocking over Pidge who had been lingering near the door. He gently laid Lance down on the table that Coran had gotten ready for him and started peeling the shirt off of his middle.

"Guys, come here and help me!" he ordered. "Get the pod ready!" Coran and Allura appeared at his side, checking Lance over as Shiro desperately pulled at the tied piece of clothing. Slowly Coran and Allura stopped. Pidge ran out of the room, Hunk and Keith close behind them. "What are you guys doing!?" Shiro shouted. Why weren't they helping!? Lance didn't have much time.

"Shiro..." Allura said sadly, touching his shoulder. Shiro froze his hands still on Lance's cold skin. "Shiro, he's gone" her voice cracked, and she turned away quickly. Coran buried his face in his hands and also turned away from Lance.

He couldn't be gone. Lance couldn't be gone. This couldn't all be for nothing.

Shiro shook his head. "No, no, no, no" he put his hands on Lance's wrist, feeling for pulse. Nothing. He checked his neck. Nothing. He laid his head down on his chest, praying to hear a heartbeat but—

Nothing.

Shiro shook his head again and lifted Lance back up into his arms.

"Shiro" Allura said through her tears. "Please stop"

"We have to help him!" he cried. "Why aren't you helping him!?" Shiro gently laid Lance's limp body into the healing pod and closed the door. He went around to the key pad and began poking the buttons at random. Something here had to fix this. There had to be some way to bring him back. Lance had to be okay.

He wasn't—

He couldn't be—

Shiro screamed and slammed his fists down on the control panel, causing it to create a loud noise, but it still refused to turn on. He banged on it again, and again. "Come. On" he hit it so hard that the panel started to crack, and his hands began to bleed. "Stupid. Machine" he started hitting it faster, tears tracking down his face. "Why. Won't. You. Turn. On!" he collapsed against in as he burst into tears.

All he wanted to do was protect them. All he wanted to do was make sure that they all made it back home okay.

He had failed that.

He had failed Lance.

If only he had gotten there sooner. If only he had noticed that Lance didn't leave his lion. If only...

If only he hadn't failed him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: The group (Keith, Hunk, Lance and Pidge) are all playing truth or dare but things turn sour as Pidge is trying to get Lance to spill his secret. She 'knows he's hiding something' and she keeps telling him he has to answer honestly or she'll be able to tell. He's getting really upset because he doesn't want to tell her, and she thinks it's just a crush or embarrassing story but turns out it's dEPRESSION and yeah.

“We should play truth or dare”

“What is this, Jr High?” Keith asked, making a face. Pidge pouted.

“Come on! This is the first day off we’ve had in months, and I think it’s a really great way to get to know each other!” she said. “Lance and Hunk have been friends forever, but I only knew them for a few months before we came here, and you’ve made it very clear that you didn’t know Lance at the garrison” she said. Keith glanced away.

“I think it’s a great idea!” Hunk said enthusiastically. “We can have like, a sleep over and everything” Lance smiled at that.

“Yeah, come on Keith” he said. “It sounds fun” he elbowed the boy. Keith rolled his eyes.

“Whatever” he mumbled.

So, twenty minutes later they were all sitting on the floor of Hunk’s room, all dressed in their pajamas, getting ready to play truth or dare.

Pidge had a reason for suggesting this. She had been noticing something about Lance, he was being distant with all of them. He was quieter than he usually was, and anytime she asked him about it he would crack and joke and brush it off. She knew he was hiding something, she just didn’t know what. She intended to use this game to find out.

“Everyone knows the rules, right?” Pidge asked after they had all settled him. Keith wrapped a blanket around his shoulders like a child.

“There are rules to truth or dare?” Keith asked skeptically. Pidge scoffed.

“Of course there it! Have you never played it before?” Keith fidgeted nervously.

“Well, I uh… no” he shrugged. They all gaped at him.

“Seriously!?” Lance asked. Keith tightened the blanket around him.

“I didn’t really have any friends as a kid” he said defensively. “I didn’t have anyone to play it with” they all looked at him sadly.

“Wow okay that got sad real quick” Lance said.

“Okay,” Pidge said, trying to push past it. “Well basically on your turn you just say whether you want to do a truth or dare and then someone comes up with something you have to do or say” she explained. “And you have to do it or answer the truth question. And you have to be completely. Honest” she looked pointedly at Lance, who shifted uncomfortably.

“Right” Lance said, clearing his throat. “Pidge you should go first since you suggested this game” Pidge shrugged.

“Alright. I’m not scared of you” she said, squinting her eyes. “Dare” Hunk was the first one to speak up.

“I dare you to hug Shiro” the room went silent.

“Are you kidding me?” Pidge asked. “I’m not hugging him! What if he throws me against a wall?”

“His hugs aren’t scary” Keith said. They all turned to look at him.

“You’ve hugged Shiro before? And you’re still alive!?” Pidge exclaimed in shock. Keith shrugged.

“Shiro gives great hugs” he explained simply. Pidge shook her head.

“Unbelievable” she said under her breath. “Hunk, truth or dare if for making your friends do degrading things and confess embarrassing secrets. You’re making our shitty game wholesome” she complained. “I don’t like it”

Two minutes later they were all standing outside of the kitchen, where Shiro was standing next to the counter where Allura and Coran were sitting. Lance shoved Pidge forward, causing her to trip and stumble into the room. Her face was burning.

“This is so stupid” she grumbled. Shiro looked up, hearing Pidge’s voice.

“Hey,” he said. “What’s up?” Pidge stood there frozen for a minute and then before anyone could blink she barreled over to Shiro and wrapped her arms around him. He blinked in shock before leaning in down and pulling her into a real hug. “Are you okay?” he asked her in concern. She blushed.

“I’m fine. I just… I love you. You’re great. Bye!” she turned and darted out of the room. The other three were standing just outside the doorway cracking up.

“O…kay. Love you too?” Shiro waved, an amused smile on his face.

“You told him you loved him!” Lance said, grabbing his side. Pidge glowered at him and stomped back toward Hunk’s room. The others followed closely behind her.

Pidge corned Hunk when they were outside his room, letting Keith and Lance go inside first. “Hunk, I need to know if Lance is going to ask truth or dare” she said. Hunk frowned in confusion.

“Why?” he asked.

“He’s been acting weird lately, I’m trying to figure out what’s going on. I’m going to ask him, but I need him to say truth. Unless… you already know what’s going on with him” Hunk leaned against the wall and thought about it for a moment.

“He has been acting weird lately…” he said. “I don’t know. I guess I thought maybe he had like a crush on someone or something. I could be wrong” Pidge thought about it. Maybe he was right. Maybe Lance just had a crush on someone and was embarrassed about it. But who would he be embarrassed to have a crush on? Unless…

Oh.

“Oh shit,” Pidge’s eyes widened. “He’s got a crush on Keith” Hunk started to shake his head. “No, think about it. He’s always been vocal about the people he’s into, right? So why would he be weird and distant now? Unless he was crushing on the guy that he called his rival, and that he was stuck on a ship with in the middle of freaking space” Hunk paused.

“Actually, you may be right” he said slowly. “I think he would tell me if he did though…” he said slowly. It was too late. Pidge was convinced.

“We should get him to say something. It’s making him act weird and distant. If we can get him to admit it maybe he’ll work through it. Whether that means them getting together or him getting over, frankly I don’t care” Hunk cleared his throat and crossed his arms.

“Personally, I think you should leave it alone and let him tell us when he feels comfortable” he said. “But… I know you. And I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen” he said, mostly to himself. He sighed. “Lance almost always chooses truth” Hunk said. “One game that asshole in our class made Lance French a dog and he never chose dare again. It traumatized him I think. So, you should be good” Pidge grinned.

“Perfect” she said. Now she knew what he was going to say, and what question to ask him. She was finally going to find out once and for all if that was what Lance was hiding.

When they all settled back in Hunk’s room, Hunk decided he would go next. “Truth” he said.

“Boring!” Pidge shouted. They were all silent for a moment as they thought of something to ask him. “Who was the first person you kissed?” she asked. Hunk laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck.

“It’s kind of a funny story actually…” he grinned sheepishly and looked down. “It was Lance” Pidge and Keith turned to stare at Lance, wide-eyed. Lance smirked.

“What? Jealous?” Hunk snorted.

“We were eleven” he said. “Neither one of us had kissed anyone, and I wanted to practice before my date that night. We kissed for literally two seconds and it totally sucked”

“Hey! I am a great kisser!” Lance shouted defensively,

“Maybe you are now, but back then you were not” he said. He turned toward Pidge and Kieth and stuck his tongue out of his mouth and rubbed it all over his lips, making a disgusted face. They both laughed.

“Hey!”

“I’m joking, Lance” he said with a grin. He mouthed ‘I’m not’ toward Pidge so that only she could see it. She stifled a grin.

“Alright, let’s let the newbie go next” Pidge said, gesturing to Keith, still trying to keep herself from laughing.

“I just have to pick truth or dare?” he asked. They all nodded. “Okay, dare I guess” Pidge grinned, an idea forming in her head. Hunk eyed her warily.

“I dare you to kiss Lance” she said. Lance made a startled face.

“What!?” Keith

“Fuck you, is this actually Jr. High!?” Keith said in exasperation.

“Yeah, and why are you dragging me into this!?” Lance shouted. Pidge grinned.

“You said dare. You have to do it” Keith rolled his eyes.

“It’s not even that bad” Keith half crawled over to where Lance was leaning against Pidge’s bed. “Stupid game” he mumbled. “Is it alright if I kiss you?” he asked Lance, shooting a glare at Pidge who was grinning mischievously.

“If I have to” he said with an exaggerated sigh. Keith leaned into Lance and pressed their lips together, holding it for a few seconds, and then pulling back. Keith crawled back to his spot and wrapped his blanket securely around him again. Pidge resisted the urge to frown. Lance didn’t look flustered or embarrassed.

“Now two of us in this room have kissed Lance” Hunk said with a laugh.

“I feel weirdly left out” Pidge said. Lance winked at her. She made a grossed-out face. “Never mind” Pidge studied Lance’s face again. He didn’t look shy or uncomfortable. Actually, he looked like the kiss meant literally nothing to him. Maybe his secret wasn’t that he like Keith? Now Pidge did frown. She was back to square one. She had nothing. She was dying to know what Lance’s secret was.

Finally, it was Lance’s turn.

Pidge straightened up, the question already on her lips.

“Dare” Lance said confidently. Pidge’s heart dropped. She visibly deflated. She really thought that he was going to choose truth. She was counting on it. That was the whole reason she started this game.

Hunk gave Lance a half-hearted dare, which he completed easily. Pidge crossed her arms stubbornly. If Lance wasn’t going to choose truth now she was just going to keep playing until he did.

The game went back and forth like that for an hour. The questions and dares getting more and more ridiculous with each turn. Every time Lance’s turn came up, he would say dare. Pidge was getting frustrated. She just needed him to say truth, so she could ask him the question. She knew that if she asked him any other day, he would lie to her. She just wanted to know what his secret was.

After twelve long rounds of truth or dare Lance finally changed his answer.

“Uh, truth I guess” he said. Pidge had been chosen Lance’s last few dares, making them increasingly more embarrassing to get him to choose truth.

“Okay, I got one” she said, grinning. “Lance, tell us your deepest secret” she said. Lance stiffened. “Something that you’ve never told any of us, not even Hunk. And don’t make something up, I can tell when you’re lying” she said.

“I- I- I don’t have any secrets” Lance stuttered, tugging on the sleeve of his pajamas.

“Of course you do” Pidge said. “Everyone does” Lance glanced away. Keith eyed Pidge, trying to figure out what she was getting at.

“Yeah but like… I don’t think there’s really anything that I haven’t told someone already. I tell Hunk about pretty much everything”

“Dude, there’s got to be something that you’re hiding from Hunk. You’re not hiding anything?” Lance shifted nervously.

“N- not that I can think of, no”

“Lance, come on” Pidge persisted. “Stop lying. There’s obviously something that you’re not telling us. And this is truth or dare. You chose truth, so… spill”

“Pidge, I’m serious. There’s nothing I can think of” he said with a scowl on his. “Drop it”

“But—” Hunk interrupted her.

“Pidge,” he said quietly. “I think you should just leave it alone”

“I’m not going to leave it alone!” she said, getting frustrated. “Lance is obviously hiding something, we all know it. You said yourself that you noticed he was acting different”

“I haven’t bee—” Lance tried to defend himself. He was beginning to get upset. He didn’t understand what Pidge wouldn’t just let it go. He said that he didn’t have any secrets, why didn’t she believe him?

“But you have! I’ve noticed, Hunk’s notice, I bet Keith’s noticed—right Keith?” Keith glanced at Lance and then at Hunk, not sure what to say. Slowly he nodded. “See? Even Keith. I bet Shiro’s noticed. He notices everything. All of your friends have noticed something different about you. Don’t try and tell me that there’s not something wrong, or that you’re not trying to hide something. You can tell us. It doesn’t matter how embarrassing or stupid it is. Just tell us” Lance furrowed his brow.

“Pidge, why are you—” she didn’t even let him finish.

“Stop trying to deny it. You’ve been acting weird for weeks, don’t tell me there’s nothing you’re hiding. We’ll keep your secret, just tell us”

“Okay, fine!” his face broke. “It’s not really a secret, it wasn’t like I was trying to hide it from you guys…” he sighed and hunched his shoulders, staring firmly at the floor. “It’s just… I don’t know. It’s hard to tell you guys this stuff”

“You don’t have to keep things from us, Lance” Hunk said encouragingly. “You know you can tell us anything. We’ll never make fun of you or tell anyone else” Lance blew out a long breath and straightened up. He looked like he was trying to will himself to say the words.

“Okay… Okay. Here goes. Um, ever since I was younger, like thirteen I guess, I’ve been… well… depressed” he paused. Pidge felt like all the air was being sucked out of her chest.

He… what?

“I’ve struggled with depression for a long time. I took medication for it for a while back when I was at the garrison, but then I started to get better and my doctor said that I could stop taking them if I felt up to it. Everything was okay for a while but lately I’ve… I don’t know. Maybe it’s being so isolated up here, or being away from my family, but I’ve been feeling a lot of the things that I was back then and- and- I was afraid to tell you guys because I thought that you would think differently of me. Like I was weak or something—” he cut off abruptly and lowered his head. “It’s stupid. I’m stupid” Hunk threw himself across the circle that they were sitting in and bearhugged Lance.

“You’re not stupid!” he said. “And you know you could’ve told me”

“I know” Lance mumbled, on the verge of tears.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Hunk asked quietly. Lance curled his fingers into Hunk’s shirt.

“I don’t know. I was scared I guess. I thought you guys would just think that I was making it up or something. That it was just an excuse for being lazy…”

“We would never think that!” Hunk had been crying since the minute he started hugging Lance. He was a crier, this was nothing new. But Lance was beginning to cry, which was making Pidge tear up. She hardly ever saw Lance cry.

“Lance, I’m so sorry” Pidge said guiltily. “I shouldn’t have pushed you to tell us your secret. It was wrong of me. I should have listened to Hunk and let you tell us whenever you were ready. This was your thing, I was just being nosy. I know I shouldn’t have but- but—" she was rambling. Lance cut her off.

“It’s okay” his voice was muffled by Hunk’s shirt. “I should’ve told you guys a lot time ago. I know that I can’t deal with this on my own, I was just… scared” Pidge’s lip quivered as she felt tears welled up in her eyes. “C’mere” he said, motioning for her to join his and Hunk’s hug. She whimpered and launched herself at Hunk’s side. He shifted to let her in. Lance turned to Keith, who looked like he was about to cry as well. “You too, Mullet” his voice cracked as he spoke.

“I’m… okay” he said.

“Not an option. Get in here” he held out his arm. Keith tentatively crawled over to the group and joined the group hug. They were all crying now. They weren’t sad exactly, it just hurt them to know that Lance had been suffering alone. He hadn’t come to them for help when he was feeling sad and lonely. They cried because they wished they had realized something was wrong sooner, so that they could help him.

Lance cried because he had finally told them. Even if he was basically forced into saying it, he was still relieved. He finally felt like he wasn’t totally alone in this. Now that Lance had told them that he was depressed he could work on getting better. Whether that was having them help him get over this or finding the right type of medication to help him, Lance didn’t know. He just knew that everything was going to be okay.

“The team that rides together cries together” Pidge said through her tears.

“That’s stupid” Lance said, rubbing his face with the back of his hand. He wiped his nose on Hunk’s shirt. “I love you guys so much” they all said the same back to him.

Now that he had his friends, he knew he could get through this.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: My prompt is that Lance and the team are on a planet and are trying free the alien prisoners and when all the prisoners are in blue Lance hears a scream so he goes to investigate and he finds a child holding on to his/her dead mom and tried to calm then down by singing.
> 
> A/N: This got out of hand and it might be a little bit scatterbrained because I wrote most of it really late last night and I was exhausted lol.

Something flew over Lance’s head, landing only a few feet behind him. He lunged at the man next to him and tackled him to the ground, barely covering him before the object exploded behind him. Lance’s ears were ringing as he scrambled to his feet and helped the man up, ushering him toward the blue lion. He double checked the building that he had been clearing to make sure that he had gotten everyone.

“Lance? Where are you?” Shiro’s voice crackled over his headset. Lance peeked around the last corner, his blaster in hand before he replied.

“Yeah, I just got the last of the prisoners” he said. “This is a weird place to keep them” he commented. It was an old rundown building.

“I know,” Shiro said quietly. “Something doesn’t feel right” Lance’s stomach sank. Nothing even ended well when someone said that.

“Great, Shiro” he said, throwing his hands up. “Now you’ve jinxed us! I swear to god if I die I’m going to haunt you”

“You’re not going to die” Shiro said flatly. “Just get out of there. Get the prisoners back to the castle so we can transport them from there. I don’t like the idea of them all being inside the lions”

“We didn’t have any other choice” Lance said as he headed back toward Blue. “There weren’t supposed to be this many, there was no way that they were all going to fit in the ship we brought” Shiro sighed.

“I know…” Lance jumped over a rock. He was staying alert, making sure that there was no one around. As he walked, he tried to keep his eyes from lingering on the bodies that were littered around him. Something had gone wrong when they arrived. There were more people than they had anticipated, and there were more guards too. The guards were everywhere, and they had weapons too. Their bombs-like weapons had been raining down since the moment they stepped out of their lions. But it was all over now. The guards had retreated, and they had all the prisoners in the lions. All Lance had to do now was get out.

He was almost to the lion when he heard a something behind him. Lance whipped around, scanning for the source of the noise. His hand was positioned on his bayard at his hip, ready to pull it out at any moment. He let out a breath when he didn’t hear anything else. He must’ve imagined it.

Suddenly a cry rang out.

He tensed up and cautiously began shuffling back towards the building. He definitely hadn’t imagined that. He kept his eyes trained on the door, expecting someone to jump out and fire at him.

But nothing happened. He crept around the side of the building and looked around the backside. Something was leaning against the wall. The noise was coming from there. It sounded like a choked scream. Lance pulled out his gun when he saw movement, but quickly lowered it when he saw what was in front of him.

A child, no older than six or seven, was cradling his mother in his arms. Her head was limply bobbing up and down as he cried into her shoulder.

Lance heart stopped in his chest.

“Hello…?” he said hesitantly. The child looked up and let out a bloodcurdling scream. Lance dropped his gun on the ground and put his hands up. “It’s okay!” he said in a hushed voice, glancing around nervously. “It’s okay, I’m here to help you! I can help you” The child continued to scream at the top of his lungs. He was going to attract attention if he didn’t quiet soon. Lance had to act fast to get him out of here. “Please,” he said to the child while inching forward. “Come with me. I have to get you out of here. We need to leave” the child stopped screaming, but still continued to cry loudly.

“M- my mom” he sobbed. Lance knelt down next to the child and checked the woman’s pulse. His face broke. The woman that he was holding was bleeding from a severe headwound.

She was dead.

Lance closer her eyes and looked away. “I’m sorry” he said hoarsely. “But we need to get out of here now. The guards will return soon” he said. The child began to wail louder.

“MOM” Tears were running down his dirt-stained face as he gripped his mothers body. The child seemed to be bleeding from a cut on his shoulder. Lance made a note to check it out when they were back at the castle. He had to get this kid away from here. But he couldn’t just drag him away from his mother, could he?

“Lance!” Keith’s voice came over his headset loudly, scaring him. Lance jumped and stood up, taking a few steps away from the child. “Dude, where are you!? We have to get ou—" his voice cut out for a moment. “- uards are coming back and—” Lance cursed and smacked his hand against his helmet.

“What? I didn’t hear what you said?”

“-ANCE!” before Lance could hear anything else he saw something flying through the air, landing only a few inches from the boy and his mother. Lance’s body snapped into action without even thinking. He dove toward the boy and threw himself through the window behind him. He covered the boy as best as he could as they smashed through the glass, and then covered his body with his own. Lance could feel the heat of the blast through his armor. He rolled over and hit the ground with a groan.

“Mom?” the boy whimpered beside Lance. He sat up and shook his head. Lance saw that, despite his efforts, he had several pieces of glass sticking out of his face and arms. “No!” the boy screamed, clawing his way to the smashed window. Lance wrapped his arms around his middle and held him back. “Let me go! Let me GO! Mom! MOM!” Lance grit his teeth.

“I’m sorry!” he said desperately. “I’m sorry, but she’s gone!” the boy struggled weakly. “She’s gone…” The boy began sobbing loudly. Lance looked at him helplessly. He didn’t know what to do. What can you do for a child who just watched their mother die?

Lance began to try and comfort the boy again but was cut off by a loud noise. The hair on the back of his neck stood up. Someone was outside. He reached for his gun, only to remember that he had dropped it on the ground outside. There was no way he could crawl through the window now without making so much noise that it would alert whoever was out there. Lance began desperately shushing the boy in his arms, but he continued to wail loudly. Lance had to do something fast to quiet him before they were both found.

“Shiro? Allura? Hunk? Anyone?” he whispered into his headset pleadingly. “Please, guys I need help” There was no reply. He was on his own.

The boy in his arms struggled weakly against Lance’s grip again, still trying to get to the window. “Please,” Lance whispered to the boy. “Please you have to calm down. You have to be quiet” he said. The boy cried harder. Lance let out a weak breath. He didn’t know what to do. He racked his brain trying to think of ways to get this kid to stop crying. What his mother done for him when he was little?

She sang to him.

Lance lowered his head and began to sing softly to the boy. He resisted at first, still bawling and thrashing around in Lance’s arms, but slowly he began to calm down. He was still crying, but he was quieter than he was before Lance shifted him around so that he was more comfortable and hummed softly under his breath as he cradled the shaking boy. He rocked him back and forth gently trying to keep him calm. He wasn’t sure what the song was exactly. He just knew that his own mother used to sing it to him. He’d long since forgotten the words, but he would never forget the melody.

It took a few minutes, but the child finally calmed down. His breathing began to slow as he drifted off to sleep. Lance let out a sigh of relief. He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. He barely had time to breathe before Hunk’s voice came over his headset.

“Lance!” Hunk shouted. Lance shoulders dropped in relief.

“Hunk!” he said quietly, trying not to wake the child. “I’m so sorry. There was a kid, I had to go back to get him. I’m stuck in the building now, there are guards all around. Can one of you help me out?”

“Lance, where are you?” there was a sense of urgency in Hunk’s voice. Lance glanced down at the boy. His eyelashes fluttered in his sleep.

“I’m still in the prison. There’s a kid here and- it’s bad, Hunk. Really bad” he added quietly. “As soon as the guards leave I’m going to get him to the lion—”

“Lance, Blue’s on her way back to the castle” he said. Lance stopped in surprise.

“She- what?”

“That’s what Keith was trying to tell you! The guards came back. They’re crawling all over the planet now. It’s not safe down there!” Lance lowered his head in realization. Blue knew that the prisoners were in danger. She had gotten them out of there safely. But now he was stuck down here with a child and no way out.

“One of you is coming to get me, right?” his voice raised.

“Shiro’s still down there somewhere. He should be coming to get you. I’ll let him know where you are. Don’t worry, Lance. We’ll get you out of there soon”

Hours later Lance was still there, and the boy in his arms was beginning to stir. No one was answering on the headset. Lance’s stomach rumbled, letting him now that it was late. He had been sitting there doing nothing but thinking. His guilt was eating him alive. This child’s mother died on his watch. He was the one that was supposed to be protecting these people. It was his job to get them out safely, and he failed.

The boy struggled back and forth in Lance’s arms. “Shhh… you’re alright” Lance whispered as the boy’s eyes opened. “You’re okay. Your safe” the boy flinched away from Lance and crawled off his lap. Lance was afraid that he was moments away from screaming again. He had no idea if there were any guards outside, so he had to keep him quiet. “What’s your name?” he asked, trying to keep him busy.

“…Jai” the boy said. He pulled his knees to his chest and rested his head on them.

“Hi, Jai. My name’s Lance” he said. “I’m a paladin of Voltron. I’m here to help you” the boy eyed Lance’s armor curiously. “How old are you, Jai?” he asked him.

“S- seven” he said slowly. He chewed on his bottom lip nervously. “Is my mom dead?” Lance blinked in surprise at the blunt question. He wasn’t sure how to deal with this. He couldn’t lie to him, but he didn’t want to tell him the truth either.

“I- I- Um…”

“Why didn’t you help my mom?” he asked sadly. “How come you helped the others? Was there something wrong with her?” Lance’s blood ran cold. How did he explain this to him?

“Jai, I- Of course not! There was nothing! I didn’t even know—” he took a breath to calm himself. He couldn’t freak out in front of this kid. “There was nothing wrong with her. I did my best to help everyone here” he said. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save your mom” Jai glanced away. Lance felt guilty. It was his fault that his mom died.

“Can you sing to me again?” the boy asked quietly, not looking at Lance. Lance lifted his head.

“What? Oh, yeah. If you want”

“My mom sings to me” the boy said, scooting closer to Lance. Lance began singing the same melody that he had earlier to calm him down. As he was singing, he heard a noise coming from the other room. It was at that moment that he realized that his gun was still outside. He slowly rose to his feet, still singing softly. Jai watched him curiously but stayed put. Lance shuffled toward the window and leaned out, hoping he could reach it from there. It was too far away.

Lance’s head whipped around when he heard the sound of footsteps growing louder. He was still halfway out the window. It was too late to get back in now, and there was nothing he could do to protect the boy. He quickly shimmied his way out of the window, trying to ignore the glass that was piercing the spaces between his armor, and sprinted over to where his bayard was laying. He grabbed it and ran back to the window, aiming it at the door right as it began to creak open.

“Jai, get down!” he shouted. The boy dove to the floor. Lance put his fingers on the trigger and-

“Lance!” It was Shiro. Lance lowered his gun and stared at Shiro wide-eyed.

“Jesus Christ, Shiro! You scared the shit out of me! Where have you been!?” he whispered loudly, incase there were still guards around.

“Lance, we have to go now!” Shiro shouted. Lance scooped up Jai and followed Shiro quickly out the door. It was pitch black when they got outside. Jai curled his arms around Lance’s neck as he ran behind Shiro to the ship that he had brought with him.

The trip back to the castle was quick. It was nearing morning now, and Lance was exhausted. Jai was clinging to Lance’s neck as he held the boy. He was sleeping soundly on Lance’s shoulder. Shiro offered to carry him for Lance, but Lance told him that he was okay. When they finally got to the castle Coran decided that it would be best for Jai to go into the pod for a little bit because of the cuts from the window.

It wasn’t until Lance made sure that the child was safely in the healing pod that he finally broke down. He collapsed in on himself and started sobbing. Everyone stared at him, unsure of what to do.

“Lance, are you alright?” Allura asked. Lance cried harder. She took a step back in surprise. He was crying so hard he couldn’t get enough breath. Shiro rushed forward to help him.

“Lance, Lance listen to me” he said in a calming voice. “You gotta breathe”

“I can’t” Lance sobbed. He grabbed his chest and pulled on his shirt in a desperate attempt to get more air.

“Lance, sit down, over here” Shiro ushered Lance to a chair and sat him down. “Put your head between your knees. That’s good. Now breathe. In. Out. In. Out” Lance squeezed his eyes shut as he focused on his breathing.

“Th- the kid” he said in between deep breathes. “H- his mom. He watched his mom- She- She’s dead” he clenched his fists against his knees. He couldn’t believe the things that this child had gone through.

“Lance, it’s not your fault” Shiro said gently. Lance wasn’t so sure. He was the one protecting those people. That’s what he was supposed to be doing. That’s the whole reason they were out here. To save people.

“Is he going to be alright?” Lance said instead of acknowledging Shiro’s statement. He wiped his nose on his sleeve.

“Eventually, yeah. It’ll take time, but I think he’ll be okay” Shiro said, patting Lance’s shoulder. “And you’ll be okay too” Lance sniffed and nodded.

“Yeah. I guess” he said skeptically.

There were so many things that being here had made him aware of. So many horrible things went on everyday that he never even thought would happen. How many more people had lost loved ones because of them?


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: could you do something like lance gets shot in one of the missions and collapses and Kieth is with him and he likes having a panic attack cause holy shit his boyfriend just got shot and is bleeding out! and lance is trying to calm him down and telling him to like help put pressure on his wound but the blood loss is starting to affect him and he's struggling to stay awake?

Keith never even heard the shot. He didn’t even know anything was wrong until they were both back in Red. Lance leaned up against the wall, out of breath, next to the controls as Keith began to pilot them out of there. They had retrieved some information off of a Galra ship and were now taking it back to Pidge to decipher. Lance’s face was pale and covered in sweat.

“You okay?” Keith asked after a minute. He was trying to focus on piloting, but he was and always would be the concerned boyfriend before anything else.

“Uh,” Lance reached over and touched his side, wincing. “Uh… yeah?” he peeled back his hand and saw that it was coated in his blood. He grimaced.

“You—” Keith glanced at him out of the corner of his eye and then did a double take. “Oh my god, Lance!” he screamed. “What the hell happened!?”

“Well… I might’ve been… shot?” he said, like he wasn’t sure. Keith’s eye practically popped out of his head.

“YOU WHAT!?” Lance waved his hand at Keith.

“I’m fine. It’s not that bad” The gesture was meant to be calming, but the blood that dripped off his fingers was not making Keith feel any better. “Okay, maybe I should’ve done that with this hand” Lance mumbled to himself, gesturing toward Keith with his non-bloodied hand. “See? I’m fine—” as he said the words he doubled over in pain.

“Shit- Lance!” Keith let go of the controls, praying that Red would pilot herself back to the castle. She had done it before.

“Keith, stop. I’m okay” Lance groaned softly and then slid down the wall.

“Oh. Oh my god. Oh my god!” Keith rushed to Lance’s side and knelt down next to him, searching his brain for what he was supposed to do. He was supposed to apply pressure to the wound right? “What do I do?” he asked frantically. “What am I supposed to do!?”

“Relax, Keith” Lance said through gritted teeth. “It doesn’t even… hurt- that bad” he was gasping in pain by the end of his sentence.

“Doesn’t hurt my ass!” Keith exclaimed. Lance smiled weakly.

“Does your ass hurt, Keith?” he asked teasingly. “Should I be jealous?”

“Shut up, Lance! Now is clearly not the time! You’re bleeding out!” Lance tried to laugh but found that it was too painful.

“I’m not bleeding o—” He lifted his head and saw that there was, in fact, a pool of blood beginning to form on the floor underneath him. “Oh shit, I am” he said, still unconcerned. Keith was about to lose his mind. His boyfriend had a hole in his side and he didn’t seem to care.

“We need to- We need to do something. Oh god. I don’t know what to do. What do I do? What do I do!?” Lance gabbed Keith’s face in his hands and pulled him closer.

“Calm. Down” he said. “You freaking out is not going to help anything, okay?” Keith stared at him blankly. “Okay?” he repeated. Keith nodded jerkily.

“Right, right, yeah. I know that” he put his hand over one of Lance’s, which was still on his face. “I’m just worried about you” he said softly.

“Well that’s understandable. I’m bleeding out” Lance replied. Keith’s eyes widened.

“Shit!” He broke away from Lance and sprinted across the lion to the box of first aid supplies that was kept for emergencies. After he had the box he undid the straps that held Lance’s armor together and pried the top half of it off, tossing it to the side.

“Here, lay down so I can look at it” Keith instructed. He gripped Lance’s shoulder and gently guided him so that he was lying flat on the floor. He then pushed Lance’s shirt up so that he could see where the blood was coming from. 

“How does it look?” Lance asked, tilting his head up to get a better look. Keith let out a strangled sigh.

“W- It- It doesn’t look that bad, I guess” he said. He pulled a wad of gauze and pressed it to the wound with shaking fingers. Lance hissed in pain. “Sorry” Keith breathed.

“’s Okay” Lance mumbled. He turned his head, so he could see the window in front of them. “You should tell the others were coming” he said. “So they don’t worry about us” Keith nodded in agreeance.

“Yeah, uh. Yeah. That’s a good idea” he nodded again. Lance quirked his eyebrow.

“Keith?”

“Hmm?”

“You have to use your words to tell them” he teased. Keith huffed.

“Shut up” he grumbled as he pressed the button for his headset. “Hey, anybody there?” he asked. Lance pushed Keith’s hand off the gauze and held it himself. Keith look at in concern. Lance mouthed ‘I got it’ to him. Keith hesitated, but stood up and crossed the room to talk to the tohers.

As Keith updated the others on what had happened, Lance let his façade drop. He squeezed his eyes shut and focused on his breathing. In through his nose. Out through his mouth. In through his nose. Out though his mouth. His injury hurt more than he was letting on. Every movement was excruciating, but he knew that Keith would freak out if he knew. He just had to keep pretending that he was alright. Just until they got to the castle.

His breathing hitched as new wave of pain hit his body. His adrenaline from the mission was wearing off. His whole body felt like it was on fire. He threw his head back and gritted his teeth as he applied more pressure to the gauze. When he opened his eyes, he noticed that the gauze was completely soaked in blood. He quickly tossed it to the side and replaced it with a new one before Keith came back.

“Shiro told Coran to get a pod ready” Keith said, his voice tight with fear. He checked the navigation system next to his chair to make sure that Red was taking them in the right direction. “We should be there in about twenty minutes” he said. Lance hummed in response, too in pain to answer at that moment. “I told Shiro that we got the information and—” he abruptly stopped. “Lance!?” he said in alarm. In the minute that he had been away from Lance his skin had paled considerably, and he

“No, no, no, no, no. Lance, babe, you gotta stay away” Lance snorted and rolled his head to the side.

“I’m fine” he said weakly. “I’m just resting. Conserving energy. Micro nap” he rambled. “Also, is this babe thing going to stick?” he asked. “Cause I’m not gonna like I kinda like it” Keith settled back down by Lance’s side.

“Sure. If you want, I’ll call you babe” Lance wasn’t sure if he was being sarcastic or not, but he was too tired to ask.

“Thanks” Lance smiled. Keith lifted Lance’s free hand and threaded their fingers together.

“You scared the shit out of me, you know?” Keith said quietly. Now Lance opened his eyes.

“Yeah?” he breathed. Keith nodded. He still looked terrified.

“For a minute I thought you were going to die” he said. “I don’t know what I would do if you did… die” Lance pressed Keith’s fingers to his lips.

“Baby, I’m never going to leave you. Not even in death” he said with a smirk. Keith rolled his eyes, but there was a smile on his mouth. “And besides, I’m not dying”

“I know but, I don’t think I could handle it if you got seriously hurt” he said looking down. “I mean, you’re barely even bleeding now and look how badly I’m freaked out? I care about you too much and I—" Keith continued to ramble on about how much he cared about Lance, and how freaked out he was, but Lance couldn’t keep up with his word. His vision was blurring, and the room was spinning.

“K- Keith” Lance said, waving his hand in a pathetic attempt to get his attention. “Keith—” Keith paused his nervous word-vomit and turned to Lance. “You- You have to hold this” Lance said nodding his head to the gauze on his side. Keith scooted toward him and lifted his hand.

“O- Okay” Keith said, taking a deep breath. “Why? Is your arm getting tired?” Lance let his head fall back and he squeezed his eyes shut in pain.

“N- no” he stuttered. “Don’t freak out… but I think- I think I’m going to pass out”

“Oh fuck. Fuck!” he started freaking out all over again. Lance groaned. He shouldn’t have told him.

“Breathe, Keith” Lance said flatly, opening his eyes again as his wave of dizziness passed.

“You’re the one dying. I should be telling you to breathe” Keith grumbled with his head between his knees.

“I’m not dying” Lance said, rolling his eyes. “I’m just… moderately inconvenienced. And, hey, I’m sure that if I actually was dying you would be much more helpful” Keith glared at him. “Hey, that was a compliment” Lance noticed that the new cloth they had put on his would was already soaked through with blood. He was losing blood too fat. He was starting to think that maybe Keith should be freaking out. Maybe he was being too calm about this whole situation.

“Lance?” Keith said in concern. Lance blinked and looked up at him.

“Wh- what?” he cleared his throat. He was having a hard time concentrating.

“Are you listening to me?” Keith leaned over Lance, staring at him, the worry etched on his face.

“Uh, yeah. Totally” Lance said. His words were beginning to slur. He closed his eyes again.

“Lance…” Keith shook Lance’s shoulders. “Lance? Lance, come on. Don’t do this. You gotta stay awake” Keith pleaded. “Please. Stay with me. Open your eyes, do something! Lance!”

“’m… fine” Lance mumbled, unable to keep his eyes open anymore. Everything started to go numb. “I’m…” And then everything went black.

 

The next thing Lance remembers was falling out of the healing pod, directly into someone’s arms. He groaned quietly.

“Lance? Lance, can you hear me?” Lance collapsed into Keith’s arms.

“How long have I been out?” Lance mumbled. Keith sighed in relief.

“A couple of day” he answered. “Jesus, you scared the shit out of me” Keith wrapped his arms around hmi

“Come on, I gotta keep it interesting somehow” Lance joked. “I don’t want you dumping me for the next hot alien that comes around”

“God, don’t even joke about that” Keith lightly punched Lance’s shoulder. “And don’t ever do that again. You hear me?” he said into Lance’s shoulder. Lance tightened his grip on Keith.

“Never. I promise”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Lance bottling up his emotions, as he does, but way too much. It takes the tiniest, littlest passive-aggressive comment in his direction for it all to spill out.
> 
> A/N: his is mostly just Lance ranting but ;; whatever.

Lance was never a very emotional person. That may be hard to believe, because of his over-the-top personality, but he was actually a pretty closed off person. He kept all his thoughts and emotions inside, bottled up. It wasn't healthy, but he didn't know any other way. Normally, everything was okay. Back at the garrison there wasn't much to bottle up, a snide comment from a classmate or an unfair grade from a teacher. But then all he would have to do is call his mom, and everything was okay.

But up here?

Up here everything was building up. No one had personal space. They were all lashing out at each other, mostly at Lance, or at least it seemed that way to him. Lance didn't know how to deal with all of this, so he bottled it all up. He just shoved everything away until every little comment, every weird look had piled up in the back of his mind. Lance wasn't sure how much more he could take.

It seemed that things were getting progressively worse in the last few days. Everyone was picking on Lance more and more, it seemed like. He didn't understand why. But he ignored it. Until finally he couldn't anymore.

It happened when he went to train one day. Keith was in there alone, like he usually was. Lance wanted to turn around and leave, but Keith had already spotted him.

"Hey," he said, cleared his throat. "Do you mind if I train in here with you?" Lance asked. Keith stared at him blankly and then shrugged.

"Whatever." He didn't look like he thought it was fine. Lance shifted nervously.

"Really?" he asked. "Because I can come back later and—"

"It's fine" he replied flatly before going back to training. Lance uncomfortably dropped his stuff on the bench and then turned on the training robot and began sparing with it.

He trained for a few minutes in silence, trying to ignore Keith's glares. He clearly had a problem with Lance being there. After a few more minutes Lance had had enough. He threw his hands up with a defeated sigh and marched to the edge of the room to grab his stuff.

"What?" Keith snapped. Lance gritted his teethe and ignored him. "Lance why are you being weird?" Lance turned around. Keith was only a few steps away from him.

"You're mad cause I'm in here, so I'm leaving" he explained, slinging his bag on his shoulder.

"I'm not mad"

There was a beat of silence, and then—

"I just—" This was the last straw for Lance.

"You just what Keith?" he growled. "What do you have to say now that you couldn't say before? Why does no one around here say what they really think? If you have a fucking problem with me, just say it!" he shouted. Keith blinked in surprise.

"Wh- what?" he asked in confusion. Lance clenched his fists at his side, taking a step forward.

"Why do you all hate me?" he asked. Keith looked around in confusion. "Is there something wrong with me, or do you all just need someone to take all your shit out on? Is that it?" he knew he was raising his voice, but he couldn't help it. He had completely snapped.

"Lance, I honestly don't know what you're talking about" Keith said, gesturing for Lance to calm down. "I don't know why—"

"You guys always make fun of me" Lance interrupted him. "All your stupid comments. I hear all of them! I'm not deaf!" All his yelling was attracting attention. Shiro and Pidge poked their heads into the room to see what was going on. "You know the things you say to me have an effect. I'm not an emotionless robot!" Keith was staring at him in compete shock. He had no idea where this all was coming from.

"What's going on in here?" Shiro asked as he crossed the room. Lance crossed his arms and stared at the floor. Yelling at Keith was one thing, but yelling at Shiro? He wasn't sure he could do that.

"I don't know!" Keith said honestly. "He was yelling at me for... being mean or something?" He was completely lost.

"Lance?" Shiro asked, turning to him. Lance stubbornly glared at the ground, refusing to answer. "Why would you think Keith was being mean to you?" he asked. "Did you do something to provoke him? You know he comes in here to train and be alone—" Lance was fed up. Shiro had just assumed that Lance had done something. They always assumed everything was Lance's fault.

"I know!" he shouted. "I know that! I asked him if it was okay, and he lied to me"

"I didn't lie to—" Lance moved until he was only a few inches from Keith's face.

"Yes, you did! You lied to me! You all lie to me! No one takes me seriously" he fumed. "You all act like I'm less than you in some way, and I understand that you all need some kind of punching bag, but does it have to be me?" Keith's eyes widened. Shiro put his hand on Lance's shoulder threateningly, forcing the two apart.

"Whoa, Lance, calm down. There's no reason to overreact" he laughed shortly. Lance turned and got into Shiro's face. He poked his chest.

"I'm not overreacting! You all put me down, constantly."

"Lance, we don't do that" Shiro said defensively.

"You do- You do! You give backhanded compliments, and you're always doing passive-aggressive shit and I'm tired of it! Stop telling me that I'm 'good at piloting for someone like you' like what does that even mean!?"

"I- I didn't mean it like that!" Shiro sputtered. "I meant that—" Lance shook his head, practically in tears. He didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to listen to their feeble excuses. They were all being mean and petty with each other for no reason.

"Wh- whatever" he sucked in a sharp breath. "I just- please stop doing it. Stop saying all those things. Your words matter" he hunched in on himself and backed away from Shiro and the everyone else who was crowded around him, staring at Lance like he was crazy. "Please. Please stop treating me this way. I can't handle it" he pleaded as he backed out of the room.

He just wanted people to treat him fairly.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: A rando prompt for you on this fine day. “The universe was made from pain. Cultivated and hardened by sorrow. But Lance knew, understood completely, that kindness was the only way to not get swallowed by the agony that existence brought.”
> 
> A/N: This probably wasn’t what you were thinking but oh well. I had inspiration and motivation.

Kindness is the only way to not get swallowed by the agony of existence.

Lance had lived by this rule since he was a child. He had learned it from this mother. She was the kindest person that Lance had ever known. No one was as nice as her. She would give everything she had if she knew someone needed it. Lance didn’t understand it at first, but as he grew older he realized how hard the world was. How hard it was to stay alive, to find a reason to live. So he devoted his life to helping others. He would help anyone no matter what it cost him. Because even though the universe was made from pain, cultivated and hardened by sorrow, Lance knew that kindness was the only way to not get swallowed by the agony that existence brought

But now he was stuck on a planet with no escape. His ship had crashed here a few weeks ago, and he had no way of contacting the others that he was here. He tried getting help from the city officials, but no one believed him. They thought he was crazy. He realized later it was probably because he wasn’t wearing his armor. He had been wearing his normal clothes and jacket before he left, and they were torn and dirtied from the crash.

So he tried to make money. He tried to find odd jobs or places that would exchange work for food, but no one would take him. No one wanted a human working for them. He turned to the streets, dejected. He was out of ideas. And he was starving. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten.

Now, it was weeks later and he was still living on the streets. Taking food where he could find it, he never found much. His bones were starting to appear more prominently through his skin. The little food that he sometimes found, he usually ended up giving it to someone else. They probably needed it more.

He glanced down at the small bunch of wilted grapes that he had found on the ground next to the stand where they were selling them. He refused to steal anything while he was here. It wasn’t fair to the vendors. They worked hard for what they earned.

The woman next to him continued to shift through the garbage looking, presumably, for something to eat. Lance knew that there was nothing in there. He had already looked.

“Excuse me” he said tentatively, so not to frighten her. She whipped around and held out a sharped piece of wood at him. He held his hands up, and showed her the fruit that he had. “Here” he said motioning it towards her. She eyed him up and down.

“You don’t need it?” she asked suspiciously. He shook his head.

“You can have it” he insisted. She hesitantly snatched the food from his hands and ran off without thanking him. 

He didn’t mind. He didn’t need thanks. That wasn’t why he did this. He did this so that he didn’t drown in the sea of pain and pointlessness that the world brought. As long as he continued to help others, he would have a reason to live.

He spent the rest of the day searching the trash for food. He found a small bit of bread. He scarfed it down so fast he barely tasted it before it was gone. His stomach rumbled mercilessly. He looked down at his dirt covered body, riddled with scars. His skin felt like it was stretched too tight. He could feel all of his ribs when he ran his hand down his chest.

He had to find a way to contact the others.

He laid his head against the building, body shivering and stomach rumbling. The sky continued to darken around him. It looked like it was going to rain. He folded in on himself, hoping to keep somewhat dry. He had given his jacket away to a little boy who he saw living on the streets, and his shoes to a young man. He was down to only his torn jeans and flimsy shirt. He wasn’t sure how much more he could take.

But as long as he was nice, his existence wasn’t pointless. If he continued to be nice, the universe would reward him.

Eventually he would find his way home.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Keith and Lance get into a fight and the whole team is getting really annoyed with their bickering so pidge looks up ways to make 'rivals' like each other and they find out about the get along shirt. So shiro, Allura, Coran, and Hunk go to the space mall and get a huge shirt that blue on one side and red on the other and then they put Lance and Keith in the shirt. Possibly klance?
> 
> A/N: I freaking love this prompt and I had so much fun writing it asdhfadf I hope you all like it too. Also there is no sad shit in this one only happy shit I promise.

Shiro threw down the book that he was reading onto the table with a loud sigh. “Who is making all that noise?” he asked.

“Who do you think?” Pidge replied without looking up. She lifted her spoon to her mouth. “Dumb and Dumbass” Shiro groaned and rubbed his temple.

“Christ. We need to do something about those two” he mumbled. Allura nodded at his words.

“Yes, they do seem to be at each-other’s throats quite often lately” she commented.

“Oh, come on” Hunk said, poking his head out of the kitchen. “They’re not that bad. They’re just bored” Shiro frowned.

“I don’t think that’s it…” he mused. “They’ve been fighting more than usual. I’m not sure what their problem is, but I think we need to put a stop to it before one of them goes too far. I’m going to try and talk to them today, I think” Pidge cleared he throat and pointed her spoon at Shiro.

“You know… I was looking up ways make people get along last night, and I think I found the perfect way”

“Really?” Allura said curiously. “What is it?”

“It’s called a Get-Along shirt. I really think you should buy one for them” Pidge rubbed her hands together deviously. “It’s basically a giant t-shirt that we make them both get in, it forces them to stay together until they learn to get along, hence the name”

“Eh, I don’t know. I don’t think we should intervene like that. I’m just going to talk to them and see what the problem is. Besides, where would we even get one of those up here?”

“They have them at that space mall where we got Kaltenecker. I checked” she grinned. “They even have them in blue and red” Shiro made a face as the yelling grew louder.

“No. Maybe. No. I don’t know” he stood up to leave the room. “We’ll talk about it later”

“Thanks, Dad” Pidge called as he walked out the door. He turned around and shot her a look before disappearing around the corner. “Five bucks says he comes back in an hour with the shirt”

~ ~

“I was here first” Keith growled.

“No, I was here first!” Lance said, getting in his face. “And I alwaysuse this area to practice” Keith pushed Lance away from him.

“What is your deal?” he asked. “Just practice on the other side of the room!” he shouted. Lance’s face turned red and he threw his training gear on the floor.

“No. I was already here. Why don’t you train on the other side of the room?” Keith huffed in frustration.

“You move!”

“No, you!” the two began pushing each other around, slowly working their way to a full-out fight.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, break it up!” Shiro ran into the room and separated them. “What the hell is going on with you two!?” he demanded to know. They both fell silent, refusing to look him in the eye. “Lance?” Lance glared at the wall. “Keith?” Keith frowned and stared at his feet. “One of you. Talk. Now”

“I was training, and Lance came in and told me to move—”

“I was here first!” Lance interrupted him.

“No, I was clearly here first!” Keith argued.

“Nu-uh” and just like that they were trying to claw at each-other, only to be pulled apart by Shiro again.

“Will you two quit it!” he said, raising his voice. “I don’t know what’s been going on with you lately, but whatever it is it needs to stop. Now what is this really about?” he asked. “Because clearly it’s not about who was in the training room first” Keith and Lance stared at each-other before shrugging.

“No, that’s pretty much it” Keith said.

“Yeah” Lance agreed. Shiro didn’t believe them. There was no way that this was just about the training room.

“Stop lying to me” he said. “What is this really about?” he repeated. Keith looked at Lance with his eyebrows raised, like he wanted to know the answer as well.

“I- uh, K- Keith won’t… I was here first!”

“Lance-!” Keith lunged toward Lance, but Shiro caught him first. “Let me go!” he struggled against Shiro’s grip.

“Alright, that’s it!” Shiro said. He was done with their stupid fights. Clearly talking to them was getting nowhere. He dropped Keith on the floor.

“Shiro! What the hell” Keith said angrily as he picked himself off the floor. Shiro turned without responded and headed toward the door.

“Wh- Shiro!? Where are you going?” Keith called after him.

“The mall” he replied flatly.

“What does that mean?” Lance asked in confusion.

“I have no idea”

~ ~

“You have got to be kidding me…” Keith said as he stared at the object that Pidge was proudly holding up.

“I swear to fuck I am not” she said gleefully. “I didn’t think Shiro was going to go through with it” she was practically bouncing with excitement. Shiro was standing behind her with his arms crossed.

“I didn’t think it was a good idea at first, but I have to say now that I’ve seen it I’m coming around to the idea” he was fed up with Lance and Keith’s constant bickering. Maybe this would finally make them learn how to be nice to each other.

“You’re never going to get me into that” Hunk came around the corner into the living room, with Lance in tow.

“Hunk, where are we going-!” Pidge turned and grinned at Lance. Lance’s face fell. “What the fuck is that?”

“It’s a Get-Together shirt” Allura said proudly.

“Get-Along” Hunk corrected.

“Hunk is right,” Shiro said. “You two need to get along”

“No, Shiro. He means it’s a Get-Along shirt” Pidge explained.

“Oh, okay”

“Wait, wait, wait!” Lance stopped them. “You’re saying that you want me and Keith to get in that thing!?” he as incredulously.

“What!?” Keith said shrilly. “No way. Absolutely not!” The two of them began protesting very loudly, until Shiro cut them off.

“Enough!” Shiro boomed. Everyone fell silent. “Keith, Lance, I do not know what has been going on with you lately, but you two are going to work it out. Today. Wearing this”, he took the shirt out of Pidge’s hands. Lance groaned.

“What are we even supposed to do? Like what is this for?” Shiro motioned for both Lance and Keith to come to him. The reluctantly did.

“It’s to make sure that you to stay together, without fighting, while you work your issues out” he said. He unfolded the giant t-shirt, revealing that one half was blue and the other side was red. Shiro pulled the shirt over Lance and Keith’s heads, forcing them closer together, until their arms were touching, and their sides were pressed together. They both struggled against the material, trying to get further away from each other.

“This is the best day of my whole life” Pidge said delightedly. She held up her tablet and took a picture.

“Send that to me” Hunk said.

“Hunk!” Lance said, feeling betrayed. “I thought you were on my side!” he said. Hunk shrugged.

“You and Keith need to work this crap out. I’m tired of you too fighting all the time. I want my friends back” Lance huffed.

“Alright,” Shiro said. “You two need to stay in this room, in this shirt, until you work this out. What ‘this’ is. It has to stop. You can’t keep fighting like this. It’s starting to affect the whole team. So, work it out” he said sternly. “Everyone else stay out until they’re done” the others slowly left the room. Pidge took a few more pictures before squealing and running out. “Lance, Keith, listen to me” Shiro said warningly. “If I find that you two take the shirt off, or pretend to work this out, there will be serious consequences” he threatened.

“You don’t scare me” Lance called as Shiro left the room.

“He doesn’t?” Keith asked.

“Of course he does. He’s fucking terrifying” Lance said. “I just don’t want him to know that” Keith snorted.

“Whatever” The two stood in silence, not entire sure what they were supposed to do next. They were quite literally stuck. “So, um, do you want to… like… talk?” Keith asked. Lance frowned.

“No” he said simply. Keith shrugged.

“Fine” Keith tried to cross his arms but found that he couldn’t because of the shirt. “Then what are we going to do? Shiro threatened us to talk about it. And he’s kind of right, you know. We have been arguing a lot lately so maybe we should just—"

“God, will you just shut up for a minute!” Lance groaned. Keith shook his head.

“And there’s that! You’re constantly saying shit like that to me. What did I do to you to piss you off!?”

“Nothing! Just drop it!” Lance tried to turn away from him but couldn’t because of the shirt. He stumbled, nearly knocking the two of them over.

“Careful!” Keith yelled angrily. His words were muffled because the collar of the shirt had ridden up and covered half his face. “And god, quit pulling the shirt up” he yanked it down, only to have it move right back up.

“It’s not my fault you’re short” Lance snapped.

“You are not that much taller than me!” Keith exclaimed. Lance looked down at him with his eyebrows raised.

“The fact that your face is half buried in that shirt is damning evidence” Lance said. Keith didn’t have a response.

“Fine.” Keith said after a few minutes. “We don’t have to talk. But can we at least sit down? My legs are killing me” Lance agreed, so the two began waddling over to the couch and collapsed back. As they landed on the couch they were thrown into each-other’s sides.

“Ow!” Lance complained. They both moved so that they were as far apart as the shirt would allow them to be.

“Jesus” Keith said. “Your head is like a fucking brick” he held his hand over his jaw, where Lance’s head had hit. Lance clenched his jaw and went silent. He didn’t want to talk.

“I think it’s going to leave a bruise” he whined. Lance stared at the wall across from him. “What, are you not talking at all now?” His question was met with silence. “Wow. Real mature” he said, rolling his eyes.

Lance still didn’t respond.

“Okay, if you’re not going to talk then I will” Keith said simply. “I think that you have some kind of problem with me. I don’t know what it is, but obviously something is wrong. Shiro’s right, we have been fighting more. Some of it is my fault, I shouldn’t let your teasing get to me like that, but lately it seems like you’ve been doing it on purpose. Like you’re trying to get on my nerves. Maybe I’m just imaging it, but something different. And if you don’t want to tell me what it is, that’s fine. But if I did something to you I want to apologize” he said sincerely. Lance continued to stay silent. “So, yeah. I’m sorry for whatever I did to you” Lance let out a breath, unable to keep quiet anymore. He couldn’t stand to see Keith put himself down when he had done nothing wrong.

“Don’t apologize” he said. “You didn’t do anything wrong” Keith angled himself toward Lance.

“Then what’s been going on?” Lance hesitated. If he said if, he could never take it back.

“I- I don’t… It doesn’t matter” he dismissed it and sighed loudly. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry”

“Why won’t you tell me?” Keith asked after several moments of silence. “Will you at least tell me that?” Lance didn’t answer. Keith elbowed him with the arm that was in the sweater. “Don’t go quiet on me again. I wanna work this shit out before dinner. I’m starving”

“I- I don’t know”

“You don’t know why you won’t tell me or you don’t know why you’re being an asshole?” Lance shrugged.

“I- It’s embarrassing” Lance said, a blush was crawling up his neck. Keith smiled faintly and laughed.

“Seriously, just tell me” Lance refused to make eye contact with him, so instead he stared down at the shirt. “Come on, it can’t be that bad. And whatever it is, I’m sure it would be better if you just got it out so that you’re not constantly at my throat for no fucking reason” Lance sighed. He was right. He had to tell him the truth.

No matter how hard it was going to be. He couldn’t avoid it anymore.

“I kind of… have…” the rest of his words were to incoherent for Keith to be able to make any sense out of them.

“You what?”

“I have a crush on you… okay?” Lance said quietly. Keith stared at him in shock.

“You… have a crush on me” he repeated, stunned. Lance nodded, still not looking at him.

“Yeah. I guess I realized it a while ago, and I didn’t know what to do with these feelings, so I took it out on you. I know I shouldn’t have done it but—"

“That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard” Keith said flatly. Lance shrugged.

“Well, that’s me” he said. “Dumb” Keith stared at him blankly for an uncomfortable moment.

And then he started laughing. Lance pouted, which made Keith laugh louder. “Keith” he whined. “Stop laughing at me, I’m serious. I have a crush on you and it made me stupid” This made Keith laugh even harder, to the point that he was practically doubled over, causing Lance to lean over with him because of the Get-Along shirt.

“What, are we in first grade!?” Keith said, still laughing hysterically.

“What? Shut up!” Lance said defensively. He finally looked up at Keith and found that he was grinning.

“Wait,” Keith said, his smile fading. “So, what does this mean?” he asked. “Like, with you liking me and everything? Is anything going to change?”

“Uh, if you mean am I going to act different, no. I’ve had crushes on people, it’s fine” he said, disappointedly. “Unless you want to date me, of course” he joked, trying to make it less awkward.

“Would… would anything change then?” Keith asked hesitantly, no refused to make eye contact as well. Lance’s heart thudded in his chest.

“Oh, well, maybe” he shrugged, trying not to move too much, in fear that it would scare Keith. He couldn’t believe what was happening. “We would do boyfriend-y things I think. Like hold hands and shit. I mean, things don’t have to change too much or too quickly if you don’t want them too”

“Change is good…” Keith said, suddenly really nervous. Lance cracked a smile.

“Really?” he asked. Keith blushed.

“Yeah”

“Okay, so I just need a little clarification” Lance said, sitting up straight. “Are you saying your gay for me? Cause if you are then I need you to actually say the words. I don’t get your vague shit” Keith pinched his lips together.

“Yeah” he said slowly, like it pained him to say the words. “I’m gay for you” Lance’s eyes widened.

“Oh. Cool. Cool cool cool” he shot a finger gun at Keith, who facepalmed. “Oh! If we’re like dating now, does that count as working it out? Cause I am also starving”

~ ~

They both walked into the dining room a few minutes after that, looking absolutely ridiculous in their conjoined sweater. It had taken them a while to get there because they had to waddle like ducks in that shirt.

“You guys work it out?” Shiro asked.

“Yup” lance said with a grin on his face.

“So, what was the problem?” Shiro asked. “What did you two come up with?” he asked. Lance and Keith turned to each-other and grinned.

“We’re dating!” Lance proclaimed. Pidge spit goo all the way across the table.

“What the fuck!” Shiro sent a ‘dad’ look at Pidge and then turned back to Lance and Keith.

“Wait, are- are you serious? Like, this isn’t some joke?” he asked. Lance shook his head excitedly.

“Nope!” Keith blushed and shook his head as well. “Not a joke. We are totally legit one hundred percent boyfriends now”

“Keith,” Pidge said seriously. “If Lance is holding you against your will blink twice” she leaned her head toward Keith and stared intently. Keith looked back, unblinking. “Fuck. He’s already brainwashed him”

“Not brainwashed” Keith spoke up. “Just… uh…” he blushed harder and looked away.

“The word he is looking for is love-struck” Lance provided. Keith elbowed him inside the shirt. “Ow! You gotta stop doing that” Lance mumbled.

“What are you gonna do? Break up with me?” Keith challenged. Lance narrowed his eyes. “I dare you”

“Oh yeah? What if I do? Are you going to kiss me?”

“Yeah” Lance faltered at Keith’s candidness.

“I- I wanna break up!” he stuttered out, blushing like an idiot. Keith’s eyes widened. He hadn’t expected Lance to actually say it.

“Wh—” he lowered his voice. “Not for real, right?” he asked.

“No, I just want you to kiss me” Lance said in embarrassment.

“I am so uncomfortable right now” Pidge announced, pretending to gag. Keith and Lance turned to her, as if just remembering that they were in a room full of people. Lance coughed awkwardly, and Keith hid his face in the shirt.

“Anyway, to reiterate, no more fighting, were boyfriends, and you can have your dumb shirt back” he pulled it over his head and, with a considerable amount of difficulty, he managed to get it off and threw it on the table. “So, yeah. Bye” he ducked his head and walked out of the room, Keith close behind him.

“Shit” Pidge cursed after they left. “This colossally backfired on me” she said.

“How so?” Allura asked. Pidge slumped down in her seat.

“They’re more annoying now then when they were bickering like children”


	19. Last Night With You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This technically isn't a prompt but I didn't want to make a whole new fic for this short thing. Also it's loosely based off of an Adele song that I can't remember the name of.

Tomorrow is the biggest attack that Voltron has ever organized. This is it. They were finally going to take down the Galra empire. Everyone was nervous. No one spoke during dinner. This is the whole reason they’re here. After this, no matter how it ends, it was all over. Either the Galra fell, or Voltron was going to go down fighting.

Confessions are something that generally follow the announcement of imminent death. So, that’s what Keith decided to do. He was going to confess.

“Lance,” he began, cornering before he headed to his room.

“Yeah?” Keith was losing his nerve. Now that Lance was in front of him he wasn’t sure he could do it. “What is it?” he asked impatiently. They didn’t have much time. They couldn’t waste even a second.

“I have to confess something to you” Lance frowned.

“Why?”

“Because of tomorrow” Keith explained. “We don’t know how--” Lance cut him off, waving his hand.

“Stop. Everything’s going to be fine tomorrow. Save your confession for after” he tried to move past Keith, but he gripped his shoulders.

“Lance, we have no idea what’s going to happen tomorrow. We could all die. I can’t leave you with the knowledge that tomorrow one or both of us might be dead and you’ll never know” Lance sighed.

“Alright, fine What is it?”

“I- I want to have sex with you” Lance’s eyes widened comically.

“Wh- What? No!” he said instantly. Keith held him firmly in place.

“Wait, listen to me!” he said as Lance struggled against his grip but finally gave up and listened to Keith. “Tomorrow might be our last night together, whether we live or not. And we might die, Lance” Keith stressed.

“Okay, but why does that mean we should have sex?” Lance asked.

“Because we might die tomorrow” Keith repeated. Lance shook his head, still not getting it. Keith blew out a frustrated breath. “Okay, listen, I’ve thought you were attractive for a long time. And while I don’t know how you feel about me...” Lance stayed silent, not making eye contact. “Well, I don’t know how you fell about me. But based on the fact that you haven’t pushed me away yet I’d say that you’re not completely opposed to the idea of sleeping with me”

“I don’t know...” Lance hesitated.

“Please,” Keith pleaded. “This might be the last night we have in this life. I don’t know how you feel about me, but at least let me have this. Let me have this one night. We can have this one night” Lance still wasn’t convinced. “Lance, I’m scared, okay? I admit it. I’m fucking terrified that I’m going to die tomorrow. I’m scared that you- that you’re going to die tomorrow. I’m scared for all of us” he loosened his grip on Lance. “That’s why I think we should do this. We shouldn’t spend our last hours alone and scared” Lance considered his proposition. He agreed with Keith, they shouldn’t spend their last few hours worried about the future.

“We’re all scared, Keith. None of us are alone in this. We’re all together” Lance told him. “And you’re right. We shouldn’t spend tonight alone. But... are you really sure that we should sleep together?” he asked. Keith peered up at him with his bright eyes.

“I’m sure” he licked his lips.

“Just one night?”

“That’s all I ask” Lance closed his eyes for a moment and then ducked his head and kissed him. Keith let out a breath in surprise, but quickly recovered. He pushed his mouth back against Lance’s. Lance tangled his fingers in Keith’s hair and pushed him back against the wall. Their limbs tangled as they kissed. Lance pulled back from Keith after a minute, Keith chased his lips with a pout. He leaned back.

“Is- is that a yes?” Keith asked, out of breath.

“If we don’t have tomorrow, at least we have tonight” he repeated what Keith said earlier. Keith nodded pulled Lance back down into a kiss. Lance trailed his lips down and pressed them into a line of quick kisses down his jaw. Keith’s breath hitched. He tugged helplessly at Lance’s shirt, which he quickly discarded. Lance hook his arms around Keith and lifted him into his arms, Keith wrapping his legs around Lance’s torso. They quickly moved into Lance’s bed room, closing the door behind them.

They both know that no matter what happens tomorrow, at least they had tonight.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *INFINITY WAR SPOILERS*   
> Prompt: hey I heard you watched infinity war *wiggles eyebrows* could you do something with lance in with he's like in Peter's place and Shiro is Tony and you know what scene in talking about (still not over it)
> 
> A/N: So I didn’t want to just like… copy the actually movie so in order to make this like a fic and to make sense I changed the original scene so that it’s like what I would imagine this scene would be if it were in the Voltron universe. The dialog is mostly the same though because fuck that shit was heartbreaking.

Allura had warned them before arriving on the planet. They knew the danger of being there, but it was the only way for them to get to the weapon before the Galra. They had to retrieve it before them, or else there would be disastrous results.

“I wish we had more time” Allura said nervously as the she landed the ship. “Or at least a better plan. I don’t feel good about letting you two go alone. There’s reason this weapon was hidden here” Shiro and Lance stood behind her.

“We don’t have any other choice” Shiro reminded her. Time was of the essence. Allura sighed.

“I know. Please be careful” Allura told them as the door of the ship slid open. Lance grinned at her.

“Aw, are you worried about me?” he teased. She rolled her eyes. “Don’t fret, Princess. I’ll be just fine” he winked. “It would take a lot more than a couple of poison trees to take me out”

“It’s not the trees, Lance. It’s the thorns on them. They secrete poison. It’s deadly. It takes only minutes to reach your heart, and once it does…” Lance waved her off.

“Relax” he said with an easy smile. “We’ll be alright. We got these freaking spacesuits. They’re impenetrable! Right, Shiro?” Lance asked, turning to him. Shiro stared back at him.

“I’m still not sure it’s a good idea for you to come…” he said warily. Lance snorted.

“Stop being so overprotective, I’m not a child you know!” Lance called over his shoulder with a smile as he stepped out of the ship. Shiro glanced at Allura helplessly. She simply shrugged. Once Lance made up his mind no one could change it.

The two of them trudged along the edge of the tree-line. There was a base in there somewhere containing a weapon that Zarkon had been after. Hunk and Pidge had managed to decipher the map that lead them here. They had been walking for several minutes in silence.

Lance never even saw the thorn on the ground. He didn’t even notice when it poke a hole in his shoe. It was only a few seconds before Lance noticed that something was wrong. His legs felt heavy. It was getting hard for him to walk. He frowned and tried to pick up the pace. It was only a few more seconds that he began to feel light headed.

“H- Hey, Shiro?” his voice cracked when he spoke up. Shiro hummed in his direction, still looking forward. “I- I don’t feel so good” Lance muttered loudly. Shiro whipped his head around and over his shoulder at the boy behind him, stopping in his tracks. Lance stood still and looked down at his trembling hands. “I- I don’t feel good”

“You’re alright” Shiro said, trying to stay calm. He wasn’t sure that was what he was thinking. They didn’t know what it was the poison. There was only one way to tell. Lance slowly began to peel his glove off, revealing the black poison already in his veins. He needed Lance to stay calm. Shiro’s mind raced as he tried to come up with an answer. There had to be a way to stop this.

“Wh- What’s happening?” Lance asked as he stared down at his hand in fear. “I don’t know what’s happening” He could feel the inky black substance shifting just under his skin. “I don’t understand what’s happening” Shiro stared at him with his mouth open. He didn’t know what to say. There was nothing to say. There was nothing he could do.

“I don’t—” Lance swayed on his feet and then stumbled forward, crashing into Shiro, who caught him and helped him stay upright. Lance’s breath became shallow. He finally realized what was happening. His eyes widened in fear. He buried his face in Shiro’s shoulder, gripping his armor tightly.

“I don’t want to go” Lance gasped into Shiro’s shoulder. “I- I don’t want to. I don’t want to go, Shiro, please” Shiro tightened his grip on Lance and stared at the ground in mute horror. “Please, I don’t want to go” Lance pleaded. Shiro was completely helpless. There was nothing he could do. “I don’t want to die” Lance sobbed softly. He felt dizzy now, and his legs began to give out as the poison progressed. It worked fast. At this rate Lance had only moments more before it reached his heart. “Please,” Lance pleaded. “I don’t want to die” Shiro began to cry. Unable to hold him up any longer, Shiro knelt down and laid Lance on the ground.

“Lance…” Shiro didn’t know what to say. What could he say? Lance was dying. Shiro was in shock. He couldn’t form any words. Nothing could make this moment less utterly terrifying for Lance. Lance blinked his eyes and swallowed thickly.

“I’m sorry” he said weakly. “I’m… s—" Then his eyes fluttered closed, and he was gone. Shiro gripped Lance’s shoulders and wept.

He never should’ve let Lance come with him. He knew he was too young. He was just a kid. Shiro was in charge of him. He was supposed to bring him home.

He was supposed to keep him safe, and he failed.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: lance gets sick and goes to shiro for comfort pls

Lance walked up to Shiro’s door five times before he finally knocked. His knuckles barely touched the door before Shiro was standing there, looking like he had been getting ready for bed.

“What is it, Lance?” Shiro asked. Lance pinched his lips together and cleared throat.

“I- I don’t…” Shiro eyed him carefully. “I don’t feel good” he admitted. Shiro frowned.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, ushering him into his room. Lance shuffled through the doorway.

“I feel- I feel sick” he stuttered out. Shiro looked closely at him. He looked sick. His skin was too pale, and he was covered in sweat. “I think I’m sick”

“Do you think you have a fever?” he asked, pressing his hand to Lance’s forehead. Lance nodded. “Do you feel like you’re going to throw up?” Lance’s breathing hitched, and he nodded again. “Can you make it to the toilet or do you need a bucket?” as the word’s left Shiro’s lips Lance was hit with a wave of dizziness. He blinked his eyes rapidly and staggered backwards. “Whoa, whoa. C’mere. Sit down. It’s okay” Shiro guided Lance down onto his bed. Lance put his head between his knees as Shiro ran to the bathroom to find a bucket. “Here you go” Shiro said as he set it next to Lance. He began rubbing Lance’s shoulders. “You’re okay. You’re going to be okay” Lance sniffed and peered up at Shiro pitifully.

“C- can you put me in the healing pod?” he asked desperately. Shiro’s hand stalled on Lance’s back.

“What?” Lance’s bottom lip quivered.

“Please, Shiro” he pleaded. “Put me in the healing pod. Just for a few hours. I’m sure that will help”

“Lance, I can’t just put you in there for a fever. Those pods are only for if you’re seriously injured. I’m sure this will pass soon. You’ll probably feel better in the morning, or after you throw up” Lance shuddered. “What?” Lance made himself small.

“I hate… throwing up” he said weakly. “It makes me…” he sucked in a breath. “It makes me anxious” he looked like he was on the verge of tears. “I can’t do it” he felt another wave of nausea creeping up his throat. He doubled over and started gasping for breath. “I can’t breathe” he cried. “I can’t- I can’t-!” Shiro pushed the bucket in between Lance’s knees just in time. Lance immediately threw up into the bucket. When he finished, he promptly began crying. Shiro sat with him, continuously rubbing his back, calmly reminding him to breathe. Lance was shaking with how hard he was crying.

When he had calmed down a little Shiro took the bucket and cleaned it out and then sat back down next to Lance, who was now sitting on the floor next to the bed, and shivering. Shiro draped a blanket around Lance’s shoulders. “Do you feel alright?” he asked him. Lance hesitated.

“I- I—” he whimpered. “I don’t know if I’m sick or if I’m just—”

“If you’re just anxious?” Shiro provided. Lance nodded. “Do you want to talk about what’s wrong?” he asked. Lance hunched his shoulders.

“There’s nothing wrong” he said in a small voice. Shiro gave him a look. “I’m serious. I just… really don’t like getting sick” he explained. “It reminds me of having an anxiety attack, and that makes me actually have an anxiety attack and that makes me sick and… it’s really hard to get it to stop” Shiro patted Lance’s shoulder sympathetically. “Can’t you put me in the healing pod for even a few minutes?” he pleaded.

“I’m really sorry, bud” A shiver ran down Lance’s spine. He felt bile building up in the back of his throat. He whimpered.

“Shiro- I- I’m gonna—” his bottom lip quivered as he whined.

“Shh… Just breathe” Shiro said soothingly. “Take deep breaths” he rubbed Lance’s shoulders as he hunched over the bucking and threw up again.

“I hate this” Lance said spitting into the bucket and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Tears were filling up his eyes again as he struggled for breath. Shiro tried to calm him down.

“I know. It sucks” he said. “But you’re going to get through this. It won’t last forever” Dizziness filled Lance’s head. He squeezed his eyes shut and moaned, trying to push back his nausea. “Breathe with me” Shiro instructed. “In,” he took a deep breath in. “Out” he exhaled slowly. Lance shakily followed Shiro’s breaths. It seemed to help him a little. Lance collapsed backwards, leaning against his bed.

“I can’t do this anymore” Lance said, his heart was hammering in his chest. He felt like he was going to die. “I’m not going to. I can’t” Shiro looked over at Lance helplessly. There was nothing he could do for him. Tears began to track down Lance’s face. “Please” Lance sobbed. “Just let me go into the pod. Just let me go” he cried desperately. Shiro pulled the boy into his arms and held him there.

“I’m sorry” he breathed. Lance gripped Shiro’s shirt tightly. He was trembling in Lance’s arms.

“I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t- I can’t do it”

“I don’t think you have much of a choice” Lance began hyperventilating again as his stomach churned. He bent over the bucket and dry-heaved. His stomach was empty. His throat burned. Lance sucked in a deep breath and then leaned back. “Do you think you’re going to throw up any more?” he asked. Lance shook his head, exhausted.

“I’m all out” he said jokingly. His voice was weak. Shiro eyed him in concern.

“Here,” he said, pushing a cup of water into his hands. “Take small sips of this” Lance lifted the cup to his lips and drank a little. Shiro felt Lance’s forehead. He was still burning up. He was completely drenched in sweat. Lance leaned into Shiro’s hand.

“You’re cold” he mumbled. The corner of Shiro’s mouth curled up.

“And you’re tired” he said. “We should get you back to your room, so you can rest up” Shiro rose to his feet and thought about what he should bring with him. “I’ll get you a clean bucket that you can take just in case. I’ll come check on you in the morning. I know it hurts but try and drink as much of this water as you can manage” he said.

Lance grabbed Shiro’s wrist as he turned away from him. “Please don’t leave” he whispered, not looking at him. Shiro’s expression softened.

“O-okay” he said, sitting back down.

“I don’t want to be alone” Lance admitted. Shiro put his hand on Lance’s arm.

“That’s fine. I’ll stay, if you want” he promised.

Shiro sat up with him the whole night, comforting him as he got sick hour after hour, until finally the morning came. Lance’s fever finally broke, and his nausea faded. Shiro was sitting on his bed, with Lance between his legs resting his head on Shiro’s chest.

“Are you feeling better?” Shiro asked hoarsely. It had been a long night, and neither of them slept. Lance’s face burned with embarrassment.

“Yeah” he was embarrassed that Shiro had seen him like that. Weak. “I’m sorry to bother you” Shiro frowned.

“It’s no problem” Shiro said. Lance turned away. “Lance, I’m serious” he said kindly. “It’s not problem. Really” Lance shrugged uncomfortably. “You shouldn’t have to suffer alone” he said.

“Yeah, but whenever anyone else is sick they deal with it themselves” Lance said quietly. Shiro laughed shortly.

“Are you kidding? Keith has been in here no less than seven times because he has a stuffy nose and can’t breathe. Pidge comes to me for headaches from reading too much. Even Hunk comes to me when he has a cold” Lance lowered his head. He had no idea. “You’re not the only one who gets sick, Lance. And you’re not weak for wanting help” Lance sighed. He wasn’t so sure.

“Okay, thanks, Shiro” he mumbled.

“Anytime” he replied. “And Lance? I really mean that”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: lance feeling sad so hunk cuddles and comforts him and like gives him food cause he's the best boyfriend ever
> 
> A/N: There's a lot of fluff in this one lol.

“Hey, Lance, why weren’t you at dinner?” Hunk stood in Lance’s doorway. He hadn’t seen Lance since breakfast. He didn’t even train with them like he usually did.

Lance was laying in his bed, with his back to Hunk. When he rolled over, Hunk saw that his eyes were red, and his face was wet from tears. “Sorry” Lance sniffed. Hunk moved toward Lance, the concern evident on his face.

“Whoa, what happened?” Lance pinched his lips together and refused to make eye contact. Hunk knelt down beside his bed. “Lance, talk to me” Hunk said softly, resting his hand on Lance’s cheek. Lance wiped his eyes and leaned into Hunk’s touch.

“I just- I just really miss home” his voice was rough from crying. “I miss my family so much” Hunk rubbed Lance’s arm sympathetically.

“We all miss our families” he said gently. “But remember that we’re doing this to protect them. After we defeat the Galra and free the universe we’ll go home, and we’ll know that they’re safe” Lance nodded.

“I know, I know” his bottom lip quivered. “That doesn’t stop me from missing them though” his voice cracked. His emotions welded up inside of him and he began to cry again.

“Of course not” Hunk said soothingly. “You’re allowed to miss them. Who wouldn’t miss their family when they’re in the middle of space?” Lance shifted to hide his face from Hunk. Despite his words, Lance still felt ashamed. He didn’t want Hunk to see him as weak. He already saw more of Lance than anyone else. That’s what he hadn’t gone to dinner. He knew that the moment that Hunk saw him he would know something was wrong.

“Hey, don’t do that. Don’t shut me out” Hunk pleaded. He knew what Lance was thinking. “You’re not weak for missing them. No one thinks less of you because you needed a day to yourself—”

“You don’t know that” Lance mumbled. Hunk pushed himself to his knees, so he could lean over and see Lance’s face.

“I do know that. No one thinks your weak, Lance. Everyone has bad days, even me” Lance sighed in defeat.

“I just feel so… terrible” Lance admitted. Hunk looked at Lance sadly. All he wanted was for Lance to be happy. He hated seeing him like this.

“Have you tried getting some sleep? It might make you feel better” Lance closed his eyes.

“I tried. I can’t get my brain to shut off”

“Do you want me to stay with you?” Hunk asked. Lance nodded.

“Please?” he scooted over in the bed so that there was room for Hunk. Hunk crawled onto the bed next to Lance and wrapped his arms around his waist. Lance rested his head on Hunk’s chest. “Thank you” Lance whispered. Hunk pressed a kiss in Lance’s hair.

“Anytime. And Lance? I really do mean that” Lance laced his fingers through Hunks and after a while he slowly drifted off to sleep, lulled by Hunk’s steady breathing.

Hunk sighed in relief when Lance finally fell asleep. He was worried about Lance. Hunk knew that he got like this sometimes, but he never told anyone. Lance always tried to work through everything alone. Hunk just wished that Lance knew that he would do anything for him.

Lance began to stir a few hours later. He snuggled back into Hunk’s arms and sighed contently. “Are you feeling any better?” Hunk whispered to him. Lance shrugged.

“A little” he said. “The nap helped” he turned in Hunk’s arms, so he was facing him. “Thank you” he tilted his head up and kissed Hunk lightly. “I am starving though”

“Well that’s because you didn’t eat dinner” Hunk said with a small smile. “Come on, how about I make us a midnight snack” he suggested. Lance brightened up a little.

“That sounds great” he said gratefully.

The two of them walked quietly to the kitchen. Lance hopped up on the counter and watched as Hunk began making his space version of pudding.

“I think I finally found something that almost takes like chocolate” Hunk told Lance as he mixed the ingredients together. Hunk had been working hard to find ways to make food that tasted like the food back on Earth. He thought it would boost everyone’s moral. It did. There was something about Hunk that made everyone feel at ease, make them feel comfortable. It was the first thing that drew Lance to Hunk.

“I love you, you know that?” Lance said. Hunk glanced at him with his eyebrows raised.

“I know” he laughed. Lance stared down at his feet.

“You always know how to make me feel less shitty” he continued. “Even back at home, when we were kids. You were the only one who stuck up for me. You stood by my side. You never made fun of me or called me names. When I was lonely you would come over and hang out with me until I felt better. You were the best friend a guy could ask for”

“Okay, some of that was because I had a big fat crush on you” Hunk said, scratching the back of his neck. Lance smiled reluctantly.

“You’re the best boyfriend too. You’re caring, supportive, sweet, compassionate, handsome. You’re the nicest person that I’ve ever met. I could not ask for a better boyfriend. You’re the love of my life, Hunk” Hunk set the bowl down next to Lance and laughed as he pulled him into a kiss.

“I love you too” He stood between Lance’s legs as he balanced on the counter. “Here, try this” he fed the space pudding to Lance. Lance’s eyes fluttered shut and he moaned.

“God. It’s so good” he took the bowl off the counter and ignored the spoon, instead opting to use his finger.

“You’re adorable” Hunk breathed, leaning up and pressing a kiss to Lance’s forehead. “Better?” he whispered his face was only a few inches from Lance’s. Lance scooped up another bite of the pudding and smiled.

“Better” he confirmed. He held his finger out to Hunk, who rolled his eyes, but opened his mouth. Hunk closed his eyes and nodded.

“Yup I’m still amazing at this” he confirmed. Lance smiled and brushed Hunk’s hair out of his face. He kept his hand there, cradling Hunk’s face.

“I don’t know what I would do without you” Lance said fondly. Hunk smiled brightly.

“You’d definitely be hungrier” Hunk said. Lance laughed.

“I’d be more than just hungry if it wasn’t for you. You make me a better person” Hunk pulled Lance into a hug.

“You make me a better person” Lance tightened his grip on Hunk. He knew that no matter what happened in space, he would always have Hunk, and Hunk would have them. They made each other better.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Lance's performance as of late has been very bad and everyone thinks it's just him slacking off. Shiro (Kuron) Asks him very angrily what's going on, and he (reluctantly) admits that he's badly homesick. Everyone tells him that he's not the only one and he's being selfish, and he gets super upset because 'when was the last time i did anything for myself?' or whatever and then he runs away, maybe to go find Keith and talk to him about it.

Keith hadn’t talked or heard anything from his friends in over a week, he had been busy with Blade missions, so he was very surprised when he opened the door to his room and found Lance standing there, out of breath.

“What—” Lance shoved past him. “—The hell?” Lance flopped down on Keith’s bed like he lived there. Lance had never even seen his room before. “Wh—” Keith glanced out the door and saw that no one else was around, and then turned back to Lance. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Lance covered his eyes with his hands.

“I don’t want to talk about it” Lance groaned. Keith blinked in shock. He hadn’t moved from his spot in the doorway. He was trying to comprehend what was happening. Why was Lance there? Keith slowly closed his door and cautiously moved toward the boy on his bed.

“Okay…” he said slowly, narrowing his eyes. He’d never known Lance to not talk about things. He barely ever stopped talking. “Well if you don’t want to talk about it then what are you doing here?” he asked. Lance dropped his hands and stared directly at Keith. Keith felt pinned down by his stare. He noticed that Lance’s eyes were rimmed red, like he had been crying.

“I’m not lazy” Lance said hoarsely. Keith furrowed his eyebrows.

“When have I ever said you were?” he asked in confusion. Lance shook his head and pushed himself up.

“I don’t- I don’t know. Maybe never. But everyone else says it” he pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them. Keith sat down on the floor next to his bed.

“Is that… why you’re here?” Keith asked, still not totally sure what was going on. Lance shook his head, clearly frustrated. Keith propped his head against his arm, which was resting on the edge of his bed. “Dude just tell me what’s going on”

“I’m not lazy” Lance repeated. “I’m- I’m not. I just… sometimes I get… you know” he shrugged and pulled his legs closer. Keith tried to follow along, but he honestly had no idea what Lance was talking about.

“How… did you even get here?” he asked instead. Lance clearly wasn’t ready to talk about whatever was bothering him. Lance lifted his head and smiled slightly.

“I stole Allura’s ship” he said. Keith’s eye bugged out.

“You stole her personal ship!?” he asked incredulously. Lance laughed shortly.

“Yeah. I was going to take Red, but she didn’t want to—” his eyes widened as he realized what he was about to say. Keith lowered his head.

“It’s fine. I know she’s mad at me” he said quietly. Lance sighed and moved so he was perched on the edge of the bed, right next to Keith.

“She’s not mad at you exactly… she just really misses you, man”

“I miss her too” Keith admitted. Lance stared at him for a long moment.

“Things have changed a lot since you left” he told Keith.

“Like what?”

“Well,” Lance began. “Allura’s taken over as the pilot for Blue and I’m piloting Red, but you know that” Keith nodded. “Hunk and Pidge have been working on some really cool shit lately. They’re making new weapons all the time. They’re pretty badass” Keith smiled at the thought. “Coran’s been trying to make foods that taste like food from Earth”

“How’s that going?” Keith asked. Lance made a gagging face. “That good huh?” Keith laughed. Lance’s smile widened.

“Yeah” he laughed quietly. “Allura’s a super rad pilot now. It took her a while to get used to being like… on our level I guess. But she’s got the hang of it now”

“That’s good” Keith said lightly. He was a little jealous, but he was the one that left.

“Yeah. She’ll be a good replacement for me when you get back” Lance said, his smile still on his face, but it looked forced.

“Lance, we’ve talked about this. No one’s going to replace you. You’re a paladin”

“Allura replaced you” he pointed out.

“Yeah, but even if I come back she still has her place on the team. She brought this group together” Keith was getting worked up. He hated that Lance was doubting himself. “You will always have a place in Voltron. I already explained all this to you, don’t make me do the whole speech again” Lance waved him off.

“I know, I know. That’s not what I came to talk about” Lance’s eyes became distant, like he was remembering something. Keith watched him for a minute and then tapped his knee.

“You okay?” he asked. Lance started twisting his fingers anxiously.

“Shiro’s changed a lot too” he said slowly.

“How so?” Lance shifted.

“He, uh, he’s…” he swallowed thickly. “He’s been really touchy lately. Like, everything sets him off” Keith watched Lance as he spoke. His eyes were looking everywhere but at Keith. “He’s been like all over me about being… about not participating in stuff. Not training enough” Lance tugged at a loose thread on Keith’s blanket. “He think’s I’m slacking off” he added quietly.

“…Are you?” Keith asked carefully.

“No!” Lance said defensively. Keith put his hands up in surrender.

“I just thought I’d ask” Lance’s face turned to a scowl.

“I’m not slacking off. I’ve just been…” his eyes went glassy. Keith held his breath, thinking that Lance might cry. “I’ve been really homesick” his voice cracked as he spoke. “It’s gotten so bad lately that I just… don’t want to get out of bed or do anything” he sounded small. Keith wanted to reach out and hug Lance, but he didn’t know how he would react to that. Lance cleared his throat, startling Keith from his thoughts. “Anyway, he’s been super pissy and everyone’s accusing me of being lazy and selfish. But it’s whatever”

“Lance, that’s not ‘whatever’” Keith told him. Lance shrugged.

“Really,” he said. “I just- I don’t care anymore” Keith didn’t believe him.

“Then why are you here?” Lance finally looked at him.

“What?”

“If none of this bothers you, then why are you here? Why did you run away from them? Lance you stole Allura’s ship to come here. I haven’t seen or talked to you in weeks, but you came here. Clearly something is bothering you” Lance looked away uncomfortably.

“It’s stupid…” he dismissed it. Keith shook his head.

“No it’s not. Just tell me” he insisted.

“Shiro… he- he- was yelling at me today and then he—” Keith felt his blood run cold.

“Did he hurt you?” Keith sat up straight. “Lance, I swear to god if he touched you I’ll fucking kill him” he growled. Lance’s eyes widened in surprise.

“What? N- No!” he exclaimed. “He- he didn’t hurt me! He- I told him what was wrong. I told him I was homesick!” Lance stuttered out. “And he- he yelled at me more and told me that I was being selfish” his mouth turned down as he spoke. “He told me that being homesick wasn’t an excuse because… everyone else was homesick but they weren’t being ‘a lazy piece of shit” he sniffed and turned his head away from Keith.

“He… said that to you?” Keith asked in horror. The Shiro that he knew would never say that to anyone. What exactly had happened to him since Keith had been gone?

“Yeah, but it doesn’t matter. He’s right”

“No, no he’s not” Keith shook his head. Lance wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

“Yeah he is. Everyone agreed with him. That’s why I came here instead of going to Hunk or Coran. No one believes me anymore. Shiro’s turned them all against me. Everyone’s afraid of him, Keith” Keith didn’t know what to say to that. How had so much changed in the short time that he had been gone? “Anyway…” Lance continued. “After he finished yelling at me I started to think about everything and then I thought if he’s going to think I’m lazy no matter what I do I might as well be lazy. And then I thought ‘when was the last time I ever did anything for myself?’ so…” he lifted his arms and gestured to the room. “Here I am” Keith pushed himself to his knees, so that he was at eyelevel with Lance.

“You’re not lazy” he said sharply. “You’re not selfish. You’re kind and caring. You only ever think of other people. You’re the most compassionate person that I know. You put other people’s wellbeing over your own, to the point that I’m constantly worried that someday it’s going to cost you your life. Lance, you are the definition of a selfless hero and if anyone thinks different I will personally show up on their doorstep and fucking fight them” Lance stared at him dumbly. Keith’s words had completely shell-shocked him. His words had come out of nowhere. He never knew that Keith thought of him that way.

“Oh” was all Lance said. He had no words. So, instead of responding his pulled Keith into a bone crushing hug, hoping that it was enough to convey his gratitude. “Thank you” Lance whispered, closing his eyes.

“Uh-huh” Ketih hummed, tightening his grip on Lance, who did the same. “Anytime”

As he held Lance close, his thoughts drifted to Shiro and everything that had happened. He wondered what exactly had happened to his friend to make him this way…


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: could you do one where Lance is certain that someone is following them but no one is listening and tells him to stop mucking around. It ends up with the person following waiting till he is alone and then attacking him and possibly stabbing him with a poison dagger or something ?? also he survives please i love my son too much

“What are you looking at?” Shiro asked as Lance turned around for the seventh time. Shiro glanced his shoulder to see what he had been looking at. There was nothing.

“Uh, nothing. I don’t know” he shrugged and continued marching forward. The paladins had flown to this planet in an attempted rescue mission, but after finding that the planet was completely abandoned, they began to head back to their lions.

“Where do you think they went?” Pidge asked. “The people who send the distress call” Shiro thought about it for a moment before responding.

“It may have been a system malfunction. The tech in that base looked like it hadn’t been touched in years. But maybe someone was here, but got rescued before we arrived”

“Or they’re dead” Keith said flatly.

“Keith” Shiro said sternly. Keith frowned.

“What? It’s a real possibility” Lance was lagging behind the others now. He was sure that someone was staring at him. He could feel their eyes on the back of his neck. He resisted the urge to turn around. He had already looked back half a dozen times, finding nothing in the clearing behind him.

“It’s morbid” Hunk piped up. Lance turned back to the conversation that was happening in front of him. “I don’t want to think that they’re dead. That means that we were too late…”

“Hunk’s right” Shiro said. “We have to keep faith that that person, whoever they might be, made it out of here okay” Lance heard a noise behind him that made him stop in his tracks. Keith shot a look at Lance and then stopped as well.

“What is it?” he asked. The others stopped and turned to Lance with questioning stares. Lance’s heart was hammering I his chest.

“Y- You didn’t hear that?” he stuttered. No one responded. “That noise- The- The branch cracking? No one heard that!?” Shiro sighed.

“Lance, stop messing around” Hunk said quietly. “This isn’t the time” Lance turned to him in dismay.

“I’m serious! I think someone is following us” Keith rolled his eyes.

“Of course you do. And you want us to split up and check the woods so that you can jump out and scare us. We’re not dumb, Lance” Lance shook his head, growing frustrated.

“I’m not messing with you! I’ve been feeling like there’s someone staring at me since we left that abandoned base. Someone’s following us, I’m sure of it”

“Lance,” Shiro said tiredly. “We don’t have time for any of your jokes. Now come on, we have to get moving. I want to get off this planet before it gets dark” at his words, the others resumed walking, leaving Lance standing there alone.

He didn’t understand why no one believed him. Did they really think that he would joke about something like this?

The others had already disappeared over the hill in front of him before Lance finally followed after them. He was upset that no one believed him, but he didn’t want to be out here alone if there really was someone following them. He only made it a few steps before he heard something. It sounded like a cry coming from the woods to his left. Lance looked at the twisted trees, feeling unnerved.

“H- Hello?” he called. He looked back in the direction that the others had gone and then hesitantly stepped towards the woods. “Guys, did you hear that?” he called. There was no reply. They were too far ahead. He put his hand on his bayard and strode into the dark woods. “Hello? Is anyone in here?” Lance asked. There was no response, aside from the howl of the wind. “Creepy” Lance shuddered as he continued on. He hadn’t imagined that scream. It sounded like someone was hurt. He wasn’t just going to leave them behind.

Suddenly, Lance heard something rustling in the bushes in front of him. He tensed, and cautiously inched toward it. “Is someone there? Are you okay?” he was met with a weak moan. His heart beat wildly in his chest. He was right.

“Hel…p” a voice muttered weakly. Lance rushed forward without another thought, pushing his way through the thick brush. When he finally made it past, he saw a man in tattered clothes leaning against a tree. “Please help” the man pleaded. He looked injured.

“Are you the one who set the distress signal?” Lance asked as he moved in front of the man, checking him over for injuries. “Are you hurt? Did someone attack you?” he quickly glanced around him. Maybe whoever hurt this man was the person who was following them. What if they came back and attacked him again? “Come on, let’s get you back to our ship. We can help you” Lance said with a calm smile.

“Bless you” the man said as Lance pulled him to his feet.

It happened so fast that Lance almost thought that he imagined it. A quick sharp pain in his gut was the only indication that anything had really happened.

“Oh” the man said as he pulled the knife out of Lance. Lance stood back up, and quickly pressed his hand over the wound in shock. “I did it” the man said. As soon as he had stabbed Lance his entire demeanor changed. He was no longer the small frail looking man, but he stood tall and began muttering to himself as he wrung his hands, the bloody knife still gripped between his fingers.

“Wha…” Lance lifted his hands and looked a them. Everything went hazy. He stumbled forward. “What did you do to me?” he choked out. The man ignored Lance and kept muttering under his breath.

“I did it. I did it. I did it” he chanted, over and over. “I did what she asked. I killed a paladin” his grin widened, until it took up most of his face. His teeth were chipped and jagged. How long had this man been here alone?

“I- I- I’m not dead” Lance swayed on his feet. There was something wrong. He had been stabbed before on missions, but this felt different. This was worse. So much worse.

“Not yet” the man said, finally looked at Lance. His face fell flat as he stared at Lance, wide eyed. Lance backed away from him, nearly falling over as he did.

“Wh- Why?” Lance gasped out as a new wave of pain hit him. His skin felt like it was on fire. It was like he was slowly roasting from the inside. He had to get back to the others. Fast.

“She asked me to” he said quietly. “The witch” The man shook his head over and over. “No, no, no. This isn’t right” he whispered. “This isn’t right. Yes it is! It was the only way” he said sharply. Lance watched him as he moved further and further from him, never turning his back on the man. “It had to be done. It had to. But he never did anything wrong. Shut up!” The man had clearly lost his mind. Maybe it was from being out here alone for so long. Lance wasn’t sure. All he knew, was that he had stabbed him with something. It must have been poisoned.

“Shit” Lance cursed to himself as the man moved out of his sight. When he was finally far enough away he turned and began running, to the best of his ability, toward the clearing. His limbs felt like they were full of cement. He was slowing down with each step. He was now holding both hands over his wound, but blood was beginning to seep between his fingers. Lance slowed his pace and continued on. He was in the clearing now, and he could see the tops of the lions over the hill in front of him.

“Where is he?” he heard a voice faintly, coming from in front of him. “I swear if he is trying to scare us…” A jolt of pain ran through Lance’s head. He winced and closed his eyes. Everything was too bright. Too loud. The gently wind that ran through the trees now sounded like roaring thunder in Lance’s ears. The setting sun was like a spotlight being shown directly into his eyes.

“Guys!” Lance cried weakly. His entire body ached. He was shivering and sweating at the same time. Every move made it feel like a thousand tiny knives were being driven into his gut. “S- someone’s following us” Lance panted when the paladins were within earshot. They were all lounging around the lions, clearly waiting for Lance.

“Lance, not again” Shiro groaned. “Come on, we have to go. It’s almost dark out” he turned to walk toward his lion, and then did a double take. “La- Why are you holding your stomach like that?” he asked abruptly. Lance looked down at his hands. His vision was blurring now. It looked like he had seven hands, as he peeled them away from his stab wound. His gloves were soaked with his blood now.

“Someone…s following…” He sucked in a sharp breath and then collapsed on the ground, losing consciousness.

“Lance-!” the paladins all rushed to his side. “Oh my god! What happened! Is he okay!? Is he going to be okay!?” Shiro ignored everyone’s questions and focused on the unconscious boy in front of him. This was his fault. He hadn’t listened to Lance. He had brushed him off, and now he was hurt.

If only he had listened to him, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: lance and keith are getting along finally and they are sent on a mission together. During it they are playfully teasing each other. Keith shoves Lance a bit to tease him and he trips backwards and lands in a puddle of this toxic stuff but Lance brushes it off and downplays his symptoms until keith is about to get annoyed at him for lagging behind but then he sees that lance is really sick and has been poisoned.. or whatever. idk what i'm saying tbh jdjdfjcj

“Keith, Lance you to can take this one” Shiro said, looking over the info on the tablet in front of him. Keith and Lance turned to stare at each other, wide eyed.

“Seriously?” Keith asked.

“Yeah, are you joking?” Shiro looked up at them with a frown. “You never let us go on missions together!”

“I know, but you two seem to be getting along now, so I thought it would be okay” he explained, setting the tablet down. “But if you think it’s a bad idea…”

“No, no, no! We’ll do it!” Lance said quickly. “Uh, right, Keith?” he said, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye.

“Oh, uh, yeah” he said with a weird smile. Maybe it was a normal smile. Lance had only seen him smile a handful of times, so it always seemed unnatural. But also nice. “I’m cool with it” Lance grinned. Shiro eyed the two cautiously.

“Maybe… this isn’t such a good idea” Lance shook his head.

“No, no! It’ll be fine! We’ll be fine” he said reassuringly “I promise” Shiro sighed reluctantly.

“Alright…” They couldn’t possibly get into that much trouble, right?

~ ~

“This was not the type of mission I had in mind” Lance said. He cringed as he stepped over a fallen log covered in some type of slime. “This is disgusting” Keith didn’t feel much better about it. He skirted around a mushroom oozing a green liquid.

“What kind of planet is this?” he asked as the two of them slowly moved their way through the forest. “Everything’s so… sticky” he said in disgust. Lance laughed at the look on Keith’s face.

“Keith, Lance, stay on mission please” Shiro’s tired voice came over the headsets in their helmets. “You here looking for some type of rare creature that lives there. It looks like this” Shiro sent them both a picture, that was projected on the inside of their helmets. Keith gagged when he saw the picture.

“Dude that’s so gross!” Keith exclaimed. Lance cooed as he looked at the fuzzy image.

“It’s kinda cute” he said. “But, why are we looking for this thing?” Lance asked after the image had disappeared.

“It’s called a Numir. We need it for the alliance with the Nireer. They need it for the ceremony for- for… okay I don’t really know what for, to be honest. But according to the princess it’s very important. So, can you guys handle this?” Keith continued to look at the image in mild disgust.

“I guess…” he said reluctantly. “God, if I knew that this is what we were doing I wouldn’t have agreed to this” he grumbled.

“That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you until now” Shiro said, sounding proud of himself. “Alright, just start looking for it. The Nireer leader said that they’re not to hard to find, but it’s super gross down there and none of them were willing to go find one” Keith muttered something under his breathe. Lance rolled his eyes at him. “Call me if you need anything” Shiro continued. “And guys, seriously, don’t make me regret sending you two alone” he said with a groan. Lance scoffed.

“Why would you even suggest that we—” Shiro hung up before he could get the rest out. “Dick” he muttered, a smirk on his face.

“This place is so gross” Keith said, lifting his foot. Strings of smile stuck to his boots as he did. “Fuck” he grimaced. “Come on, lets hurry up and find this thing. I don’t want to be out here any longer than I have to” Lance gasped as the two began trudging through the slime.

“Are you saying you don’t want to hang out with me?” he asked in mock offence. “And here I thought we were finally becoming friends” Keith huffed.

“I don’t know if I would say friends…”

“Rude.” Lance said flatly. Keith’s lips curved up.

“Joking” he said. “Now come on, we gotta hurry. I wanna find this thing before it gets dark”

~ ~

The two continued to joke around while searching for the Numir creature for what felt like hours, with no sign of the thing. Keith was tired and irritated, so Lance was doing everything he could to make him smile.

“Fuck, I’m hot” Keith complained, tugging at the collar of his armor. They had removed their helmets earlier, after learning that the air was safe for them to breathe, because the slime kept getting smeared across them, affecting their vision. Unfortunately, that meant that they’re internal air conditioners were effectively useless.

“Hmm, I don’t know if I would say hot” Lance said thoughtfully. “Sexy, maybe” Keith looked at him in confusion. After a moment he seemed to get it. He turned away, blushing.hohot

“Shut up” he grumbled. Lance squinted his eyes. Keith was getting grumpier by the minute. Lance pressed his lips together and lifted up a log, looking for the creature. He stayed silent for a few minutes. It wasn’t until several minutes later that Keith realized what Lance was doing. “Ha ha, very funny. You’re not talking now” he crossed his arms. “I’m sorry—” he spun around and found that Lance wasn’t behind him. He frowned. “L- Lance?” he called. “Where are you?” he spun around, searching for him. “I swear to god if you’re planning on jumping out and scaring me—"

“Hey, Keith” Keith turned around and found himself face to face with a strange slimly creature. Keith let out an embarrassing yelp and stumbled back.

“What the hell is that thing!?” he said with a disgusted look. Slime was dripping through Lance’s fingers as he held it up to his own face.

“It’s the thing! The Numir… or whatever. I found it over there” he pointed toward a vine covered bush behind them.

“Why didn’t you tell me you found it!” Lance shrugged as he examined the writhing blob in his hands.

“It’s fucking adorable” Lance said, instead of replying. He stuck his tongue out at the creature. It let out a weird chirping noise in response. “Aww!”

“Get that away from your face, Lance” Keith said nervously. “You have no idea what kind of diseases that thing has” Lance grinned deviously. He slowly stalked toward Keith.

“Wh- what are you d- doing?” Lance lifted the green creature up so that it was level with Keith’s face.

“He’s so cute” Lance said, purposefully making his voice sound like he was talking to a baby or a puppy. “Look at his face”

“Is that even his face?” Keith said, cringing as some slime dripped onto his boots. It was entirely too close to his face.

“He’s so cute and round and perfect” Lance pouted.

“Come on, we found one, now let’s head back. If we keep screwing around Shiro’s never going to let us go on a mission together again” Lance cradled the animal in his arms.

“I wonder what the Nireer are going to do with him…” Lance mused as the animal squirmed. “Oh god, what if they’re going to sacrifice him!?” he said in horror. “Keith do you think they’re going to kill him!?” Keith sighed impatiently.

“I don’t know, Lance. It doesn’t matter. Let’s just get out of—” Lance pouted.

“He’s too cute to die. What if we look for a different one?” he looked up at Keith pleadingly.

“We’re not looking for a different one! It took us so long to find this one, it’ll be morning before we find another one” Lance sighed in defeat.

“You’re right” he said reluctantly.

“I know I am. Now let’s go” Keith turned around and began walking in the direction of their ship. They walked in relative silence, aside from the strange chirping noises coming from the Numir.

“Shh, quiet Num-Num. I’m not going to let them hurt you. I promise” Lance cooed. Keith threw his head back and groaned.

“You did not name that thing” Lance glared at Keith, holding it away from him.

“He’s is a living thing! I- I think…” he glanced down at it. “And he has feeling! Isn’t that right, Num-Num. Yeah, don’t let Keef get to you. That silly mullet wouldn’t hurt you. Uh-uh. He wouldn’t dare” Keith rolled his eyes, holding back a smile. Lance was being ridiculous.

“You’re stupid” Keith said, almost smiling.

“You have to admit he’s cute” Lance said. Keith shook his head. “Not even a little bit?” Keith half laughed half sighed.

“I- I guess. A little” Lance grinned.

“I knew it! You love him” he lifted it in his hand toward Keith again. “Give him a kiss. Come on, just a little kiss” Lance said playfully, waving the slug-like creature in Keith’s face. Keith tried to bat his hand away, pressing his lips together in a thin line. “He’s so cute just- just give him a little—” Keith let out a giggle. Neither of them expected it. A wide grin stretched across Lance’s face. He’d never heard Keith laugh like this before.

“S- Stop” Keith said, giggles still spilling from his lips. It was obvious he was trying to make them stop, but he couldn’t. “S- You’re so—” he covered his mouth with his hand, trying to stop himself from laughing. Lance was taken aback. Keith rarely ever laughed, and never at something Lance said or did. He smiled dumbly at Keith, to surprised to tease him any further. “Get that away from me” Keith laughed, playfully shoving Lance. Lance’s face went from a grin to a look of surprise in a split second. It would almost be comical if Lance didn’t tip over and roll down the sharp incline directly into the puddle of bubbling liquid below him. Keith’s heart squeezed in fear as he frantically ran down the hill, trying not to fall himself.

“Lance!” he called. He searched the water for signs of him but found nothing. He wasn’t sure how deep it was. He held his breath as he waited another second for Lance to reappear, his heart hammering in his chest the whole time. When he didn’t, Keith stepped to the edge of the water, ready to dive in. Suddenly, Lance’s hand reached out of the water. Keith leaned forward and grabbed ahold of him and pulled him to safety. Lance came up coughing and sputtering. He collapsed back onto the ground and gasped for breath, the Numir still nestled in his arm. “Jesus Christ, Lance!” Keith said weakly, sinking to the ground next to him. “You scared the shit out of me!” Lance laughed, and then coughed again, spitting some of the liquid onto the ground next to him.

“I scared you!?” he shouted. “I thought I was going to drown!” The Numir was chirping loudly. Clearly it did not appreciate being submerged in water. Keith looked at Lance in concern.

“Are you okay?” he asked gently. Lance sucked in a deep breath and then let it out.

“Yeah, I think so” Keith stared at him until he was sure that Lance was still in one piece.

“Okay… We should keep moving. It’s getting dark” he climbed to his feet and then reached out for Lance’s hand and helped him up.

~ ~

It wasn’t until several minutes later that Lance realized something was wrong. Very wrong. His entire body had started aching the moment Keith pulled him out of the puddle, but he brushed it off. He thought it was from his fall down the hill. It became painfully clear that that was not what had happened. His hands were beginning to tremble in exhaustion. He was also freezing, he couldn’t stop shivering.

“Ho—” Lance cleared his throat. “How much further?” he called up to Keith, who kept getting further and further ahead.

“At least a mile, I think” Keith said with a shrug. “You gotta pick up your pace. I’m not sure how much light we have left” he glanced at the sun in the sky. It was rapidly moving down, getting darker with each passing minute. Lance wiped his forehead, wishing his headache away. His skull was pounding.

“Lance, come on. We seriously have to hurry up. Shiro’s going to kill us for being gone so long” Lance coughed into his hand quietly, trying to ignore the blood that splatted on his glove. He quickly wiped it on his leg and pinched his lips together. Something was very wrong with him. He didn’t want to tell Keith though, because he would get worried. There was nothing Keith could do for him right now, not until they got back to the ship. So, Lance gritted his teeth and kept marching forward.

“Y- Yeah. Sorry. I’m coming” he continued to walk at a slower pace than Keith would have liked, staying several feet behind him at all times. Keith sighed in irritation. Just when he though him and Lance were getting along, Lance would do something to get on his nerves. He didn’t understand why Lance couldn’t just listen to him. It annoyed him that he was purposefully walking slowly.

“Lance I’m not kidding why are you—” he stopped abruptly when he saw why Lance was lagging so far behind him. “Holy shit-!” Lance’s skin was a sick shade of pale, and his eyes were rimmed with red. His shoulders were slumped, and he was practically dragging his feet. “Wh- what the hell happened to you!?” Lance’s breathing was ragged, and his eyes were drooping, like he was going to pass out at any moment.

“I think- I think there was s- something wrong… with that water…” At that exact moment Lance’s eyes rolled into the back of his head and he collapsed on the ground.

“Lance!” Keith screamed. He rushed to Lance’s side and felt his pulse. It was racing. Lance was still breathing, but it looked like he was struggling. “Shit. Shit. Shit” Keith’s eyes flicked back and forth, not knowing what to do. What was he supposed to do!?

He frantically pulled his helmet back on and pressed the button that activated the headset.

“Hey, are you guys almost—”

“Shiro! Lance is hurt. Or, he’s infected. There’s something wrong with him! I don’t know what to do. What do I do? Tell me what to do!” he said in a panic. Shiro sat in a stunned silence for a minute, trying to process what Keith was saying. “Shiro!” Keith shouted angrily.

“Uh, is he breathing? Did you check his pulse?” Keith made sure Lance was still breathing.

“Yes. I did that already” Keith pulled a strand of smile off the side of Lance’s face that had stuck to him when he fell. “He fell into some kind of puddle earlier. I think he swallowed some of it” his throat felt tight as he spoke. He was trying not to break out into a full out panic.

“That’s… not good. Okay. Okay… How far away are you from the ship?” Shiro asked. Keith looked up into the distance. I was almost completely dark out, so he couldn’t see very far.

“Not far… I think”

“Okay, you need to carry him there asap. You have to get back as fast as possible. We need to find out what was in that water” Keith nodded, and then realized that Shiro couldn’t see him.

“O… okay” he took a deep breath to calm himself. He had to be strong. For Lance. He wrapped his arms around Lance’s middle and threw the lanky boy onto his shoulder, grunting from the effort. “Fuck, he’s heavy” he groaned. He wobbled forward, trying to steady himself. It wouldn’t be good for either of them if he fell over now.

“Just make sure he’s still breathing” Shiro instructed. “And hurry as much as possible but be careful” he sounded worried. It didn’t make Keith feel any better.

“I know” Keith walked as quickly as humanly possible back to the ship. When he finally arrived, he gently laid Lance down on the floor, turning him on his side, just in case he puked. He jumped into the control seat and took off. He had to get back to the castle. He eyed the unconscious boy worriedly.

Lance was going to be okay.

Lance had to be okay.

~ ~

“Keith, you need to get some sleep” Shiro said softly. Keith pushed Shiro’s hand off his arm. No one had slept in weeks.

“Is he ever gonna wake up?” Keith asked, his voice breaking. They had taken Lance out of the pod and moved him to a bed they had set up in the infirmary. The pods couldn’t find anything wrong with him, so there was no longer a reason to keep him in there.

“Keith…” Shiro said slowly. Keith shook his head as he stared at boy in front of him. His breathing was back to normal now. It looked like he was sleeping. Like he was going to wake up at any minute and crack a joke about Keith’s hair. He hadn’t been taking care of himself since it happened.

“Don’t lie to me” Keith snapped. “I’m not a fucking kid. Just tell me”

“I… I don’t know” Shiro said honestly. “I don’t know if he’s going to wake up. We still have no idea what that liquid was

All of this was for a goddamn alliance. One that never even happened.

“This is bullshit” Keith said quietly. Shiro didn’t have anything to say to that. “It should be me…”

“Keith don’t say th—”

“It should be! It’s my fault!” Shiro reached out to grab Keith’s shoulder again, but Keith pulled out of his reach.

“It’s not your—"

“Yes it is! I pushed him. I’m the reason that he fell. That he got poisoned. I’m the reason he’s in a coma and he’s never going to wake up!” he shouted. Shiro’s eyes flicked away from Keith.

“I’m the one who sent you two on that mission. If I hadn’t done that…” Keith sighed and turned back to Lance, his hand on top of Lance’s.

“It’s not your fault” he told Shiro.

“It’s not yours either” Keith shrugged, too tired to argue anymore. He really was exhausted. He’d hardly left the infirmary in weeks. He was afraid to leave Lance’s side. “You really should try and rest” Shiro said gentler this time.

“I don’t want to leave him” Keith said weakly. Shiro watched him for a minute before speaking.

“Okay, then let me sit with you” Keith silently scooted over, allowing Shiro to sit down next to him. They both watched Lance breath quietly, the machines that he was attached too making something that almost resembled a song.

If Keith hadn’t pushed Lance then…

If Shiro hadn’t let them go on a mission together maybe…

The guilt was eating them alive.


	26. Captive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This technically isn't a langst prompt, but it's a short fic that I wrote. Also this is dark as hell I'm so sorry.
> 
> Summary: Lance was captured and now he's in a living hell.

Lance crawled along the dirt covered floor. He bit his tongue to keep from crying out. He couldn't make any noise. He didn't know how long he had been there, days, weeks, months. He wasn't sure anymore. Every moment blurred into the next, a never ending life of pain. Lance dug his fingers into the grooves between the wood as he drug himself across the room. He was so close to the door... so close to freedom.

"And where do you think you're going?" A shiver ran down Lance's spine. That voice would haunt him until his death. It would plague his nightmares and his daydreams. It was always there, in his mind. He would never be rid of His voice.

"Please" Lance whimpered. "Please don't" the man ignored his cries. He grabbed Lance by the neck and lifted him up. Lance clawed at his hands, scratching the man relentlessly. The man tightened his grip on Lance's throat, literally squeezing the life out of him. Lance let out a strangled yelp as he was thrown down onto the small bed in the corner of the room.

"Jesus Christ. I thought we went over this" he snapped. "Do I need to take away another limb to make you stop?" he asked. Lance's eyes flickered the the stump where his left leg had been. He shuddered as he remembered the pain. He shook his head. "Good. Try and escape again, and I'll kill you. You hear me?" the voice boomed, shoving Lance over. Lance sobbed into the stained mattress. He hurt so much. Everything hurt so much. "I said do you hear me!?" he gripped Lance's hair and pulled his head back, forcing Lance to look at him. Tears fell down Lance's face as he cried out in pain.

"Y- yes" he said quietly, not making eye contact with the man. He reeled his hand back and slapped Lance across the face.

"Speak up!" Lance sobbed, snot dripping out of his nose. 

"Yes" The man got close to Lance's face, making Lance flinch in anticipation.

"Yes, what!?" the man screamed at him, spit flew out of his mouth, hitting Lance's face.

"Yes! I... hear you! I'm- I'm sorry" Lance curled into a ball on the dirty bed. "I'm so sorry. I'll never do it again" The man grunted in response.

"Useless" he muttered. "Thought you were supposed to be a paladin of Voltron" he sneered at Lance. "Maybe I was wrong. You're too pathetic to one of them" This was nothing that Lance hadn't heard everyday. "If it was up to me we would've killed you a long time ago" he grunted, reaching for the metal cuffs that were bolted to the bed-frame. Lance shook his head pleadingly.

"Please don't" he said quietly. "Please. Just- just leave me. I'll be good, I promise" the man ignored his cries and gripped Lance's wrists tightly, binding them both in the metal cuffs. Lance cried helplessly. This was hell. It had to be hell. 

"Fucking piece of shit. You have no idea how easy it would be to kill you. It would make things so much easier" the man said, shaking his head. Lance sniffed pathetically.

"Then why haven't you?" he asked through the tears. The metal cuffs were cutting into his skin, reopening the wounds that they had caused before. Blood ran down Lance's arms.

"Believe me, I would love to do just that" he yanked on the chain tethering him to the bed, causing Lance to scream in pain. "But we have to keep you alive. Bait is useless when it's dead" he spat. "That's the only reason we still have you. To lure the others here. Thought they would've come for you by now, but maybe you're not as important as we thought" Lance lowered his head. "Now hold still" he commanded, peeling the bandage that covered what remained of Lance's leg. They kept him just healthy enough that he wouldn't die. Like the man had said, he was useless to them dead.

"Ah-!" Lance grimaced as the man reapplied a fresh bandage to the wound.

"Congratu-fucking-lations. It's almost completely healed" he said flatly. Lance tried to pull away from his touch. "Don't make me hurt you" he threatened when Lance attempted to roll away from him. Lance froze. He knew from experience that the man was not joking. He had the scars to prove it. 

When the man finished fastening the bandage, he straightened up and walked out of the room without another word. Lance dissolved into tears the moment he did. He pulled himself to his knees, his arms pinned in front of him because of the chains. His clothes were torn and bloodstained, they were the same one he was wearing the day they captured him. They were invited to a planet for a celebration. They had attacked the galra, and were one step closer to defeating them. Lance had stepped away from the other for only a moment when someone hit him over the head and everything went black.

When he woke up, he was in this room. He'd been here ever since. He had no idea how long he had been here. All he knew was that no one was coming to get him. The others wouldn't come to rescue him. Not because he was unimportant, like the man suggested, but because they knew that it was a trap. They wouldn't come save him because they had to protect Voltron. They were protecting the lions. Lance was replaceable, the lions were not. Lance would gladly sacrifice himself if it meant they had a better chance of saving the universe. That didn't mean he wasn't scared, though. Every time that man walked into his room Lance's heart stopped. His whole body shook in terror when he stalked toward Lance. 

Lance had tried escaping many times. The one time that he had made it to the door, his hands had touched the doorknob, that was the day that Lance lost his leg. He hardly remembered anything from that day. He remembered being dragged across the floor by his ankles, and then pain. So much pain. Everything after that was completely black. When he had woken up his entire body ached and there was a blood stain covering the middle of the room. 

He really thought he was going to make it out this time. 

He had no idea what was on the other side of that door, but sometimes he saw sunlight peek through it. Maybe he would escape. Or maybe they would finally kill him.

Either way, he would be free.

Lance wasn't sure how much more of this he could take. Of the once a day meals, that were barely enough to keep him alive, of the twice a day beatings that kept him from ever completely healing, from thoughts in his mind as he stared at the wall for days on end.

Lance just wanted to die.

He didn't want to do this anymore.

He wanted it all to be over.

Lance bit back another sob as he went completely still. He took a few calming breathes before he tugged at the chains binding his wrists. He bit his lip to keep from screaming in pain. A trail of blood ran down his chin. He collapsed face-first onto the bed and screamed into the mattress. When he felt strong enough to sit up again, he sucked in one last deep breath, steeled his nerves, and yanked his arms back as hard as he could. The cuffs slid off as the bones in his hand snapped with a sickening 'pop.' Blood rushed down his wrists, covering his hands and arms. 

Before the man had a chance to come back, Lance slid off of the bed and began frantically crawling to the door, not even bothering to be quiet anymore. He grunted from the pain and effort of pulling his body across the filthy floor. He passed over the blood that still stained the floor, and grew closer to the door.

He could see the sunlight through the crack underneath the door. 

He was so close.

He finally reached the door, and struggled to stand up, holding onto the doorknob. He held his breath as he twisted the handle. The door creaked open and light flooded Lance's vision as he saw...

A closet.

It wasn't a door leading outside, it was a closet.

Lance threw his head back and let out a bloodcurdling scream.

It was all for nothing. 

There was no escape.

His scream had attracted the attention of The Man, who barged through the door, a metal pipe in his hand.

"What the fuck did I tell you!?" he screamed as he quickly crossed the room toward Lance. Lance threw up his arms to cover his face. The man lowered his arm and swung the pipe at Lance's leg, knocking him to the ground. The air was knocked out of Lance's lungs. "You stubborn goddamn boy!" he shouted at Lance. "I'm tired of your shit!" Lance cowered on the floor as the man waved the pipe over his head.

"You useless!" he struck Lance in the ribs. "Good for nothing!" he hit him again. "Waste of a space!" and again. "Pathetic excuse for a human being!" the last hit was to the said of Lance's head.  
Blood blurred Lance's vision. All he saw was a blur of motion above him as the man stuck him again and again. Lance could feel the blows, the bones snapping in his body, piercing vital organs. He felt his consciousness fading as the man yelled profanities and hateful words at him, beating him over and over. Lance was vaguely aware of blood pooling on the ground around him, covering the old stains. He watched as his blood ran down into the cracks in the floor. 

He was hit again. And again. The man was still yelling, but Lance couldn't hear him anymore. He couldn't feel anymore either. Everything had gone numb. He watched his blood run down into the cracks in the floor as his vision blurred again, until even that faded away. He closed his eyes and sucked in one last ragged breath, and then let go.

Everything went black.

At least he gave his friends a better chance to save the universe.


	27. Shance Sword Training

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't langst but I wrote a random happy thing for you guys because of all the pain I've caused you lol.

“Hey, Shiro” Lance stood awkwardly in the doorway to Shiro’s room. He looked like he was getting ready for bed. Shiro looked up from his place on the floor, where he was doing pushups.

“Yeah?” he asked, grunting as he stood up. Lance pulled his eyes away from the flexing muscles in Shiro’s arms.

“Uh,” he shook his head, trying to remember why he was there. “N- Never mind. You look busy” he said, turning to leave.

“I’m not busy” Shiro said before Lance could leave the room. “You need something?” Lance leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms nonchalantly.

“It’s just…” he scratched the back of his neck. “My bayard is a sword now and I… I don’t really know how to fight with it. I mean I never learned how to use a sword. I just thought maybe you could teach me or something.” Shiro shifted his weight and pursed his lips. “It’s cool if you can’t” he added. Shiro cocked his head at Lance and smiled.

“Of course I’ll help you” he said. “Do you want to start now?” Lance dropped his arms.

“Yeah, I mean, if you’re not going to bed” Shiro laughed as he grabbed his water bottle off of his dresser.

“Believe me, I wasn’t going to get any sleep. Why do you think I was doing pushups?” The edges of Lance’s lips quirked up.

“I thought that’s what buff dudes did every night?” Shiro laughed in surprise as the two began walking down the hallway.

“Buff… dudes?” he asked.

“Yeah, you know, big dudes. Muscular guy. Jocks. Like Thor. Just, fuckin ripped” he punched Shiro lightly on the shoulder. He winced at shook his hand in pain. “Fuck! What, are you made of rocks? Jesus!” Shiro let out a startled laugh.

“No?” he said. Lance opened his mouth to explain that it was a joke, but then shook his head. They walked in silence for a while before Shiro nudged Lance’s shoulder with his own. “More like Captain America, I think” A grin stretched across Lance’s face.

“More like Bucky” he said, gesturing to Shiro’s arm. Shiro laughed loudly, gripping his chest. Lance couldn’t help but laugh too. Shiro’s laugh was contagious.

“Will you two shut it!” Pidge called, suddenly appearing in the doorway in front of them. “It’s two in the fucking morning!”

“Oh, shit” Shiro said quietly, so only Lance could hear. “Sorry, Pidge!” Lance snorted. He’d never heard Shiro curse before. Pidge glared at the two before stomping back into her room. “I guess we should try and be quieter” Lance giggled as they quietly walked the rest of the way to the training room.

A few minutes later they were both standing in the eerily silent training room. Lance was standing in the middle of the floor with one of the training swords, and Shiro was stood off to the side. “This place is creepy at night” Lance said, squinting because of the harsh light.

“You know we have no way of knowing when it’s night time” Shiro reminded him. “Allura rigged the lights in the castle to resemble the sun on Earth so that our bodies didn’t freak out”

“Is that the scientific term?” Lance asked playfully.

“Yes” Shiro said deadpanned. Lance wouldn’t have known he was joking if he hadn’t cracked a smile after he said it. Lance grinned.

“You’re funny” he pointed out. “Why don’t you make jokes more often?” Shiro chuckled.

“Would you have respected me as much if I joked around with you when we first got here?” he asked.

“Yes! Actually, I probably would’ve respected you more” Shiro raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Oh, wait really?” Shiro shook his head. “Never mind. We need to get started or we’ll never get to bed” Lance straightened up.

“Right, yeah”

“Okay, now obviously this sword is not quite as heavy as your bayard, but it’s a good practice sword. I don’t want you to get hurt” Lance nodded, examining the dull blade on the sword. He would be offended, if he hadn’t been worried about getting hurt himself. “Alright, show me what you can do” Shiro instructed. Lance cracked his neck and then planted his feet firmly on the ground and swung the sword. Lance turned to see Shiro’s reaction and saw that he was pressing his lips together, obviously trying to suppress a laugh.

“Stop laughing at me!” Lance said in irritation. Shiro cleared his throat and waved at Lance.

“I’m- I’m sorry try that again” Shiro said, barely keeping his voice steady. Lance scowled at him but did what he said. He pulled back his arms and swung the sword through the air. Shiro actually did laugh at that. He quickly covered his mouth with his hand. “One- One more time”

“Shiro, what am I doing wrong?” Lance asked in dismay.

“Try arcing your swing. And your stance is- well- you don’t have to move your legs that far apart. You’re going to fall over” Lance glared at him. “Hey, you said you wanted my help” he shrugged. “But I can leave if you don’t want to listen”

“Wait, no, I’m sorry. Please stay” Lance pleaded, dropping his arm. “Clearly I’m worse at this than I thought”

“Just, try again” Shiro told him. “You have to keep trying” Lance swung the sword exactly like he had before.

“Like that?” Lance asked, swinging his arms down. Shiro grinned crookedly.

“Kind of” he said, stepped toward Lance. “Here, let me show you” he stood behind Lance and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, guiding his hands into the right positions. “Bring your arms back like this” he pulled Lance’s arms with his own. “And then… swing!” Lance’s cheeks burned as he felt Shiro move against him.

“…Lance?” Lance blushed and looked over his shoulder at Shiro, their faces were so close they were practically touching.

“Hmm?”

“Did that feel good?” Shiro asked him. Lance blinked in shock.

“Wh- what?” he breathed.

“Your swing? Did that feel better than the way you were doing it?” Lance’s shoulders dropped, whether it was in relief or disappointment Lance wasn’t sure.

“O- Oh. Uh, y- yeah” he stuttered, his cheeks burning. “Much better” Lance barely held back his sigh when Shiro pulled away from him, motioning for Lance to try on his own. Lance readjusted his grip, like Shiro had shown him, and swung the sword.

“Good job!” Shiro cheered. Lance grinned triumphantly.

“Really?”

“Yeah! I mean, you still need some practice, but you’re already improving!” Lance bounced excitedly under Shiro’s praise.

“H- here, let me try again!” Lance steadied himself and then swung the sword.

He practiced like this for a while, Shiro occasionally coming over and adjusting Lance’s stance or grip. He continued to crack jokes with Lance as he practiced. Despite the fact that Lance was training, he was actually having a really good time.

“Great, I think you have the swing down” he said. “Now try doing it while moving forward” Lance stepped forward as he did.

“Like that?”

“Exactly! Wow you got that really fast, I think you’re ready to train with the robot” Lance smiled shyly, lowering the sword.

“You think so?” Shiro smiled at him broadly.

“I do! You’re a natural at this! Looks like our sharpshooter can add another specialty to his list” Lance beamed proudly at that.

Shiro drug out the training robot after he assured Lance that he was ready for it. After a few tries on the easy mode, Shiro bumped it up to hard. Lance struggled with it at first, but after a while he managed to beat it.

Lance lunged forward, striking the robot with the sword, knocking it over. Lance stared at the robot, stunned. He hadn’t actually thought that would work. Shiro cheered in excitement and rushed to Lance’s side. Lance froze, his breath caught in his throat as Shiro wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. “That was amazing!”

“Th- Thanks” Lance said breathlessly. Shiro squeezed him one last time before releasing him.

“I’m serious, Lance, you have improved so much just in the last couple of hours. I see no reason that you wouldn’t be able to use this in battle next time” Lance beamed proudly.

“Thanks, Shiro” his chest filled with pride. If Shiro said that, it must be true.

“No problem!” he said, still smiling. “I think that’s probably enough for tonight, but if you need any more help just ask, okay?”

“Yeah, I will!” Lance said happily. Shiro rested his hand on Lance’s shoulder, forcing Lance to look at him.

“I’m proud of you, Lance” he said. A blush began to creep up Lance’s neck. “You should probably try and get some sleep now” he said, patting his shoulder, his hand lingering before he stepped away. “Night, Lance”

“G- Good night” Lance stuttered as Shiro walked out of the room. Lance looked down at the sword in his hand, blushing wildly.

He never knew training could be so enjoyable.


	28. Captive (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Lance had disappeared during a celebration on an alien planet, and the paladins are searching the galaxy for Lance desperately. 
> 
> The fluffy shit is over guys back to my usual morbid stuff. (Part one of this was a couple of chapters ago check it out if you don't remember what happened)

"Well look again!" Keith's panicked voice rang out through their helmets. Shiro shook his head and turned his lion back in the direction of the castle.

"Keith," he said wearily. "He's not there" Keith continued flying over the surface of the planet.

"He has to be here somewhere!" his voice cracked as frantically searched through the window in front of him.

"Keith..." Hunk said softly. "We should turn back. If he was still here we would've found him by now"

"We're not giving up on him" Keith said through clenched teeth. He was griping the controls so hard his knuckles were turning white.

"No one's suggesting that," Hunk said calmly. "I'm just saying that we should go back to the castle and regroup. We can send out alerts to everyone that's sided with us, and then we can keep searching somewhere else. We're going to find him, Keith. We're not giving up on him" Keith let out a quiet sigh and then nudged the lion upward, toward the castle.

"Okay"

~ ~

It wasn't until a few weeks after Lance had disappeared that they finally found a trace of him. An encrypted message arrived on the ships screen.

"What the hell is this?" Shiro asked as he walked into the room. It was on every screen through the ship.

"I'm not sure" Allura said, rapidly tapping at the controls. Nothing was changing. "I can't figure out how to decode it, and there doesn't seem to be any way to get it off the screen" she said, perplexed. Suddenly the door burst open and Pidge, Hunk, and Keith ran in.

"What's going on!?" Pidge asked loudly.

"Is it him?" at Keith's words, the room fell silent. No one knew the answer to that question. It hadn't crossed their minds.

"I- I don't know" Allura slowly backed away from the computer, shaking her head. "I don't know"

Pidge and Hunk went to work right away, trying to decipher the message. It took a while, almost three days, before they did. It was a series of coordinates with a message. "The Blue Paladin waits for you"

"That's ominous af" Pidge said, staring at the message wide-eyed. Keith bolted upright in his chair. He had stayed with Pidge and Hunk the entire time they were decoding the message.

"Let's go get him!" he said urgently. Hunk and Pidge frowned slightly and glanced at each other. Shiro sighed. "What? You finally deciphered the message. Now we have to rescue him!"

"Keith, can I talk to you for a minute" Shiro said, pulling Keith out of the room. "Listen," Keith shrugged out of Shiro's grip.

"No, you listen!" he exclaimed. "Lance has been out there for weeks-! Waiting for us! We finally know where he is, so why are we still sitting here!?"

"We have to think about the lions, this is obvious a ploy to get us to--"

"Screw the lions! And screw Voltron! Who cares about all that!? We're not Voltron without Lance!" Keith screamed. Shiro dropped his head into his hands. He wanted so much to run off and save Lance, but as the pilot of the black lion he had to think about the big picture. If whoever took Lance got possession of one or all of the lions, it could mean the end of the universe.

"Obviously we all want to--"

"But it's not obvious!" Keith interrupted loudly. "It seems like I'm the only one who still cares about Lance! I mean, at least Pidge and Hunk worked on deciphering that message, but where have you been? You've been off worrying about getting people to join Voltron. And you've probably been looking for someone to pilot Blue, haven't you?" Shiro's cheeks burned red. That was all the answer Keith needed. "That's what I thought..."

"Wait Keith," Shiro caught his arm as he turned away. "I haven't given up on Lance. I just... I have to make tough decisions as the leader of Voltron. You have no idea how much I want to just run in there and save Lance, but we have to think of the consequences. They're just waiting for us to show up and bust down the doors to save our friend. They'll either capture us or the lions. We have to think logically about this" Keith laughed humorlessly.

"The leader of Voltron?" he asked. "Good luck getting any of us to follow you when you let our friend suffer in whatever place he's in" with that, he walked back into the room where Pidge and Hunk were.

The three of them rushed to the hangar and tugged on their armor and coming up with a plan.

"It should take about two hours to get to this place if we hurry, which I assume we will" Keith nodded sharply. "What's the plan? Do we have a plan for when we get there?"

"Find Lance, and don't die" Keith said with a shrug. "There's not much else we can plan before we get there"

"Do you have room for one more?" Shiro asked sheepishly, ducking into the room. Keith eyed him. "I'm sorry for what I said before. You're right. We're not Voltron without Lance" The corner of Keith's mouth turned up as he nodded Shiro over to them.

~ ~

"This is very obviously a trap, we all know this, correct?" Pidge said as they walked up to the old rundown building that the coordinates had led them to.

"Yeah" Shiro said. "But it doesn't matter. We have to save our teammate" he glanced at Keith apologetically. Keith nodded. Shiro had come, that was enough for him.

The four of them crept through the front doors, bayards out and ready. It was only a minute before they realized that the entire place was abandoned. There was no one there.

"Okay, now it feels more like a trap" Shiro frowned and continued to very cautiously move forward. The only sound was of their hushed footsteps and the creak of the boards beneath their feet. The four of them soundlessly roamed through the entire building, not seeing a soul. Then they came down to the last room. It was a splintering wooden door, partially hid by a cabinet that was slid in front of it. Hunk and Shiro worked quickly to move the cabinet aside whole Keith and Pidge lifted their weapons in preparation. Shiro swiftly kicked the door in. Shiro was the first one in. He stopped abruptly, blocking the others from entering.

"Shiro, move--" Keith glanced sideways at Shiro's face. It had gone completely pale. 

"What are you guys--" Hunk and Pidge pushed past the other two, barely making it two steps before freezing in horror.

Lance's body laid in the middle of the floor. His lifeless body was crushed and twisted into unnatural shapes. There was dried blood on virtually every part of his body.

"Oh, fuck" Pidge said faintly. Hunk doubled over and threw up on the floor. Pidge began hyperventilating and then fled the room. Shiro's hand flew up, covering his mouth in horror. Keith stared at Lance's mangled body numbly.

His blood-filled eyes were aimed at the ceiling, his mouth partially open, like he had died with a scream in his throat. "Wh- Wha--" Keith's brain wasn't comprehending the scene in front of him. His friend was dead. And he had died horrifically, by the looks of it. Lance had suffered. He felt pain because of them. Because they were too late. Based on the state of his corpse he hadn't been dead for long. Maybe a day.

If he had continued to look for Lance the day he disappeared, would he still be alive?

What if this was all his fault?

Was he the reason that Lance died?


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Lance gets hit in Blue and she goes down on a planet that's like 99% water?? And Blue was damaged badly enough that she starts to flood as she sinks??? And Lance is like trying to get out but is like pinned in his seat?? And like defo almost drowns inside Blue, but he's rescued and blue's eventually repaired and everyone is just really glad Lane is okay? But Lance is slowly realizing that he can't go back in Blue. Can't sit in the cockpit anymore? Cause every time he does it's like he's drowning all over again but he HAS to, because there's a war still going on and he has to try. And for a while he makes it work, but then they have to form Voltron and like he's able to do that just long enough before he cuts himself off from the others cause he's like 95% sure he's about to have a panic attack and the others have known something was off but didn't want to push it until Lance was ready to come to them but APPARENTLY that was the wrong thing to do. So like, they have a talk with him and talk him through the panic and slowly realize he's been like having flashbacks every time he gets into Blue and they allll have to try and help him unpack that terrible shittt.

The impact nearly knocked Lance out. His ears rang when he smacked his head against the controls in front oh him. His head bounced up, hitting the seat behind him. Lance groaned and rubbed the stop on his forehead.

“Guys?” Lance said faintly. “I’m down. I was hit by something and now I think I’m on the planet” Lance glanced up to see what was in front of him, but everything was dark. Lance jiggled the controls to get Blue to respond, but she was silent. “Uh, Blue? You okay?” he asked. Silence.

Lance tried to stand up but found that he was still strapped into his seat. He reached over and hit the release button. Nothing happened.

“Hey, I think I’m stuck” Lance said into his headset. There was still no reply. Lance huffed and began jiggling the button. This was the last thing he needed today. “Can anyone hear me?” he slumped back in his seat with a sigh.

Then he noticed the water seeping into the cabin, rapidly filling up the back of the room. Panic shot through Lance. “Shit” he whispered to himself in fear. The water was rising fast, already covering the entire floor.

“Guys, I think I’m in trouble” Lance said frantically. “Blue’s taking on water” he looked out the window in front of him and suddenly realized why he couldn’t see out. He was completely submerged in water.

Lance banged his hand on the release button for his restraints as water poured into the cabin. It was up to his ankles now. His heart was pounding against his ribcage. “Help!” he shouted, working desperately to get the belt that held him down undone. The water continued to creep up his body, now reaching his knees and spilling over into his lap.

“HELP!” he screamed in panic. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins. He was terrified. His fingers fumbled with the button, trying to find a way to release it. “Please, please, please, please” he pleaded pathetically.

He could hardly see his hands anymore. The water was at his neck. His heart felt like it was going to explode.

“Someone, please…” he whispered fearfully as the realization set in.

He was going to drown.

There was nothing he could do about it.

The water reached his mouth. He sucked in one last breath before it reached his nose. He arched his back, reaching desperately for the air, but couldn’t. He tugged on the straps that restrained him in a last-ditch effort to get free. They didn’t budge. His lungs burned, aching for air. Lance had only seconds before he passed out from lack of oxygen.

He gasped in pain, water rushing into his mouth and filling his lungs. His vision began to blur, and his mind faded as he waited for the cold water to take him.

~ ~

“Lance…?” A voice called out. Lance groaned weakly and rolled his head to the side. His whole body ached. He tried to open his eyes and sit up, but the bright light burned his eyes. He winced and fell back. “Take it slow, Lance. Don’t sit up. You’re alright”

“What… happened?” Lance said. His throat burned as he spoke.

“Blue was hit, and you went down. She fell into water and the cabin filled up. You swallowed a lot of water, Lance” Lance gripped his head as Allura explained everything that happened.

“I’m… not dead?” he asked, cracking his eyes open. Allura laughed in surprise.

“No! Of course not” she said. “You’re perfectly alright. It was a close call, sure, but we made it to you in time. You’re just fine now, aside from a sore throat I’m sure” Lance slowly pushed himself up and saw that everyone else was sitting around, watching him.

“Hey” he said with a small wave. He laughed shortly. “How’s it goin’?”

“How do you feel?” Hunk asked nervously. Lance shrugged.

“Fine, considering the circumstances I guess” he said, forcing a smile onto his face. “Those healing pods work wonders” Hunk smiled in relief. The others seemed to relax too. Lance supposed he really did feel fine, aside from the slight ache in his head.

His mind was reeling. Lance honestly thought that he was going to die there, in the water. He thought he had breathed his last breath. “How long was I out?” Lance asked. Allura was already deep in conversation with Shiro. Lance hunched his shoulders.

“Uh, two days” Keith spoke up, hearing Lance’s question. “You swallowed a lot of water by the time I got there” he said.

“You were the one that rescued me?” Lance asked.

“Yeah” Keith replied.

“Thanks” he said. “You literally saved my life” Keith shrugged.

“You’re a part of Voltron” he said simply. Lance nodded and then stared down at his hands. “I’m, uh, glad you’re okay” Keith added quietly. “You really scared me” Lance smiled softly.

“Sorry” They both stared at each other for a second before an alarm went off, ending their moment. Lance jumped, nearly falling off the table.

“Paladin’s let’s move!” Allura instructed. Everyone turned instantly and ran out of the room. Lance hopped off the table and jogged after them.

Everyone had their armor on and were climbing into their lions when Lance entered the room. He reached for his armor and clumsily began pulling it on.

“Lance!” Pidge called from across the hangar. “The hit that Blue took was bad, but I fixed her up while you were out. She should be perfect now” Lance waved at her.

“Thanks, Pidge!” Pidge nodded and ducked into her lion. Lance had all his armor on except his helmet as he started approaching Blue. He was fiddling with a snap at one of the joints on his armor, so he didn’t notice his heart thumping wildly in his chest until he was stood right in front of his lion. As he lifted his eyes to meet hers, he froze. His entire body went cold and he stopped in his tracks. He tried to turn and walk away, but he couldn’t. He felt trapped. Like he had been when Blue was filling with water. Terror gripped Lance’s chest. He could feel the water filling his lungs and—

“…Lance?” Allura’s voice broke whatever weird trance Lance was in. He gasped quietly and turned to her, eyes wide.

“Wh- what?” he stuttered. She frowned.

“You don’t have to go on this mission. You did just recover from a particularly bad injury” Lance fidgeted uncomfortably, pulling on the collar of his armor.

“Y- Yeah. I guess you’re right. I am pretty tired” he said quickly. Allura eyed him suspiciously as he rushed past her and out of the room, still wearing his armor. She’d never seen him act this strangely before.

Lance collapsed back against his door and peeled his armor off, discarding it on the floor. He didn’t understand what happened. He’d never felt anything like that before. The pure terror in his heart, making his body feel numb.

Whatever it was, it was bound to go away sooner or later, right?

~ ~

It wasn’t until a few days later that the others noticed that something was different about Lance. He avoided going into the hangar at all costs. Hunk asked him one day if he would go get a wrench for him out of the toolbox they kept in there, and Lance flat-out told him no. He refused to go anywhere near there.

“Shiro, I’m worried about Lance” Hunk voiced his concerns one day at dinner after Lance had rushed off to his room claiming he was tired. “I think he’s scared of flying Blue” Shiro frowned.

“What makes you say that?” he asked, leaning forward to listen.

“He won’t go to the hangar. He even avoids the hallway outside of it. He hasn’t been in there since his accident” Allura nodded at his words.

“I agree, something’s going on with him. He froze up the day he got out of the pod. He tried to go with you all, but then stopped before he got in his lion. I believe he’s scared for one reason or another”

“Well almost drowning is a traumatizing event” Shiro pointed out. “But has anyone actually spoke to Lance about this? He’s the only one that can tell us something’s wrong” everyone looked at each other and then shook their heads. “Maybe I should talk to him…” Allura cleared her throat.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I think we should wait until he comes to us with it” she began. “He may thing that we’re pushing our help on him, and he might try to hide things. But if we wait until he brings it to us, he will be admitting he needs our help” Shiro frowned thoughtfully.

“I don’t know…” he said hesitantly.

“She has a point” Keith said. “I would hate it if you told me what I was feeling and then tried to help. It’s probably best that we wait until he wants help” Shiro sighed begrudgingly.

“I guess it won’t hurt to wait…” he said, not confident in their decision. He didn’t think that was a good idea. Lance seemed like the type of person to insist that he was okay until he broke. He would push everything down until it all spilled over.

Shiro was afraid that this decision was the wrong one.

~ ~

Shiro’s worst suspicions were confirmed a week later when galra ships had them surrounded. They appeared out of nowhere, completely surrounding the castle. Everyone was rushing to their lions, throwing their armor on as they ran.

“Where did they come from!?” Pidge shouted as he tugged her helmet on.

“I don’t know! They came out of nowhere!” Hunk said fearfully. Keith and Shiro had already jumped in their lions. Soon, Lance was the only one still in the hangar. He dragged his feet as he slowly crossed the room. He knew he had to move, he had to help the others. He could hear through the headset that they were already having trouble fighting them off.

He had only been in Blue once since he almost drowned. He had to go on a mission to protect one of the planets that had an alliance with them. Lance had spent the entire trip trying to keep calm and focus on his breathing. He had been no help to anyone there, but no one noticed. It seemed that they didn’t think Lance almost drowning was a big deal. They acted like it hadn’t even happened. Like Lance hadn’t almost died.

But Lance remembered. He remembered in vivid detail what it felt like to breath in water, not able to feel anything but the bone chilling water surrounding him. Every time he got near Blue he could practically feel the water splashing around his body, filling up the room.

But he didn’t have time for stupid fears now, he had to defend the galaxy. The universe didn’t stop just because Lance had almost drowned.

Lance grit his teeth, steeling his nerves, and charged toward Blue. Blue opened her mouth and let him in. He quickly jumped into the seat and buckled up before taking off, trying not to think.

‘Water running across the floor, rapidly filling up the room.’

Lance pushed the thoughts back, urging the lion forward. He had to reach the others fast.

“Lance, get over here!” Shiro commanded. “We need to form Voltron. There’s no way we can defeat them on our own” Lance sped faster.

‘The restraint felt glued to his chest, restricting his breathing.’

Lance stared down at the button that released his belt nervously. He reached over and poked it, just to be sure. It released his belt instantly. He breathed out, relaxing a little. “There’s no water here” he reminded himself.

He finally reached the others. They were already flying upward, trying to form.

“Come on Lance, focus your mind!” Shiro called. Lance sucked in a calming breath and then flew after them.

‘Cold water up to his neck, threatening to spill into his mouth.’

Lance forced his panic down, trying to concentrate on connecting with the others. They had to form Voltron, fast. He closed his eyes and reached out for the others.

‘Dark. Waters filling his lungs. No air. Sinking.’

Lance shook his head, trying to dispel the thoughts. His breathing was coming in pants now, and his heart was racing. He felt dizzy.

“I- I can’t” he cried suddenly, breaking everyone’s concentration. “I’m sorry—”

“Lance, just calm down and focus” Shiro told him. “We have to—” he never finished his sentence. At that moment, Blue went dark and fell back. Everything was silent for a moment, and then she powered back up and darted away from them.

“Lance!?” Hunk called into the headset. Lance didn’t answer.

In his lion, Lance was curled up against the wall, hyperventilating.

‘He couldn’t breathe. Water filled every inch of the room. No one was coming to save him. He was going to drown in here.’

Lance didn’t know how long he sat there, huddled on the floor of the lion, struggling for breath. He felt like he was dying. He couldn’t get enough air.

What felt like hours later, he heard a noise to his left. The noise grew louder. Someone touched Lance’s head. He blindly pushed away the hands that reached down to him. He knew someone was talking to him, but their words sounded muffled. It was like he was underwater.

Water.

‘Lance was floating. Water was all around him. He couldn’t see anything. It was all dark. This was it. This was the end. His lungs cried for more oxygen, he opened his mouth slightly to see if maybe, maybe…’

“Lance, it’s okay. You’re okay” Shiro. That was Shiro’s voice. What was he doing here?

“H… help” Lance whimpered. He clamped his mouth shut, trying to keep it from filling with water.

“What’s wrong? What are you feeling?” Shiro implored. Lance tightened his grip on his knees, not answering Shiro’s question.

“Lance, focus your breaths” Shiro said, Lance clawed at his throats. Shiro’s noticed red marks on his skin, he had been doing this for a while. “You have to tell me what’s wrong. I can’t help you if I don’t know what you’re feeling”

“I can’t breathe!” Lance said in between gasps. “I can’t breathe! It hurts!” Shiro put both hands on Lance’s shoulders.

“Lance, look at me” he said gently. Lance shakily lifted his head and connected his eyes with Shiro’s. “You’re okay. There’s no danger here. You’re not drowning. We’re in the castle” he said calmly. “Nothing’s going to happen to you. You’re safe”

“I don’t… understand-!” Lance said, tears beginning to slip down his face. He felt like he was dying. There was no other way to explain it.

“I think you’re having a panic attack” Shiro said softly. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?” Lance shook his head. “Are you thinking about when Blue went underwater?” Shiro asked cautiously. Lance hesitated, and then nodded. He kept replaying the event over and over in his head. And every time he did, he freaked out.

“Uh—” Lance shuddered. “Uh-huh” Shiro gently massaged Lance’s shoulders.

“Okay, you have to keep calm. Breathe with me. Breathe in” he said. “Breathe out” Lance tried his best to follow Shiro’s breathing.

“This fucking sucks” Lance said, wiping away tears. Shiro chuckled quietly, putting his hand on Lance’s shoulder.

“I know” he said. “But you’re not alone. You don’t have to go through this all on your own. We can help you learn to deal with it and get over it” Lance collapsed forward into Shiro’s arms. He was exhausted.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were having panic attacks?” Shiro asked after a few minutes of silence.

“I didn’t know” Lance said, closing his eyes. He was leaning entirely on Shiro. Shiro sighed knowingly.

“I didn’t know what it was the first time I had one too” Shiro said, rubbing Lance’s shoulders as he leaned on him for support. “It was the day after we fought the galra the first time. It happened the minute we landed back in the castle. I had pushed it away for too long, and it all just came back up” Shiro admitted. “I cried in my lion for a few hours” he said.

“Really?” Lance asked, peering up at Shiro. He smiled sadly.

“Yeah. I wish I had told someone about it. It would’ve been so much easier to deal with if I had someone to confide in” he said. “I can be that for you, if you want” Shiro told Lance. “I don’t want you to go through this like I did. Even though our situations are different, I still might be able to help” he offered.

“Thank you” Lance said quietly. “Seriously, I don’t think I’m going to be able to get through this on my own”

“We’ll always be here for you, Lance” Shiro said. “We’re a team”


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: they are going to enter a planet's city and that race are very advanced in medical tech so they always check everyone and make sure they are in good health so they don't infect any people from the planet. Everyone goes through fine except for Lance who they insist needs to be rushed to hospital. Everyone, including Lance tells them he's fine and nothing is wrong. They say it's because the levels of dopamine in his brain are dangerously low, so everyone puts 2 and 2 together and is like shit.

It all happened so fast. One-minute Lance was climbing into the giant machine to verify that he had no illnesses that would transfer to the population, and the next he was being rushed to their hospital.

This race of aliens had technology that was very advanced in terms of what the paladins knew from earth, so they didn't know what to expect when they were asked to step into a machine to see if they had contracted any diseases that would potentially be a threat to their planet. The others had gone through with no problem, but when Lance stepped in a shrill alarm rang out. The others watched helplessly as he was whisked away.

"What is happening?" Allura demanded to know. "Where are they taking him!?" Shiro and Hunk didn't bother waiting for answers, they rushed off in the direction that they had disappeared.

"Please stay calm, Princess" The ambassador for the alien planet said. "They are only doing what is necessary to protect your Blue paladin"

"What does that mean?" Keith asked in confusion. Pidge stood by them silently, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Based on the tests that were done we have reason to believe that the Blue paladin is a danger to himself" Keith and Allura exchanged glances.

"A danger to himself!?" Pidge exclaimed, suddenly interjected. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"Your friend has a dangerously low level of dopamine in his brain" The ambassador explained calmly. "And if Voltron is to protect us and defeat the Galra we will need all of Voltron. Therefore, we must fix his chemical imbalance before he makes any... rash decisions." The three of them stared at the alien in utter confusion.

"...Dopamine?" Allura asked slowly, not understanding what he meant.

"Yes. He has a severe dopamine deficiency. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to tend to the Prince" he bowed his head to Allura and then stalked off.

~ ~

"Where are you taking me!?" Lance ask fearfully. He had barely stepped into the machine before they were strapping him down to a cart and wheeling him away. He strained against the straps that tied him down.

"Trust me," One of the aliens said calmingly. "This is for your own good" she said.

"What's for my own good? Why am I tied down!?" three aliens were pushing the cart through the wide streets. Lance had no idea where they were headed.

"You are sick, Blue paladin. We are simply trying to help you"

"I'm not sick!" Lance insisted. "There's nothing wrong with me!" They ignored him and continued on. Lance continued to struggle until they reached a large building near the center of the city. Lance squinted his eyes to try and read the writing on the sign, but it was written in an alien language.

"Do not worry. We are almost there, Blue paladin. We will make you better"

"What is this place?" Lance asked as they wheeled him through the doors. It was eerily quiet as they walked through the halls. Lance's heart began to hammer in his chest.

"It is a healing place" one of the aliens spoke.

"Why is no one here? It's creepy as hell" Lance was still twisting his wrists desperately trying to get free.

"Our kind has been healed from all illnesses. This place is merely for visitors now, to keep our race from being infected again" Before Lance had a chance to ask any other questions they turned into a room and parked the cart. Another alien entered the room. He was wearing a mask that resembled the ones that doctors on Earth wore.

"Why am I here?" Lance demanded to know. The doctor looked over the tablet that one of the other aliens handed him and then began going around the room collecting things. Lance eyed the giant syringe in his hand warily. "What are you going to do to me?" They remained silent. "Am I in trouble? Did I do something wrong? Why are you doing this?" The doctor eyed Lance curiously.

"You are not in trouble" he said as he approached him, arms full of supplies.

"Then why am I strapped down?" Lance asked, lifting his wrists as far as the ties would allow him.

"This is a precautionary measure. We cannot take the chance that you will harm yourself" Lance frowned.

"Harm myself? What are you talking about? I'm fine!" The doctor shook his head and began mixing odd colored liquids in a cylinder.

"According to the tests you have alarmingly low dopamine levels in your head"

"Dopamine?" Lance said shaking his head in confusion. "What even is that?" The doctor continued to calmly mix the substances while the other aliens stood by and watched. The whole situations seemed so comically like the usually alien abduction stories that Lance had a hard time putting the idea of 'anal probing' out of his mind.

"It is the chemical in your brain that mediates pleasure. This level of deficiency is dangerous because you are apathetic" he explained. "In other words it means that you have a very hard time feeling happy"

"Do I look like someone who's not happy?" Lance asked with a wide smile. The alien was being absurd. Lance? Having trouble feeling happy? Ridiculous.

"Yes" the doctor replied. Lance faltered. "There are other things other than apathy, of course" he continued. "Some of the other symptoms of low dopamine are fatigue, an inability to feel happy, no motivation for anything, inability to focus, and insomnia. Among other things" Lance listened to the list and tried to tell himself that it wasn't true. There was no way that he had all of those symptoms. Except... he did. Lance had felt like that for a while, but he told himself that it was nothing. That he was just being lazy.

"Oh" he said quietly. He watched silently as the doctor continued to work. His mind was reeling. Was this really true? Was what he felt really something that was caused by a chemical imbalance in his brain? Was it something that could be fixed? "How does it work?" Lance asked quietly, no longer struggling against his restraints.

"I'll have you drink this," he pointed to the cylinder. "and it'll put you to sleep and relax your brain. Then I'll inject you with this—" he held up the large syringe. "—and it'll fix your dopamine levels. You will awaken in just a few minutes" he told Lance. "Then I'll send you with pills that will keep your brain chemicals balanced. You'll be as good as new" the doctor said cheerfully. Lance bit his lip as he stared at the needle on the syringe. He hated needles.

"Will I feel anything?"

"This?" he said, gesturing to the needle. "No, you won't feel this. But when you wake up you may experience some dizziness for the first few days as your body adjusts to the medication. Other than that, it is painless" he gave Lance a reassuring smile. "It is scary, I know. But I promise that this will make you feel like a brand-new person" Lance thought about it for a moment and then nodded, relaxing back on the table that they had brought him in on. The doctor brought the cylinder of liquid over to Lance and held it up to your lips. "You will feel better in no time" he promised. Lance nodded again and parted his lips, swallowing the foul-tasting liquid. As he finished the last drop the door burst open, revealing Shiro and Hunk, both out of breath.

"Don't touch him!" Hunk cried as Lance fell back limply on the table.

"You don't understand-!" the doctor tried to explain. "I am helping him—"

"What the hell is that!?" Shiro screamed, lunging for the doctor's hand. He had pulled out a large needle and was preparing to stick in Lance's arm. Two aliens grabbed Shiro before he could reach the doctor. He fought helplessly against their grip.

"Please," one of them said. "We are trying to help your friend" Hunk watched the scene helplessly. He didn't even have time to charge across the room before the doctor plunged the needle into Lance's arm and injected him with whatever was in it.

"What did you do to him!?" Hunk screamed as he finally snapped out of his daze and ran to Lance's side.

"I am helping him. That is all we are trying to do. Your friend's brain was low on dopamine. We merely wanted to correct it before it progressed to the point where he was a danger to himself"

"What are you talking about?" Shiro asked angrily. "There's nothing wrong with Lance! And you can't just go around stabbing people with needles without them knowing!"

"But the Blue paladin agreed to it" Neither Shiro nor Hunk knew what to say to that. Why would Lance agree to be injected with something? "The serum should take affect immediately" the doctor said. The two aliens finally let go of Shiro, and the other moved out of Hunk's way. They both rushed to Lance's side. He was already beginning to stir. Moments later Allura, Pidge, and Keith crashed through the door.

"How is he?"

"Is he okay!?"

"What did they do to them"

"I- I don't know!" Hunk cried. "He said he injected him with something to fix his... dopamine levels?" he said in confusion. "But he's not depressed so I don't know why—" Shiro shushed him as Lance's eyes fluttered open.

"Lance!" Everyone cried out at once. Lance winced and covered his eyes.

"What... are you guys... doing?" Lance mumbled. Hunk grabbed Lance's hand in concern.

"Are you okay!?" he asked frantically. "That guy he- he injected you with something and we don't know what it was. We have no idea what it will do to you—"

"It fixed my brain" Lance said quietly. They stared at him blankly. "There was something wrong with it, and he told me he could fix it"

"So... you are depressed?" Keith asked hesitantly. Lance glanced away.

"I guess" he said awkwardly.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Shiro asked gently. Lance shrugged.

"I don't know. I wasn't sure it was really happening, I guess. Or I didn't want it to be. I thought you guys would just think that I was lazy or something"

"Lance, we would never think that" Allura said softly. Lance shrugged again.

"But, do you feel better?" Pidge asked. "Like, do you think it changed anything?"

"Yeah" Lance said without hesitation. "I feel... normal" his lips curled up slightly. For the first time in a long time, Lance felt alright.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: It had become routine for Lance to swap his drink with Allura's at meetings. ‘Better safe then sorry’ he would always say. He argued that it was likely for someone to try and poison the princess. They never really thought anything would happen- Lance was just being paranoid and attention seeking, right? Apparently they were wrong this time.
> 
> A/N: If you guys like these prompts check out my 'giveaway fics' on here. If you follow my tumblr you can have a chance to win the next one!

“Better safe than sorry, remember?” Lance winked as he switched his drink with Allura’s. They all collectively groaned. Lance did this every time they went to a peace meeting. He acted like he wanted to protect the princess but the tall knew that he was just doing it for attention.

“Honestly, Lance. What do you think is going to happen at a peace meeting?” Allura said exasperatedly.

“You never know” he said with a shrug. He never told anyone the real reason he did it. They all just assumed he was either paranoid or looking for attention. Really, he did it because he figured if anyone in Voltron was going to be poisoned, it was going to be the princess. And if Voltron was going to lose anyone, it should be him. He was replaceable, Allura was not. Without her they had no chance of defeating the Galra.

“If I may have everyone’s attention” the leader of the planet announced from his platform at the front of the huge ornately decorated room. It was filled with metals and jewels that none of them had ever seen before. “We have all gathered to honor our guest,” he nodded to the paladins. “And our treaty with them. We raise our glass to you, paladins of Voltron, as we humbly pledge you our allegiance in this war against the Galra. May we see peace in our lifetime” he lifted his glass at the end of his toast, and they all drank.

“That was kind of a cheesy toast” Pidge commented after lowering her glass.

“Yeah” Lance agreed. “‘May we have peace in our lifetime’” he mocked. “Who says shit like that?”

“Hush” Allura said sternly. “If you have nothing to say, keep your mouths shut” she instructed. “They are a part of our alliance, so be kind to them”

“Sorry” they all mumbled. The leader of the planet finished his speech and then sat down at his table. People began to mill around, socializing

“How long do we have to stay here?” Lance asked, taking another sip of his drink.

“Until the party is over” Allura told him. “It would be considered rude to leave before it’s over” Lance groaned and sunk down in his seat. The last thing he wanted to do was sit around at a table and drink punch all night.

~ ~

They ended up being there for two more hours before Allura thanked the leader of the planet, and finally announced their departure.

“Please,” The leader said. “Come back anytime” he said, smiling in a way that was supposed to be inviting, Lance assumed, but actually looked very creepy.

“Of course,” Allura bowed her head at the alien and then motioned for the others to follow her out of the building. Their ship was right outside the doors.

“You all did good” Shiro praised them as they climbed aboard their ship. “You were very respectful to them. I’m proud” They all rolled their eyes at his comments.

“Thanks dad” Pidge called loudly. Shiro gave her a look and then crossed his arms and sat down.

“I’m not even old enough to be any of your dads” he grumbled to himself. Lance laughed at Shiro but stopped abruptly when he felt something weird in his stomach. It was a sharp pain, like a knife in his gut, but then quickly faded. Lance shook his head and turned back to the conversation.

“How long of a flight is it back to the castle?” Pidge asked Allura.

“A few hours” she answered. “We have to fly around this asteroid field to get to the castle” she explained. The paladins all sunk in and prepared for a long ride. Hunk scooted over to where Lance was sitting.

“Looks like you weren’t poisoned this time” Hunk joked, elbowing Lance. Lance rubbed his side in pain and laughed uneasily.

“Yeah, I guess not…” He smiled weakly. Hunk frowned.

“Hey, you know I’m kidding, right?” Hunk asked, lowing his voice so only Lance could hear him. “I think it’s actually really noble what you’re doing. Even if I don’t think anyone’s going to poison Allura” Lance nodded jerkily.

“No, I know that” he wiped a bead of sweat off the side of his face.

“Okay…” Hunk said slowly. “So, that leaders speech was pretty ridiculously, right? I mean, it was super weird” he laughed.

“Yeah” Lance said shortly. “Uh, I’m going to go lay down, okay?” he said, forcing his smile back on his face. “I need a nap” Hunk smiled thinly and nodded. Lance shakily stood up and headed to the small bunk area in the back of the ship. He closed the door behind him.

“Has anyone noticed anything wrong with Lance today?” Hunk whispered. Everyone looked around and then shook their heads.

“No, why?” Shiro asked.

“I don’t know…” he said with a frown. “He’s acting weird. I wonder if something’s bothering him”

In the other room, Lance was curled up in a ball on the small bunk in the room. It was the only thing in there, aside from a small bathroom off to the side. Lance didn’t understand what was wrong. He was fine a few minutes ago, but now he felt like his whole body was on fire. Everything hurt. His limbs ached, and head was pounding. Every movement sent a bolt of pain through his body. He had been sweating profusely ever since they stepped onto the ship. And on top of all that, he was nauseous.

Lance felt a fresh wave of nausea roll over him. He crawled off the bed and into the bathroom just in time to throw up in the toilet. He collapsed on the ground next to it, his heart pounding. Was he sick? How had he gotten sick? Was it something he ate?

He hunched over the toilet and vomited again. His vision swam, but he saw enough to realize that he had thrown up blood. A lot of blood. Terror gripped Lance’s heart. He sucked in a sharp breath and then shakily climbed to his feet. This was obviously not just some fever. Something was terribly wrong. Lance fumbled with the door knob, trying to get it open. His hands were shaking badly, and he was hardly staying on his feet.

“H- hey” Lance called weakly. His throat constricted. He could barely get any words out. “Help… Help!” Lance pounded his fist against the door. Why was he sick? If it was something he ate, why weren’t the others sick? Then it hit him.

He switched drinks with Allura.

Someone had tried to poison her.

Lance rammed his shoulder into the door as best he could. It finally burst open, and he tumbled to the floor. Lance groaned in pain and gripped his shoulder.

“Please,” Lance cried. “Help!” he could barely hear his own voice. There was no way the others could hear him. Lance rolled himself over and half crawled half dragged himself across the floor. He had to get to the others. They had to know what was happening. He needed help. He could hardly see now, and he felt his consciousness fading.

They all thought he was foolish for switching drinks with Allura. They told him that it was stupid, ‘who would ever try and poison the princess?’

Turns out he was right.

He had gotten what he wanted. He protected Allura. He sacrificed his life for her. She was more valuable than him after all. Lance fell limply back on the floor with that thought in his head.

The others were sitting in the front of the ship, unaware that anything had happened at all.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a part two to the poisoned Lance prompt I did the other day!  
> Someday I will learn how to end a fic without a cliffhanger (Spoiler: today is not that day) Also there will not be a third part to this, sorry!

"Where'd Lance go?" Shiro asked, an hour into the flight.

"He said he wanted to take a nap" Hunk shrugged. He was slumped over in his seat, his arm over his eyes. He was thinking Lance had the right idea. He was exhausted too. "I might go join him" Hunk mumbled. Shiro chuckled.

"Go ahead," Allura said. "It'll still be awhile before we get back to the castle" Hunk yawned and then stood up and shuffled to the back room. He stretched sleepily and then turned the door knob to the bunkroom and pushed the door open. Light shone into the room and illuminated it. Hunk froze in the doorway.

"L-Lance?" Hunk stuttered. His voice sounded weird as it came out. He blinked his eyes rapidly, not believing what he was seeing. "Wh- Shiro!" he screamed, sinking to his knees. His friend was laying flat on his back on the floor, blood dripping out of the side of his mouth. His lips were blue.

"Hunk, what is it—" Shiro immediately snapped into action when he saw why Hunk had screamed. "Roll him on his side!" he instructed.

"Wh- what..." Hunk was in shock.

"Hunk, now!" Hunk shook his head and then rolled his friend on to his side. His skin felt like it was on fire. He was sweating through his clothes.

"What happened to him!?" Hunk asked in a strained voice. Lance was hardly breathing. Shiro felt Lance's pulse, and then began examining him.

"I don't know..." Keith and Pidge crowded in the doorway, seeing what was going on.

"Oh my god" Pidge gasped. "Is he okay!?"

"What is happening?" Allura shouted from the other room. Keith sprinted off to tell her about Lance. A few seconds after Shiro rolled Lance onto his side he began convulsing. Hunk jumped back in surprise. Shiro kept his hands firmly on the boy's arms, holding him relatively still.

"It's okay, Lance" he said calmingly. "You're going to be okay. I've got you" he didn't know if Lance was conscious or not. How long had be been laying here like that? Lance threw up a mixture of blood and vomit, his eyes popping open as he did. He gasped desperately for breath. "You're okay" Shiro said, rubbing Lance's arms. "Calm down, just breathe" Lance shuddered, and then collapsed back on the ground, his eyes rolling back in his head.

"What's happening!?" Hunk cried. He didn't understand what was happening to his friend. He was okay earlier. What had happened between then and now?

"I don't know" Shiro said with a concerned look on his face. "Pidge go tell Allura to hurry up as much as she can" he told her. Pidge nodded and then darted into the other room, looking like she was about to be sick.

"I can't figure out what's wrong with him" Shiro mused.

"Sh- Shiro?" Hunk said quietly. Shiro didn't hear him.

"He must've contracted something from that planet. Maybe it was something he ate?" Shiro's face went flat as he realized what had happened. "Or he was poisoned" he said slowly. Everyone turned to look at Lance in horror. He had been right. Someone had tried to poison Allura. And he saved her from it.

"Shiro" Hunk's voice shook. "I don't think he's breathing" Shiro bent down and listened for breath sounds. Nothing. He laid his head on Lance's chest to hear his heartbeat. Nothing.

"Shit. Lance, stay with me!" Shiro laid Lance on his back and then started doing compressions. Hunk began crying silently. Pidge stood in the doorway, frozen in shock. Keith kept his back pressed up against the wall outside the door, not daring to look inside.

Their friend was dying.

All because they didn't believe him.

"Breathe, dammit!" Shiro shouted in frustration. He was pushing on Lance's chest as hard as he could without breaking the boy's ribs. He had to keep him alive until they got to the castle, where they could put him in a healing pod.

"Oh my god, he's dying" Pidge's voice was barely audible, but everyone heard it. She said what they were all thinking.

Their friend was dying.

And there was nothing they could do about it.

Shiro was on the verge of giving up. It had been too long since Lance had stopped breathing. At his point he was risking brain damage from lack of oxygen. Hunk was sobbing next to Lance, gripping his hand tightly and pleading for his life. Keith had pulled Pidge out of the door way and was cradling her in his arms. Allura was holding back here tears as he urged the ship to go faster.

Their friend was dying.

And nothing they were doing was making any difference.

Shiro pushed even harder on Lance's chest. He could feel the boy's ribs bending beneath his palms. At the very least he would have permanent brain damage and bruised or broken ribs.

He didn't stop.

Hunk was still muttering prayers under his breath as Shiro continued to pound on Lance's chest. No one wanted to give up.

But then Shiro did. He rocked back on his heels, staring at the boy in dismay. He checked his pulse one last time, and then dropped his head into his hands. He had failed. Lance was dead. Hunk covered his mouth and stifled another sob, staring at his best friend. Shiro climbed off of Lance's body. Hunk turned to Shiro, his face streaked with tears.

"No," he said quietly. "Please, try again. It'll work. Just try it again" Shiro shook his head. They were too late.

"He's gone..." Shiro said, his voice breaking. "I tried everything... We don't even know what he was poisoned with" Hunk kept shaking his head. He didn't believe it. His best friend couldn't be dead. There was no way.

But he was.

"Keith," Shiro said softly. Keith peeked his head into the room, purposefully not looking at Lance. "Tell Allura that..." Keith nodded in understanding and then disappeared.

Lance was dead.

But then—

He breathed.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Lance dies (either kills himslfe or gets killed) and ends up a ghost watching he others die because he’s not there

Lance held his breath and submerged his head in the cool water. He counted how long he was under in his head. Thirty... Thirty-one... Thirty-two... Thirty-three… Thirty-four… When he reached thirty-five the air rushed out of his lungs and he pulled himself back up. He leaned his head back against the cool bathtub wall and ran his fingers through his hair. He stretched out his legs and for just a moment, he could pretend everything was okay.

He could pretend that he didn't see the gleaming silver object resting on the sink ledge.

After a few minutes of sitting in silence he drained the water and grabbed a towel. He tightened it around his waist, grabbed the paper off the sink, and walked out of the bathroom. He walked slowly down the hall to the kitchen. He knew there wouldn’t be anyone in there at this time of night.

They would walk into the kitchen the next morning expecting to hear Lance whine about how early it was and how tired he was.

They would never have to hear it again.

Lance pushed the door open, heart pounding as the creaking door softly hit the wall. He tiptoed into the room and sat gingerly in Shiro’s chair at the head of the table. Water trailed down from his hair and dipped onto the pillow. He closed his eyes and tried to remember the time they had a food fight there, learning for the first time how to work as a team. It had been so long ago that the memory was fading, but it left him with a feeling of comfort.

He sat the now damp piece of paper on the table. He glanced briefly at the other spots at the table

and glanced away. He couldn't think about them too much. It hurt to think about it. How much this was going to hurt them. But…

They would be better off without him.

He stepped out of the room and stared at this door down the hall. It was taunting him. It was waiting for him. He could practically see the gleam of the blade on the sink from there.

But he couldn't do it yet. He still had more to do.

He turned his back on the door to his room, ignoring its call, and walked to the hanger. He had to think about Blue. She knew what Lance was thinking, she was upset with him. He needed to explain it to her. That he had no other choice. He couldn’t go on living like this. He paused in the doorway. Blue let out a desperate noise that sounded almost like a cry. Lance couldn’t do it. His eyes filled with tears.

“I’m sorry” Was all he said before he turned his back on her. It was too painful to say goodbye to her. He couldn’t look her in the eyes and tell her what he was about to do. So, instead he apologized and left.

Now he only had one thing left to do.

He had to send a message.

He had to explain this to Keith.

Ironically Lance and Keith had gotten closer since Keith had left. They talked almost every day over the tablets that Pidge had coded for them. They talked about what was going on, and how there were feeling. Keith was the only reason that Lance had made it this long. He was the only thing keeping him together.

But now even Keith couldn't help him.

Lance held the tablet in his hands, staring at the message he had typed, as if it could answer all his questions. As if could help him. He couldn't keep thinking about Keith. He would change his mind if he did.

He hit the send button without another thought. He didn’t have to worry about Keith contacting the others about it. He wouldn’t read it until morning. Lance tightened his grip on the towel around his waist. It was all he was wearing. If anyone saw him wandering the castle in only a towel they probably would have thought he was insane. But then again, they would probably be right.

Now he was done. He had nothing else to do.

His life was done.

It was over.

Lance walked numbly back to his room and went straight into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He didn't want to lock it and make it harder for the others when they found out.

He didn’t want to make it harder on them.

He just wanted them to forget about him as soon as possible and move on with their lives. He didn’t deserve their tears.

The only thing he wished was that it wasn't Hunk who found him.

Hunk had been Lance’s best friend since they were kids. He didn’t want Hunk to find him this way. He didn’t deserve that.

Lance knelt in the now-empty bathtub. He discarded the towel on the floor and shivered as his bare skin touched the cold metal. Without looking Lance reached over and grabbed it off the edge of the sink. The gleaming metal object.

The gun.

Lance had found it one day when exploring the castle during one of his insomnia walks. It closely resembled a gun from Earth, but clearly was made by aliens. It had a weird sort of mechanism to fire it instead of a trigger. It took a while for Lance to figure out how it worked, but now he was confident he knew how to fire it. He had kept it hidden under his bed behind a mountain of clothes to be sure that no one found it.

Lance grazed his fingers across the smooth metal surface of it. It was cold. Just like him. He licked his lips as his eyes roamed the object in his hands. He memorized the strange grooves on the side of the barrel. His hands shook in his lap and tears began to stream down his face. He covered his mouth as choked back sobs.

He was completely horrified over what he was about to do.

Lance steeled his nerves, reminding himself of what his life was like. How he felt. He was out of place everywhere. No one had ever accepted him for who he was. They all wanted him to change. He was too loud. Too obnoxious. Too talkative. Too flirty. He was too sad. Too cold. Too weird. These were all things he was described as at various stages of his life. No matter how he changed himself, people were never satisfied. He could never change enough to make people happy.

Lance cocked the gun with one swift motion. The sound echoed in the quiet bathroom. He held it to the underside of his chin and winced. A cold chill ran through his body. His fingers shook against the lever that activated the gun.

And then he pulled it.

Lance was aware of the piercing noise that rang out. If the others hadn’t been aware of what was going on before, they were now. He felt a white-hot pain tear though him and into his skull. Everything went dark.

And then it all faded away.

~ ~

Lance felt disoriented. Everything was fuzzy. The air felt thick around him. His eyes shot open, and he sat up with a gasp. He looked around and saw that he was standing in the bathroom. He frowned in confusion. Why was he in here? He couldn’t remember how he got there. Did he pass out?

Lance turned to his right and heard a scream. It was coming from him. The wall was splattered in blood and brain matter. It was dripping from the walls. Lance’s eyes flitted down and his hand flew up and covered his mouth, silencing his own screams.

It was him.

He was in the bathtub.

He was dead.

Lance looked over the body in a mix of horror and confusion. What was going on? How was that him? Why was he here? He was standing here, but he was lying there. Was he dead? Was he a ghost?

His eyes were drawn back to his lifeless body on the floor. The blood continued to pour out of the hole under his chin, and blood and brain matter was splattered against the shower wall behind his body. Blood was pooling in the tub. But the one thing he couldn't get over was how life like he still looked. His skin was only slightly paler than it was, and his eyes were wide open.

"I thought you closed your eyes when you died" he whispered to himself. He jumped when he heard his voice out loud. He shook his head and stepped closer to his body. He lowered himself so that he was face to face with himself. He hesitantly reached his hand out and touched his cheek. A bolt of pain shot through his head, causing him to fall back with a scream. He grabbed both sides of his head and rocked back and forth, willing the pain to stop.

It took several minutes for the pain to subside, but when it did Lance stood up and examined himself in the mirror. He looked exactly like he had when he was alive, save for the gaping hole in his chin. He assumed that that meant there was also a hole in the back of his head that the bullet had traveled through.

He hardly had time to think about that before he heard his door slide open in the other room. Lance’s eyes widened.

Someone was here for him.

He scrambled toward the door and reached for the doorknob, but his hand went right through it. He cursed and tried again. It did the same thing. He couldn’t touch anything. Lance threw his body against the door in frustration. He had to know who it was. He couldn’t let Hunk find him this way. Lance’s body went right through the door. He hadn’t expected to fall through, so he fell to his knees on the other side of it. As he looked up at the door he prayed a collective prayer to every know god that it wasn’t Hunk.

It was Allura.

He felt a sick feeling in his stomach as she called out his name.

He didn’t want it to be her, but maybe it was better this way. She didn’t know him as well as the others. It was better than Hunk or Pidge.

“Lance, where are you?” she called.

“Allura?” he whispered. She didn’t even glance at him. “Allura please don’t go in there. Wait for Shiro. Shiro can handle it. Make him come in here” Shiro had seen some bad shit in his life. This probably wouldn’t even phase him. “Allura, wait!” She walked over to his bed to make sure that he really wasn’t in it. Allura couldn’t hear him. But she also didn’t go towards the bathroom.

Then Hunk walked in. Lance felt a bubble of panic in his stomach.

“Hey, Allura” Hunk greeted.

“Hello, Hunk” she said turning around. “I just came to get Lance. It’s unusual that he sleeps in this long. I was worried” she explained.

“Me too” Hunk said with a frown. If Lance’s heart was still beating it would be hammering in his chest right now. Hunk glanced at the bathroom door. Lance shook his head.

“Hunk, no” he pleaded.

“I’ll see if he’s in the bathroom” Hunk said. Allura thanked him and then walked out of the room.

“Hunk, please don’t” Hunk didn’t hear him. “No. Stop!” Lance screamed as he dove in front of Hunk. Hunk passed right through him. Lance stumbled forward and froze. He couldn’t stop him. He couldn’t watch this.

He walked backed toward his bed and sat down next to it, waiting for the inevitable. Then he heard it. A blood curling scream.

Hunk found him.

Was this his punishment? To watch his friends until they all found him? How long would he continue to be here? Watching over them silently? Was he bound to this ship or was he free to travel the universe?

Lance had so many questions.

When he thought about an afterlife he always assumed it was something like heaven. Maybe not with God necessarily but somewhere free of pain. Somewhere happy. Or maybe there was nothing at all. But remaining on Earth?

Maybe this was hell.

He continued to sit there as his friends all rushed in one by one. Allura came back almost immediately, she hadn’t gotten far before she heard Hunk’s screams. Pidge came rushing in but was stopped by Allura before she could get through the door. Shiro stumbled back out almost immediately and got sick on the floor. Maybe Lance had been wrong about him.

Maybe Lance made a mistake.

~ ~

Lance sat there for hours. Maybe days, he wasn’t sure. They moved his body to the infirmary. No one tried to put him in the pod. Half his head was missing. The healing pods were amazing, but they couldn’t work miracles.

Coran had wrapped his body in something to keep it from decaying. No one entered the room other than Coran. Hunk hadn’t left Lance’s room since he found Lance in the bathroom. Allura had sense cleaned the bathroom, scrubbing it of any trace that Lance had been there.

Keith had showed up a few hours after they discovered Lance’s body. He was hysterical, screaming at all of them that he thought Lance was going to hurt himself. Pidge burst into tears at that moment, and Keith realized that he was too late. He didn’t stay long after that. Just long enough to get a glimpse of Lance’s body as they carried it from his room to the infirmary.

Keith was the first one to die.

Lance heard the news a few days later, while sitting in the living room with the others as they sat in silence. Coran was the barer of bad news. His face was screwed up in sorrow when he stepped into the room. The other waited in silence. Nothing he said could be worse than Lance’s brains being splattered on the wall.

“I have news” Coran said wearily. Being the one to take care of Lance’s body and being the one to announce the bad news was wearing on him. He looked like he had aged ten years over the last few days.

“What is it?” Shiro asked.

“It’s about Keith” The words sent a chill down Lance’s spine. He was sitting on the floor near the others.

“Please no” Lance said desperately. He knew by the look on Coran’s weathered face that it wasn’t going to be good.

“He went on a mission this morning” he began, his voice shaking. “According to the other Blade members he’s been reckless over the last few days” Because of me. Lance thought. Everyone else was thinking it too, but no one said it out loud. “He didn’t make it” the room fell deadly silent. No one moved. No one breathed.

They had lost so much in just a few days.

~ ~

Grief-stricken, the others rarely left the castle now. They had lost two of their teammates. Two of their friends. Their family members.

Whenever someone needed help Allura delegated the emergency to someone else in their alliance. Voltron needed time to regroup. Time to heal.

They never got that time.

The day after they heard the news about Keith, the Galra launched an attack on the castle. There was no time to delegate, no time to escape. Shiro, Pidge, and Hunk climbed into their lions, and then paused. They only had three pilots. Allura quickly hopped into Blue, she’d piloted her before. But Coran couldn’t leave the castle undefended. They would have to make do with only four lions. They flew out of the hanger, right into the thick of the attack.

It wasn’t long until they realized that they were no match for the amount of Galra fighters that surrounded them. The only way to beat them was to form Voltron. They screamed over the intercoms for Coran. He was their only chance. They would have to abandon the castle to save the universe.

Lance was watching everything happen over the screen in the control room. He watched as the Galra ships slowly weakened Voltron’s defenses. Some were focused only on the castle, while the majority of them were aimed at taking down the lions. Lance could hear his teammates screaming over the intercoms. He was watching helplessly. There was nothing he could do.

Coran was sprinting down the hall toward the hanger. There was no time for him to dig out his old armor. He had to get to Red as soon as possible.

“Come on” he said as he bust through the doors. Lance watched him from the security cameras in the control room. Coran stood in front of Red, begging to be let in. Red refused to budge. Red was in mourning. He had lost his paladin. Lance felt a ping of jealousy to know that Red was mourning, but Blue was not. Maybe she was mad at him for not listening to her. It didn’t matter. It was too late now to do anything about it.

“Come on, Red” Lance muttered nervously. The paladins were fighting a losing battle without their last lion. They were helpless without Voltron as a whole.

“Fuck!” Pidge screamed in fear. The green lion was hit hard and went spinning off into space. “Fuck, fuck, fuck” Pidge’s breathing was erratic. “I- I think I’m bleeding” she said, the panic evident in her voice. “I can’t- I can’t see” she let out a gasp, and then she went silent, her radio only broadcasting static.

Lance gripped the collar of his shirt and let out a whimper. This was his fault.

The others weren’t doing much better. Hunk’s lion was flying haphazardly through a cluster of Galra ships. He didn’t seem to be in control anymore. Lance couldn’t make out what he was saying because everyone was screaming at once.

Blue was hit square in the chest, knocking her neck back. Her mouth flew open and Allura got sucked out into space, completely defenseless. She didn’t stand a chance out there alone and without a weapon.

Shiro had fallen into a flashback, and lost control of Black. It took him several minutes to break his trance, and when he did, Black was so injured that he couldn’t pilot the lion. One more hit directly into one of Black’s eyes his Shiro directly in the chest.

All at once the screaming stopped. The lions all went still.

Voltron had fallen, and the universe soon followed.

Coran was still pleading with Red, not knowing that it was too late. It was over.

Everyone was dead.

Leaving behind Coran, in an empty ship. And Lance, watching in horror as one by one his friends died because of the choices he had made. Because he didn’t think he was strong enough to go on.

Now he was stuck here forever, having to deal with the consequences of his mistake.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: hey hey so I was wondering if you could do something which like lance was CIP( congenital insensitivity to pain ) and like he gets stabbed or something and he doesn't notice and then like the team freaks out and don't understand how the fuck is lance not in immense pain and he passes out before being able to tell them he has CIP and then he explains everything when he comes out of the pod or something (love you)
> 
> A/N: This is kinda short but oh well.

Everyone was staring at him. Lance’s eyes flicked back and forth across the room. They were all in various states of shock.

“What are you guys looking at?” Lance asked. Shiro looked like he was trying to say something, but no words left his mouth. “Okay, I know I’m hot, but you don’t all have to stare” Lance said with a smirk. They continued to stare at him, open mouthed. “Um, now you’re starting to freak me out. Seriously… what’s going on?”

“L- Lance? Buddy?” Hunk said, finally snapping out of his shocked daze. “Are- Are you feeling okay?” he asked. Lance frowned.

“Uh, yeah. I think so. Why?” Hunk took a hesitant step toward Lance. They had just finished a battle against some Galra that surprised them on a mission. The battle only took a few minutes and then they all returned to their lions.

“Don’t freak out” Hunk said. “But you have something…” he gestured to Lance’s stomach. Lance looked down and saw something that didn’t quite make sense to him. There was a large knife protruding from his side. Blood was oozing from the wound. Lance blinked in confusion and then reached for the handle.

“Oh, this?” he said. He hadn’t even noticed it was there until now. Without another thought Lance wrapped his fingers around the hilt and pulled it out. Gasps and screams rang out through the room as they all tried to stop him. Lance frowned at them as he held the knife in his hand, dripping with his blood. “What?” he asked. Suddenly he was being ushered to the infirmary. “What’s the big deal?”

“How are you not in immense pain!?” Allura cried. Someone was holding pressure on the wound in his side as they moved him down the hall. “You know you’re not supposed to take the knife our of a wound! It’s preventing you from losing too much blood”

“I’m sorry” he said, only a slight hint of panic in his voice. “I didn’t think about it” He knew that he wasn’t supposed to pull it out, but he thought maybe the others would stop freaking out if he had. He honestly didn’t even know it was there.

“How did you not know that was there!?” Pidge asked incredulously. As Lance was being pushed along down the hall. Lance shrugged.

“I- I don’t know” He did know. It was the one thing that Lance never told anyone. He knew it was dangerous not to tell them, but he was embarrassed. He didn’t want them to think he was a freak.

“Hurry up” Allura whispered to Shiro, who had his hand on Lance’s back, urging him forward. “I think he’s in shock”

“I’m not in sh—” Lance never finished his sentence. He crumped to the ground and passed out.

~ ~

There was a brief moment of chaos when everyone was scrambling around, trying to get Lance into the healing pod as fast as possible. Then all they could do was wait. They didn’t know how long Lance would be in the pod.

Two days later he emerged from the pod, completely healed, save for a jagged pink scar from the wound.

“How are you feeling?” Allura asked Lance. Coran had him sit on a table, so he could examine him and give the all clear.

“Great” Lance said cheerfully. “No pain” Coran frowned.

“That’s what I was afraid of” he mused. “You should feel some lingering pain because of the newly formed scar tissue” he said. “The fact that you weren’t in pain before, or now, is worrying” Lance chewed on his lip nervously. He was going to have to tell them.

“Actually…” Lance said slowly. “It’s not that big of a deal” Shiro quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Are you a doctor now?” he asked. Lance scratched the back of his neck.

“No, but I’ve seen enough of them to know why I’m not feeling any pain” Everyone turned to stare at him curious. “I was born with CIP” he said. Pidge made an ‘O’ with her mouth. The others shook their heads in confusion.

“What does that mean?” Hunk asked.

“Congenital insensitivity to pain” Pidge said quietly, with a strange look on her face. Lance looked down in shame.

“It means I don’t… I don’t feel pain. Ever” he said. “I’m- I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys before, it’s just, I didn’t know what you guys would think and I didn’t want to worry you or anything and—"

“Dude, that—” Keith interrupted Lance. “That’s awesome” Keith said in awe. “I mean, it’s horrible cause you could die if you’re not careful, but that’s so cool” Lance blinked in surprise.

“Wh- what?”

“It’s like you’re a superhero!” Hunk exclaimed.

“Yeah, yeah!” Pidge bounced eagerly. “I’ve always been fascinated with people who have CIP, I mean it’s amazing! What’s it like to not know what pain feels like?” The words flew out of her mouth in a flurry of excitement. Lance smiled tentatively.

“Is there something that we should do for you?” Shiro asked. “To make sure that you’re safe” Lance shrugged.

“Uh, I dunno. Maybe just make sure nothing’s protruding from my body or that I don’t have any bullet holes in me” he laughed sheepishly. Shiro’s smiled softly and crossed his arms.

“We can do that”

“What if we examined you DNA and found out how CIP works” Pidge rambled on. “We could weaponize it or make it so that we don’t feel pain” She wasn’t talking to anyone in particular anymore. She was just thinking out loud. Lance’s heart swelled as he watched his friends talk about it.

Why did he ever think that he had to hide this from them?


	35. Talk Me Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Keith never expected to see Lance when he got up for a midnight walk. And he never imagined that he would find him with a gun.
> 
> A/N: This is a short fic that is kinda based off of the Troye Sivan song Talk Me Down (only a little). I really hope you guys like it!

When Keith woke up in the middle of the night and decided to go for a walk he never expected to run into Lance. When he first stepped into the observation room, he was confused. Who was sitting in the dark alone?

“Lance?” Keith asked curiously. “What are you doing in here?” he flipped on the lights.

“I just want people to remember me” Lance said flatly. Keith froze in the doorway in shock.

“Lance…” he said numbly.

“That’s why I act to loud and outgoing. I want people to remember who I am” Keith barely heard the words that Lance was saying.

All he could do was stare at the gun pointed at Lance’s head.

“Wh- what are you doing?” Keith asked softly. He was praying that Lance wasn’t doing what he thought he was doing.

“When I was a kid, people never knew my name. I was too shy and quiet, no one ever remembered me. That’s why I changed the way I acted. I became… obnoxious” he continued, as if Keith wasn’t there. “All I’ve wanted my whole life was to grow up and be a hero. When I went to the garrison the only thing I wanted was to be like Shiro. So, when we all ended up here, I was ecstatic. I finally had a chance to prove myself”

“Lance, please put the gun down” Keith said quietly. He didn’t want to scare Lance. He didn’t know what Lance would do. Keith had no idea what to do in this situation.

“I never knew being a hero would be so hard. Do you know how many people we’ve killed? How many people have died because of us? How many more will suffer before we achieve ‘peace.’ Whatever that is” Lance lifted the gun to his temple. Keith’s heart leapt into his throat. He took a step forward, but then Lance lowered the gun into his lap. He twirled it against his leg.

“Lance, come on” Keith said. “We can talk about this. Do you want me to go get Shiro-?” He offered. He wasn’t going to leave that room without the gun though.

“He’s not Shiro” Lance said, tilting his head back to look at the stars above him. “At least, he’s not the Shiro I remember. He’s not the hero that I used to look up to. The hero I idolized. Everyone always says, ‘don’t meet your heroes’ and I guess they were right” Lance fiddled with the trigger of the gun, though it was pointed away from him. Keith’s pulse was hammering. He had to do something quick. “I can’t do this anymore”

“Lance, I want you to think about this” he said. “Think about what you’re doing…”

“I just- I can’t do this anymore” Lance repeated. “Sometimes I just want to- to—” he waved the gun at himself wildly.

“But Lance,” Keith’s throat felt tight with panic. “You are a hero. We’ve saved so many people. You’ve saved so many people”

“You know what they say” Lance shrugged. “Die a hero or see yourself become a villain” With that statement he lifted the gun to his head again, propping it underneath his chin. “I’d rather die like this then see myself become like my hero…” Lance’s breathing slowed. “Keith, please make sure people remember me” His finger hovered over the trigger and—

“NO!” Keith, who had been inching closer to him the whole time he was talking, lunged forward and tried to wrestle the gun out of Lance’s arms.

“Stop!” Lance screamed. “Let me go! Just let me die!” He fought against Keith, trying to keep the gun away from him. Keith managed to knock the gun to the ground, and he pinned Lance to the ground. Lance struggled to get out from underneath him, so Keith wrapped his arms and legs around him.

“Please,” Keith pleaded. “Please, Lance. Listen to me! We don’t want to remember you” At his words Lance went still. His worst fears were confirmed. His teammates didn’t care about him. They didn’t want to remember him when he was gone.

“Great” he said, tears stinging his eyes. “You’ve made it clear that no one cares about me. So, why won’t you let me kill myself?” Keith shook his head, still positioned over Lance’s body.

“That’s not what I meant!” he said frantically. “We don’t want to remember you. We want to know you. We want to see you become the hero that you claim to want to be. Someday kids are going to look up to you as their heroes. They’ll want to be you when they grow up. How are you going to be that hero to them if you’re dead?” Keith asked. Tears spilled over Lance’s cheeks and splashed on the ground below him.

“I don’t want to be a hero anymore” Lance cried. “It’s so hard. Everything we do is so hard. I feel like I’m dying” Keith loosened his grip on Lance slightly, so he could lean back and look at his face.

“What do you mean? Why do you feel like you’re dying?” he asked. He wanted to understand what was going through Lance’s head. What made him come to this? To trying to kill himself.

“Everything” Lance’s eyes became distant. “Just… all of it. Every part. The fighting, the killing. Knowing how many people have died because we couldn’t save them. I thought being a hero just meant that I saved people. I never knew that in order to become a hero you have to lose yourself”

“But what we do is so important” Keith argued, struggling to keep up with Lance’s speech. He clearly had thought this for a while. Keith had no idea that he thought this way.

“Is it?” Lance asked, more tears dripping from his face. “Are we even helping? Think about it. Before we got here, people were doing fine. Now were here. And they’re dying. All were doing is giving them hope of a better future. One that we’re not even sure we can give them”

“You think they were doing fine?” Keith asked incredulously. “The Galra had enslaved over half the universe. That’s not fine. That’s slavery”

“How do you know that we can help them, Keith?” Lance asked softly. “We’re just kids. All of us. This responsibility shouldn’t be on our shoulders. But it was forced on us. I never asked for this” Keith shook his head. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Lance, you said you wanted to be a hero. That was your dream, since you were a child” Keith sat up, still straddling Lance and keeping him from getting away. “Now you’ve achieved that dream, the thing that you’ve worked your whole life to achieve. It’s normal to feel different after that. You wonder if it’s all worth it, if—” Lance groaned in frustration and struggled against Keith’s grip again.

“You’re not listening!” he shouted. “I’m not empty. I don’t feel bad because I’ve achieved my dream. I feel guilty for everything that I’ve done. For the lives that I’ve took, the death’s that I’ve caused. I don’t want to do it anymore! It’d be better if I was dead” he said, grimacing as Keith grabbed his wrists and held them down on the floor. “I’d rather be dead then continued this way…” Lance trailed off, his eyes glazing over with tears yet again. Keith shook his head sadly.

“What about- what about your family?” Lance averted his eyes. Keith had struck a chord. “What are they going to think when they hear about this?”

“They’ll know that I was a hero” Lance said in a strangled voice.

“What about when we tell them how you died? You didn’t die a hero. You died a coward” The minute the words left Keith’s lips he knew they were a mistake. He had said the wrong thing. He wasn’t supposed to be making Lance feel worse, he was supposed to be showing him that he had a reason to live. A reason to continue on. “I- I didn’t mean—” he stuttered. Lance wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

“Get up” he said hoarsely. Keith frowned. “I’m- I’m not gonna- I’m not going to do that. I just want to hug you” he said. “Please” he added. Keith cautiously lifted himself off of Lance, ready to jump back on him if he made any sudden movements toward the weapon that was lying a few feet away from them.

“Are you… okay?” Keith asked cautiously. Lance wrapped his arms around Keith as a response. Lance buried his face in the crook of Keith’s neck. Keith could feel his tears slide down his skin.

“I’m sorry” Lance gasped, as if he was just realizing what he was about to do. “I’m so sorry” he gripped Keith’s shirt and pulled him closer. Keith held Lance tightly to his chest.

“Shh, it’s okay” he said, gently rocking back and forth. “You’re okay now. You’re going to be okay” They sat like that for a while, how long, Keith wasn’t exactly sure.

Lance had tried to kill himself.

What would’ve happened if Keith wasn’t there?

After a while, when Lance was done crying, he sat back and wiped his eyes.

“I’m sorry” he repeated for what had to be the hundredth time.

“Don’t apologize” Keith said.

“I’m sorry for keeping you up” Lance said after Keith yawned. “You should… you should get some sleep. We both should” he said, looking down uneasily.

“You’re sleeping in my room tonight” Keith stated, leaving no room for negotiations. Lance nodded slowly, rubbing his arm sheepishly. Keith glanced at the gun laying on the floor. He couldn’t leave it there.

“Please don’t tell the others” Lance said as Keith picked up the gun. Lance wasn’t looking at him. He was just staring at his feet, like the sight of the gun now repulsed him. Good, Keith thought. “About… about this” Keith stared at the gun uncomfortably.

“I- I don’t know…” Lance snuck a glance at Keith.

“Please?” he said in a small voice. “I don’t want them to think different about me” Keith chewed on his lip as he considered it.

“Okay” Lance didn’t move. “But on one condition,” he continued. “You’ll tell me if you feel this way again, yeah?” Keith said.

“Yeah, of course” he promised. “I promise” Keith relaxed slightly.

“Come on” Keith said nodding toward the door. He sent Lance to his room and then hid the gun in the hanger, behind a large cabinet. He would hide it better later, but now he needed to be with Lance.

“Comfy?” Keith asked. Lance looked up from his place on Keith’s bed, where he was sprawled out.

“Uh, yeah. Sorry” he said. “I’ll move”

“No, no. It’s fine” Keith said, waving his hands. He reached into his dresser and pulled out a change of clothes for Lance. “Here, you can put these on” Lance quickly changed and then settled back onto Keith’s bed. Keith busied himself around the room, picking up various things and putting them away until Lance had laid back down.

“Keith,” Lance grabbed onto Keith’s sleeve as he reached for something on the floor. “Thank you” he said sincerely. “For everything” Keith smiled.

“No problem” he said, looking away. Lance dropped his hand. “I’ll just sleep here on the floor, okay?” he said. Lance nodded and watched as Keith made a bed on the floor.

“Hey, could you get me a glass of water before you sit down?” Lance asked. Keith glanced up at him as he smoothed out the blanket.

“Uh, yeah. Sure” he said. “I’ll be right back…” As Keith left the room to get Lance some water he started thinking. The way Lance gave up, just like that was unsettling to him. Keith had realized that he messed up when he called him a coward, and then Lance gave up. It was strange. He had fought Keith off trying to reach for the gun, and then he suddenly stopped? It didn’t make sense. But, maybe something Keith said really did get to him.

It wasn’t until he was in the kitchen that he remembered something. The glass slipped out of Keith’s hand and shattered. He was out the door before it hit the ground.

He had left his knife in his dresser.

He was back at his door, less than two minutes after he had left. He quickly opened the door, preparing himself for what he might see. Keith held his breath. The room was empty. “Lance?” His heart was pounding in his chest.

“Uh,” Lance cleared his throat. “Bathroom” he called. Keith’s shoulders dropped in relief. He was freaking out for nothing.

“I’m going to turn the light off” Keith called.

“M’kay” Lance replied. Keith flipped the lights off and then settled onto his makeshift bed on the floor. He closed his eyes and blew out a long breath. He was exhausted. Emotionally and physically. It had to be almost morning by now. It was late when Keith had gotten up. He was so glad that he had gotten up when he did. What if he was just moments later? Would Lance still be alive?

Keith shuddered at the thought.

With time, Lance would get better, Keith was sure of it. Things like this took time. But eventually, eventually Lance would be alright—

It wasn’t until Keith’s eyes adjusted to the light that he noticed something weird.

The top drawer of his dresser was open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two coming soon ;;


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt 1: hey dude what about keith accidentally calling lance babe or something in front of the team. like they've been keeping their relationship secret and then he blows their cover
> 
> Prompt 2: can u do a funny klance thing of them trying to hide their relationship from the group 
> 
> A/N: I decided to combine these since they’re so similar! And I don’t normally do non-langst prompts but these were just too good lol.

“Get in here” Lance hissed. Keith looked at the small room that Lance was referring to and shook his head.

“Yeah, that’s not happening” Lance looked down the hall and huffed impatiently.

“Hurry up!” he grabbed the sleeve of Keith’s jacket and pulled him into the room, closing the door behind them. Keith sighed.

“I’m in here now. Happy?” he asked. The room wasn’t very big, so they had to stand chest to chest. Lance smirked.

“How fitting that we’re in a closet” Keith punched Lance on the shoulders.

“You’re the one who pulled us in here” he grumbled. “Why did you pull us in here?”

“’Cause Allura was coming down the hall” he stated matter-of-factly. Keith made a face.

“So?” he asked.

“So,” Lance stressed the word like Keith had. “I could do this” He tilted Keith’s chin up with one hand and the other he intertwined in his hair. He pressed a long kiss to Keith’s lips. Keith chased Lance’s mouth when he pulled away. “Alright, we can go now” Lance turned and opened the door. Keith stared at the spot where Lance had been.

“Wh- Hey, wait!” he called after Lance. “You dragged me into the closet for one kiss? Seriously?” he asked in exasperation. Lance smiled, showing the dimples on either side of his cheeks.

“Yeah? What are you going to do about it?” Lance asked boldly.

“I’m guess I’ll just have to come get them myself” Keith said playfully.\

“If you want more, you’re going to have to catch me first” he taunted. Keith’s eyes hardened. Lance’s eyes widened as he saw the spark of challenge in Keith’s eyes. “Uh-oh” he turned and sprinted down the hall.

“I will catch you!” Keith called. Lance laughed as Keith chased him.

The two of them had been dating, if you would even call it dating, for the last few weeks. They hadn’t told anyone because they weren’t even sure what it was. Neither of them knew what they really wanted. Was this just a fling because they were horny teenage boys? Or were these genuine feelings that the two of them had ignored for far too long?

Neither of them knew the answer.

~ ~ ~

A few weeks late their ‘fling’ or whatever one would call it was still going on. They were spending almost all their time together. Allura and Shiro had commented on how well they were getting along lately, glad that the two had sorted out whatever childish rivalry they had going on. Little did they know the reason why they were no longer fighting was because they were making out in secret.

Only over the last week it had changed from just kissing each other in dark closets and empty hallways. They had started spending the night in each other’s rooms. Not doing anything, just… sleeping. Wrapped up in each other’s arms. They held hands when they were sure no one was looking.

They had even started calling each other pet names. Lance stuck with Mullet, though now he said it fondly. Keith had startled Lance one day by calling him babe and was surprised to learn that Lance liked. Really liked it.

The two of them still decided to keep their relationship a secret. They weren’t sure how the others would react. Surely they would think it was a bad idea for the two of them to be together. What if they broke up? Would they be able to be Voltron if their relationship ended badly? Neither one of then wanted to think about that, and they didn’t want to hear it from their friends. So, they hid it.

It went pretty well until one day, almost two months into their relationship.

Everyone was sitting around the table eating dinner after a particularly difficult mission. Coran had prepared a huge dinner for them, some dishes almost resembled food. Keith and Lance were sitting across from each other, the same way they had since the day they arrived on the ship. The table was fairly quiet, until Keith spoke up.

“Hey, can you pass me a bowl, babe?” Keith asked. Lance reached across the table for a bowl and handed it to Keith. He froze with his arm outstretched when he realized that everyone was staring at him.

“…What?” he asked. No one answered. “What?” Lance turned to Hunk. Hunk pinched his lips together and looked away.

“Did- Did you just—” Pidge stuttered, pointing at Keith. She turned her finger toward Lance. “Did he just—” Lance stared at her, bewildered.

“Did he just what!?” he asked in confusion.

“…Call you ‘babe’” Shiro finished. Lance was frozen in shock, still leaning over the table with a bowl in his hand.

“Uh, no?” Lance said as he lowered himself back into his seat. Keith was sputtering across from him, his face as turning an alarming shade of red.

“I’m- I’m pretty sure he did” Hunk said, his eyes wide. Lance glanced at Keith helplessly. Keith refused to make eye contact.

“Ha!” Lance said suddenly, startling everyone. “Good joke, man. We got ‘em” he said weakly. No one believed that. “Shit, okay uh… I have to tell you guys something…” he said slowly, trying to gauge Keith’s emotions. “We, um, me and Keith…” Pidge rolled her eyes.

“Why are you drawing it out? Everyone clearly knows what you’re about to say” she said.

“Geez, at least pretend to be surprise” Lance grumbled.

“Lance and I are dating” Keith blurted out quickly. Pidge slapped her hands onto her cheeks, making a loud noise.

“THIS IS BRAND NEW INFORMATION” she exclaimed loudly. Everyone snickered at that.

“Well, good for you” Coran said, turning back to the food on his plate like it wasn’t a big deal.

“Yes, I wish you two well” Allura concurred.

“I… would like to speak to both of you after dinner” Shiro said sternly. “But congratulations” he added with a smile. Lance bit his lip and smiled. This was going so much better than he had expected.

“When did this happen?” Hunk asked excitedly. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Who asked who out? When did you first realize that you two liked each other?” Hunk rambled on with a series of questions. Pidge joined in as well.

“Does this mean you’re sleeping in the same room? Can I have Keith’s room?” Lance snuck a glance at Keith. Keith was staring back at Lance.

They both smiled.


	37. Talk Me Down Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second part to the fic that I posted a few chapters ago called Talk Me Down. I hope you all like it !

Keith was off the floor and at the door in less than a second. He barged into the room without bothering to knock. He was just thinking that Lance had been in there for a while. The door hit the wall with a loud thud. Lance jumped and spun around in surprise. He was standing in front of the mirror.

With Keith’s knife.

Blood, dripping on the floor.

Keith stared at the puddle on the ground in horror. His eyes traveled up Lance’s shaking legs to his arms, outstretched. The bloody knife gripped in one, and the other dripping with blood. Keith shook his head, his mouth hanging open. The slashes in his wrist were deep.

“Lance…” he whispered. Lance’s face was covered in tears.

“I’m sorry” he sobbed. “I’m not as strong as you” Lance lowered the knife to his wrist again. That action brought Keith back to the moment. He dove toward Lance and knocked the knife out of his hands. Lance screamed, still sobbing uncontrollably. “Just let me die!” he wailed. “Let me go! I don’t want to be here!” Keith grabbed Lance with one arm and reached for a towel with the other. Lance had only had time to cut open on arm, though the wounds seemed to be very deep. 

“Lance, stop struggling” Keith pleaded. “Please. I’m just trying to help you” Lance continued to try and pull away from Keith as he wrapped the towel tightly around his left wrist. It instantly turned red from the blood.

“Stop!” Lance cried. “Leave me alone! I don’t want your help! I want to die!” Keith felt helpless. He didn’t know what to do. He thought that Lance was past this, at least for the time being.

“I can’t let you do that” Keith said gently. He reached down and pulled the taller boy into his arms. Lance was thrashing around, trying to get away from him. Keith hesitated in the doorway. Lance needed to be put into a healing pod, but he wasn’t sure he could do that on his own. He didn’t know if he could put someone in there against their will.

“Put me down!” Lance continued to scream as Keith turned in the opposite direction of the infirmary. “Where are you taking me!? Just leave me alone to die! No one cares about me anyway!” Keith grit his teeth as he continued to walk. It was hard with Lance moving around so much.

“Do you think I would be doing this if I didn’t care about you?” he asked sharply. Lance fell silent. He stopped struggling altogether. “I’ve been trying to tell you, Lance” Keith continued, seeing that Lance didn’t have anything to say to that. “I don’t care if you’re a hero or not. I don’t care how many people you’ve saved, or how many you killed in the process. I just care about you” Lance didn’t respond to that. He had gone completely still in Keith’s arms. If it wasn’t for his chest rapidly rising and falling Keith would’ve been concerned.

Lance face contorted suddenly, and he gasped. “I’m sorry” Lance said, his face transforming into a mask of shock and regret. “I’m so sorry. Oh god, I’m sorry. I don’t know… I don’t know what happened” Lance began sobbing, and gripped Keith’s shirt tightly. Keith slowed his steps as the boy wept in his arms. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry” he repeated the words over and over again. Keith wasn’t sure if he was apologizing to him, or to himself.

“Shh, you’re going to be okay” he said. “I’m going to get help” he continued walking down the hall.

“Keith?” Lance asked quietly. “Can you just bandage me up? I’m really tired. I want to sleep” he said. “We can tell the others in the morning” his eyes shone up at Keith pleadingly. Keith’s heart broke in his chest.

“Lance,” Keith said sadly, shaking his head. “I’m not falling for that again” At Keith’s words Lance tensed up and began struggling against Keith’s grip again. The towel on his arm slipped, and blood began gushing all over the both of them. Lance was screaming at Keith again. Keith didn’t know how no one else heard them.

“Put me down!” Lance shouted, scratching Keith’s arms. “I’m not going to do it again! Put me down!”

“Lance, I can’t do that” Keith said calmly, half carrying half dragging the boy down the hall. He couldn’t leave him alone for a second. He needed help. This was too much for Keith to handle on his own. Keith was only halfway to Shiro’s room at this point. Lance was continually fighting against Keith’s grip, but he was growing weaker with each moment.

His movements were becoming sluggish, and Keith knew that he was losing too much blood. He had to decide if he was going to try and slow the bleeding or continue running to Shiro’s room for help.

Keith opted for the latter.

He readjusted Lance in his arms and then began walking as fast as he could down the hall to Shiro’s room. He stopped outside the door and kicked it with his foot, praying that Shiro was in there. He answered the door almost immediately.

“What’s going on—” he saw Keith, clutching Lance to his chest, both of the boys covered in blood. “What happened!?” Keith was panting from exhaustion. Lance was heavier than he looked, and him fighting against Keith every step of the way was no helping.

“He- He…” Keith sucked in a deep breath. “He hurt himself” he said.

“Why didn’t you put him in a healing pod!?” Shiro asked as he stepped out of his room. Keith shook his head, sweat dripping down his face. Shiro noticed this and knelt down to take the boy out of Keith’s arms. Keith backed away protectively.

“No, I- I got him” he said quietly. Shiro frowned but backed off.

“How bad is he? What happened? Why isn’t he in a pod?” Keith chewed on his lip as the two of them began walking quickly in the direction of the infirmary.

“He- He’s bad. And I couldn’t take him. I tried but- I needed help. He wouldn’t let me. I couldn’t do it on my own” Keith rambled. Lance’s unconscious body grew heavier and heavier with each step.

“He wouldn’t let you?” Shiro shook his head as they reached the infirmary door. “Keith, I don’t understand. What happened?” Keith’s face was pale, whether it was from exhaustion or shock Shiro wasn’t sure. Keith abruptly stopped and turned to Shiro, wide eyed.

“Lance tried to…” he cut off and shuddered. “He cut himself” Shiro stared at Keith blankly. “On purpose. He- He tried to kill himself” Keith’s voice got quieter with every word. Shiro looked down at Lance, and then back at Keith, as if asking if it were true. His eyes finally landed on the blood-soaked towel loosely wrapped around Lance’s left wrist and realized that Keith was right.

Lance had tried to commit suicide.

Shiro didn’t say anything to that. Instead, he ushered Keith inside the infirmary and took the limp boy from his arms and gently laid him in the healing pod. Keith explained what had happened, why Lance said he felt this way, which led to Lance cutting himself in the bathroom. Shiro didn’t say anything the whole time.

“What’s going to happen to him?” Keith asked, hugging himself. He felt naked without his jacket on. All he was wearing was a pair of shorts and a bloodstained t-shirt. Shiro’s outfit looked almost identical to Keith’s.

“I don’t know…” Shiro said wearily as he poked a few more buttons on the machine. “You said he was tired of being a hero?” Keith nodded. “How long has he been like this? How long has he felt this way?” Keith shrugged.

“Honestly, I don’t know” he said, stepping closer to the glass to look at Lance. He looked so peaceful in there. Almost… happy. Keith couldn’t believe this was the boy who had just tried to take his own life. “I didn’t know anything about it until a few hours ago when I found him with the gun” Shiro’s head whipped up.

“A gun?” he asked. “I thought you said he cut himself” Keith let out a shaky sigh and stared at his feet.

“I found him in the observatory with a gun. I talked him down though, or at least I thought I did. He was crying, and he kept apologizing and I- I believed him. I’m so stupid!” Keith let a few tears fall from his eyes.

“Hey, whoa, whoa” Shiro moved toward Keith. “This isn’t your fault” he said with a frown. “You didn’t cause this. All you did was try and help your friend. Shiro said, putting his hand on Keith’s shoulder. “And you did the right thing, telling me” Keith shook his head.

“I shouldn’t have left him alone in my room. I thought he was okay… at least okay enough to leave alone for a few minutes. I never expected him to- to do something like this” His eyes flickered to Lance’s body in the healing pod. He clamped his mouth shut and pressed his fingers to his lips to keep from sobbing.

“Come here” Shiro said, pulling Keith into a hug. “This isn’t your fault” Shiro said gently. Keith was shaking in Shiro’s arms. “If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine. I’m the leader, I should have noticed that Lance was feeling this way”

“It’s not your fault though” Keith mumbled into Shiro’s shirt. Shiro nodded.

“I know. And you should know that it’s not your fault” he squeezed Keith. “All we can do is be here for Lance. We have to try to understand how he’s feeling and ask him how we can help. He’s going to need a lot of support” Keith nodded.

All Keith could think while he was standing there staring at Lance was…

What was going to happen when he woke up?


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Hey what if: Pidge and Keith are having a truth or dare war and Pidge dares Keith to steal & read her a page from Lance's diary. It actually ends up being sad because it goes into detail about how he's been trying to tell everyone about his de depression but he keeps chickening out. Pidge and Keith freak because they can't ask him or he'll know they read the diary so they have to formulate a plan to help Lance. In the end maybe Keith owns up or something ? Idk love just go off i guess sjsjdj
> 
> A/N: So I changed it a little bit because I read it wrong oops lol. The only thing I changed is that Keith doesn’t tell Pidge what he read in Lance’s diary. 
> 
> [ALSO! Unrelated to this but I have decided to make a part 3 for Talk Me Down so look forward to that in the future!]

“I dare you to read a page from Lance’s diary” Keith shifted uncomfortably.

“I dunno…” he said. “Isn’t that like, and invasion of privacy?” he asked. Pidge waved him off.

“This is truth or dare. You choose dare, so you have to do whatever I tell you” Keith sighed and stood up. “Besides, you know all he talks about in there is hot girls he’s seen or something. Maybe vivid details of his wet dreams” Pidge grimaced at the suggestion. Keith groaned.

“I hate you so much” he said as he started to leave the room. “If it’s gross I’m going to sue you for emotional damage” Keith threatened as he walked out the door. Pidge snickered. Keith sighed when the door closed and headed toward Lance’s room. He was pretty sure that Lance was in the hanger with Coran.

It only took Keith a few seconds to find Lance’s journal. It was sandwiched between his pillow and the wall next to his bed. Keith sighed and flipped through the pages until he was just past the middle of the book. He closed his eyes and sent a silent prayer that it was not the description of a sex dream.

“Okay,” Keith sighed, reading the top of the page. It was dated two weeks ago. “Went on a mission with the team, saw cool space rocks, blah, blah, blah” Keith nodded his head as he read. Maybe Lance’s journal wasn’t meant for rating girls he’s met, but just writing down boring day to day stuff.

Keith continued to scan the page. Lance’s handwriting was small and neat. The pages in his journal were packed with his words. He squeezed something into every inch of every line. He even doodles and left notes in the empty spaces on the side. It seemed that Lance spent a lot of time writing in it. Keith felt a little guilty, but he kept reading. He wasn’t good at lying, so Pidge would know if he had only read part of it.

It wasn’t until Keith was near the bottom of the page that he read something that surprised him. It wasn’t very long, just a short footnote at the bottom of the page.

‘I almost told them today. I was so close. I have to tell someone soon or I’m afraid I’m going to do something I’ll regret. Maybe tomorrow.’

Keith read the two lines over and over, trying to figure out what they meant. What was he going to tell them? What would he do that he’d regret?

Keith furrowed his eyebrows and scanned the next page, completely forgetting about what he told Pidge about the invasion of privacy. There was nothing on the next page, or the next. Keith decided to go back before the page he wrote to find out more. The only thing that he found was a line of text almost a month before the page Keith had read.

‘Today was bad. I think it’s all getting worse. I don’t know what to do’

It was strange, almost like Lance was afraid to write out what he was feeling, what he was thinking. Or did he not want to admit that it was actually happening to him?

Keith flipped through several more pages, going back almost to the beginning of the note book, briefly scanning each page. The question burned in Keith’s brain.

What was wrong with Lance?

It wasn’t until Keith flipped to the last page of Lance’s journal, completely on a whim, that he found what he was looking for.

‘I don’t know why I’ve been hiding it from myself. I clearly know what it is, what’s happening to me. I don’t even want to write it, even though no one’s going to see it. I feel like if I write the words it’s really happening. But I’ve waited long enough. There’s no denying it now. So here goes.

I’m depressed.

I’ve tried to tell the others every day for the last month, but I keep losing my nerve. How can I tell them something that I can’t even admit to myself? And what will they think about me? Will they think I’m lying?

I don’t know how much longer I can keep going like this.

I’ve already done things… that I’m not proud of. I thought it would make me feel better.

It just made me feel worse.

Sometimes I feel like I should just—’

The sentence ended there. Keith’s blood ran cold as he read the last sentence over and over.

Keith slammed the book shut immediately, realizing what he was doing. He carefully shoved the book back where he had found it and then left Lance’s room, returning to the room where Pidge was waiting for him.

“Geez, took you long enough” she said when he walked in. “What’d it say?” Pidge asked. “Did Lance have a sex dream about Shiro or something?” she teased. Her shit-eating-grin dropped off her face when she saw Keith’s expression. “Wh- Keith what is it?” He crossed his arms and stared at his feet.

“I told you it was a bad idea” he said sharply. “People shouldn’t go snooping thought other people’s shit” Pidge blinked in surprise.

“I- I’m sorry” she stuttered. “I just thought it would be funny—”

“Well it wasn’t” Keith said, cutting her off. With that, he turned and stormed out of the room.

He sat in his room for the rest of the day trying to decide what to do. He couldn’t just do nothing. Lance was obviously hurting. He paced back and forth, thinking deeply. Should he do something to help Lance? Should he tell him what he read?

He debated keeping it to himself, but then he thought about the last sentence on the last page. “Sometimes I feel like I should just…” Keith muttered out loud. Though the sentence wasn’t finished, he knew in his mind what Lance was thinking.

He should just kill himself.

He was depressed, and no one noticed. He felt like he couldn’t tell anyone. He felt alone. Helpless.

What Lance needed most was to know someone was there.

Keith took a deep breath as he made up his mind.

He knew what he had to do.

~ ~

“Lance, can I talk to you?” Keith asked, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. Lance turned to Keith, but Keith avoided his gaze.

“Uh, yeah. I guess” he said. Keith turned and left the room. Lance glanced around at the others, who all shrugged, and then he followed him out into the hall. “What did you want to talk about?” he asked, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. Keith stared at his feet.

“I- I have to admit something”

“You have a soul-crushing crush on me?” Lance asked with a grin. Keith glared at him.

“What? No!” he exclaimed, punching Lance on the shoulder. “Shut up” Lance laughed softly.

“Then what did you want to tell me?” Keith fidgeted.

“I, uh, well you know how Pidge and I have been playing Truth and Dare a lot?” Keith asked. Lance nodded. Things had been pretty boring lately and there wasn’t much to do. “Well Pidge dared me to… she dared me to read a page out of your… your diary” Lance’s face transformed into one of shock, but he quickly recovered, and his face fell flat again.

“Shit, did you read about the sex dream I had about Shi—” Lance abruptly cut off, his face turning red. “Actually, you know what, why don’t you tell me what you read. Which is totally not cool by the way. That’s like, a dick move”

“You had a- I- I don’t want to know” Keith shook his head, dislodging the though. “I didn’t want to read it by the way, but you know Pidge, she reads me to well and would know if I was lying” he quickly explained. Lance’s face hardened. He was obviously angry about it but trying not to show it.

“Whatever” Lance crossed and uncrossed his arms nervously. “Wh- What did you read?” he stuttered. Keith sighed.

“I- I read a few pages actually…” he mumbled in embarrassment. “Mostly, uh, the last… the last page” Lance’s face went white as a sheet.

“O- Oh” he said, startled. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, and then turned away from Keith. Keith dropped his shoulders.

“I just wanted to tell you that… that I’m here for you. If you need to talk about anything” Lance hid his face in shame.

“I don’t need your pity” he said coldly. Keith shook his head, knowing this was how he was going to react.

“I’m not pitying you” he said simply. “Sometimes it’s just nice to talk to people who have gone through the same thing” Lance’s eyes widened in surprise. He snuck a glance at Keith’s face.

“You…?” Keith nodded, shifting his weight uncomfortably. He hated talking about feelings, but that’s what Lance needed right now. “I never knew” he said softly.

“That’s because I was stupid and kept it to myself. It almost killed me” Lance turned to stare at the floor. “What I’m trying to say is, keeping everything bottled up doesn’t work. It doesn’t go away, it just builds up until…” Lance nodded sheepishly.

“I was going to tell someone” Lance said. “Really”

“I believe you” Keith assured him. “It’s just hard to talk about it sometimes. People act like there’s something wrong with you for being depressed” Lance flinched at the word. “You have to get used to the word, Lance. You’ll never get better if you don’t admit that’s what you are” Lance sighed. “Even saying it out loud will help” Lance straightened up.

“I- I’m depressed” Lance said, quietly buy firmly. Keith smiled.

“See? You’re already on your way to getting better” Lance smiled.

“Thanks” he said. “Talking about it does help” he said, rubbing his arm. Keith put his hand on Lance’s shoulder.

“I’m up for talking any time. And I really do mean anytime” Lance looked up at Keith gratefully, wondering why he thought it would be so bad for the others to know.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: 1. I kinda have a langst prompt...? Nothing special just having really seen much or really anything on it. So there's plenty of lance selfharm fics..... yeah I know I love that angst, but I was wondering if you wouldn't mind writing something where he used to selfharm and the team find out about it (whether lance tells them or someone sees it or anything else, doesn't really matter). This could go either down a route full of fluff or a route full of angst, didn't realize that before, but whatever. 2. Shiro's reaction to Lance at his door one night telling him he's feeling suicidal?
> 
> A/N: These are two different prompts that I combined just because.

“Sh- Shiro?” A voice called from outside Shiro’s door. He looked up from the book he was reading. It was late, everyone should be asleep. “H- hey, Shiro, are you awake?” The person knocked on the door quietly. Shiro stood up and crossed the room. When he opened the door he found Lance, in his pajamas and his green jacket, his arms crossed, hugging his body.

“Lance?” he asked in confusion. “What are you doing up?” Lance chewed on his lip and breathed deeply through his nose.

“Can I—” His voice broke. “Can I come in?” Shiro’s frown deepened as he stepped back and motioned for Lance to enter. Lance lowered his head and dragged his feet across the floor. He sat down on the floor, his back leaning against Shiro’s bed. Shiro perched on the edge of his bed next to Lance.

“Is something bothering you?” Shiro asked, noticing Lance’s fidgeting hands. He was unconsciously tugging at the ends of his sleeves.

“Um, I don’t know. I guess, yeah” he breathed out. Shiro continued to study Lance. He was acting strange… Anxious.

“What’s wrong, Lance?” Shiro asked softly. Lance didn’t reply. He looked like he was thinking deeply, his eyes flitted back and forth across the room. “Lance?” His eyes flashed up to meet Shiro’s.

“I have to tell you something” he said, almost at a whisper, like he was afraid someone was going to hear.

“What is it?” Lance licked his lips and pulled on his sleeve again.

“I- When I was- I used to—” he shook his head and took a deep breath. “When I was… younger—” he glanced away from Shiro, unable to make eye contact any longer. “I used to… hurt myself” he admitted. Shiro could barely hear the words, but when he did he leaned closer to Lance. Clearly something was wrong if Lance was telling this to him at four o’clock in the morning.

“I didn’t know…” Shiro said when Lance didn’t continue. Lance shrugged.

“I didn’t… do it on my wrists very often. People would notice. I didn’t do it for attention” he said defensively.

“I didn’t say you did” Shiro said. Lance let out a breath.

“I don’t know why I did it. To make myself feel better, I guess. I don’t know. But I did it. A lot” Lance pulled up his edge of his pajama shorts with shaking fingers, revealing dozens of thin jagged lines covering his inner thighs. “One time I… I cut too deep. There was so much blood” Lance’s eyes went distant as he was transported back to the memory. “I couldn’t hide it anymore at that point, I couldn’t keep it to myself. I told my mom and she- she cried. She didn’t understand why I did it” Tears sprang into Lance’s eyes as he dropped the hem of his shorts, coving the scars. Shiro felt tears welding up in his as well, but he blinked them away. Lance fell silent for a few moments, he obviously had something else to say, but he seemed to be working up the courage.

“Thank you for telling me, Lance” Shiro said, patting Lance’s shoulder comfortingly. “But if I could ask, why did you tell me now? Why not wait until morning?” Lance shifted nervously, avoiding Shiro’s eyes again. Shiro’s face fell in realization. “Because you wanted to do it again” he whispered. Lance choked back a sob.

“I don’t want to- It’s not that I like it, or that I want to do it. It’s- It’s- I don’t know! I just… feel like I need to do it and I haven’t felt that way in a long time. It scared me. So, I… came to find you. I’m sorry for keeping you up” Shiro shook his head.

“Don’t you apologize”

“I haven’t thought about doing it again until- until recently. I don’t know what it was… If it was the fighting, or the home sickness… It all just built up and I just—” Lance squeezed his fists tightly, so tightly that his knuckles turned white. “I feel- I feel like- Like I want to—” Shiro slid off the bed and sat on the floor next to Lance, putting his hand on the boy’s hands.

“Lance are you thinking about hurting yourself again?” he asked gently, but firmly. Lance nodded vigorously. Shiro couldn’t see his eyes, but he knew he was crying. His shoulders were hunched, and he was shaking.

“Yes” he choked out. “I don’t want to” his lips trembled. “I don’t want to do it again…”

“You don’t have to… You don’t have to, Lance” Shiro said, rubbing Lance’s arm reassuringly. “I’m here for you. I can help you. You’re not alone”

“I don’t know how to make it stop” Lance cried helplessly.

“Don’t think long term. Think about right now. Can you go ten seconds with out harming yourself?” Shiro asked as Lance breathed in and out steadily. Lance nodded his head slowly.

“Yeah, I can do that” Shiro nodded.

“Okay, so do that. Can you go ten minutes?” Lance exhaled.

“Yeah”

“An hour?” Lance nodded. “What about all night? Do you think you can last until morning?” Lance hesitated. “I’ll stay with you the whole time, I promise” Lance swallowed thickly.

“M- Maybe, yeah” he stuttered. “I can try” Shiro nodded.

“That’s all I’m asking” he said. “We can stay up and talk or try and get some sleep. Whatever you’re up for” Lance finally unclenched his fists. His hands were starting to go numb. “I promise that things will seem better in the morning”

“Thank you, Shiro” Lance whispered. Shiro wrapped an arm around Lance’s shoulders.

“Lance, you don’t have to thank me. That’s what family’s for”

~ ~

Lance woke up the next morning on the floor. A blanket had been draped over at some point during the night. Shiro was snoring in his bed. The corner of Lance’s lip quirked up at the sound. It was like a chainsaw. Lance sat up and pulled the blanket around his shoulders. Shiro had been right. Things did seem better now that Lance had gotten some sleep. Not fixed, but better.

As Lance watched Shiro’s chest rise and fall he thought about what Shiro had said to him before he had fallen asleep. “That’s what family’s for” They were his family, he realized. He didn’t have to hide all these things from them anyone, the way he felt, the things he had done in his past, they were his family.

He wasn’t going to keep secrets from them anymore.


	40. In The Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Lance wakes up in the middle of the night and suddenly all the lights in the castle go out.
> 
> A/N: This is just a short fic that I wrote today :) Hope you all like it!

Lance never saw it coming.

One minute he was walking through down the hall to get a midnight snack and the next he was suddenly he was plunged into darkness. He stumbled forward, groping for something to hold onto. He finally reached the wall.

“What the hell?” Lance mumbled. The castle was completely dark. Pitch black. Lance couldn’t see anything. “Hello?” Lance called. He didn’t know what was going on. “Where is everyone? What’s going on?” A bolt of panic ran through him.

Lance continued to slowly move forward, one hand sliding against the wall as he moved. He had to figure out what was happening, but he couldn’t do that if he couldn’t see.

“Seriously,” Lance mumbled to himself. He was worried that the others were in danger. What if someone got aboard the ship and turned the power off? Lance needed to find some kind of light to get around.

Moving completely by memory, Lance began blindly walking toward the kitchen. He knew that they kept lights in one of the drawers. Once he had one he could figure out what was going on, and where everyone else was.

It took him several minutes to get to the kitchen, mainly because he kept tripping over things on the floor. “Fucking Pidge” Lance grumbled. “Pick up your goddamn stuff”

Finally, he was in the kitchen. He slid his hand across the counter as he moved to the drawer. He knocked a few pans off the counter and flinched as they fell the ground with a bang. Lance wrapped his fingers around the drawer handle and pulled it open. He reached inside and pulled out the light. He tapped the bottom, like Coran had shown him, to turn it on.

Nothing happened.

“Are you friggin’ kidding me!?” Lance shouted in frustration. The one time he needed a light it was broken. Lance tossed the light aside and rummaged around in the draw for another. He tapped the bottom and—

Nothing.

“I’m going to LOSE it” Lance screamed.

“Lance?” The hair on the back of Lance’s neck stood up. “Lance what are you doing?”

“Keith?” Lance whispered. “Where are you? What’s going on?”

“What are you doing?” Keith repeated. Lance blindly reached his arms around, inching toward Keith’s voice. “It’s the middle of the night, Lance, I do not have time for this. Go to bed” Lance finally found Keith, he latched onto his arm.

“What’s happening!? Where are the others?” He asked in panic. Keith pushed Lance’s hands off of him, but he quickly reached up and grabbed him again.

“The others- Lance it’s one in the morning, they’re all asleep. I mean, if your clamoring around didn’t wake them up” he said in irritation.

“But what happened to the power? Has there been a breach? Help me find a light so we can go wake up Allura and let her know what’s happening”

“Lance, what are you talking about!?” Lance threw up his hands in frustration.

“The lights! The power is over. Is this all-consuming darkness not bothering you?” Lance said with an uneasy laugh.

“Lights- Seriously, Lance, what are you talking about? I don’t have time for your jokes. I’m going back to bed” Lance let out a whimper as Keith pulled away from Lance again. Lance chased after him but bumped into a counter instead.

“Keith? Keith! Where did you go? Keith!” Lance’s breathing was shallow. His heart was racing in his chest.

“Lance…” Keith’s voice spoke from the other side of the room. “Are- are you okay? What are you doing?” Lance turned and bumped into something else. “Why do you keep-? L- Lance can you… see?” Lance straightened up.

“Of course I can’t see” Lance said in confusion. “All the lights are out. That’s why I’m trying to find a light” Keith was silent. “K- Keith?”

“Lance,” The voice got closer. “Lance can you see me?” Lance froze in place. He felt a rush of air on his face. “I’m waving my hands can you see them?” Keith asked, sounding concerned.

“I’m- No, it’s too dark.” Lance’s voice trailed off.

“Lance,” Keith put his hand on Lance’s arm. “The lights are on” Lance shook his head.

“N- no” he said in denial. “They can’t be. I can’t see anything”

“I can see you”

“But- But I—” Lance’s body went numb.

“Did something happen to you? On the mission earlier?” Lance could feel Keith circling him. He was checking him for wounds.

“I- I don’t think so” Keith was touching Lance’s face. He pressed his finger on Lance’s upper eyelid and gently pulled it up. Lance widened his eyes as much as he could. Keith let go and fell completely silent. “Uh, Keith?” Lance asked worriedly.

“I’m right here” Keith grabbed on to Lance’s wrist to reassure him that he was still nearby. “Are you completely sure that nothing happened on the mission? Think really hard. People don’t just—” People don’t just go blind. A chill ran down Lance’s spine.

He was blind.

“Think, Lance” Keith instructed.

“I am! I don’t think there’s- I mean I’m pretty sure that—" He abruptly stopped.

“What is it?”

“Oh” Lance whispered. “It was the ion canon”

“What?” Lance sucked in a breath.

“The- the ion canon on that last mission. It shot directly below me and I- I looked at it. It was right in front of my face and I looked- Keith it was so bright- I- I thought I was okay, it hurt my eyes, but I was fine. I was fine” his voice broke. “I thought I was fine…”

“I- I’m sure it’ll go away soon…” Keith said unsurely.

The truth was, he had no idea.

Neither did Lance.


	41. Dream Come True

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Keith asks Lance out.
> 
> A/N: This is based off of a dream that I had last night. Thank you @/loverboy-lancemcclain on tumblr for giving me the idea to turn it into langst asldka;dkas (Also my actually prompt will still be out tonight this is just a short thing that I wrote in like ten minutes lol)

“Hey, are you doing anything later?” Lance glanced up from his notebook in surprise.

“Wh- Who me?” Lance asked. Keith smiled at him and nodded.

“Yeah, do you see anyone else around?” he laughed. Lance looked around the quiet library. It was empty.

“Uh, no” His heart lifted in his chest. He was trying not to get his hopes up but…

“So, do you?” Keith asked, leaning against the table. “Want to do something later?” Lance bit his lip to keep from immediately say ‘fuck yes.’

“Uh, yeah sure” he said, shrugging casually. In reality every inch of him was freaking out. “What did you- uh, what’d you have in mind?” He peered up at Keith curiously, trying to look cute and flirtatious but probably looking more excited and crazy.

“I don’t know. We could go out for dinner or something” Keith said, cocking his head. “Whatever you want to do” Lance bit his lip. He’d imagined taking Keith out on a date everyday since he joined the garrison. Now, after almost a year of being there, his dream was coming true.

“Yeah, that sounds great” Lance closed his book, sitting up straight. “When- I—” he cleared his throat and sat up straight. “I mean, when do you want to go” Keith leaned closer to Lance. Lance could feel his breath on his face. Lance’s eyes widened slightly.

“Whenever you want, Lance” Lance’s eyes fluttered at the sound of his name on Keith’s tongue. He didn’t even know that Keith knew he existed until now. Lance’s eyes popped open suddenly.

“Hey, uh, Keith…” he said slowly. “Just to be sure is this like, you know, dinner or Dinner” he asked with his eyebrows raised. Keith grinned and leaned back.

“Is there a difference?” he quirked his eyebrow. Lance licked his lips. “But the second one” Keith reached his hand over and set it on top of Lance’s. “If… that’s what you want, of course” Lance nodded jerkily, staring at Keith’s hand on top of his own.

“Uh, yes please” Lance breathed. Keith laughed quietly. Keith pulled Lance’s hand up to his mouth, his lips just inches from his skin. He watched Lance’s reaction closely. Lance’s breath quickened, and his eyes widened comically. Keith smirked.

“Good” He closed his eyes, pulled Lance’s hand to his lips and—

And then he woke up.

Lance bolted up right, his heart pounding like he had had a nightmare.

It was a nightmare, really. It was something that Lance had imagined so many times that it had seeped over into his dreams, giving him false hope. It all seemed so real, the library at the garrison, the way Keith acted. It was all exactly like Lance had thought it would be like.

Lance rolled onto his side and pulled his knees to his chest. His heart felt empty now. He felt hollow. Tears sprang into his eyes as he remembered the dream. He remembered every vivid detail of it. A sharp pain went though Lance’s chest as he realized that his dream would never happen.

Keith didn’t think of Lance that way.

In fact, Keith hardly thought of Lance at all.

If it wasn’t for Voltron, Keith wouldn’t even know Lance existed.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Can you do Lance having a panic attack because of Claustrophobia, and being comforted by Keith?
> 
> A/N: I'm really claustrophobic so this one was kinda hard for me to write because it kept freaking me out to think about where they were aslkdjalskjdals.

“Dammit!” Keith exclaimed, pounding his fist against the solid wall of fallen rocks in front of him. “I think we’re stuck” he sighed and backed away, looking for some weakness in the wall. “The avalanche must’ve been caused by the blast earlier” Keith continued, not noticing that Lance wasn’t responding to anything he was saying. Keith kicked at the base of the pile of rocks, but nothing budged. “We might just have to hang out here until the others finish their mission”

“U- Uh-huh” Lance was sat in the middle of the room, his head down. He was doing everything he could not to freak out. The two of them had been chasing a rogue Galra sniper around a mountain. They followed him into a cave, but then quickly realized that the alien wasn’t in there. It had been a trap. The next thing they knew there was a loud explosion and rocks came tumbling down, sealing the exit of the cave.

“I wonder if it was his plan to separate us from the others” Keith mused as he paced back and forth. He turned and marched to the backside of the cave. It wasn’t really a cave, more of an indent in the mountain side. There was no tunnel in the back, the room was barely big enough for Keith to stand up. He had to duck when he walked from the front to the back of the room. Keith circled the room, walking the perimeter of it. “Yeah, we’re definitely trapped in here” he sighed and sat down on the floor next to Lance. “Have you tried your headset—” Keith cut off abruptly when he heard the whimpers from Lance. He was rocking back and forth with his head between his knees. “Lance!? What’s wrong? What’s happening? Are you hurt?” Lance inhaled deeply and then cried out, like he wasn’t get enough air.

“Can’t- Breathe—” Lance gasped, tugging on the collar of his armor. Keith started at him in shock.

“Wh- A- Are you hurt? Did you get hit?” Keith couldn’t move. He was paralyzed in fear.

“N- No. I C-Can’t breathe” Lance clumsily tried to get his helmet off, but his hands were shaking too much. His fingers fumbled over the latch. “H- Help” he gasped. Keith’s arms shot forward without another thought and he pulled Lance’s helmet off. Lance sucked in a deep breath. He was still panting like he couldn’t breathe.

“Lance what’s happening?” Keith asked in confusion. He didn’t appear to be hurt, so why couldn’t he breathe?

“P- Panic attack” Lance said, still rocking back and forth, his arms wrapped around his torso protectively. “Claustrophobic. I can’t- I can’t- I can’t- breathe!” Keith’s hands instinctively fell to Lance’s shoulders, holding him as the boy struggled for breath.

“Oh god” Keith said, panicking. “Okay, um, I don’t- I don’t know what to do. Fuck I don’t know what to do! Lance, what do you want me to do” Lance shook his head.

“I just- I need to—” Lance pulled desperately on the armor covering his chest. “Get it off, please” Lance whimpered. Keith set to work undoing the snaps to peel Lance’s armor off. He tossed it to the side, and Lance had a brief moment of freedom before the panic set in again. “I don’t know what to do” Lance cried, a sob stuck in his throat.

“Lance, hold still. I’ll get us out of here” Keith jumped up and frantically began clawing at the wall of rocks, searching for another way out. He worked tirelessly for several minutes, digging his fingers into the crevices between the rocks. They wouldn’t budge. The whole time, Lance was quietly crying in the middle of the room, squeezing his chest like he was trying to hold himself together. Keith discarded his armor, so he could cool down and then went back to work. He didn’t stop until Lance was gasping so hard for breath the Keith was worried that he was going to pass out.

“K- Keith” Lance said, tears continuing to pour down his face. Lance had opened his eyes to see what Keith was doing, and quickly realized that it was a mistake. He glanced all around him in panic, at the close walls, and then up at the ceiling, which seemed to be getting lower with each passing second. Lance felt like he was being suffocated. There wasn’t enough air. “Kei—" He cut off, not having enough oxygen to even finish the word. Keith immediately stopped digging and rushed to Lance’s side.

“What can I do?” Lance slumped forward, and Keith caught him helplessly. Lance cried into Keith’s chest. Keith had to do something fast. If Lance kept panicking he was going to pass out or worse. Keith needed to get him to calm down. “Lance, I need you to breathe. Can you do that?” Lance shook his head. “Yes, you can, it’s easy. Watch” Keith took a slow deep breath and then blew it out. “Come on, I’ll do it with you. In,” he breathed in. Lance attempted to follow his breaths. “And out” he repeated this a few times until Lance’s breathing was calmed down a bit.

“I hate this” Lance cried. Keith began rubbing Lance’s back to try and calm him down.

“I know. I’m so sorry, Lance. I tried everything” Lance tightened his grip on Keith’s undershirt. “Shh… you’re okay” Keith said, weakly. “You’re going to be okay” Keith continued to whisper to Lance that everything was going to be okay for several minutes, until Lance’s breathing evened out. He had been keeping his eyes closed, and finally calmed down. Keith stared down at Lance’s serene face and sighed helplessly. He hadn’t even known Lance was claustrophobic until that day. Lance had never mentioned it before. If being in confined spaces freaked him out that much, Keith figured he would’ve said something at some point about it.

But there was no point in worrying about it now. It was too late for that.

It wasn’t until Lance had fallen asleep on Keith’s chest that the others finally came for them, ending what was certainly one of the worst days of Lance’s life.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Plz don't hate me, ;-; can you do a langst prompt where pudge catches Lance self Harming, but he ask her to hide it, and she tries, and then you can go from there,,, idk this would help me vent/cope,,, sorry if it's too much ;-;
> 
> ! If you are struggling with self-harm please please tell an adult that you trust. They can help you !

All Pidge wanted to do was find Lance and tell him that it was time for dinner. She had no idea that she was going to walk in and find him sitting on his floor with a knife pressed to his wrist. She had no idea that she’d find his arms covered in bleeding marks and fading scars. Lance’s eyes were so wide when he looked up at her that she though his eyes were going to roll out of his head.

“P- Pidge” The knife slid out of his hand and hit the floor. He scrambled to his feet, blood dripping down his arms, leaving puddles on the floor. “I- I- I can explain” he said quickly. Pidge stood motionless in the doorway. She was in shock. “It was- I don’t- I mean, I swear it’s—” he cut off abruptly and stared at her pleadingly. “Please, Pidge” Lance begged. “Don’t tell anyone. Please. I’ll never do it again, I swear!” Pidge watched the trail of blood slide down Lance’s arm. Lance looked down to see what she was staring at and then tugged down his sleeve.

“Lance… wh- why…” Lance crossed his arms and winced.

“I- I have to” he said quietly. “It’s not a problem, I’m not trying to kill myself. I just- I have to do it” Lance’s fingers flexed nervously. “It’s not a problem” he repeated. “Why- Why are you in here?” he asked, staring at the floor.

“Uh, it’d time to eat…” Pidge trailed off. Lance nodded curtly and then kicked the bloody knife toward the bathroom.

“I’ll, um, be there in a minute” he said. Pidge turned to leave, still in a state of shock over what she had just seen. “And Pidge? Please promise me you won’t say anything” Lance said before she was completely out the door.

“O- Okay, Lance” She replied with a frown.

~ ~

Pidge tried to keep it a secret, she really did. She wanted to do that for Lance. He seemed so scared when she saw him, scared that she was going to tell on him. But the entire time she was sitting at dinner she thought about how badly this could end. Lance said he wasn’t trying to kill himself, but what happened if he changed his mind? Or if he cut too deep? Maybe he wouldn’t even do it on purpose. How easy would it be for him to put too much pressure on his wrist and cut through his vein and bleed out. If that happened, it would be partially Pidge’s fault. Because she knew but didn’t tell anyone.

“Lance, I can’t do what you asked me to” She said when she cornered him after dinner. “This isn’t something that you should keep from the others, and it’s not fair of you to ask me to hide it. I think you should tell someone. We can help you—” Lance’s mouth screwed up into a frown.

“I don’t need your help” he said as he pushed past her. They were in the hall, she caught him before he got to his room. “It’s not a problem, I can stop whenever I want. It just makes me feel better. It’s not like it’s really hurting me or anything! I’m not trying to—”

“I know! I know…” Pidge clenched her fists and turned to follow him. “I know you say that but- but what if you accidentally hurt yourself? I can’t take that chance” she said sadly. “And I hate that you’re hurting yourself. That you feel so bad that the only way to feel better is to- to cut yourself—” Lance stopped walking as Pidge’s voice broke. “I love you so much, I don’t know what I would do without you. I wish there was something I could do to help you but- but I can’t. I don’t know how”

“It’s not your job to help me” Lance said flatly. “I’m fine” He pinched his lips together and shifted his weight.

“Please, I can’t keep this a secret. I really wish I could do this one thing for you, but I can’t. I don’t think it’s a good idea. You should tell Shiro. And if you don’t- If you don’t then I will” She said, lifting her eyes to meet Lances. Lance sucked in a breath. He didn’t understand why Pidge was acting this way. Why did she think it was that big of a deal?

“This isn’t your problem” Lance said coldly. “It’s mine. This has nothing to do with you, so but out” With that he turned and began to stomp toward his room.

“Matt tried to kill himself once” Pidge said suddenly. Lance froze mid-step. “He told me that he had thought about killing himself once, and I ignored it. If I hadn’t been at home that day and found him with the knife he- he would be—” Her face went pale.

“Pidge…” Lance said softly. She crossed her arms and frowned. “I had no idea”

“Yeah, well it happened. So, I’m sorry, Lance, but I can’t keep this to myself” She said firmly. “I need you to tell Shiro, because I can’t let what almost happened to Matt happen to you” Lance hesitated.

“I- I don’t—” he inhaled sharply. “I don’t know how” he admitted quietly. Pidge took a step closer to him.

“That’s okay” she said, comfortingly. “All you have to do is tell him. I can help you. I’ll even stay with you while you do if you want”

“You will?” Pidge smiled.

“Yeah, I will” she held out her hand to him. “Come on, we can do it right now, if you want” Lance’s eyes widened as he took Pidge’s hand.

“R- right now?” he asked. She nodded.

“Yeah, we’ll do it really quickly, like pulling off a band aid” she said as they headed toward Shiro’s room. “The longer you wait the worse it’ll feel” Lance tightened his grip on Pidge’s hand as they walked.

“Pidge?” he said. She looked up at him. “I- I don’t want to hurt myself” he admitted. “I just feel like- I feel like I have to. To feel better” There was so much fear in Lance’s eyes. “But I can’t kill myself cause- cause I’m too scared to die” he whispered. Pidge stopped walking and pulled Lance into a bone crushing hug.

“Lance…” she said, tears stinging her eyes.

“I’m sorry” Lance cried into Pidge’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I told you not to tell anyone. I was just scared” he sniffed and shuddered.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, Lance. It’s all going to be okay” She assured him.

After the two of them stopped crying they continued onto Shiro’s room.

“Are you ready?” Lance straightened up and nodded. He lifted his hand and knocked. Shiro opened the door a few moments later.

“Uh, h- hey, Shiro” Lance said nervously, wiping a tear off his face. Shiro looked from Lance, to Pidge, who was standing right behind him in the doorway.

“Yeah, Lance? What’s up?” Lance glanced back at Pidge nervously. She smiled at him encouragingly. He took a deep breath and nodded.

“Can I talk to you about something?”


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Hi um sorry to bother you. For the ask you to do stuff I have a fic idea you'd probably write better than me. An AU where before Lance was in the Garrison he was a pretty violent gang kid. Someone threatens a member of the team and he goes full on gangster on them.
> 
> A/N: Sorry it’s so short. Also I’ve been watching a lot of Criminal Minds so this is more serial killer behavior than gangster so uhh oops lol. Also two prompts in one day? H*ck yeah.

“I’m not going to lie to you” Lance said, holding the tip of the knife to the Galra soldier’s throat. “Every part of my wants to plunge this knife into your throat right now” Lance kept the knife on his throat, but began slowly walking around the chair that he was tied up in. “So, you try and escape, and I will not hesitate to kill you” Lance growled. The soldier went completely still. “So, listen carefully, if you even think about hurting any of my teammates ever again I will hunt you down, and…” he trailed off, leaving the rest to his imagination. The soldier huffed, but Lance could see the fear in his eyes.

“Why should I be scared of you?” he asked. Lance smiled sweetly and dragged the knife down his neck to his chest, hovering the point over his heart.

“I’m sure that you don’t know much about Earth, so I’ll explain something to you” Lance said. The Galra soldier rolled his eyes when he realized that Lance was ramping up to a monologue. Lance noticed his reaction and put a little pressure on the knife. “And you better listen, because there might be a quiz at the end” he said loftily. “Got it?” The soldier didn’t reply. Lance pushed harder on the knife until a stream of blood ran down the soldier’s chest.

“I got it! I got it!” he gasped. Lance smirked and pulled the knife away. He stepped away and began circling the chair again.

“Good. So, what I was saying is, back on Earth” Lance said, twirling the knife on his thumb. “There are these things called ‘gangs’ kind of like our little alliance that’s going to take your reign of terror” Lance said with a confident smirk. “We did things, things to protect each other, protect our families. And when people threatened our families—” Lance shot a glare at him. He was trying his hardest not to shake in fear. “We sent them messages” He rounded the chair again. “What kind of messages, you ask? Good question! The kind of messages that are hard to clean up” Lance leaned against the arm rest, the knife held in his other hand. He examined it closely, staring at his reflection in the shiny metal. “So, when I heard that you had threatened my family” Lance said, trying his hardest to keep calm and not gut him where he sat. “I thought to myself, this guy… this guy doesn’t get it. He needs a message”

“What kind of bullshit message is this?” The soldier asked, straining against the ropes that tied his arms down. Lance jerked the knife down and stabbed it into the wood, just inches from the soldier’s arm. He flinched hard and cringed away from the knife. Lance put an arm on either side of the chair and got right in his face.

“Let. Me. Finish” Lance said sharply. The soldier gulped. Lance narrowed his eyes and then leaned away, pulling the knife out of the chair as he did. “Good. Now, where was I? Oh yeah, I was getting ready to send you a message. Only the weird thing about Galra is they don’t value family all that much” The soldier sneered, much more confident now that Lance wasn’t in his face. “I couldn’t just send you one of your mother’s fingers, no. You’ve probably cut off three of them yourself” The soldier began to protest at that, but Lance shut him up right away but waving the knife in his face. “The only thing that you people care about, is yourselves” Lance dragged the knife against the soldier’s cheek, watching the way his eyes darted back and forth in fear.

“So, you’re going to kill me?” It sounded like it was meant to be a statement, but it came out more of a question. He was angry before, but now he was scared. He was afraid of Lance, and what he was going to do to him.

“No” Lance said simply, standing in front of the soldier, staying in his line of sight. “See, I can’t just kill you, no, we have rules. We’re here to protect the universe. We don’t kill unarmed people, even if they’re a threat to us” Lance smiled and shook his head. “Oh no, killing you would be to easy. It would be a mercy killing. You? You’re going to live a long life. And every. Day” Lance said, punctuation the words. “You are going to be living in fear, looking over your shoulder. Waiting… Watching… You never know where I’ll be. When I’ll come back for you” In the blink of an eyes Lance was hovering over the soldier again, the knife digging into his skin, just underneath his chin.

“So never. And I mean never touch them again. You hear me?” The Galra soldier gulped and held his head up high, not looking directly at Lance. “Good. Now,” Lance leaned over and cut the ropes that tied the soldier to the chair. “Get out of my sight before I change my mind and kill you now” the soldier shot a terrified glance at Lance and then turn and sprinted out of the building. Lance wiped the knife off on his shirt and then strode out of the abandoned building. He climbed into Blue and headed back toward the castle.

“Lance?” Hunk’s voice came over the radio. He sounded relieved that he had finally gotten ahold of him. “Buddy, where have you been? I’ve been trying to call you for hours” Lance tightened his grip on the controls.

“Sorry, Hunk” Lance cleared his throat. “I was just… taking care of something”


	45. Langst Collab

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Lance has ADHD.
> 
> A/N: This is a collab I did with @King_Of_Clubs !! The first section of this was written by them, and the second section was written by me! I absolutely love ADHD Lance and I had so much fun doing this!! <3

Pidge was angry and she couldn’t find anything she needed. Lance often took her stuff to be funny. She storms down to his room, opening it up, about to yell at him when she heard crying.

“What? Lance?” she looks around the room to see where she could find the Cuban boy, but no luck.

The crying abruptly stopped, and Lance seemed to hold his breath. She walked slowly over to the boys bed, trying to ignore the pain in her chest. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, you can leave now,” his voice cracks, his grip around the cover tightening.

“Lance…” she says softly.

“Pidge, I am fine! If you came for the parts they’re on my desk.”

They were over there, but she didn’t care for the parts anymore, she wanted to know what was wrong with her friend.

“Lance!”

“What?”

She was both angry and sad now. “At least look at me?”

The covers are slammed on his side, turning over to look at her. His hair is a mess, freckle-dusted cheeks stained with tear tracks, his eyes are red and puffy. “What?”

“Are you—”

“Do I look okay? Pidge, just leave me alone. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Her heart clenched in worry for the boy. She had always thought Lance was the happy one. He would always make jokes, laugh, mess around. He would comfort her when the stress got to much, he would comfort Hunk, and if Keith allowed him, he’d help Keith get his mind off things.

Yet no one was there for him. She jumps on his bed, sitting next to him. “You force me to talk, sleep and eat. So I’m making you talk. What’s up?”

She mentally smacks herself for doing this and not getting Hunk instead. About to apologize, Lance speaks up. “I don’t know. I just, I feel like my ADHD gets in the way of Voltron…”

“ADHD?”

“Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder,” he sighs, sitting up. “I blurt things out, I get distracted, I forget things, I’m over the top, annoying, I can’t control myself sometimes and I’m not smart—”

Pidge puts her hand up for him to stop talking. “One, who do you consider smart?”

“You, Hunk, Matt—”

“Matt has ADD. They’re the same thing, but different at the same time, right? He’s older, and he’s learned to use his hyper focus for his smarty-things. You can too,” she smiles.

Lance shakes his head. “That still doesn’t stop the fact I’m the weakest. I don’t even know why I tried to calm down Shiro, I knew he was going to yell at me. I knew it but I still did it. And then I snapped at Hunk when he was just messing around, and I-I just.”

“Hey! Hey it’s okay, look, we can talk about it later, but,” she pauses to yawn, “I’m tired.”

He laughs, “that’s a first, Pidge,” he then sighs, looking down. “Hunk’s the only one that knows I’ve got ADHD, well, I guess you do now, I uh, I just, look, don’t tell Shiro? Okay?”

“Can I tell Keith?”

“He’s not here,” Lance pouts.

Pidge sighs, giving Lance a hug, holding him tightly. “Lance, we care so much about you. I-I didn’t know you thought about yourself this way.”

“Pidge it’s not your fault I hate the way I look, the way I act, it’s not your fault for not noticing,” he sighs, hugging her back.

Her heart wrenches more. “Lance, you should get to bed, I’ll be back with my pillow and blanket. I’m sleeping in here with you. On the floor. Okay?”

“Okay…”

~ ~

Lance watched as Pidge left his room. He let out a quiet sigh and collapsed onto the bed. He hadn’t meant to tell Pidge that he had ADHD. He wanted to keep that a secret. He was afraid what the others would do if they found out.

Would they think he was lying?

Lance’s heart squeezed painfully as he buried himself further underneath his blankets. He just wanted to be alone to wallow in his self-pity. He didn’t need Pidge here telling him lies, trying to make him feel better about himself. Nothing could make Lance change his mind on the way he felt about his ADHD.

He had known since he was young that he had ADHD. He told everyone when he was a kid, thinking that it was kind of cool. But he quickly learned that other people didn’t have the same opinions. Kids thought he was weird for not being able to sit still, or for blurting things out all the time. They thought he was dumb, that he was less smart than them because he never knew the answer to anything. He wasn’t dumb, he just couldn’t pay attention to teachers for as long as they could, but no one seemed to understand that.

No one wanted to hang out in middle school. They all thought he was annoying because he was constantly interrupting them. He just needed to say what he was thinking before he forgot it. He wasn’t trying to be rude.

No one understood him, so he kept it to himself.

He learned to tone it down enough for people to just think that he was energetic, and never told anyone that he had ADHD.

“Move your ass over” Pidge instructed as she barged back into the room. Lance rolled over and frowned at her. He could barely see over the blanket. It was pulled up almost to his eyes.

“Wh- what?” Lance mumbled. He thought Pidge was going to sleep on the floor. His plan was to wait until she was asleep and then sneak out of the room.

“Move over. I changed my mind I’m not sleeping on the floor it’s hard as shit” Lance opened his mouth to protest but couldn’t think of a valid reason not to let her share the bed with him.

“You don’t- You don’t have to sleep here” Lance muttered in irritation as he scooted closer to the wall. Pidge climbed into the bed and buried herself under Lance’s blanket.

“Tough shit, man. I’m staying” she said. Lance pinched his lips together and turned away from her, so he was facing the wall. He just wanted to cry in peace. He didn’t need her here pitying him.

“Stop doing that” Lance whispered. Pidge shifted behind him, leaning in closer.

“Doing what?”

“I can feel your Sad Eyes on the back of my head. Stop it. I don’t need your- your pity” his voice broke. “Shiro yelled at me for interrupting him, I deserved it. End of story” Lance pressed himself further into the wall, away from Pidge. He blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to clear the tears that were rapidly forming in his eyes.

“I’m not pitying you- stop moving away from me” Pidge wrapped her arms and legs around Lance, clinging to him like a koala bear.

“Get off” Lance said in irritation, a few tears escaping and running down his face.

“You’re not a burden, Lance. You’re the heart and soul of Voltron. No one thinks that you’re annoying, or a bother. You’re the only paladin that periodically checks up on everyone, making sure they’re okay. I know for a fact if you didn’t do that I would have died like a week after we got here because I was so buried in Altean technology I forgot to eat and sleep for three days” Pidge was talking so fast that Lance could hardly keep up with her.

“But—”

“You’re not stupid Lance, no one thinks that. In fact, you’re one of the smartest people that I know. Maybe you’re not so good with the book learning, not everyone is. But you always know how to find the creative answer to problems that others can’t find. You’re different, there’s no denying that. But that’s not a bad thing. It’s good. You’re different in the best way. You make everyone more comfortable, you put people at ease” Pidge continued. Lance listened to her, completely awestruck. “You have so many skills and amazing qualities, more than I can even remember. You’re the best sharpshooter I’ve ever seen, and a hella good pilot. No one’s going to think differently of you because you have ADHD. We all love and care for you, no matter what. I love you, and goodnight” Lance’s mind was reeling from all the things that Pidge had said. She said them all in quick succession, so it took Lance a moment to process it all.

“I- I love you too” he said softly, a small smile threatening to spread across his face.


	46. Langst Collab 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Lance is accidentally transformed into a mermaid.
> 
> A/N: This is a writing collab that I did with @/langsty-mc-langstface on tumblr! They did the first section and I did the second section :) I absolutely love mer!lance but surprisingly this is the first fic I've written for mer!lance??

When Shiro was called back to the castle because Lance had an accident he was certain he would find the boy laying in a healing pod with a trail of blood leading from his lion.

What he did not expect to find however was for Coran to take him directly to the pool where lance was swimming quite happily above him.

“Lance… what the fuck dude.” Shiro goraned gesturing up at him.

Lance to his credit at least looked somewhat sheepish as he stuck his head out “In my defence i saved a kid.”

“What does saving a kid have to do with you being turned into a merman?!” Shiro yelled feeling the vein in his head throb like it may explode from stress.

Lance’s long blue tail shimmered in the water, iridescent scales covered his spine up to neck and the side of his face. His ears had gained a slight point to his ears and a blue tint to his skin.

It was a little off putting to see such drastic physical changes to his teammate, even if according to Coran he was in perfect health Shiro couldn’t help but worry.

Lance bobbed back into the water, either to hide his shame or to breath Shiro wasn’t sure. He eventually resurfaced “honestly i don’t know, i just figured if you knew i did a good deed you wouldn’t be pissed that i drank some weird potion an old lady gave me.”

Shiro let out a long, long, sigh.

How was this his life? Why did he have to be the one to [lay babysitter to a bunch of teenagers in space where when he sends them off on seperate missions so he can try and strengthen his bond with the black lion that coming back to one of them no longer being the same species he was at breakfast is a possibility.

“Lance… why would you drink something a stranger offered you?” Shiro asked massaging his eyes, he could feel the stress headache working its way to the front of his head annoyingly fast.

Lance nervously flicked his tail from side to side not meeting Shiro’s gaze as he muttered his reply “she was the kids grandma, it was meant to be a way to say thanks. She said that it would make my dreams come true so i figured it would make me a better paladin… instead it made me into literally what i dreamt last night.”

Hearing Lance admit his belief that he didn’t believe he was already a great paladin was almost as weird as the whole merman situation. Shiro would never have imagined that the loud confident Lance could be anything other then secure with himself and his place on the team. But not it was appearing to be a mask he wore to hide his true fears.

How had he been so blind?

“Look Lance you don’t need a magic potion to make you a better paladin, your already our perfect sharpshooter and we wouldn’t have you any other way.”

“Thanks Shiro… though i guess now we really will need a replacement.” Lance gestured to the tail “can’t exactly run around saving the universe without legs can i?” he laughed but there was a note of distress to it, like the gravity of his situation was finally hitting him.

It suddenly occurred to Shrio if this potion didn’t wear off or they couldn’t find a way to reverse the effects there was no way Lance could continue to be a paladin, and what’s worse he could never return to Earth without being in great danger.

“Dont worry kiddo, Coran and Allura are already looking into it. In the meantime i would suggest you enjoy it, Hunk said you always had a thing for mermaid right?”

A genuine smile spread across Lance’s face as he nodded “Yeah… yeah your right, besides i’ve been wanting to spend some time in the pool even if it is a little cooler then i would like.”

Lance used his tail to push himself out of the water so he was just a little above Shiro, his wet hair dripping on the floor.

He was close enough that Shiro could see the gills on his neck and ribs fluttering, desperate for water.

He could also see the boy shivering as he wrapped his arms around himself. It was slight and likely wouldn’t do any more damage then discomfort but Shiro still made a mental note to talk to Coran later about turning up the temperature of the pool.

“It’s not hotel pool that’s for sure.” Lance gasped out before retreating into the water to catch his breath.

“It’s an athletics pool, it’s supposed to be cool. I’ll talk to Coran but i can’t make any promises.” Shiro turned to leave watching from the corner of his eye as Lance disappeared under the water swimming round and playing seemingly without a care in the world.

Shiro couldn’t help but smile, he deserved a chance he be a kid and have some fun now and again.

As the doors closed shut Shiro had no idea that the pool was growing steadily colder and Lance was finding it harder and harder to just stay awake.

~ ~

Shiro had only been gone a few moments when Lance sucked in a lung full of water and shuddered. It felt weird to breathe in water like it was air. Lance found that when he was under the water for too long panic set into his body, telling him that he was running out of air. But when he surfaced from the water, his gills straining to find water, he would remember that he couldn’t breathe air anymore.

Lance dove down deep into the pool, craning his neck to watch his tail flutter behind him as he did. It was really beautiful. But Lance couldn’t fully appreciate it, because the cold was burying itself deep in Lance’s newly transformed body.

“Where’s Shiro” Lance muttered, startled at the sound of his voice under the water. It sounded weird. Like it was a stranger’s voice. “So… cold…” Lance shivered and watched as a stream of bubbles rose from his mouth to the surface of the water. Lance turned and swam toward the edge of the pool and then began swimming laps to try and stay warm. Unfortunately, the activity didn’t do anything to warm him, instead it just made the cold-water rush through him faster, forcing the cold deeper into his body. Lance couldn’t remember what it felt like to be warm. That scared him, because he hadn’t been a mermaid for that long, it couldn’t have been more than twelve hours.

“-ance? Lance…?” Lance didn’t notice the figure hovering over the water until he heard the voice calling his name. Lance quickly turned and darted to the surface. “Lance?” Pidge’s eyes went wide in wonder as she dragged her gaze across Lance’s new body. “Oh, wow” she breathed. Lance swam to the edge of the pool and propped his arms on the ledge, keeping his gills in the water so he could breathe. “Can I… Can I touch them?” she asked, kneeling on the ledge, her hand tentatively reaching out. Lance hesitated for a moment and then nodded. Pidge gently touched the gills on Lance’s neck. Lance flinched at the unnatural feeling. His neck was so sensitive now. “Sorry” Pidge said when she noticed Lance’s reaction.

“It’s okay” Lance twirled his tail and lowered himself further into the water. “It’s just a little weird is all” he shrugged. “Hey, where’s Shiro?” he asked after a few moments of Pidge marveling at his scales and gills.

“Oh, right. That’s what I came in here to talk to you about” she said, leaning away from the water. “Shiro and Coran just flew out to find that lady that gave you the potion” she explained. “They researched cures, but they couldn’t find anything, so she’s our last hope” Lance’s heart sunk. As much fun as he was having as a mermaid, he needed to become human again if he wanted to stay in Voltron. He was useless to them in this form.

“Oh, okay” Lance said, his voice half muffled from the water. Pidge could see the fear and disappointment in his eyes.

“I’m- I’m going back to research more about a cure” she said, upbeat. “I’m sure they missed something” she said confidently, standing to leave. “I’ll come back the minute I find something” she promised. Lance nodded his head sluggishly.

“Yeah… alright” he said. Pidge had barely left the room when Lance let his body drift deeper into the pool. He could hardly keep himself upright at this point. He was so exhausted.

Lance let his body fall down to the bottom of the pool, floating aimlessly. He was too tired to even swim. His mind felt fuzzy, clouded by the water. Even though his body had changed, his mind couldn’t adapt to being under the water. It was like his brain was waterlogged.

And he was so cold.

Shiro had promised that he would have Coran turn the heat up in the pool, but clearly, he forgot. Now Lance was alone at the bottom of the pool, struggling to keep his eyes open. He strained to keep his gills moving, filtering the water in and out. It was hard to remember to do that instead of breathing. Lance’s body was growing weaker with each minute, he couldn’t even open his eyes.

It was only a few more moments before he lost consciousness completely.

When Shiro and Coran found him, he was floating face down in the pool. They had come in to tell him that they had had no luck, that the woman said there wasn’t a cure, the potion would simply wear off when it was time. They forgot the news the moment they stepped through the door.

Shiro didn’t even hesitate. He dove straight into the water and threw the Lance over his shoulder and saw to the edge of the pool. It wasn’t until Coran had laid him down on the floor that they realized that Lance had gone back to normal.

He was human again.

The potion had worn off while he was underwater.

And now Lance wasn’t breathing.

Shiro knelt over the boy and listened for breath sounds but found none. He checked Lance’s pulse next. Nothing. He began doing compressions immediately. He pushed his hands against Lance’s chest. He repeated this process for several minutes, losing hope each time he restarted.

Lance was dying.

Shiro pushed harder, scared that he was going to break his ribs, but even more scared that the CPR wasn’t going to work. Coran stood by, his hand covering his mouth in horror.

Lance was dying right before their eyes.

Then, right as Shiro was about to give up, Lance’s body convulsed, and he began spitting up water. Shiro scrambled to get off of Lance and rolled him on his side, so he could get the rest of the water out.

Lance finally breathed.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Hi! I binge read your stuff a lot of your work and I love your writing a lot. 

Lance missed his family. They were very close, Lance was rarely without a younger sibling on his lap or a cousin clinging to his side. It was a rude awakening when Lance went into space and suddenly had none of the touch that he used to have. He never knew he would miss cuddling with his siblings so much. The other paladins weren’t as touchy-feely as Lance’s family. Actually, they rarely touched at all, and everyone seemed to be fine with that.

Everyone except Lance.

He found himself lying awake at night, craving the feeling of someone near him. The sound of another heartbeat against his as he was lulled to sleep. And night after night his sleep was plagued with nightmares of his family being tortured and killed. He watches them die, all because he’s not there to save them. Lance always wakes up in a cold sweat.

No one noticed how Lance lingered in hugs, and hovered around them, waiting for them to initiate contact. They never seemed to notice how he leaned into every touch, every hug.

Or at least that’s what Lance thought.

Lance had fallen asleep on the couch one day, because he hadn’t been sleeping during the night. Keith walked in, and saw that Lance was stirring. He tried to stay quiet as he turned to leave, but then Lance began to cry out. Keith tensed and turned back to him. Lance’s face was pale and covered in sweat. Keith inched toward the couch, watching Lance closely. His eyelids were twitching violently.

“Lance?” Keith whispered, kneeling down next to the couch. “Lance, wake up. It’s just a dream” he gently touched Lance’s arm. Lance’s eyes flew open and he sat up straight, panting for breath. Sweat was dripping down his temple. “Shh! It’s alright, it’s just me. You’re alright” Lance let out a pathetic noise and then rubbed his eyes. The dream had been so realistic.

“Wh- Where am I?” Lance mumbled sleepily. He folded his arms across his chest and leaned his side against the back of the couch.

“The living room. You feel asleep after supper” he explained, still crouched next to Lance. “Are you- are you okay?” he asked.

“Why didn’t anyone wake me up?” Lance asked, drawing him knees up to his chest. He was basically holding himself. Keith noticed.

“No one wanted to. You haven’t been sleeping well lately” Lance looked away sheepishly.

“You noticed?” he asked. Keith nodded. Lance played with the end of his jacket sleeve. “Ah- sorry. Just… can’t seem to fall asleep I guess. It’ll go away” he shrugged.

“You sure it’s not the nightmares that are keeping you up?” Keith asked, his eyebrows raised. Lance blushed and stared at his hands.

“Dunno” he mumbled. “Maybe”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“No” Keith pursed his lips and drummed his fingers against the couch, wondering if he should just leave it. But he knew that Lance wasn’t feeling well lately. He assumed that Lance missed his family, that he missed the closeness. Lance and Hunk were pretty closed, but not as close as Lance made it seem that his family was.

“Okay” Keith cleared his throat and stood up. He pushed his bangs out of his eyes and then sat on the edge of the couch and began unlacing his boots.

“Wh- what are you doing?” Lance asked. Keith didn’t answer. He tossed his boots on the floor and then shrugged his jacket off.

“Lay down” Keith commanded. Lance blinked in shock.

“Uh, excuse me?” he asked in confusion. Keith motioned for Lance to lie back.

“Lay down” he repeated. “I’m going to sleep with you” Lance’s blush deepened.

“Again… excuse me!?” Keith gently pushed on Lance shoulder, and he laid down with little resistance.

“I said I’m going to sleep with you” he said, getting frustrated and embarrassed. “It’ll help with the nightmares, I promise. I swear that’s the only reason” he was lying. He knew that Lance missed the human contact. He needed it as much as he needed to breathe. Lance was a very touchy-feely person but lately he’d gotten more and more reserved, it was like he was afraid to initiate the contact.

“I don’t- I don’t know—” Lance frowned as Keith hovered next to the couch. “We- we won’t fit” Keith shrugged.

“It’s fine. I’m small. I’ll sleep on top of you” He didn’t move. “Is that alright?” he asked. “If I sleep here with you tonight?” he didn’t want to just climb on top of him without permission. He wanted to help Lance, but not if Lance didn’t want help.

“Um, I mean… Well… I guess so” he stuttered. Keith swiftly crawled on top of Lance and settled down, so his head was resting on Lance’s chest. His legs automatically tangled with Lance’s and his hands went around his neck. They just… fit together. “This is… kinda weird” Keith shrugged, tilting his head down so Lance couldn’t see the rapidly forming blush creeping up his neck.

“Whatever. It’s to help you sleep, so shut it” he grumbled. Lance’s arms were stiff underneath Keith. It was like he didn’t know what to do with his hands. It took several minutes of laying there before Lance began to relax, finally realizing that Keith wasn’t joking about sleeping on top of him. Lance tentatively snaked his hands around Keith’s waist and snuggled his face into Keith’s hair. He let out an involuntary sigh and Keith almost didn’t hear. Keith was relaxing as well. He hadn’t realized how tense he was until Lance began to loosen up. His eyes fluttered as Lance’s rhythmic breathing began to lull him to sleep.

“Keith?” Lance whispered after a few minutes of them breathing quietly.

“Hmm?” Keith mumbled.

“Thank you” Lance said. “For… you know” Keith reached a hand up and covered Lance’s mouth briefly before dropping his hand back down.

“Shut up and go to sleep” he said tiredly. He would never admit it, but the night he laid on that couch with Lance he slept better than he ever had before.


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: (From @/WarriorQuinn on Wattpad) "Can you made a langst with plance? I mean the ship be plance cause your writing is amazing"
> 
>  
> 
> A/N: This is my first time taking a request from Wattpad! All my others have been on tumblr. If anyone wants to leave a comment with a prompt I might just do one :). Also I think this might be my first time writing Plance? Anyway, I hope you like it!

“Lance!” Lance could swear that Pidge’s scream could be heard from every corner of the galaxy in that moment. Pidge rushed to Lance’s side before Lance even had time to fall down. She grabbed him by the shoulders and slowly lowered him to the ground. “Lance, lance, oh my god” Lance’s mouth was open in shock. His vision was swimming and his whole body went numb.

“Wh- what…” Lance said, a rush of what Lance thought was vomit bubbling up his throat. When it came out he quickly realized that it was blood.

“Oh fuck” Pidge said in panic as blood dribbled down Lance’s chin. Blood was also rushing from the gaping wound in Lance’s stomach. Pidge had to stop the bleeding. She used both of her hands to cover the wound, barely containing the steady stream of blood that was pouring out. Lance could already hold his head up.

“What… happened?” he asked. Pidge tried to calm her breathing. She needed to stay calm so that she could keep Lance calm. The more he freaked out the worse this would be. She had to get him out of there alive.

“There was a sniper” Pidge said slowly. “Keith went after him in Red, and the others are on their way here” Lance nodded slowly and then coughed up another mouthful of blood.

“Pidge” Lance said, the fear evident in his voice. “Pidge please don’t leave me” he whimpered. Pidge’s heart broke in her chest.

“I’m not leaving” she said softly. “I’m right here. I won’t leave you” Lance reached his hand up blindly and touched her face. He gasped in pain. “Hold still, Lance. The others will be here soon and then we’ll get you to a healing pod. You’ll be okay. You’re going to be okay” Lance didn’t know if Pidge was reassuring him or herself.

“You know how…” Lance’s whole body felt slow. Like he was underwater. “How—” Lance broke off in a coughed violently and them grimaced.

“Lance,” Pidge pleaded. “Please just save your energy. You can tell me later. Tell me when you’re out of the healing pod” Lance closed his eyes and shook his head.

“You know how people say that… that your whole life flashes before your eyes when you’re dying?” Pidge let out a quiet sob.

“Lance, you’re not dying—” Lance ignored Pidge, it was like he couldn’t hear her.

“It’s not true, you know” Lance said, quieter. “I don’t see my life, how I lived. I’m not thinking about how I spent my time. All I can think about is the things that I never did. How stupid was I to waste… to waste…” Lance stopped for a breath. He could barely keep his eyes open, but he had to look at Pidge when he said this.

“Lance, just wait” Pidge pleaded.

“How stupid are we to waste the time we have?” Lance asked, his eyes glazing over. The blood was beginning to seep through Pidge’s fingers. She pushed harder. Lance grimaced in pain.

“I’m sorry” she breathed.

“We have these ‘rules’” Lance continued, his voice growing fainter each moment. His hand was still on Pidge’s face. It was like he needed to remember that she was still there. “We spend so much time doing nothing, worrying about pointless things” Lance was practically incoherent. Pidge had no idea what he was talking about.

“Lance, I don’t—” Lance slid his hand up her cheek and into her hair.

“I love you, Pidge” he said, his voice barely more than a whisper. “That’s all that I can think about. I don’t see my life flashing before my eyes, because all I can see is you. Why didn’t I tell you?” he asked. Pidge was crying now, seeing the blood dripping from Lance’s mouth. “I was scared. Except right now I can’t think of the reason why” Lance opened his eyes and peered up at Pidge. “I love you” he repeated. “And I’m sorry that it took me dying to finally tell you”

“You’re not dying” she sobbed. “You’re not. You’re going to be okay” A smile tugged at the corner of Lance’s mouth.

“Don’t cry for me, Pidge” Lance said, wiping a tear away with his thumb. He dropped his hand back to his side, unable to hold it up any longer.

“I don’t have to cry because you’re not going to die” Pidge said stubbornly. She refused to believe that Lance was dying. He was going to be okay, she was sure of it. “This will all pass and then we can—” Lance’s body suddenly went completely still. Pidge’s heart froze, but then Lance began breathing heavily.

“Pidge-!” There was panic in Lance’s voice. His eyes widened, and his body tensed. “I can’t see you. Where are you?” he gasped. “Y- you promised you wouldn’t leave” Pidge gave up holding pressure on his wound, obviously it wasn’t helping. She quickly reached for Lance’s hands and squeezed them.

“I’m right here, Lance” she said, tears streaking down her dirt covered face. “I’m right here. I’m not leaving. I’ll never leave you”

“Pidge, I don’t know if you’re still there, but I love you” he faintly. “I always have” His limbs were shaking. “I’m cold… I’m cold” Lance’s pulse spiked. He was panting for breath.

“Lance, I’m here. I’m here” she shouted. Suddenly her eyes widened as she realized the words that she hadn’t said. “I love you, too!” She exclaimed in terror. “I love you, Lance. I love you. I love you. I love you I love you I love you”

She was still repeating these words when the others arrived. She was lying on the ground, covered in blood. Lance’s blood. She was in shock. Shiro rushed to Lance to try and move him but found no pulse.

He was already dead.

Pidge refused to let go of Lance. She continued repeating the words, like a compulsion. If she stopped saying it he would truly be gone.

He would be dead, never having heard that Pidge loved him too.


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Hi, could you write something about Lance getting hurt on a mission/captured by galra and ending up with a leg that kinda looks like Shiro’s arm? Bonus points if he starts using shorts because he somehow likes his leg (・౪・)
> 
> A/N: Sorry it's been so long guys I've had a crazy busy week. My giveaway fics will be posted sometime this week!

Lance sat on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands. He kept his eyes trained on the floor in front of him. He had been sitting there for well over an hour, trying to work up the courage to leave his room.

“Knock knock” Keith said quietly, standing in the door way. Lance’s eyes shot up in surprise. Keith. He was here? “Hey, how are you?” Keith asked. Lance took a minute to look Keith over. He looked different. Older maybe? Definitely more tired.

“Well…” Lance tilted his chin to the blanket covering his legs. Keith flinched.

“Right, of course” he said in embarrassment. “Sorry” Lance shrugged. Keith was still wearing his Blade of Marmora suit.

Lance shifted nervously. Keith continued to hover in the doorway. “Why are you here?” he asked bluntly. Keith had left long ago, and Lance couldn’t remember the last time he had step foot in the castle.

“I- I- Do I have to have a reason for coming back?” he asked, his face flushing. Lance stared at him blankly. “Yeah, okay. Fine. That’s fair” Keith scratched the back of his neck. “I heard what happened to you and I just… I wanted to come see you. See if you were okay…” Lance snorted.

“Well I’m fine” he said sharply. “You know, for a guy who lost a fucking leg” Keith’s mouth screwed up like he wanted to say something, but no words came out. Lance let out a breath. “Sorry. I’m just tired” he rubbed his eyes and sighed.

“Why are you still in here?” Keith asked, taking a hesitant step forward. “I mean, everyone else is eating lunch. They said you haven’t left your room all day” Lance bit his lip to refrain from snapping at Keith. “Are you… feeling okay?”

“I’m fine” Lance said, less than politely. “I’m just not hungry” he said, pointedly staring at the wall.

“Uh, yeah, okay. I don’t believe that” Keith said bluntly. Lance blinked in surprise.

“Wh- what?”

“I call bullshit” Keith said, shrugging his shoulders. He crossed his arms, now standing right in front of Lance. “What’s the real reason?” Now it was Lance’s turn to go silent. “Lance, it’s me. You can tell me anything” Keith said quietly, kneeling down in front of Lance. Lance cringed away from him slightly.

“I- I- I don’t—” Lance wrung his hands nervously.

“I’m serious, Lance. I’m here for you” Lance’s face broke.

“Then where were you when I got hurt?” he asked, his mouth curving down. Keith leaned back in surprise.

“I- What?” Lance let out a sigh and turned away. “Lance, I didn’t know” Keith said desperately. “There was no way for me to know that you were going to get hurt. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there, Lance. But I’m here now”

“I know” Lance said, crouching over. “I’m sorry. I’m just…” Keith nodded.

“I understand” Keith’s eyes flickered down to the blanket on Lance’s lap. The area where his left leg was glowed slightly through the material. “Does… does it hurt?” he asked. Lance’s eyes flew up to the ceiling. He still refused to look at it. If his mind wandered long enough he could forget about it for a brief moment, but then it would all come crashing back.

“Um, yeah. Kinda” Keith’s hand twitched, like he was trying to keep it still.

“Can I see it?” he asked. Lance stiffened. “Please?” Lance gulped and closed his eyes. Lights flashed behind his eye lids and all he could feel was pain. He remembered the cold steel against his skin, the searing pain. His whole body was covered in sweat. His lungs were burning from his screams. He couldn’t even hear them. He wanted to pass out, but something wasn’t letting him. He felt every cut of the knife, every wire connected to vein.

“…ance?” Lance felt a hand on his shoulder. “Lance? Are you okay?” Lance shook out of Keith’s grip.

“I’m- I’m fine” Lance said, his voice cracking. Keith frowned dubiously but let go of Lance. “Just- just don’t say anything please” Lance said, training his eyes on the floor behind Keith. He swiftly grabbed the blanket and pulled it away, revealing his legs. Keith’s eyes widened slightly, but he gave no other indication of what he thought about it.

Lance knew it looked bad. Not the leg itself, the leg looks very similar to the arm that Shiro had gotten from the Galra. It was silver and made of some type of light metal. Ingrained in it was small strips of light that, Lance imagined, held the source of it’s power. Somehow the leg was connected to the nerves in such a way that he was able to move it just like any of his other limbs.

“Whoa” The word left Keith’s lips involuntarily. He grimaced as soon as he said it. “Uh, sorry” Lance’s eyes darted down quickly, and then he glanced away. “Do- do you remember?” A flash of light and more pain. He could hear his bones snapping, spots danced in his eyes. He couldn’t breathe.

“S- some of it” Lance lied. He remembered all of it. Every. Excruciating. Detail. Keith seemed to realize this fact. His eyes filled with sorrow.

“I’m so sorry, Lance” he said, his voice tight with pain. “I had no idea that you were missing. I was on a mission, there was no way for anyone to contact me and—” Lance waved his hand.

“It doesn’t matter” he said bitterly. He was still mad at Keith for leaving in the first place. He didn’t need to hear his excuses.

“No, it does matter” he said insisted. “You were hurt, and I wasn’t there”

“You weren’t there. It’s not your fault” Lance said in irritation. He didn’t understand what Keith was there. He was fine. He didn’t need Keith checking up on him.

“I should’ve been there” Keith said firmly. “If I had been there with you maybe…” Maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Lance didn’t have anything to say to that. Keith was right. Maybe it wouldn’t have happened. “That’s why I’m here now. I want to make it up to you” he said. “I’ll do anything. And I mean anything” his face was full of regret. Lance laughed sharply.

“You can start by leaving your ninja clan and coming home” he joked dryly. Keith’s eyes shined brightly up at Lance.

“Done” he said, with a sense of finality. “For you? Anything” Lance frowned and turned back to Keith.

“Keith,” he sighed. Keith got to his feet and sat on the bed next to Lance.

“I’m serious. I’ll quit. I can contact them about it immediately to let them know. I’ll be moved back in here before the end of the day” Keith said quickly. “I’ll be here every day to help you with anything you need. Help learning to use your leg? Help training? Midnight snack? Back rubs? Anything. I’m your guy” Lance shook his head.

“Keith…”

“I’m serious, Lance. I’m going to make this up to you. I promise”

“But it wasn’t your fault!” Lance exclaimed, jumping up. He spun around to face Keith. “It’s not your fault that got hurt. You weren’t here, period. No one could’ve know this would happen, there was no way to predict it. And there was no way for you to prevent it. IF you had been there then you would probably have a robot limb as well. Stop blaming yourself, Keith. You don’t have to do all this shit to make it up to me, because there’s nothing to make up” Keith pinched his lips together.

“But…”

“No but’s. They surprised and overpowered me. I didn’t die. I’m okay. I’m going to be okay” he assured Keith. Keith peered up at Lance through his hair, which had fallen over his face.

“Yeah, you will be okay” he said, his voice lifting. Lance frowned. He suddenly realized that he was standing. He looked down at his feet.

“You dick!” he gasped suddenly, slapping Keith on the arm. “You tricked me to get me to stand up!” Keith cracked a smile.

“I did no such thing” he said, his voice indicating that he did indeed do that. “But seriously, Lance, I am sorry” Lance ran his fingers through his hair. “If there were any way for me to go back in time and change something, I would” Lance sighed.

“I know” he crossed his arms and shifted his weight slightly, leaning onto his left leg. He winced slightly.

“Hurt?” Keith asked, getting up and crossing the room.

“Yeah” Lance admitted, his voice small. He couldn’t believe that Keith had actually gotten him to stand up. Keith handed the pair of crutches to Lance, who took them gratefully.

“I was serious about coming back” Keith said suddenly. Lance turned to look at him. “If- if that’s really what you want” he said. “I’m considering coming back. I- I miss you guys” His hands fidgeted at his sides. “I missed… you” Lance let his head drop down.

“I missed you too”


	50. Forever and Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Keith is waiting for Lance to come home when he gets a call from the hospital. This is 3.5k words of absolute HEART WRENCHING ANGST.
> 
> A/N: This is a fic that is based off the song Forever and Always by Parachute. @/alex-the-excellence-of-sass recommended this song to me and this fic is 100% their fault lmao.

Keith’s fingers drummed against the table anxiously. He checked his phone for the hundredth time. Still no text. He chewed on his lip as he texted Lance again.

Why hadn’t he called?

Keith set his phone down and began drumming his fingers again, staring out the window, waiting for Lance to pull in. He had promised he would be back hours ago. Keith was beginning to get worried. He checked his phone yet again, and then decided to shoot a text to anyone who would know where Lance was.

‘Haven’t seen him’ Pidge texted back. ‘Why? Is something wrong?’ Keith stared at the text silently. Lance hadn’t been gone that long. There was no reason to panic.

‘No’ Keith texted back. ‘He’s just late again’

‘Well that’s not hard to believe lol’ she texted back. ‘He’s like a cat. He’ll come back when he gets hungry’ Keith laughed weakly.

‘Yeah, you’re probably right’ He let out a breath. He was freaking himself out. Lance had been late before. And it wasn’t like he had disappeared without notice, he had been out shopping all day, periodically checking in with Keith letting him know when he would be home. But his last text had been hours ago. He should’ve been here.

Keith glanced back to the window, hoping that he would see the lights of Lance’s car as he pulled it.

Darkness.

He still wasn’t here.

Keith stood up to go stand by the window, thinking maybe he just couldn’t see Lance’s car. Just as he stood up, his phone rang. Relief rushed through Keith as he answered the phone without even bothering to see who it was.

“Lance?”

“Keith Kogane?” Keith froze.

“Y- yes?” he stuttered. “W- Who is this?”

“This is Allura, from Oasis General Hospital” The whole world seemed to stop around him. “You are the emergency contact for a Lance Mcclain?” she said in a gently voice. Keith gulped and nodded.

“Um, yes” his voice broke. He covered his mouth with his hand. “Is- is he…?” His heart pounded in his chest as he waited for a response.

“I- I can’t release any details over the phone” she said, hesitating. “All I can tell you is that he was in a car accident” Keith let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“He’s alive?” he asked, scared of hearing the answer.

“Yes, Sir” the woman said. “And I recommend that you get here soon” she said, his voice filled with concern. Keith heard the sound of shuffling papers through the phone.

“Oh. God. Right, yes, of course” Keith began frantically walking back and forth across the room, searching for his keys. “I- I’m on my way” He hung up the phone and grabbed his keys off the counter. He quickly ran back to the dining room and blew out the two candles he had lit. He glanced at the set table and then hurried out the door.

As he drove, well over the speed limit, his mind wandered to that day a few months ago when Lance had promised to be with Keith forever.

It was late, and they were on their way back from dinner. It was snowing, but they couldn’t get a cab, so they walked back to their apartment. They were walking side by side, hand in hand down the side walk when suddenly Lance stopped. He moved to stand in front of Keith as he spoke to him. “I was going to wait until we got home, but I just can’t wait any longer” he had said. He bent down on one knee, a grin spreading across his face as Keith’s eyes widened in realization. “Keith Kogane, I love you. I want you forever, forever and always” Keith laughed happily and covered his mouth with his hand.

“Lance” he whispered. Lance reached up and took Keith’s other hand.

“Through the good, the bad, and the ugly. I love you, and I will always love you. I want to grow old with you. I want to be by your side forever, if you’ll let me” Lance’s eyes sparkled up at him.

“Lance…”

“Will you marry me?” Keith was so happy he thought his heart was going to burst.

“Yes!”

The memory faded as Keith pulled up to the entrance of the hospital. He barely even turned his car off before he sprinted inside. He ran straight to the front desk and slapped his palms against the counter.

“Lance… Lance Mcclain” he panted. “I’m- I’m here to see him. I’m his fiancé. K- Keith Kogane” he said. The white-haired woman nodded and typed something into the computer.

“Thank you for getting here so soon” She said. Keith could tell by her voice that it was the woman who called him on the phone. “He just got out of surgery. I’ll take you there right away” she said. She walked around the desk and then began walking down a hall.

“Surgery?” Keith asked, his voice tight in panic. “How bad is he? Is- is he going to be okay?” The woman’s eyes flickered to him, but she quickly looked away.

“One of the doctors will be there to speak with you in a moment” she said, not revealing anything. Keith picked up his pace to follower behind her. He swore they turned down twenty different hallways to get there. It was like a maze of white. White walls, white floors.

After what felt like an hour they arrived outside of the door. A doctor was leaving the room right as they walked up.

“This is his fiancé” the woman from the front desk told the doctor. He nodded and then turned to Keith.

“Mr. Mcclain was in a very serious car accident” he began. “Medics arrived on the scene as soon as they could, and they pulled him out. He was badly injured, and they had to revive him once en route” Keith brain went fuzzy after that. The doctor continued explaining everything that had happened.

Lance had died.

His heart stopped.

They brought him back but…

He had been dead.

There was a sick feeling in the pit of Keith’s stomach. He wanted to be anywhere but there in that moment. All he wanted to do was be at home with Lance.

Keith struggled to tune back in, he needed to know had happened to Lance. “-We’ve stabilized him for now. We’ll have to run a few more tests to really know anything but…” His voice trailed off for too long, letting Keith know.

Things didn’t look good.

“I understand” Keith said, his mind going to autopilot. “Thank you” he pushed past the woman from the front desk and the doctor and stepped into the room.

The first thing Keith noticed was the smell. He was immediately greeted with the scent of the distinct hospital smell. It was very strong, some type of cleaning supply maybe. The next was how bright the room was. The fluorescent lights were harsh on their own but combined with the blinding white of the walls and the tile floor Keith had to squint to see the room properly. His ears were ringing from the shrill beep of the machines that were hooked up to Lance’s body.

Lance.

He looked small and pale in the hospital bed, like a child. He was completely still, aside from the rise and fall of his chest. His tanned face was covered in gashes where glass had imbedded itself during the crash. The particularly deep ones were covered in gauze and tape.

Keith shuffled his feet as he approached the bed. As he grew closer he could see the all of the cuts and bruises on Lance’s skin. He recalled the doctor saying something about extensive internal injuries as well. Lance’s left eye was swell shut, and he had a large bruise covering his neck from his seatbelt.

Keith sat gingerly in the chair on the right side of the bed. He swallowed thickly and gently rested his hands on Lance’s. “Lance, I’m here now” he said quietly. “I’m here, and I’m not leaving you” His eyes filled with tears as Lance laid there silently, but he blinked them away. He wasn’t going to cry.

“…ou’re hurting me” A voice mumbled, awhile later. Keith’s head shot up. When had he laid down?

“Lance?” Keith asked, holding his breath. Lance rolled his head toward Keith slightly.

“You’re squeezing my hand” he repeated. Keith let out a shaky breath.

“I’m- I’m sorry” he said, letting go of Lance’s hand immediately. Lance blindly reached for Keith’s hand and took it back in his.

“I didn’t say you had to let go” he said feebly. Keith laughed quietly.

“Sorry” he said again. Now that Lance was awake he could finally breath again. Lance’s eyes flicked behind Keith, and then he looked around the room in confusion.

“Where are we?” he asked. Keith squeezed his hand gently.

“You were in a car accident”

“Shit” Lance said flatly. Keith snorted.

“Yeah”

“Am I dying?” Lance asked bluntly. Keith gasped.

“Lance don’t joke about that!” he said, leaning in closer. Lance smiled weakly.

“I’m not joking” Lance said seriously. “I feel… I don’t know” he shook his head. “Never mind” Keith’s heart skipped a beat.

“You- you feel what?” he asked. Lance chewed on his bruised lip.

“I don’t know how to explain it” he said softly. “And I don’t want to make you mad… But I think I’m going to die—” Keith pulled his hand away from Lance.

“You’re not going to die” he said stubbornly. “You’re not. So, don’t even say it” he snapped. “You’re going to be fine. The doctors will run their tests and then tell you that you’re okay, and we’ll go home. We’ll get married when we planned, and then our lives will go on. We’ll move to—”

“To the country” Lance smiled faintly. “In a small cottage where we can raise our kids” He said, repeating what they had planned out since they got engaged on that cold winter night.

“That’s right” Keith said, crossing his arms. “We’re going to grow old together, remember? For rich or poor, for better or worse. We’ll love each other forever and always, just like you promised. So, don’t you dare go dying on me” Lance laughed, and then broke off in a coughing fit. Fear spiked though Keith as the noise on the monitor accelerated. He reached for the nurse button and poked it. The nurse arrived almost instantly.

“Is everything alright?” he asked calmly. Keith took Lance’s hand in his own again.

“He- he keeps coughing and—" Lance sat up and hunched over, coughing up a mouthful of blood, staining the perfectly white blanket that covered him. The nurse, who had a strange white tuft of hair covering the front of his head, rushed to Lance’s side instantly and read his chart. He put his hand on Lance’s shoulder and told him that he was going to be okay.

“It’s most likely just some leftover fluid from your lungs. Once you get it all out you’ll feel better” he explained, placing a bucket on Lance’s lap.

Everything started to spiral from there.

The doctors came back with the test results, there was damage done to Lance’s internal organs that they weren’t able to repair. There was nothing to do, and it was unlikely that he would make it through the night.

Keith completely broke down. He was clinging to the edge of Lance’s bed sobbing hysterically. He couldn’t die. He couldn’t. Lance was trying to keep it together for Keith, and that was making it worse. Lance was scared, Keith could see it in his eyes.

It took a long time for Keith to calm down from initial break down, but when he did he decided that he wasn’t going to spend his last few hours with Lance crying at his bedside. He wanted to do something memorable, not just for him, but for Lance.

“Lance, I’ll be right back” he said, as an idea took root in his mind. Lance’s eyes flashed up to Keith’s instantly. He had an oxygen tubes in his nose now, to help him with his breathing.

“Where are you going?” he asked fearfully. Keith stood up and kissed Lance on the forehead.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be right back” he promised, cupping Lance’s cheek. He was trying to memorize his face. There was a sharp pain in his chest as he realized this was going to be one of the last times that he got to see Lance’s face.

Keith left the room and hurried around, he had to be quick. He wanted to spend every minute he could be Lance’s since.

He returned less than ten minutes later with several people in tow. A few nurses, equipped with flowers and two rings that were in the lost and found, a chaplain, and the woman from the front desk, who had turned a few napkins into makeshift bowties.

Lance lifted his head tiredly, seeing who was at the door. “Keith?” Lance said curiously. “What is this?” he asked. Keith bit his lip to keep from grinning. Tears sparkled in his eyes and he took one of the bowties from the woman.

“Lance, I know you’ve already asked me, but given the circumstances…” he trailed off and took a deep breath, trying to put it out of his mind. “Will you do me the greatest pleasure of being your husband?” Lance’s eyes widened as far as he could manage.

“Wh- are you serious?” he asked, struggling to sit up so he could see the other people in the room. One of the nurses rushed over and poked the button to raise the bed up so he could lean against it. She fixed his pillows and helped prop Lance up, so he could see the nurses standing around smiling. “Oh my god. Is this really happening?” he asked, looking to Keith, who was smiling through the tears.

“Only if you say yes” Keith said, wiping his eyes. Lance’s brilliant smile instantly lit up the room. He almost looked like his normal self. If Keith concentrated on Lance’s eyes he could almost forget that this was happening in a hospital.

“Of fucking course I’m going to say yes!” Lance exclaimed hoarsely. Keith laughed breathily and then stepped up to the side of Lance’s bed, handing him the makeshift tie.

“Then we better get ready” Keith pinned on his own paper bowtie.

“Hey, you’re not supposed to see the bride before the wedding” Lance said with a frown. Keith scoffed.

“Who said you get to be the bride?” he asked.

“Keith, we both know that I look better in a dress” he said pointedly. The nurses all laughed. Keith couldn’t argue with that. The nurse handed Lance the bouquet of plastic flowers and handed the others to Keith. The chaplain stepped up to the other side of the bed and opened his book.

“Ready?” Keith asked. Lance grinned.

“Baby I’ve been ready since the day we met” he said earnestly. Keith smiled and took Lance’s hand in his own. The nurses queued up a few traditional wedding songs on her phone and played them as Keith walked into he room. They threw plastic flower petals on him and all around the room. Everyone was smiling and laughing as Keith twirled around the bed, wearing a towel on his head like a veil. Lance was smiling so widely.

“If the two of you are ready…” The chaplain stated. They both nodded. The red-head read a few lines from the book in his hands, but neither of them were really listening. They were lost in each-other’s eyes. They were both frantically trying to remember every detail of the others face. The moment was filled with sorrow and intimacy. Longing and love. People said that every happy moment had to be balanced out with a sad on, a good time with a bad. Keith had never been so happy and so sad at the same time. So, in love and so heart broken.

“Do the two of you have any vows?” The chaplain asked. Keith blinked in surprise. He hadn’t thought about that.

“Uh- oh. I forgot” The chaplain nodded.

“That’s perfectly alright. You can just repeat after me—” Keith shook his head.

“No, it’s fine. I’ve got something” he said. He didn’t need any generic vows. He needed to say something from the heart. Something from h him. He took a deep breath, still staring into Lance’s eyes, into his soul. Lance had grown too tired to sit up at this point. The nurse had reclined his bed, and Keith was sitting on it next to him.

“Lance,” Keith began, his voice already shaking. The only sound in the room was the monitor beeping steadily in the background. “I will love you, forever and always. I’ll love you though the good, the bad, and the ugly” he said, repeating what Lance had said to him the day that Lance had proposed to him. “Happy or sad or whatever, we will still love each other. I promise to love you until my last breath. I’ll love you forever and always” Lance closed his eyes and smiled. Keith put his hand on the side of Lance’s face and ran it across the one smooth area of his cheek that wasn’t marred by gashes. “For rich or poor, in sickness and in health—” Keith hadn’t cried up until this point. Tears were streaming down his face now. Keith was faintly aware of the heart monitor slowing in the background. “I will love you—” His voice cracked as he lifted Lance’s hand and slipped the golden ring, that was several sizes too big onto his finger. “I will love you forever” He sucked in a shaky breath and wiped his nose. “That’s- that’s all I got” he said, more tears sliding down his face.

“My turn?” Lance asked quietly. Keith nodded, leaning in closer to hear him. “Kei- Keith Kogane” Lance said. His voice was too low, Keith could barely hear him. “I’ll love you… for- forever” he tapped Keith’s hand with his own. Keith seemed to get the idea, and he slipped the ring onto his finger. It was too small, but he couldn’t seem to care. “I- I love you… and- and I will forever” Lance said.

“By the power vested in me,” The chaplain said. “I pronounce you married” he said. Keith grinned. The entire moment was so bittersweet that Keith could hardly stand it. The nurses and chaplain quietly left the room, leaving the two alone.

“Lance” Keith whispered. “We’re married” he said, running his hand over Lance’s.

“I- I have more to say” Lance said softly, struggling to move over so Keith could lay down next to him. Keith settled down, holding onto Lance like his life depended on it. “I want you to promise m- me that you’ll… that you’ll remember me even if… I’m not there” he said, his voice barely audible. Keith began crying again, not able to get any words out. Lance’s breathing was shallow now, and the monitor in the background had slowed considerable. “Promise me” he repeated. Keith nodded.

“I- I promise” he cried. Lance was crying now too.

There wasn’t much time now. Lance couldn’t keep his head up. Keith tilted his head up and placed a kiss on Lance’s lips. He feebly kissed him back and then leaned back with, practically gasping for breath.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Keith’s throat felt like it was closing up. “I love you” Keith said again. Lance nodded, unable to speak any longer. “I love you” Keith kissed Lance’s cheek. “I love you” He kissed his forehead. “I love you” His nose. “I love you” The corner of his mouth. “My husband” he said, his voice shaking to the point that he could barely understand his own voice. He was sure that Lance had no idea what he was saying, but there was nothing he could do about it.

Beep… Beep… Beep…

Keith held his breath as he squeezed Lance’s hand. Tears were splashing on the thin hospital blanket that covered him. He laid his head back down, nestling it in the crook of Lance’s neck.

Beep…

Beep.

Beeeeeeeep.

The long drawn out tone was like a knife in Keith’s heart. He could physically feel Lance’s presence being ripped away from him. He let out scream, though he couldn’t hear it. He clung to Lance’s body but was quickly carried out of the way as people rushed around the room, trying to revive him. Keith was crying so hard that he couldn’t breathe. The sorrow rushed through him so much that his entire body ached. Someone sat him in a chair outside the room as they worked on Lance. A little while later someone came out to deliver the news.

Lance had died.

Keith already knew it. He could feel in his heart that Lance was gone. He sat there numbly as they apologized for his loss. Nothing they could say would make this any better.

He had promised they would be together.

They were supposed to be together.

Forever and always.


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "After a couple days after The Lance dying incident, Lance suddenly feels really sick and nauseous (after they got shiro and everything they went to a near by planet to get what they need before they go to earth) Lance suddenly feels super tired so he excuses himself from breakfast and goes to his room and sleeps all day and night. The next morning he wakes up to feel really sore, when he looks over at a mirror he screams bc hes altean (he's basically the male version of Allura) Everyone comes running into his room and they all just stare at Lance while Lance freaks out. Coran looks at everyone and then back to Lance he then gets in a defensive position and asks where Lance was Lance looks at Coran and screams I AM LANCE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME Allura remembers when Lance died and how she revived him, she then tells everyone else what happened and then shiro sits down next to Lance and puts his one arm around him and tries to comfort Lance and then you can end it(shance?)″
> 
> “Hey, can you do some Shance Langst? I'm really fucked up over the new season” 
> 
> “hi i’m not sure where to send in a langst prompt but may you write one that addresses the after affect of how lance feels about essentially dying or almost dying n being revived by allura??? preferably after season six while they are traveling back to earth or something !!! thank u” 
> 
> A/N: A lot of people asked for Shance Langst so here it is! Also I know it’s kind of lazy to put this many prompts in one fic but I have a ton and they basically all say the same thing so... yeah lol.

“Hey, uh, I think I’m going to take a nap” Lance said, standing up from the table. Shiro frowned up at Lance in concern.

“You just woke up” he stated. “Are you feeling alright?” he asked quietly. Lance stared down at his feet and gulped.

“I should be asking you that” Lance said, ignoring his question. Lance had gone to Shiro’s door crying more times than he was willing to admit in the last few days. As soon as he would fall asleep he would have nightmares about dying. He hadn’t had time to process his own death and resurrection, so it was manifesting in his dreams.

“Lance,” Shiro loosely gripped Lance’s wrist. “Do you want to talk about it?” Most of the time when he ended up crying in Shiro’s bed he felt awful. He apologized over and over for inconveniencing Shiro. Shiro was the one who had been trapped in his lion’s consciousness, unable to communicate with anyone.

“I’m fine, Shiro” Lance assured him. “I just didn’t get enough sleep” he met Shiro’s eyes to convince him that he really was okay. Shiro searched Lance’s face, and then reluctantly let go of his wrist.

“Alright…” Lance crossed his arms and nodded his head at Shiro before leaving the room. The moment he was alone in the hallway he doubled over and gripped his head. He felt awful. His stomach was cramping, and his head was pounding. Lance felt like his skull was going to burst. He took a minute to steady himself and then he continued on toward his room.

When he finally arrived at his room he fell face down on his bed and curled up into a ball. He was so tired and sore that he could barely move. Lance let his head drop down on to the pillow and let the sleep overtake him.

~ ~

Lance was groggy when he woke up. His whole body ached. Every inch of his skin felt like it was on fire. Lance groaned and rolled over on his bed. He had no idea what time it was. It had to be late. He probably missed dinner. Lance stood up and stretched. Aside from the weird sensations on his skin he felt much better. The nap had really helped. He didn’t feel nauseous any more.

It wasn’t until Lance walked into the bathroom that he noticed the changes in his appearance. It took him a moment to realize that the face in the mirror wasn’t his. Or at least, the him that he remembered.

His eyes were the first thing he noticed. They weren’t much different, aside from the alarming brightness of them. It wasn’t that the color had changed, they were just… brighter. At first, he disregarded it as having gotten too much sleep, but then his gaze traveled to his hair. It was snow-white. Lance frowned in confusion. He rubbed his eyes and then blinked them rapidly before turning back to the mirror. His hair hadn’t changed.

“What the hell?” Lance whispered. His eyes were suddenly drawn down to his cheeks, where two dimly glowing marks were, prominently standing out the light pink against his skin. And his ears. They were larger than more pointed, like Allura’s.

Allura.

Lance froze after studying his appearance for far too long. He looked… exactly like Allura. But why would he look like Allura? Unless…

Lance let out a startled scream, his chest filling with fear. He dropped to the ground so that he wouldn’t have to look at himself any longer. He pulled his knees to his chest as panic welled up inside of him. He was barely aware of the scream still ripping through his throat, until someone pounded on the door.

“Lance? What’s going on? What’s happening?” Coran’s voice called through the door. Lance’s screams cut off into whimpers.

What had happened to him? Why did he look like that?

“Move out of the way!” Shiro’s voice boomed. There was a loud crash as he rammed into the door, breaking it open. He stumbled through and grabbed ahold of the counter to keep from falling over. Coran and Allura rushed through the door after him. Coran was the first to see Lance, curled up against the wall. Lance lifted his eyes to meet Coran’s, shooting him a desperate pleading look.

“Who are you?” Coran demanded to know. “Where’s Lance? What did you do with him!?” Allura tensed as she noticed the white-haired boy crouching on the floor.

“How did you get in here?” she asked sharply. Lance began to cry desperately.

“It- it’s me” he babbled. “It’s me! It’s me, Lance. I’m Lance! I swear I’m Lance” Allura took a threatening step toward Lance, preparing to demand answers, but Shiro stepped in front of her, blocking her from Lance.

“If you really are Lance, then—” Shiro shot a look at Allura. Lance was sobbing now, trying to hide himself in his arms. “Shiro, we have to ask questions. We didn’t ask you questions and—” Her sentence trailed off, the implication very clear. Shiro glanced at Lance, cowering on the floor, and then back at Allura. “If you really are Lance, then how did this happen?” She asked. “Lance is not Altean”

“A- Altean?” Lance stuttered, tears still streaming down his face. He had been thinking it, but he didn’t understand how. Why.

“Yes. That’s what I said” Allura said, her voice clipped. “Lance is not- not Altean…” her voice trailed off. She turned to Shiro and then looked back at Lance. Her eyes suddenly widened in realization. “Oh my god” she breathed.

“What? Princess, what is it?” Coran asked with a frown. Allura covered her mouth with her hand.

“When he died…” she whispered. “I had to bring him back… It must have transferred over and turned him Altean” she said in disbelief. Coran shook his head.

“But that doesn’t make sense” he said. “You brought Shiro back and he isn’t Altean”

“But Shiro’s body didn’t die. His spirit was simply locked away in the lion. All I did was put it back where it belong. But Lance… He died. He stopped breathing, his heart stopped beating. I had to do more than just bring his spirit back. I had to bring his body back as well” While she was explaining this, Shiro crouched down in front of Lance.

“Hey, are you alright?” he whispered. Lance was shaking as he continued to cry.

“I- I- I don’t understand what’s happening” Lance sobbed. Shiro settled down next to Lance and slung his arm around him.

“Shh… you’re alright” Shiro said soothingly. “You’re alright. Nothing’s wrong” Allura was still rambling to Coran about how it was possible. “Guys” Shiro said sternly to them. They looked at him in surprise, completely forgetting that they were even there. They quietly made their way out of the room, leaving Lance and Shiro alone. “What are you thinking, Lance?” Shiro asked, saying the same things he did to calm Lance down when he came to him in the middle of the night.

“I can’t—” Lance shook his head, causing a few more tears to fall down his cheeks. Shiro leaned over and wiped them away.

“Yes, you can” he said gently. “What are you thinking?”

“I- I died Shiro” Lance said, his eyes unusually wide and his mouth hanging open. He was feeling a combination of confusion, fear, and horror. He hadn’t processed his death very well. There hadn’t been time before, but now…

Now all Lance had was time.

“But you came back. You’re alive, Lance. You’re okay” Lance clenched his fists.

“I know but… what if I hadn’t” Lance said, tilting his chin up to look at Shiro. “I- I could’ve- what if I—” Shiro rubbed Lance’s arm to try and calm him down.

“But you didn’t die, Lance. You survived. We both survived. I never thought that I was going to escape, but I did. I know it was scary. Terrifying, even. But you can’t lose faith in us, in your team. We’ve always got your back” Lance listened to his words and then sighed.

“I know…” he chewed on his lip as he rubbed his eyes. “You’re right” Something was still bothering him, Shiro could tell.

“What else is bothering you?”

“I look… I’m different now. I look like a different person now” he said, his voice small.

“That’s okay” Shiro said. “People change. And look” Shiro said, brushing Lance’s hair out of his face. “We match” Lance let out a half laugh half sob and leaned into Shiro’s touch. Shiro pulled Lance closer

“What if my family doesn’t recognize me?” he asked quietly, laying his head down on Shiro’s chest. Shiro had to strain to hear him. “When we get back to Earth?”

“Lance are you kidding me?” Shiro laughed. “It doesn’t matter how much your appearance changed, you family will always remember you”

“Are you sure?” Lance asked. Shiro tightened his grip on Lance.

“I promise” he bent down and kissed the top of Lance’s white hair. The corner of Lance’s mouth curled up and he closed his eyes.

“I love you” he said. Shiro looked down in surprise.

“I- I love you, too, Lance” Shiro said with a smile.


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Um I have a langst idea where like the paladins finally go back to earth, only to find it destroyed by the galra and lance basically just gets really angry, like past the point of impulsive and just goes on a killing spree of galra until he can find the humans the galra took prisoner
> 
> A/N: Warning there are season 6 spoilers in this !! Also I'm going to be away for a few days so it might be a while before I post another prompt, sorry!

That’s how long it had been since Lance had last spoke to his family. The last time he spoke to his family? Two years, eight months and fourteen days.

So, when Lance heard that they were headed back to Earth to find the plans for a new ship, he was understandably excited. His heart was thumping in his chest as he raced ahead of the others in his lion.

“Lance! Slow down!” Allura instructed. “We have to land and come up with a plan” A grin was spreading across Lance’s face as Earth grew larger in front of him. It would only be a few more minutes before he saw his family.

“With all due respect, Princess” Lance said, urging the lion to move faster. “The plans can wait. I haven’t seen my family in almost three years” he bit his lip to keep his face from breaking because of his grin. His face ached, but he couldn’t seem to care.

Allura groaned. “Alright, you have a few hours to reunite with your families then we need to come up with a plan. You all can spend more time with your families after things in the Galra empire calm down. We need to get there fast to diffuse the situation before more fights begin” Lance nodded vigorously and then realized that she couldn’t see him.

“Yes, ma’am” he said, the glee evident in his voice.

“And Lance?” Allura said, her voice softening. “Enjoy yourself” Lance let out a happy laugh and then raced faster to Earth. It was growing close now.

“Man, I can’t wait to see my family” Hunk said, his voice full of love. “I miss them so much” Lance was barely listening. All he could think of the bone crushing hug that his mom was going to him when he walked in the front door. He could already hear the sound of tony feet pounding against the floor as his siblings came running in. They would come and wrap their little arms around Lance’s legs, keeping him from moving. But he wouldn’t care. When he got there, he wasn’t sure he was ever going to leave.

“I can’t believe we’re finally back” Pidge exclaimed. Lance was far away from the others now. He was approached the ground now. He could almost see his house…

“Hold on” Shiro said suddenly. “What is that!?” Lance reluctantly pulled his lion to a halt. He was only a hundred feet off the ground now, he could see his house sitting on the hill several yards from where he was at.

“What is it?” Lance asked in irritation. All he wanted to do was land and run to them. Exasperation ran through him as the intercom fell silent. “Guys?” Still no reply. “Alright, well, I’m going to go on ahead if no one’s going to answer me—”

“Fuck” Pidge gasped, the fear evident in the smallness of her voice. Terror gripped Lance’s chest.

“What is it?” he asked, dreading the answer.

“Is- Is that…” Keith’s voice trailed off.

“Galra” That one word sent more fear and dread down Lance’s spine than anything he thought possible. Without missing a beat Lance turned the controls and dove toward the ground, the lion barely slowing before it reached the ground. Lance knew what it meant if there were Galra here.

“Lance do not get out of the lion” Allura said, knowing exactly what Lance was thinking. Lance ignored her warning and sprinted out of the lion.

“They’re- they’re everywhere” Hunk said fearfully. “Oh god, where are all the humans?” he asked. The others had apparently landed somewhere. Lance wasn’t paying attention to them. He was focused on the building looming in front of him. The only sound was of Lance’s boots crunching through the sand as he ran to the door of his house. He yanked it open and ran inside.

“Mom?” Lance called as he ducked his head into the kitchen. “Marco? Veronica?” The room was empty. Lance turned and walked into the living room. “Luis? Anyone? Where are you guys?” The floorboards creaked underneath Lance’s feet as he quickly searched each room.

They were all empty.

His family was gone.

~ ~

It only took Lance five minutes to fly back to where they others had landed. They had already taken out several rogue Galra soldiers and had several more cornered in an abandoned building several miles outside of the nearest town.

“Someone tell me what’s going on. Now” Lance demanded. He had been through an array of emotions over the last several minutes. He was nervous when looking for his family, scared about what had happened to them, angry at the Galra.

“We- we don’t know” Allura said. They were all tense, aiming their guns at the door of the building. “None of the Galra are giving information” Rage ran through Lance like a bolt of fire. His whole body was humming.

The Galra had taken his family. They were not going to get away with it.

“Give me five minutes” Lance said coldly, pulling out his bayard. It transformed into a sword and Lance barreled toward the building.

“Lance! You can’t go in there alone!” Pidge screamed after him.

“They took my family!” he screamed. “Try and fucking stop me” No one tried to follow him.

“What is he thinking!?” Keith hissed a few moments after Lance disappeared through the door. “He can’t take them all out himself! I’m going in—” Allura shook her head.

“Wait” She instructed. She had noticed something in Lance’s eye. Something that reminded her of the look in her own eye after she realized that her father had died. “Let him go” Keith let out a dismayed noise, looking to Shiro to help him. Shiro shook his head.

They all stood around silently, waiting for Lance to return. Five minutes passed. And then ten. Twenty.

“Guys, I think someone should go in” Hunk said, worried. Keith lowered his gun.

“I’ll go” he volunteered. He didn’t wait for Allura to stop him. He darted into the building to find Lance. He crept through the halls, finding it littered with Galra soldiers splayed out on the floor, blood pooled everywhere. Some of it was sprayed on the walls from when, what Keith assumed, Lance had sliced someone’s throat open. Keith kept his knife ready but found that he didn’t need it.

Everyone was already dead.

Keith continued through the building until he reached the last room. There were noises coming from inside, but they were muffled. Keith tensed and reached for the door handle. Suddenly, the noises inside cut off, creating an eerie silence. Keith held his breath and pushed the door open, holding his knife up, ready to defend himself.

“Who’s there?” A voice asked. Keith pushed the door open further and then—

Someone slammed Keith up against a wall, holding a knife up to his throat.

“Lance!” Keith gasped, his breath hitching. Lance was heaving, his face covered in blood. Not his own. “It’s- it’s me. Keith” Lance’s eyes were dark, they were practically black, no trace of his usual bright blue eyes. “Fuck, Lance, put the knife down it’s me” Keith’s voice dripped with irritation. Lance blinked and then lowered the knife.

“Sorry” he said, his voice implying that he was anything but.

After Lance stepped away from Keith, it took him a minute to register what he was looking it. A pit formed in his stomach. A Galra soldier was tied to a chair in the middle of the room, his head at an unnatural angle, resting on his shoulder. Blood dripped from his mouth and nose, and more stemming from the alarming number of cuts covering his body. Keith’s eyes searched the Galra’s marred body and found that several of his fingers seemed to be twisted in the wrong direction.

“Oh my god, Lance! What did you do!?” Keith asked, the panic evident in his voice.

“What I had to” Lance said coolly, leaving the room. Keith stared at the scene in front of him one more time. He shuddered and then followed Lance.

When they emerged from the building Lance immediately began telling them what the Galra soldier had revealed to him.

“The Galra took a lot of the humans as prisoners” Lance spoke, ignoring the fearful looks from Keith. “They destroyed the Earth so that if any of them escaped they wouldn’t be able to return to their home” Lance’s was practically growling in anger.

“Where did they take them?” Pidge asked.

“He… didn’t get to that” Lance said, a wave of darkness flashed though Lance’s eyes, shooting dread down Keith’s spine. Lance’s eyes raked the area in front of them, and then he turned and walked off in another direction. Everyone looked at each other and then followed Lance silently. Behind the building was a decent sized Galra ship. Lance strode up to it and entered a code which opened the door.

“Where are you going!?” Hunk called desperately. Lance turned to look at them, standing in the doorway of the Galra ship. His face was set in determination.

“To find my family”

~ ~

Lance made his way across the universe searching for his family and leaving a trail of bodies behind him. Each Galra he tortured and killed gave him a little information. Brought him one step closer to finding his family. Lance didn’t know how long he had been at this, the days all blurred together because of his lack of sleep.

Lance approached yet another Galra ship. He landed his space craft just outside of it, not caring about the amount of noise he made. Two Galra stormed out of the ship. Lance shot them, and they immediately tumbled to the ground. Lance had learned that only the highest ranking Galra soldier on the ships had information about the humans. The others were completely useless.

Lance shot his way through the ship, taking down more soldiers than he could count. He was on a warpath. Nothing was going to stop him until he found his family.

Lance finally reached the highest ranking Galra soldier in the ship. Lance shot his hand, disarming him. The soldier screamed in pain, dropping his knife, and then lunged at Lance. Lance planted his feet firmly on the ground and hit the Galra head on. Lance shoved him away. The soldier stumbled and fell to the ground. Lance moved so fast that the soldier didn’t even have time to move. He pulled his foot back and kicked the soldier as hard as he could between the eyes, knocking him unconscious.

Lance worked fast to tie his arms to the control panel, ensuring that he wouldn’t be able to escape. When he was sure there was no chance of him being able to break free, Lance slapped his face a few times to rouse him.

“Wake up” Lance said, his voice rough. A combination of blood and drool dripped from the soldier’s mouth from where he had bit his lip when Lance kicked him. “You’re going to tell me where the humans are” Lance said in a sharp voice. The Galra blinked a few times to clear his vision and then smirked at Lance.

“The humans?” he said in a lofty voice. “They’re all dead” Lance grabbed the collar of his shirt and dragged him up so that his arms were twisted backward, strained against the ropes that tied him down.

“Where. Is. My. Family.” Lance growled. The Galra barred his teeth at Lance.

“Fuck you” he spat. “You can kill me, but I’ll never give you information” Lance leaned back and smiled darkly.

“Oh, I’m not going to kill you” he said. “But when I’m done, you’ll wish I had” The Galra spit in Lance’s face. Lance barely flinched. He wiped the spit off calmly and then reached into the pocket of his armor and pulled out a sharp dagger. Without any warning Lance drove the dagger into the Galra’s forearm. It lodged itself in the bone with a sickening crack. The Galra let out an involuntary scream.

“Anything to say?” Lance asked flatly, his hand still on the hilt of the knife. The Galra stayed silent, his face contorting in pain. Lance put pressure on the knife and then twisting it, ripping the skin further.

“Argh!” The Galra scream through his gritted teeth. His flexed his hands, desperately trying to get away from Lance. Lance jerked the knife out and then stabbed it into his other arm.

“Stay still!” Lance shouted. The Galra froze, squeezing his eyes shut, grunting in pain. “Tell me where they there! Tell me where the humans are!” The Galra let out a scream as Lance pulled the knife out and then stabbed it into his leg. He twisted it back and forth.

Lance continued like this for what felt like hours. Stabbing, twisting, cutting. Finally, after a particularly deep cut that curved dangerously close to his eye, the Galra gave in.

“Stop! Stop!” The soldier screamed. “I’ll tell you! I’ll tell you anything! Just please! Stop!” Lance paused. “The locations! I don’t know all of them but- but I know a few. They’re all on the tablet. Over there” He weakly jerked his head toward the center of the room. “That’s all I know, I swear” he panted.

Lance smiled. “Good” he said, eyeing the tablet resting on the seat in the middle of the room. “Thank you for cooperating” he said, walking around the Galra soldier. The soldier let out a sigh of relief. “That’s all I need from you” Lance said. He cut the ropes off the soldier’s wrists, freeing him. He slumped to the floor for a moment before rising to his feet, ready to flee the room. Lance wrapped an arm around his middle before he had a chance to move, and then drew his knife across his throat in one swift motion. Blood sprayed in every direction from his throat, and then he went completely limp.

Lance wiped the blood that had sprayed on his skin off on a scrap of clothing from the Galra soldier. When he had finished he grabbed the tablet with the information and stowed it in his armor before leaving the ship. The walk back to his ship was completely silent, save for the loud pounding of Lance’s boots on the metal floor.

When he was back in the safety of his ship, Lance pulled out the tablet and began to assess the data that he had acquired. There were five total locations on the tablet that held humans, three of which Lance had already been to. He freed them but did not find his family.

Lance programed the locations into his ship and then took off toward the nearest one. As he was flying, a message came across the screen. Lance swiped it away, but it didn’t budge. Lance huffed in frustrations and swiped it away again. Instead of disappearing it began to play.

“Lance” It was Allura. “Lance, I don’t know if you’ll get this message” Allura’s voice spoke loudly over the intercom in Lance’s stolen ship. “Or if you’ll listen. But if you do, please come home” she said. “This mission that your on, the revenge that you’re seeking, it wouldn’t help. No matter how many Galra soldiers you slaughter, it won’t bring your family back—” Lance slammed his fist against the speaker, cracking it. The message cut off abruptly.

Lance had only gotten one other message from them. It had to have been a few weeks since he had received it. The message was from Hunk. All Lance could remember from it was this, “We found them, Lance. Your family… they’re… I’m so sorry” Lance didn’t believe them.

His family wasn’t dead.

He just had to keep looking for them.

Lance tightened his grip on the controls clenched his jaw. All Lance could think about was his mother and siblings. How scared were they when the Galra invaded Earth? Did they cry for Lance to come save them? Did they even know Lance was still alive?

“Please come home” Allura’s words bounced around in his head. Please come home.

Lance couldn’t do that. He wasn’t coming home until he found his family.


	53. Loved and Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: During a mission Lance and Keith fall over the side of a mountain and become trapped. Keith has to do the impossible to save Lance, but will he do it in time?
> 
> A/N: I'm back!! I feel like it's been so long lol. I should be back to writing virtually every day again!

"Lance..." Keith's raspy voice spoke up, bring Lance out of the fog in his mind. Lance lifted his head weakly and looked around, disoriented.

"Wh- What happened?" Lance mumbled. His whole body ached. Lance reached up and wiped his forehead. When he pulled his hand back he saw blood smeared on it. "K- Keith?" Lance called, his voice raising in panic. "Keith!?"

"I'm here" Keith wheezed. Lance blinked and looked around. It took him a few seconds to realize what had happened.

Keith and Lance had been walking along the edge of a cliff when suddenly the ground fell out underneath them. Lance remembered falling through the air and then—

Nothing.

Now he was on the ground and he couldn’t move. He didn’t see Keith anywhere.

"Are you alright?" Lance shouted frantically.

"Uh... yeah. I think so. My leg’s stuck under a rock but if you can get over here we can move it" Keith answered. "What about you?" Lance took a moment to assess his injuries. He tried to dislodge his right arm to push himself up off the ground but found that he couldn’t. “Can you get over here?” Lance’s pulse quickened as he tried to move his legs, then his right arm. Nothing. Dread crawled up Lance’s spine as used his left arm to push himself up and look over his shoulder.

A pile of boulders had landed right on top of Lance.

He was pinned down.

And he couldn’t move the lower half of his body.

“Um, no. I can’t… I can’t move” he said. “I need… you have to get over here” Lance tried to shove his panic deep inside of him. The last thing he needed to do was panic.

“Shit” Keith grunted. “My leg…” Keith trailed off. It sounded like he wasn’t in good shape either.

“Can you call the others?” Lance asked.

“No, my suit was damaged in the fall” Keith called back after a moment. “What about you?” Lance didn’t even have to check. Even if it was still working there was no way he would be able to get to it.

“No, mine’s down too”

“So, what do we do?” Keith’s words were like ice to Lance. He closed his eyes and rested his upper body back on the jagged ground.

“I don’t know” Keith grunted loudly as, Lance assumed, he attempted to push the boulder off himself.

“Fuck!” he cried out. “This fucking this… Lance, there’s no way I’m going to be able to move this myself. Are absolutely sure you can’t get out? Why don’t you try again?”

“I told you I can’t, Keith!” Lance said in irritation. He was scared. He was starting to get tired.

Keith was quiet for a long time. It was a terrifying silence. Lance knew that Keith was going to say something, something bad. “I can’t…” his voice trailed off.

“What?” Lance shouted.

“I can’t feel it. My leg” Keith’s voice was strained. “I think I have to… I- I don’t have another choice! It’ll be hours before the others realize that something’s happened and- and—” Keith sucked in a long breath. “Lance, I have to cut off my leg”

“Keith…” Lance didn’t know what to say.

“You’re badly hurt, right?” Keith said quietly. “I know you’re trying not to worry me, but I know” Lance closed his eyes. “I don’t have another choice” Lance wasn’t sure Keith was trying to convince.

“How- how are you going to… I mean, can someone even do that to themselves? Won’t you pass out” There was a scraping sound and then a loud crack. “What did you just-!”

“I broke off my armor” Keith called. “To make it easier to… Um, I have my knife. So, I can use that. And then I can wrap it in this skin wrap stuff that Coran made us store in the back of our armor for emergencies”

“I hate that we actually have to use that” Lance said, laughing weakly. “We made fun of him for weeks for making us carry that shit” He was trying to make light of the situation. A situation that did not seem to have a favorable outcome for either of them.

Keith went silent again, save for a few groans of pain. Lance was growing more and more anxious with each passing second. “Tell me what’s happening” Lance said.

“I’m- I’m trying to- to get myself to do it” Keith said, his voice raw with emotion. Lance bit his lip so hard it bled. Keith had to be in excruciating pain, and he hadn’t even started yet. Lance, on the other hand, felt nothing.

“L- Lance. Tell me it’s going to be okay” Keith said desperately. “Lance, tell me everything’s going to be okay” Lance pried his eyes open, his heart pounding in his rapidly numbing chest.

“We’re—” Lance grimaced and then let out a shaky breath. “Everything’s going to be okay. You can do this, I know you can” There was a terrifyingly long pause before Lance heard it.

Keith’s screams.

It was like Lance could feel Keith’s pain. The hair on the back of his neck stood up as Keith screeched in agony. Lance could hear the nauseating sounds of Keith cutting through his own flesh. It was only a few moments before he could smell the thick scent of blood in the air.

“I can’t” Keith sobbed. His voice was muffled, like he was biting something. “It fucking hurts. I can’t do this”

“You can, Keith” Lance said, using the last bit of his depleting energy to raise his voice so that Keith could hear him over his own screaming. “I believe in you. You are the strongest thing person I know. You are going to get through this you are—” There was a sickening crack as Keith cut through his bone. Keith screamed so hard that no sound came out. Lance dropped his head and sobbed into the ground.

~ ~ ~

Keith wiped the tears out of his eyes and clenched his jaw as he worked to tear through the remaining skin of his leg. The hard part was over, he had already cut through the bone. Keith could hardly feel it any longer, although his entire body felt like it was on fire. He was sweating profusely and shivering all at the same time. If he didn’t hurry he was going to bleed out before he even got to Lance to help him.

Keith dropped his knife as the last bit of skin was cut away. His leg now ended just above his knee. Keith grabbed the bit of skin wrap off the ground and secured it over the stump. It bonded to his leg instantly. Keith hissed in pain as the cloth released an antibacterial agent into him.

After peeling off the rest of his armor, Keith hobbled to his feet and then, while keeping one hand on the wall of rock next to him, made his way to where Lance’s voice had been coming from.

Lance had been quiet for a few minutes, presumably to let Keith concentrate. Keith didn’t know how badly Lance was hurt but based on the fact that he wouldn’t tell Keith about it he knew it was bad.

When Keith rounded the corner and saw Lance’s torso sticking out from underneath a rock, he realized just how bad it was. There was a pool of blood slowly leaking out from underneath Lance.

“Lance…!” Lance’s blood-stained face peered up at Keith. Lance was white as a sheet.

“H- Hey” Lance greeted weakly. Keith dropped to the ground in front of Lance. “You look rough, buddy” Keith’s face fell.

“Lance… Why didn’t you tell me you were…?”

“That I’m going to die?” Lance laughed shortly. “I thought you wouldn’t try as hard if you didn’t have a reason to help”

“You’re- you’re not going to die” Keith pushed himself up and put his entire weight on the boulder that rested on top of Lance. “If I can’t just… move it… a little” Keith cried out in pain as he tried to move the rock. It didn’t budge.

“Keith, Keith stop” Lance said, his voice growing weaker with each passing second. “It’s no use. It’s too late”

“Don’t say that” Keith said, tears welding up in his eyes. He collapsed back on the ground next to Lance. “Don’t give up on me” Lance dropped his head back onto the ground and blindly groped for Keith’s hand.

“Keith, I can’t feel anything below my waist” he said. “There’s no situation in which I make it out of this alive” Keith shook his head.

“No…” Lance coughed, and a steam of blood poured out of his mouth.

“K- Keith. Please don’t leave me” Keith tightened his grip on Lance’s hand.

“You’re going to be okay” Keith was already covered in blood, his own blood. And now it was mixing with Lances.

“I- I love you, Keith” Lance said. “I’ve always loved you. I just wanted you to know that”

“I love you, too” Keith replied, attempting to keep himself together. He couldn’t break down. Not now. Not when Lance needed him most.

“It doesn’t hurt so bad” Lance mumbled. Keith scooted over and lifted Lance’s head onto his lap. He ran his fingers through Lance’s hair reassuringly. “That’s bad, right? That I don’t feel it anymore?” Keith wiped his eyes and then resumed petting Lance’s hair

“No, that’s not bad” Keith said, his voice shaking. Lance’s eyes fluttered, and he let out a quiet sigh. “Lance?”

“Mm?”

“I’m going to stay with you. Okay?” Lance’s breath was slowing. “I love you. I love you” Keith mumbled over and over, squeezing Lance’s hand to reassure him that he was still there. “I love you”

And with that, Lance was gone.


	54. Langst Collab 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Lance becomes paralyzed during a mission.
> 
> A/N: This is a langst fic that I did with @King_Of_Clubs !! They did the first half and I did the second half!!

The mission did not start out well. Lance could already feel the end being even worse. As he was fighting, he was keeping all his focus on what was above, behind, In front, and to the side. He did not expect to get hit from the underside, and to crash land on the planet, get ejected from his lion and slam onto a rock.

He definitely did not expect to lose the ability to get up. Hunk had run over to him as the red paladin stared at his legs, breathing heavily. He tried to get up but his legs just wouldn’t move.

“Hunk. Hunk! I can’t— oh my god, I can’t move my legs. I can’t move them! Oh my god, I can’t?” his head, swirling and filling with thoughts. Every bit of his childhood, running, swimming, gymnastics, he couldn’t even think straight.

“Lance calm down, it’s okay, it’s okay,” he bends down, grabbing the knee. “Can you feel that?”

“N-No,” He chocked out. “I can’t feel it. My back hurts like hell though. My l-legs, I-I can’t feel them.”

Hunk shakes his head. “No, no, you’re fine, the pods can clear you up. And if they can’t, I bet you we can get you walking again, with aid or by yourself. C-Can I see?”

The red paladin nods as the yellow paladin moves him over. “Well, your back is broken. I can’t tell if you severed the spinal cord or not. If you didn’t, that means you can walk,” Hunk sighs. “It will be okay.”

“What’s wrong with Lance?” Pidge runs up, deactivating her bayard, sliding over next to the Cuban.

“He said he can’t feel his legs. Pidge, please help me calm him down. Right now the break in his back looks minor but the way he’s freaking out I’m scared he’ll worsen it.”

“No Hunk. Oh my god, I can’t feel them. Oh my god. Hunk please. I can’t do this, oh my god I can’t feel my legs. There’s no feeling whatsoever. Oh my god. Oh my god—”

“Lance, calm down, it’s okay, it’s okay, he- he- Hunk how do you say it?”

“Hermano? Brother? What are you asking me?”

“Yes, it’s okay hermano. Espacio hermano.”

Lance shakes his head. “Hermanita, no, no está okey. No está okey.”

Pidge sighs. “Hunk, he’s not going to calm down. What happened?”

“Red got hit, and he ejected Lance from the cockpit. I checked it out and Lance would of been dead if he stayed in there. I don’t think Red intended this,” Hunk says quietly. “Hey, Coran? We have a problem?”

“What’s going on, why isn’t Lance responding?”

“Uh, well, Lance is hurt, but awake and he won’t calm down long enough for me to help him.”

“Is he wearing his helmet? I can release a sleeping serum.”

“Yes that’ll work.”

~~~

Suddenly Lance is forced out of the pod, Hunk catching him. “Hey buddy, how you feelin’?”

“B-Better,” he shakes. “My legs weren’t fixed, were they?” he says as he feels he’s going to collapse.

Hunk slowly shakes his head. “Since the healing pods basically speed up time, at least for the wounds, the muscles in your legs have partially weakened.

“Okay. Um, do, do you at least have something I can use to move?”

“Yeah, it’s a hover chair, let me help you in it,” Hunk swings Lance’s limp legs over his arms, placing him into the chair. “One good thing is that Coran said you’re most likely going to walk again. So, that’s good, right?”

“Yeah. Um. I’m going to go to my room. Uh? How does this thing work?”

Hunk smiles weakly. “You use this panel right here.”

Lance nods and starts to move to his room. He immediately pulls up his communicator. He’s calling Keith.

“‘Ello.”

“Hey Keith, I need you to come and fly Red for a little bit.”

“What, why?”

“I’m um, I’m out for an undetermined amount of time. You’re the only other one that can fly him. I just, I need you to do this for me,” Lance looks down away from the camera.

“What happened?”

“My legs don’t work. Coran said we’d be able to get me walking but I don’t know how long that’ll take for it to work. I just need you to do this. Please Keith.”

“Wait, What?”

“I’m, hopefully only temporarily, paralyzed, Keith. I just need you to pilot Red, please.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I can. Um, I’ll be there soon, okay?”

“Thank you.”

He hangs up and the situation finally catches up to him as tears fall down his face. He couldn’t move his legs and he is caught up in the idea that he won’t walk again, no matter what Coran says.

~~

The first day of the therapy had Lance laying on the floor. Coran had said he needed him to lay flat to do something

“My boy? You there?”

“Oh, sorry Coran. What did you say?”

“I was asking if it was okay to move your legs? It’s to build up the muscle. The healing pod weakened your legs immensely.”

“Y-Yeah, okay.”

Coran sighs at the look on the boys face. “If it hurts, just tell me, okay? Sometimes the feeling comes back during exercises. At least for Alteans.”

“Yeah I got it,” he sighs.

When Coran starts moving the paladin’s leg, he almost started crying. He didn’t necessarily feel pain, but the pressure running up and down his legs is enough to make him want to cry. He doesn’t even know if it’s happy tears or if it’s pain, or sadness, or whatever.

“My boy? Do we need to—”

“N-No, it’s fine. Continue please, it’s just, I feel something and I don’t know what it is,” he says.

It goes on like this. Day after day. A few hours after every meal. Lance was starting to lose hope because it’s the same thing every time.

“Well, Lance, I think it’s time for you to start trying this on your own, yeah?”

“What?”

The older man smiles, “here, look.”

He looks over at a treadmill looking item with a harness hanging from the ceiling above it. “Oh, um, can you help me get in it?”

“Of course,” Coran smiles. Once Lance parks the chair, he picks up the boy, putting him in the harness.

“Are my feet supposed to touch the treadmill?”

“Yes, are they?”

He nods. “Coran, I’m scared. What if it doesn’t work? What if I can’t ever walk again?” he looks down.

“Well, we don’t know if we don’t try, right?”

“Yeah, I guess, um, what do I do?”

“Well, I turn on the track and just try and move your legs like your walking, even if you aren’t doing the movement, you need to train your brain how to do it. The track should move your legs for you.”

Lance nods. Coran starts it up.

Day after day this is what he does. Trying, hoping his muscle memory comes back. Lance feels hopeless, yet he still tries. He almost feels if he has too. For Voltron.

~~

Lance lays in his bed, before hearing a knock. “It’s open!”

“Hey, uh, Lance, I just wanted to see how you were doing?”

The blue-eyed boy looks over at Keith before gently tapping his bed telling the other to sit down. “Yeah, I’m fine, wanna sit?”

“Um, yeah, okay,” Keith turns around and sits on the edge of the bed. “So uh, so hows the rehabilitation going?”

“Great, actually. Coran said that I’m ready to use the little walking pole things to try and walk. How’s Red?”

“He’s good. He would not stop apologizing the first time I got back in him, he’s really sorry about what happened to you.”

The Cuban just smiles. “If he didn’t eject me, I would have been dead. I frankly like being alive, so I actually thank him. I mean, if I’m dead, I basically fail the universe? I don’t know, I’m just glad I’m not dead?”

“That’s one way to look at it. So, uh, one of my foster siblings was paralyzed waist down. Our parents were always asking them if they had any feeling in their legs, so um. Can you?”

“Well, kind of. Like I don’t feel the bed right now, but when I’m in pain I feel it. Otherwise its it’s just a pressure.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Lance sighs, pushing his hands up, struggling to sit up. Keith puts his hand out to help, but Lance interjects with, “Nah, I got it,” pushing himself up, legs hanging over the bed.

Keith looks down. “So how have you been? I know you aren’t exactly as suave and as confident as you act.”

“I mean, I’m doing okay. I just want the ability to walk again. I just keep thinking about how awful this is but also how lucky I am that I didn’t break my neck.”

“But that still doesn’t make it hurt any worse?”

“Yeah,” he mutters. Looking at the time, his eyes widen. “Uh, sorry, good talk, but Coran changed my therapy time and that’s right now, so uh, god. I take forever to get in my chair, can you help me?”

Keith just looks baffled. “Uh, how do I do that?”

“Just, god, uh, pick me up and place me into my chair.”

Keith does what he said, a large blush on his face. “Yeah, uh,” he scratches his head, backing up.

“Thank you, Keith,” Lance sighs, “Uh, could ya move? I kinda need to get through?”

“Ack! Sorry!”

Lance says nothing, moving his chair out the door, moving up the steps. Keith followed behind.

“Lance! Ah, there you are? Is Keith joining you today?”

“I guess.”

“Ah! Well, move your chair up there and I’ll help you out so you can use the two poles to try and walk.”

He moved his chair up to the poles, staring at them. “Keith, um, can you stand in the corner, please? And Coran, I’m, I’m ready.”

Coran smiles, lifting Lance up and letting him grab the poles. “Lance, next time you’ll need to get up yourself, okay?”

With a nod, he moves his arms and attempting in his legs. “I can’t do it.”

“Yes you can, Lance. You just need to try. Don’t think that you can’t do it, because then you can’t. You need to believe that you can do you can.”

He shakes his head, starting to tremble. “I-I can’t, I can’t, I can’t,” he shakes his head, losing his grip which in turn makes his legs try and buckle under him.

The redhead sighs, helping the Cuban back into the chair. “It’s okay that you are not ready. That’s okay— Lance, is it because Keith’s in the room? Do I need to ask him to leave?”

“No, Coran, I-I just can’t do it. My legs don’t want to move when I tell them to. I’m going to be stuck like this forever. God, oh god—”

Keith was now crouched in front of Lance’s chair, hand on his knee. “Remember when I told you about my foster sibling being confined to a wheelchair? Their name was Max, and, and guess what Lance? They walked again. If Max can do it, I know you can too. Lance, please. Try just for me, okay?”

“Keith, I-I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. Even if it’s just one step. When you told me what happened five ‘phoebs’ ago, I was scared and worried. Lance, you’re more than that, you seriously are the strongest person I know. And that doesn’t mean a lot from me, but still, you have a lot of things going wrong, yet you’re always looking out for your friends and not yourself. Let me help you now,” Keith smiles.

Lance softly chuckles. He didn’t even know Keith could be this kind, or at least motivational. His blue eyes stare at his legs before he looks up at Coran. “Okay, I think I can do it, maybe, I dunno.”

Coran helps the boy back up on the poles.

“You can do it. Lance, I believe in you.”

He nods. He can do it, he can. He keeps telling himself under his breath, trying to move his leg. “It’s not working! Gah! I can’t do this Coran! I’m trying, I’m trying so damn hard and I cant get my damn legs to work!” he starts crying. “They won’t move, I’m trying.”

“Maybe you’re just not ready. Ah! I remember, some Alteans used the pool to try and move if they can’t get it to work on land.”

“Coran, can we just be done today?” he falls back into his chair, using his hands to adjust his legs. “I’m just, tired. Please?”

“Of course my boy, go take a nap, we’ll see you at dinner.”

Lance turns his chair around and heads back to his room, Keith following after. “What do you want Keith? Going to give me another inspirational speech about how I should try again? That I’ll actually be able to walk and not be confined to this fucking hover chair my whole life?”

“I was just going to say it’s okay that you couldn’t do it. Max—”

“Will you stop it with Max?! I’m not them! I am Lance! I am Leandro! Not Max! Not Maxine or Maxwell or whatever! I’m not Max!”

Keith stares, surprised.

“As you said. They were your foster sibling. You don’t know if they actually walked again or you thought they did. They may have once, but—”

“You’re right! But that’s because they’re dead, Lance! They were murdered right in front of me! You know, what? I’m done,” he storms off leaving Lance by himself.

Lance moves to his room, slowly, but surely moving from his chair to the bed, legs placed on a pillow. He takes a deep breath before rolling the bed sheet up and falling asleep.  
~~  
It was dinner time, Lance had woken up at the signal. Yet he was on the floor, crying. When he was trying to transfer to his chair, his hand slipped and he fell.

“Lance? Lance, why aren’t you at dinner yet?”

Hunk, oh god. Lance doesn’t want Hunk to see him like this, but he needs help. “H-Hey.”

The doors open and Hunk’s confused face softens when he sees Lance. “Hey, need some help?”

Of course, Hunk the angel would ask instead of just immediately helping. Lance sighs. “Y-Yeah. Coran only showed me how to get in and out of bed. Not off the floor,” he chokes out.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s okay,” he says softly letting Lance wrap his arm around his neck and putting his arm under his knees and around his torso. “There you go,” he places Lance in his chair smiling. The smile fades when he sees the pain in Lance’s eyes. “Lance, I’m trying so hard not to pity you or feel bad. I know how much you hate it, and I want you to know I’m trying,” Hunk says softly, he hates how Lance shrugs his shoulders and looks down.

“Hermano, please. I don’t think of you differently. You’re still the friend I know. You’re still Leandro García, you’re still my best friend.”

“I know,” he looks down. “If, if I can’t walk again, how will I go swimming in the ocean? How will I play fútbol with my family? Gymnastics?”

“Lance, you can do it. Maybe not now, maybe not any time soon, but you will walk again.”

He nods, “Yeah, okay. Let’s just get to dinner, okay?”

“Lead the way.”

Lance chuckles moving his chair out the door and to the dining room. He parks his chair, and looks at the table, everyone looks worried. And of course, Shiro isn’t there. Again. He’s never there. “Sorry, I had a chair malfunction.”

“Do I need to fix it? Is something wrong?”

“No, Pidge, it’s fine. I just mean my hands were too sweaty and I fell. It’s fine,” he says calmly. He can tell the rest of the team is trying not to pity him. Then lo and behold, Shiro actually walks through the doors. “Shiro! Hey! Haven’t seen you at dinner for a while?”

Shiro doesn’t respond to Lance and just grabs food goo and eats.

“Shiro?”

“Yes, Hunk?”

“Are you ignoring Lance?”

“You had to have seen at least my chair?” Lance cocks his head to the side.

Shiro rolls his eyes. “Yes, I am. I do not wish to speak to him or about him.”

Lance looks down at his food. Then back at Shiro. “Is it because I’m paralyzed?! Are you seriously ignoring me because I lost the use of my legs?” he says angrily and Shiro doesn’t respond, which in turn makes Lance growl. “Shiro, answer me goddamnit!”

“I will not speak to the worthless paladin of Voltron.”

“You know what Shiro? I have tried end after end to prove to you I’m not worthless! I could still fight out there, Red told me it would just be difficult, and that’s only because I’m a sharpshooter. Yet I chose to call Keith back for your safety. I may walk again and I may not. But I sure as hell won’t take this from you,” Lance backs up his chair and leaves the room.

He heads to the therapy room him and Coran have been using. He doesn’t plan on getting anything, he just knows him and Coran are the only ones with access to the room. When the door opens, he knows who it is.

“Hey Lance, you okay?”

“C-Coran, will I actually ever walk again?”

“I-I can’t tell, boy, from what you’ve done so far, yeah, you will, at the very least with braces, I think that’s what you Earthlings call them, and no crutches. It not exactly certain which way you’ll go.”

“Can you m-make some?”

“We can turn your paladin suits leg armor into braces and the armor.”

Lance looks at his legs, and then at Coran. “Y-You would do that for me?”

“Of course. Anything got my favorite paladin. Favorite person?”

The Cuban laughs at Coran’s attempt to cheer up the other, making it work. “Coran, you never answered my question if my spinal cord was severed or not.”

“It, it was. From what the others have told me, if you were on Earth, you would be wheelchair bound for the rest of your life. But, somehow the healing pod was able to fix it, so we just have to help awaken it again. You just have to keep working no matter how much it hurts, okay?”

Hearing the news was giving Lance two different reactions, tears of sadness, and tears of joy. “C-Coran, give me a hug—”

The red-haired man does, giving the boy a tight hug, letting him cry into his shoulder.

~ ~

It had been weeks since Lance had gotten into that argument with Keith. Lance regretted yelling at him, he’d thought about apologizing countless times. But then he would look down at his motionless legs and fell something like pity for himself. He hated it, feeling like this. But what could he do about it? Coran helped Lance work on building strength every day, and Lance could put a very small amount of weight on his legs without being in extreme pain, but he still had no real feeling in them.

“Hey, Lance” Lance glanced up from his place on his bed. He’d been sitting there quietly for several hours, doing nothing other than staring at the wall. He was too tired to lift himself into his chair, and he didn’t want to bother anyone to help him. He felt like he was a burden. “Can I come in?” Keith’s voice was full of some emotion that Lance couldn’t identify. He propped himself up on his pillows and cleared his throat.

“Uh, yeah” he said, straightening himself up. Keith stepped through the door with a large duffle bag in his hands. Lance eyed it suspiciously. Keith stowed it next to the bed and then sat down at the foot of it. “What do you want?” Lance asked. Keith rested his hands on his knees and clenched his fists. He looked… sad.

“I just… I wanted to apologize to you” Keith began. “For what I said the other day. For- for yelling at you” his hands fidgeted as he spoke. “I know you’re not Max, I never meant to compare you to them. I- I’m so sorry. I can’t begin to imagine what you are going through, and it was insensitive of me to pressure you” Lance crossed his arms and hugged them to his chest.

“You shouldn’t have to apologize” Lance said after several heavy moments of silence. “I’m the one who should say they’re sorry. I didn’t know… I didn’t know about Max. I’m so sorry, Keith” Keith sucked in a long breath and held it. “Were you- were you two close?” Keith nodded.

“Yeah, for a few years” he said. “They were a lot younger than me but… I looked after them you know? They were like the only family I had. We bounced around a few foster homes together, but eventually we were split apart. It took me a few months to find them again and when I did…” he trailed off. When Max was killed.

“I’m sorry” Lance repeated, not knowing what else to say. Keith shrugged.

“You didn’t know” he said.

“I didn’t know” The two of them sat in silence for a few moments. Lance eyed Keith, who’s face was twitching, like he was trying to work up the nerve to say something.

“So… I haven’t seen you a lot lately” Keith said quietly. “How have you been?” he asked. Lance bit his lip.

“Alright, considering, I guess” Lance motioned his chin toward his motionless legs. Keith cringed slightly. “I’ve been really tired lately” His latest form of rehabilitation was swimming. Coran had been researching traditional methods from Earth and decided that this would be a good one for Lance to try. Lance honestly didn’t feel much difference, but Coran swore that he was making progress. “I don’t think- I don’t think it’s working” Lance said, his face growing dark. “Nothing’s helped so far” Keith’s eyebrows shot up suddenly.

“Oh!” Lance frowned at him. Keith’s face turned red. “Ah, sorry. I didn’t mean to- I just—” Keith stood up abruptly and retrieved the bulky bag from where he had left it. “I forgot about this” he dropped the bag on the bed and began fumbling with the zipper.

“What is it?” Lance asked, using his arms to push himself closer to Keith, trying to peek into the bag.

“I, uh, felt really bad about the other day…” he said. “And so, I talked to Coran about how you were doing, and what I could do to help” Keith reached his hand into the bag. “Then I asked Pidge for a little tech help and we uh—” Keith pulled the object out of the bag. “Made this for you” he lowered his head and handed the object to Lance. Lance took it and frowned.

“Uh, Keith? What is it?” he asked. Keith chewed on his lip nervously.

“They’re kinda like braces” Keith explained. “For your legs. You strap them on and they connect to your brainwaves so that your legs move like they would normally, even if—” Lance turned the braces over and then interrupted Keith’s nervous explanation.

“Are- are those flames?” Lance asked. Keith’s blush deepened.

“Erm, yeah” he laughed shortly. “I- I thought they were cool” Lance turned the large metal object, a small smile curving at his lips. Lance didn’t want to admit, but it was actually really cool. He had been getting really discouraged with his physical training. He was sure that he would never regain mobility in his legs.

“Wow” Lance trailed his hand down the flame stickers that ran down the side. “You- you did this for me?” he asked. Keith cared about Lance enough to do something like this?

“Yeah, of course” Keith shrugged. “I’d do anything for you” Lance, overcome with emotion, dropped the braces on the bed and reached over, pulling Keith into a bone crushing hug.

“Thank you” he whispered.

“’Course” Keith said. “And Lance, don’t think that I’m giving up on you because I made these. It’s just to make things easier for you in the process” Lance nodded, his eyes rapidly filling with tears. “No matter what happens, Lance, I’m here for you. Okay?” Keith said. Lance blinked away the tears in his eyes.

“Okay” Lance dug his fingers into the back of Keith’s shirt.

Though he didn’t think that he was ever going to walk again normally, Keith and Pidge had created a away for him to get around.

Things would get better.


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: @AdrianThyAlien: IDK IF YOU'VE DONE IT YET BUT: there's a training exercise, kind of like the one in the first season, where all the paladins are put under an altean spell that allows them to see the other paladins' injuries in different colors (pidge has green bruises, shiro has purple scars, keith has little red cuts from training, etc.) lance keeps resisting the exercise and nobody knows why until the spell is put in place and suddenly everyone can see his bright blue self-harm scars. can be happy or sad ending, with or without klance.
> 
> A/N: This is my first prompt from ao3! I’ve gotten several but I always forget to go back and write them alskjdaksld;; I’ve started screenshotting them so I remember to lol.

“No!” Lance shouted suddenly, pulling away from Allura. Everyone turned to stare at him. Lance’s eyes darted back and forth wildly, twisting his fingers nervously. “I- I- I just mean… I don’t want to do it. It’s stupid” Lance stuttered.

“It’s not stupid, Lance” Allura said. “It’s a precaution. We have to check you for injuries that could have been inflicted by that creature. The injuries might not be visible to the naked eye, so we must use this Altean spell to search for them” Lance took a small step away from Allura.

“I’m fine though” Lance said, swallowing thickly. “It didn’t even get anywhere near me. I’m not hurt” He was slowing inching his way toward the door.

Pidge, Hunk, Shiro, and Keith had already been through the spell. They stood on the platform while Allura performed the spell. It activated what looked like some sort of dye under their skin, illuminating injuries, both internal and external, new and old.

Lance had injuries that he couldn’t let them see. Ever.

Lance hadn’t always been a happy child, so expressive and carefree. When he was younger, Lance struggled with depression. He felt like no one listened to him when he talked about his problems. The only way that he knew how to cope with it was to turn to self-harm. He cut himself almost every day for months, until his mother found out. She cried, asking him why. Why did he do it? Why? Why. Why. Lance didn’t know how to answer her. It didn’t make him feel better. It didn’t make him feel more in control. He didn’t like being in pain.

He just did it.

He had stopped after that. His mother sent him to therapy and it helped. For a while. Lance had been in space for over a year now, and the novelty of it had long since worn off. Lance felt the dreaded feelings of depression creeping back into his mind. He had tried to talk to the others about it, but it seemed like no one was listening. Everyone was busy with each other or ignored him outright. Hunk had Pidge, Allura had Lotor, Keith had Shiro. Lance had tried to talk to Coran, but even he had little time to listen to Lance’s feelings. They were in a war after all, they didn’t have time to talk about trivial feelings.

Lance felt like he had no choice but to turn back to what he knew.

Back to his self-destructive ways.

“You don’t know that for sure” Coran’s voice, breaking Lance from his thoughts. He tugged on his jacket sleeve unconsciously. “These injuries are not something that you notice, until it’s too late” he explained. Lance’s whole body was twitchy. He jumped any time anyone shifted toward him, flinched when they looked at him.

“But- but I—” he had no argument. There was no logical reason for why he was protesting this. He had no excuse. No way to get out of it.

“Lance, please” Allura said in exasperation. “It just takes a moment and then you can go back to whatever you do during the day” Lance flinched.

“I…” Lance trailed off, not knowing what to say. The others were all staring at him in confusion, wondering why he was resisting.

“Lance, listen to the princess” Shiro said sternly. “It just takes a second. It doesn’t hurt, I promise” Lance crossed his arms and blinked the tears out of his eyes, staring hard at his feet.

Shiro’s body had so many scars on it that under the spell his skin was more purple than anything else. Keith’s was riddled in battle scars, deep but far apart. Hunk had a few cuts and bruises, but nothing major. Pidge, she had been hit by the creature, and was put into the pod immediately. Luckily, they had caught it in time, so she would be out in a few hours, completely healed.

“Lance, just do what she says. It only takes a second” Keith said, shrugging his jacket back on. He was the last one to go under the spell. Lance shuffled toward the platform as slowly as he could. His jaw was clenched so hard he was afraid he was going to crack his teeth.

“Princess is this- Allura, is this really necessary?” Lance asked desperately, his voice cracking. Allura’s mouth curved downward.

“Yes” Lance nodded, a few tears falling down his cheek.

“Okay” he whispered. Lance squeezed his eyes shut so that he didn’t have to see the others’ reactions.

Lance felt the coolness of Allura’s magic run down his body. It was like ice in his veins. Lance shivered and hunched his shoulders.

“Lance, please take off your jacket” Allura instructed. Lance tensed. He couldn’t move. “Lance” Though Lance felt cold, he was sweating. He could feel them dripping down his face, mixing with his tears. With shaking hands, Lance shrugged his coat off and let it fall to the floor. He was trembling as he stood there. He felt naked, splayed out in front of the world. They could see him. Faults and all.

The room was deadly quiet for a moment as the spell took effect. Lance could feel it traveling just underneath his skin. Lance knew when it had reached his wrists. The sound of someone sucking in a sharp breath, followed by the nerve-wracking sound of silence. Lance balled his fists at his sides.

“Are you done” Lance asked flatly. He kept his eyes closed, not wanting to see their faces. Their looks of pity.

“Lance…”

“Are. You. Done” he said through grit teeth.

“Erm, yes” She said softly. Lance let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in, and then reached down and pulled his jacket back on. He ducked his head, stepped off the platform, and then hurried toward the door.

“Lance, wait!” Shiro said. Lance froze, inches from the doorway. “What… where did you get those scars? On your wrist. There- there were so many of them and—” Lance felt himself tense.

“Where do you think” Lance said sharply. With that, he left the room.

He knew that they were going to ask him. Ask why. Why did he do it? Why did he hurt himself?

The truth was…

He didn’t know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.s. This is something I posted on Tumblr today about why I don't post sequels very often. I'd really appreciate it if you read this <3
> 
> The reason I leave so many fics on cliffhangars and then don’t write a sequel is because that’s where the story ends for me. Almost all my prompts end badly, either with Lance being in pain, physically or emotionally, or dying. Sometimes the ending is vague, not saying whether or not he lived or died, whether he was alright. I do this on purpose. I don’t want all my stories to be nice little fics with happy endings that are wrapped up in a neat little bow for you guys. I want my stories to be gutwrenching, I want them to make you feel something. Whether it’s because you relate to what he’s going through, or because you can’t imagine the pain he’s in.
> 
> Some times I do write sequels for fics, mainly because I feel pressured to. I have gotten countless asks for almost every fic I’ve ever written, asking for sequels. Sometimes I even get asks for alternate endings, where Lance is no longer in pain, or no longer dead. When I post a fic, 9/10 times I am done with the fic. That’s where I want to end it. In my head, there’s no more to it. Even the ones with abrupt endings. 
> 
> I’m sorry to the people who don’t like ‘gross’ fics or the ‘bad’ ones. I like what I write. If you don’t like the ones with unhappy endings your welcome to just read my fics that have happy endings. I don’t like writing sequals, and most likely I will not be writing them anymore. Sorry.


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: give me some of that sweet langst where lance is in an abusive relationship 

‘Hey, Lance. We haven’t seen you in a while, and I was just wondering if you were… how you were doing. We should hang out some time. Call me when you have time, so we can… schedule something. Uh… yep. I hope you’re… I hope you’re good, Lance. I love you…’

‘Sup, Lance. You never called me back so… maybe you didn’t get my message. I haven’t heard from you in a while. I know you’re busy with work and getting back together with your boyfriend and everything but… I miss you, you know.

‘Lance, I’m worried about you. Send me a text or something. Please… I love you, you know that, right? I just want you to be okay’

‘I love you. No matter what. You can tell me anything. Just… please please talk to me’

‘Call me. Please. Lance, I’m scared’

Lance pressed the phone up to his ear as he listened to the messages again. Hunk had called and texted Lance every day for the past few weeks. An involuntary shudder ran through Lance’s body. He was huddled on the floor of the bathroom, leaning against the locked door. The shower was running, but he had gotten out long ago.

‘Please please talk to me’ Lance’s hands shook as he listened to the message’s over and over. He wanted to talk to Hunk, he so desperately did. But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t let him.

Lance had gotten back together with his ex-boyfriend a few weeks ago. Lance had met up with him at a bar and they stayed up all night reminiscing. Lance had missed him so much, he could hardly even remember why they broke up in the first place. So, when he had asked Lance out for dinner the next time, Lance was ecstatic. Everything just took off from there. They went out every night for a week, spending all their time together. The he suggested that Lance move back in with him. Lance agreed without hesitation. Lance loved him, and he loved Lance. There was no doubt about it.

Lance quickly pulled up the message app and hovered over Hunk’s name. He could just let him know he was okay… that he was just really busy. But he didn’t. Lance turned his phone off and pulled his knees to his chest. He didn’t know why he didn’t answer Hunk. There was no reason really. He was doing good. He was fine. Really.

Lance’s boyfriend loved him. He did. He cared for Lance like no one else. After a bad day Lance wouldn’t even have to tell him, he just knew. He was always ready with a back rub and a kiss on the forehead.

The good always outweighed the bad.

Besides, Lance deserved it. Anyone would react the way his boyfriend would when Lance screwed up dinner or forgot to do the laundry. He only hit Lance when he deserved it.

Lance was fine. He was happy. Lance loved his boyfriend.

Lance pulled himself up off the floor and stared at his reflection in the mirror. His bare chest looked foreign to him. It was covered in bruises. Bruises that Lance deserved. One for not doing the dishes, another for not picking up a package from the post office.

Lance was fine. He was happy.

Lance had taken a leave of absence from his job so that he could focus on cleaning and cooking for his boyfriend. He cut ties with Keith because his boyfriend was jealous of him. He stopped talking to Hunk because his boyfriend didn’t like him.

Lance was fine.

After turning off the shower and pulling his clothes back on Lance emerged from the bathroom. He heard the tv on, so he poked his head into the living room.

“Where have you been?” Lance’s boyfriend asked from his place on the couch. Lance smiled thinly.

“Shower” he said shortly. Lance walked over and kissed him on the forehead. He pulled Lance into his lap and planted a kiss on his cheek.

“I missed you today” he said with a smile. “I thought about you all day”

“Really?” Lance said, a real smile peaking through.

“Mm-hm” he nodded. “I thought about doing this” He cupped Lance’s cheek and kissed him. Lance smiled and eagerly kissed him back. These were the moments when Lance knew that everything was going to be okay. That they were truly in love.

When they finally broke apart Lance leaned onto his boyfriend’s chest and sighed happily. Lance fiddled with the button on his shirt lazily.

“You wanna go out for dinner?” he asked. His boyfriend made a face and pushed Lance away slightly.

“What? You don’t want to make dinner for me?” he asked. Lance avoided his eyes.

“No, I can make dinner. What would you like?” his boyfriend leaned back into the couch.

“How about pasta?” he suggested. “That’s your favorite, isn’t it?” Lance nodded.

“It is” Lance kissed his boyfriend on the cheek one last time before rising to go start dinner.

“Hey, baby, can you get me a beer too?” Lance bit his cheek and nodded. He got angry when he drank, but as long as Lance was good it would be okay.

Lance brought him his beer and then busied himself with dinner. He prepared the food and the drinks, set the table and started the dishwasher. Before he had finished dishing up the plates, his phone buzzed. Lance jumped and then clutched his chest. He laughed quietly and then checked his phone.

It was a text. From Keith.

‘hey hunk said he hasn’t heard from you in a while;; you haven’t talked to me in months so i don’t know what’s going on with you,, if you’re mad at me please tell me what i did so that i can apologize;; i really hope you’re okay lance’

“Who’s that?” His boyfriend asked, looking over Lance’s shoulder. Lance jumped and turned off his phone quickly.

“Uh, it’s Keith. He was just… checking up on me” Lance shrugged, his heart thumping in his chest. Lance’s boyfriend frowned.

“Hmm” he said. “I don’t like how close you are” he said, a disapproving look in his eye.

“I- I haven’t talked to him in a while. That’s why he’s checking up” Lance shoved his phone in his pocket. “I’m too busy to hang out with him anyway” he said, grabbing the plates and taking them to the table.

“I told you I don’t like you talking to him” his boyfriend said, his face unreadable. Lance gulped and turned to get another beer out of the fridge for him.

“I know…” Lance said as he gingerly sat down in his chair.

“Do you?” his boyfriend asked, raising his voice. “Then why is he still texting you?”

“I- I don’t know” Lance picked up his fork with shaking hands. “Please, let’s just eat dinner—"

“I bust my ass all day for you, trying to make a decent living to keep you happy and this is what you do? You talk to other men behind my back? And to top it off you make shitty dinners for me? You can’t even make me a decent meal after a long day? Are you fucking kidding me!?” he shouted. Lance cowered in his seat, trying to stay as still as possible. His boyfriend was happier when he was quiet. If Lance just sat still it would go away soon enough.

He shot out of his seat and in the blink of an eye he was standing in front of Lance, pulling him out of his chair by the collar. “Answer me!” he demanded. Lance shook in fear, too scared to speak. He growled and slapped Lance across the face. Lance cried out. “I love you! And this is how you repay me!?” he screamed.

“I’m sorry” he said, choking down the sobs. “I’ll do better. I promise” Lance’s face stung in pain.

“Good” he said, letting go of Lance. Lance let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes. His boyfriend touched Lance’s cheek tenderly. Lance flinched. “Oh, baby, I’m sorry” he said, all the anger gone without a trace. “Let me get you some ice for that” Lance sat back down in his chair as his boyfriend grabbed a bag of ice and brought it back to him, holding it gently to Lance’s bright red cheek.

“Thank you” Lance whispered. His boyfriend smiled at him.

Lance was happy.

Really.


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: can u do a funny one or angsty body swap klance one??
> 
> A/N: This is so freaking long omg o-o. Hope you guys like it!
> 
> Trigger warnings: none

Lance stacked the last box into his new room and straightened up with a sigh. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and looked around. The room was similar to his old one, maybe a little smaller. It was hard to find a ship that was large enough for all of them to live, and also have a hangar big enough to hold all the lions. It took some time, but Coran managed to find one suitable for their needs.

Lance felt a pang in his heart as he thought about the castle. It had been his home for over a year and, though it would never be Home it was the closest thing he had found out here. Now, everything was different.

Lance opened the top box and pulled out the crumpled picture of his family. He always carried it with him when he was at the garrison, so luckily, he had it on him when he was teleported into space. Lance carefully placed it on top of the dresser that was anchored to the wall near the small bed frame, so that it was the first thing that he saw when he woke up. That was what kept him going.

They were the only reason he continued on.

Lance, his mood now considerably darker than it had been previously, turned and left the room, no longer able to stand being alone with himself and his thoughts. Lance walked down the hall, not entirely sure where he was going. He hadn’t looked around much, so he had no idea where anything was. He ended up in a small sitting room, much like the one in the castle, thought much smaller. Lance was surprised to find that it was already occupied.

“Hey,” Keith said as Lance walked into the room. Lance blinked at Keith. He still hadn’t gotten used to the new Keith. Keith wasn’t different exactly, he was just… bigger. Much bigger. His muscles were more defined, and he had finally grown into his ears. Keith’s hair was longer too, having grown out in the time that he was away. And he was taller, taller than Lance. Lance tried to forget this fact.

“Hey” Lance greeted, hovering in the doorway. He wasn’t sure if they were good. Keith had been a little hostile when he first returned, but Lance wasn’t sure if that was just because his message was urgent, or he was angry with Lance. “You unpacked?” he asked, not knowing what else today. Keith shrugged.

“Kind of” he said. Lance noticed that Keith’s new space dog was asleep on the couch next to him. “I’m just… not ready yet. Ya know?” he said, peering up at Lance. Lance nodded in relief. That was Keith’s way of letting Lance know that they were fine.

“Yeah, totally. It’s not the castle” he said, taking this as an invitation to join Keith. He crossed the room and sat on the greyish couch. It was uncomfortable, nothing like the one in the castle. Lance told himself to stop comparing everything to the castle, but it was hard not to. The castle was so perfect.

“Yeah” Keith said, making a face. “It’ll just take some time to get used to this” he gestured to the room. Lance nodded and then looked down at the dog, who had woken up and was now nudging his hand.

“Hey there” Lance cooed, petting his head. “What’s his name?” he asked. Keith smiled.

“Yorak” he told him. “That’s what my mom wanted to call me” Keith explained. Lance stuck out his tongue as Yorak rolled over onto Lance’s lap.

“Hi Yorak” Lance laughed, petting the giant white and blue dog. Yorak licked at Lance’s hand. “Does he have any toys?” Lance asked as the dog hopped off the couch and ran in a circle, barking in excitement.

“Uh, yeah” Keith looked around and then got off the couch to retrieve a braided rope from the floor. “He likes to play fetch” Lance took the rope and tossed it across the room. Yorak sped across the floor faster than Lance had seen anything move before. He leapt into the air and caught the rope before turning and teleporting directly to Lance’s side. Lance’s mouth dropped open in shock. “Oh, and he also does that” Lance turned to Keith, his eyes wide.

“You have a magic space dog… that can teleport” Keith blushed and brushed his hair out of his eyes.

“Um. Yes.” he said. Lance’s mouth stretched into a grin.

“That’s so cool” he whispered before turning back to the dog. He took the rope out of his mouth and threw it again.

“Yeah I- I guess it is” Keith said, watching Lance play with his dog.

“He’s so cute” Lance laughed gleefully. Keith crossed his arms and smiled at him.

“He likes you” he commented. Lance picked up the rope that Yorak had been playing with. Lance straightened up and threw the rope across the room. Yorak took off across the room, teleporting back and forth until he caught the rope. “He was still a puppy when I found him. Or, he found me I guess” Keith moved so he was standing next to Lance, watching Yorak bound toward them. “He’s grown so much since them” Lance smiled fondly at Keith as he spoke. He obviously loved his space puppy.

“Where did you get his name—” Lance was cut off by Keith’s scream. Lance’s head whipped around right as Yorak teleported right in front of them, knocking them over. Lance instinctually reached for Keith, while Keith held out his hands to stop the dog. Yorak barked in surprise and teleported, dragged Keith and Lance with him. The last thing Lance remember was cold darkness, and then nothing.

~ ~ ~

When Lance woke up his head was pounding, and his body ached. He groaned as he rolled over. He immediately bumped into something. Something wet. Lance cringed and craned his neck to get away from the object. The object followed him.

“What happened in here!?” A voice cried from behind Lance. Lance groaned again and pried his eyes open. His body felt heavy and his limbs were too long. “Lance, Keith, are you alright?” It was Pidge. Pidge was screaming.

“Shh” A voice came from next to him. “Too loud” Lance paused. It was a voice he had never heard before. Lance stretched out his limbs, grimacing at the soreness that pulled at his muscles. He slowly opened his eyes and saw the source of the wetness was Yorak’s nose. Lance reached up to move his face away from his own, and then paused. Something covered his hand.

It was Keith’s glove.

Lance frowned and turned his hand over. His skin looked different, lighter. ‘Maybe it’s the lighting’ Lance thought to himself as he sat up. His eyes landed on the body next to him, and he realized that it was not, in fact the lighting.

Across from Lance, was… Lance.

Lance, or, the other Lance, looked back at him. Someone screamed, Lance wasn’t sure if it was him or the other him.

“What the fuck!” Lance screeched. The other him stared down at his hands.

“Lance, what the hell happened!?” The other him yelled. Lance frowned.

“What are you talking about? Who are you?” The other him looked up with a look of pure confusion.

“What do you mean who am I- Lance, it’s me. Keith” he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “It’s me! I’m in your- and you’re in my- What is happening!?” Keith’s voice, which sounded like Lance’s, raised in panic.

“Are you guys okay?” Shiro asked in concern, turning the corner and seeing Lance and Keith sprawled out on the floor shouting at each other. Shiro turned to Pidge for answers. She shrugged in response.

“Keith is in my—”

“Lance is me-!” The two of them shouted at the same time. Shiro furrowed his eyebrows and walked closer to them.

“What? Will you- Guys, calm down. Just tell me what’s going on” he said calmly. Keith and Lance continued to talk over each other for a few seconds before they both stopped and stared at each other as the reality of the situation sunk in.

“We- Yorak jumped on us and—” Lance began to explain. He was more than freaked out by the fact that his voice sounded like Keith’s.

“He teleported, and we went with him and we- we—” Keith turned to look at Lance. A shiver ran down Lance’s spine as his own eyes stared back at him. It was beyond creepy. “We switched” Shiro looked back and forth between the two of them.

“You… switched? Switched what?” Lance looked up at Shiro.

“Bodies. We switched bodies” Shiro was silent for a long moment before turning his back to them and muttering something to himself.

“You two,” Shiro huffed and turned back to them. “You had we worried that something was wrong” he said. Keith let out a loud noise.

“Worried that- Shiro, we switched bodies!” He stressed. “I am in Lance’s body and Lance is in my body” he said, pointing at Lance and then back at himself. “I’d say that’s pretty fucking worrisome!” Keith said, his voice cracking as he spoke.

“Lance, cut it out” Shiro said, rubbing his forehead. “We just got settled into the ship, we don’t have time for—”

“He’s not joking Shiro!” Lance spoke up, climbing to his feet. He was startled at how tall he was. “We- Fuck you’re tall!” Lance exclaimed suddenly, staring down at his legs. He knew Keith had grown, but now that Lance was literally in Keith’s shoes he realized just how tall the boy was. “What the hell was your mother feeding you while you were away!?” Lance stretched his arms out and felt his biceps. “Nice” he commented absently.

“Stop that!” Keith exclaimed, jumping to his feet. “That’s weird!” Lance continued to poke and prod his new body, marveling at all Keith’s toned muscles.

“Seriously, do you work out? You’re fucking ripped!” Keith stomped over and batted Lance’s hands away from his body.

“Stop! Leave my body alone!”

“Finders keepers!” Lance shouted childishly. Keith shook his head in disbelief.

“You didn’t find my body!” he pointed out. Lance frowned.

“Fine. Possession is nine-tenths of the law” Lance argued. “My body. I can do whatever I want”

“What. The fuck. Is happening” Pidge commented from the side of the room. The others had gathered there as well, all staring at Keith and Lance in utter confusion.

“You- you actually switched bodies?” Shiro asked, squinting his eyes at the two of them. Keith nodded. Shiro turned to Lance. Lance nodded vigorously.

“That’s what we’ve been trying to tell you!” Shiro’s eyes widened.

“Shit” he said.

“Y- eah” Lance drew out the word.

“How?” Pidge asked. Lance shrugged, making the I-don’t-know sound.

If they were ever going to switch back, they would have to figure out how they had gotten that way in the first place.

~ ~ ~

“Lance, err- Keith, will you hold still” Shiro asked with a sigh. Keith made a face and stilled his bouncing knee.

“Sorry” he said. “I’m just… I can’t focus” Everyone had moved into the make-shift infirmary they had made in one of the empty bedrooms on the new ship. They didn’t have much there, save for one healing pod and a few various medical supplies.

“ADHD is a bitch” Lance commented by his side. They were both sitting on a table. Coran and Shiro were poking and prodding, trying to figure out how their consciousnesses had switch. They already determined that it happened because they had teleported with Yorak, but they still needed to figure out exactly how, and how to change them back.

“How do you deal with this” Keith asked through gritted teeth. He scratched relentlessly at his arm. Lance shrugged.

“Don’t worry, give it eighteen or so years and you’ll get used to it” he joked. Keith shot Lance a look that Lance couldn’t decipher.

“Man, this is so weird” Hunk said. His eyes bounced back and forth between Lance and Keith. “Lance is all quiet and sullen and Keith is loud and bouncy” his mouth made an ‘o’ shape as he watched the two of them.

“Try being in someone else’s body” Lance grumbled. He was swinging his legs over the side of the table, still fascinated with how long his legs were. Keith was squirming and tapping his fingers on the table loudly.

“Walk me through it again” Shiro said for the fourth time since they had started running tests on them. Lance sighed.

“We were playing with Yorak, and he ran into us and we teleported with him. When we woke up, I was a brooding emo and Keith was a dashing—”

“Lance” Shiro said sternly. Lance ducked his head.

“Sorry”

“Christ, this is so freaky” Pidge breathed, squinting her eyes at Lance.

“Can you fix this?” Keith asked. “And soon? I’d really like my body back” Lance crossed his arms and frowned.

“You want your body back? Or you just don’t want to be in mine?” he asked. Keith shot a look at Lance.

“Lance…” Lane shook his head.

“Never mind. Sorry” he said shortly. “Are you almost done with these tests?” Coran typing away on a computer, completely lost in analyzing the data.

“Hmm? Oh, yes. I suppose you can leave for now. I’ll find you if I find out anything” Coran said absently. Lance hopped off the table and brushed the hair out of his eyes. Keith’s hair was so much longer than Lance’s. It was softer than it looked.

“I’ll be, uh, in my room” Lance said, quickly walking away. He didn’t know why he was upset. Just that he had to get out of there.

~ ~ ~

Keith ended up in Lance’s room after Shiro and Coran had finished running their tests. The results had all been inconclusive, but Coran was optimistic that he would find a way to reverse what had been done. It would just take time.

“What’s up?” Lance asked as Keith knocked on the doorframe.

“Just wanted to make sure you weren’t doing anything weird to me” he said. Lance opened up his mouth to protest, but Keith held up his hands. “Kidding” he said with a small smile. Lance relaxed. He had been trying to unpack his room but hadn’t got very far. It felt wrong, doing something normal after something so abnormal happened to him. “I couldn’t sleep. It felt…”

“Weird” Lance provided. “Like it’s wrong to do something so normal after… this” Keith nodded as he stepped into the room, the door closing behind him.

“Exactly” Keith stopped in front of Lance’s bed, hesitating. “Are you… alright?” he asked. “You left really suddenly” Lance chewed on his lip.

“I’m in someone else’s body. I think I’m allowed to be a little weird” Lance said defensively.

“I’m not- Aside from that, are you alright?” he asked. Lance wrung his hands together.

“Do you… do you really hate me so much that you can’t stand switching bodies with me?” he asked in a small voice. It was still weird to hear Keith’s voice when he spoke. He would never get used to it. Keith blinked in stunned silence.

“I- What? Lance, I don’t hate you” he said in confusion. “What I said earlier about wanting to switch back, I didn’t mean that I couldn’t stand being in your body, I just meant that- Fuck, Lance” Keith tugged on his- Lance’s- hair. His hand hovered in mid hair for a moment, like he was expecting his hair to be longer. “This- this—” Keith waved his hands in front of him. “All of this is just so much! I feel so weird, like I’m still me and I have all my thoughts but I’m in your body. I didn’t even know that you had ADHD and now I have it. Kind of” Keith turned and started pacing the room.

“Keith…”

“I feel like this is kind of my fault because Yorak is my dog. I brought him here. I don’t even know what he is, or what he can do. And now were… like this and we don’t know how long it’ll last. Or if we can even switch it back!” Keith continued, not hearing Lance. “I feel- I feel so-!” Keith groaned and pulled on his hair again, stopping at the edge of the bed. “I don’t know how you do it” He said. “Deal with ADHD. It’s so… God, I never imagined it’d be like this. I didn’t even know you had ADHD” Lance looked at Keith with pity in his eyes. Lance barely even noticed his ADHD anymore. He had it almost completely under control, but Keith? Keith had never dealt with it before.

“It’s not your fault” Lance said. “You didn’t know that something like this would happen. I mean, who would think that your space dog would Freaky Friday us” Keith frowned.

“What?” Lance shook his head.

“Never mind. It’s not your fault. And I’m sure that Shiro and Coran will be able to fix us. They can do anything. But yeah… this is… really weird” Keith huffed and sat down heavily on the edge of Lance’s bed.

“I feel so… wired” he said. “Like I can’t sit still” He drummed his fingers against his leg.

“It’ll wear down after a bit” Lance said. “You just need to calm down. You’re freaking yourself out” Keith nodded. Lance let out a half-laugh half-sigh and put his hand on Keith’s. Keith laughed shortly and dropped his hands.

“Also, you’re so fucking lanky” Keith complained, sprawling out on Lance’s bed.

“I’m lanky?” Lance repeated. “I’m not the one who’s eighteen freakin’ feet tall! I swear you grew like nine feet since you left. I hit my head on everything!” They stared at each other for a moment before bursting out into laughter.

“I missed you” Lance said, the fondness in his voice more evident then he realized. “When you were away” Keith smiled up at him, still laying on the bed.

“I missed you too” he said. There was something about his eyes and made Lance know that something was up.

“How long…” he pulled his knees up to his chest. “How long were you out there? In space, with your mother” he elaborated. Keith pinched his lips together and glanced away.

“Uh, a long time” his voice grew quieter. Lance cocked his head and waited for Keith to continue. “Almost two years, I think” Lance’s mouth opened in surprise. Two years. Keith was in space with his mom for two years.

“Wow” Was all Lance could think to say.

“Yeah” Keith closed his eyes and stretched out his arms and legs before curling up into a ball. “It- I really missed you. All of you. I mean, I’m glad that I got to spend that time with my mom but… It was… it was a long time” he said quietly. Lance watched Keith, a mix of emotions swirling in him.

“It was a long time” Keith peeked his eyes open. Lance ran his hands through his hair. He would never get tired of running his hands through Keith’s long silky hair.

“I think I understand you now, Lance” Keith said softly. Lance strained to hear him. Keith looked half asleep. “I get it” Lance frowned.

“What do you mean?” he asked. But Keith was already asleep.

Lance said leaning back against the wall. By switching bodies Lance had learned more about Keith than he had even known before. He felt closer to the boy than he ever had.

Now they had to figure out how to undo it.


	58. Secrets and Shame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: [This fic is based off of a tumblr post by /voltronlegendayspacegaystumblr post by !!] Lance is a stripper and no one knows until one night his friends show up at the strip club where he works (+pining klance)
> 
> A/N: Sorry it took me so long to post this I had a really busy week! 
> 
> Trigger warnings: vaugely nsfw

! PSA: Everyone in this fic is aged up to over twenty ! 

The minute Lance stepped on the stage he saw them. Front and center. He stumbled, freezing momentarily, but then proceeded across the stage as normal, now a few beats off on his song. He felt his face burn in embarrassment, though it was hidden in the glow of the spotlight. His dazzling smile never left his face, though he was sure that it looked forced. His heart beat wildly in his chest, and not for the reason that it normally did.

His friends were in the front row, staring at him in shock.

They didn’t know that he was a stripper.

Lance’s eyes landed on Keith for only a moment before he tore them away. He couldn’t think about Keith while he was up there, or he would never make it through the whole thing. Lance strutted across the stage, focusing on the beat of the music and the whistles from the crowd. He needed to forget that they were there. He had to do his routine perfectly or he’d be fired. He loved this job. He loved what he did. He didn’t know what he would do if he couldn’t work here.

As Lance reached the center of the stage he tilted his chin up and lifted the hem of his shirt slightly, revealing a strip of his stomach. He saw Pidge duck her head and Hunk avert his eyes. It was only a few more moments before Shiro turned away as well, not able to watch his friend take his clothes off. Keith’s eyes never strayed.

Something inside Lance liked it when people watched him take his clothes off. He wasn’t shy or embarrassed. It made him bolder. It made him feel good. But this was different. His friends watching him take his clothes off filled him with an emotion that Lance couldn’t identify. It was something like shame. But when he saw the look on Keith’s face as he stripped the see-through shirt off and revealed his glitter covered abs, Lance was filled with an entirely different emotion.

While Lance continued to do his routine, doing his best to not stare at Keith the entire time, Keith was sitting on the edge of his seat, completely shell shocked. Lance was a stripper. He was watching Lance strip. Keith awkwardly ducked his head, but continued to stare at Lance, unable to tear his eyes away. He was beautiful. Sure, it was a little bit much, the booty shorts and body glitter, but Lance had a way of making even cringy things looking good. Keith’s face flushed as a man ran up to the edge of the stage and tucked a twenty-dollar bill into the hem of Lance’s skin tight short. Lance shot a wink at him before going right back into his routine.

If it weren’t for the occasional glances Lance shot Keith’s way, Keith would think that Lance didn’t know they were there. Keith knew that Lance could see him gaping at him, there was no way he couldn’t. Lance turned just as Keith thought that. They locked eyes as Lance continued his dance, tugging on the waistband of his shorts teasingly. Neither of them could tear their eyes away. Then, just like that, the dance was over. The lights went down, and Lance hurried off the stage, leaving his friends sitting there hiding their faces, and Keith staring at the darkened stage with a strange feeling in his gut.

~ ~ ~

Lance sat in the backroom for far too long, his head in his hands. He hadn’t even gotten dressed yet or wiped the glitter off. He just… sat there. He knew once he left that room he was going to have to face his friends. There was no way around it. For a brief moment Lance considered just sneaking out the back door, but he knew that was crazy. He would see them eventually and besides; his shift wasn’t over yet.

Finally, Lance pulled himself up off the couch and pulled on a black-mesh shirt that barely covered anything and tugged on the bottom of his shorts. He wanted to cover as much of himself up before his friends found him.

After sitting around for a few more minutes Lance emerged from the backroom. He saw his friends immediately. They were sitting at the bar, scanning the room. They were clearly waiting for him. None of them were speaking. They were probably still shocked to find what Lance had been up to virtually every night.

Lance still didn’t know what he was going to say to them when he moved to stand in front of them. He stood on the other side of the bar, trying to put some distance between them before the inevitable conversation.

“Hey” Lance said as he stood there. They all turned to look up at him. Lance laid his palms flat on the sticky counter in front of him and cocked his head. He saw his boss standing across the room, eyeing Lance. Lance forced at flirty grin on his face and cleared his throat.

“Lance,” Shiro said. “What…” Lance shook his head, still grinning.

“My boss is watching” he said quietly. He dipped his head down so he was close to Shiro’s ear. “Pretend I’m whispering something flirty” Lance breathed into Shiro’s ear. Shiro’s face turned red immediately and he turned away. Lance tried not to let it get to him.

“Why are you… I don’t… Lance what are you doing here” Hunk stuttered out. He didn’t even know which question to ask. He was baffled.

“I…” Lance started. Pidge cut him off.

“Is this for money? Lance there are so many other ways to get money” She said, her face pinched with worry.

“If you needed money you could’ve told us” Shiro said gently. Lance crossed his arms self-consciously, trying to hide his glitter covered chest.

“I- I don’t need money” Lance said, sounding hurt.

“You don’t have to do this” Hunk said with a sad look on his face. “I’m serious, we can help you out with anything. Food, gas, rent. Lance you should’ve have to… do this just to make—”

“I don’t do this for money!” Lance exclaimed. His outburst surprised them all. A few people turned to look at him. Lance groaned and pressed the heels of his hands onto his eyelids. He was getting a stress headache. “Okay, listen. I have to work. Meet me at the diner across the road in two hours when I’m off and we can… I can explain” he said. “Just promise me that… promise me that none of you are going to try and talk me out of this” Lance pleaded. Four pairs of eyes stared back at him blankly.

“Alright” Shiro said finally. “We’ll… we’ll meet you then” Lance waited until they had walked out the door to drop his shoulders in relief. It wasn’t until a few moments later that he realized Keith was still standing in front of him. Lance swallowed the lump in his throat.

“Are you going to make fun of me?” Lance asked. Keith furrowed his eyebrows.

“Make fun of you?” he repeated. “Why would I make fun of you?” Lance glanced down at his chest, which was radiating in the dim light. “I- Lance I would never make fun of you” he said, furrowing his eyebrows. Lance let out a breath and straightened up. He opened his mouth to say something else, but then noticed his boss in the room again. He cursed under his breath.

“Keith, if you really want to talk you’re going to have to pay me for a private show” Lance said. Keith blushed deeply and began sputtering. “K- Keith, stop. I meant- Keith!” Keith fell silent, still not looking at Lance. “I mean if we want to talk in private. My boss is going to be pissed if he sees me standing here all night and not making money” Lance explained. Keith’s mouth made an ‘o’.

“H- how much?” Keith asked, fishing his wallet out of his back pocket. Lance cringed.

“Ah, a hundred” he said sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. Keith’s hand stalled as he started to pull the money out of his wallet.

“Wh- seriously?” he asked. Lance shrugged.

“What can I say? I’m in high demand these days” he laughed shortly. Keith stayed silent as he handed the cash over to Lance. Lance made a show of taking the money in his fingers and shoving it into his shorts.

“Is that comfortable?” Keith asked as Lance rounded the corner.

“Not even a little bit” Lance breathed. He put one hand on the small of Keith’s back and the other on his arm. “Just play along” Lance said, shooting an alluring smile at Keith. From his close Keith could see Lance’s face better. He realized that his eyes were caked with glittery eyeshadow and eyeliner, but not in a gross way. The bold colors brought out the blue in his eyes, making them seem brighter.

Lance guided Keith to the edge of the room to a door, partially hidden by a curtain. Lance pushed the door open and motioned for Keith to step in. Lance closed the door behind them. The blaring music was muffled now, and Keith could finally hear himself think.

The room was small, just big enough for a leather couch, barely big enough for two people, and an area in front of it, clearly designed for the strippers to do their private shows.

“This is… cozy” Keith stated. He stood next to the door, not sure where to go.

“Hmm. Not my favorite place to me” Lance said as he sunk down onto the couch. He patted the seat next to him. Keith tentatively crossed the room and sat next to him. “So… I’m sure you have… questions” Lance said, suddenly getting nervous. He tugged on his shorts and readjusted his shirt as he sat there. Keith tried not to stare at him, but it was hard. Lance was gorgeous.

“Uh, yeah…” Keith began. “I just want to… I mean… Are- are you doing this for money?” Keith asked hesitantly. Lance’s eyes darkened, and he looked away. “It’s okay-!” Keith added quickly. “Either way, I just… I wanna know if you’re doing this ‘cause you want to or ‘cause you have to” Lance relaxed slightly.

“It was for money at first…” Lance said slowly. “I had just lost my job… you know, at that restaurant?” Keith’s eyes widened slightly as he nodded. That had been over a year ago. “Well about a month after that I had applied everywhere I could think of and no one was hiring and I… I really needed money” he explained. “I didn’t want to ask for help. It was stupid, I know” he said before Keith could say anything.

“Lance… we would’ve helped you”

“I know. I was just… embarrassed. You all have successful jobs and I couldn’t even make it as a waiter” Lance continued. “I heard about this place one day and that they were looking for young guys to dance on the stages. I only meant to do it for a while, just until I found a new job but… but then I realized that… I really like it” his voice grew quieter. Keith could barely hear him over the pounding bass from the music in the other room. “I liked the money and the… the routines. I like people- people watching me” he admitted. “It’s… stupid”

“No, it’s not” Keith shrugged. “Some people like that. It’s not weird”

“It’s not?” Lance asked, peering up at Keith. Keith gulped and shook his head.

“N- nope” Keith cleared his throat. “Like I said earlier, it doesn’t matter if you’re doing this because you like it. If that’s what makes you happy then… that’s okay. The others might not… think the same thing but they’re just worried about you. As long as you’re happy and you’re safe then… it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks” Lance’s face softened.

“Thank you” Lance set his hand on Keith’s arm. “Seriously, you have no idea how much that means to me” he said softly. Keith smiled at Lance. A real smile. Lance rarely saw Keith smile for real.

“It’s no problem, Lance” he said. The room was silent for a moment, and then Lance finally pulled his hand away. The only sound was of the pounding music.

“So, what do we do with the rest of our twenty minutes?” Lance said, sinking into the squeaky leather couch. Keith twisted his hands and stared at the wall in front of him.

“You could, uh, show me more of your routine” he joked. He pressed his mouth in a straight line. Lance shifted in the couch, look at Keith out of the corner of his eye. “I’m- I’m, kidding” Keith said weakly. Lance pulled himself up off the couch and stood in front of Keith, his eyes sparking mischievously.

“Hey, you did pay me” he said, wiggling his eyebrows. “It’s the least I can do” Keith’s eyes went wide, and he straightened up.

It was safe to say that after that night their friendship was forever changed.


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Sooo... I write Klance and I have a "prompt" I can't use. Lance and Keith go on a mission which ends up with them both seriously hurt. When they return, thanks to Lance, the team focuses all their energy on Keith, but ignore Lance, despite Keith himself saying Lance needs help. Basically, Lance self destructs as he waits for Keith's pod to open, and the moment they hug, Keith hand comes back covered in blood and Lance vomits blood all over him. Keith proceeds to lose it at them, and Lance lives
> 
> A/N: I hope you all like it! 
> 
> Trigger warnings: injury, blood

No one knew anything was wrong until Lance appeared in the doorway, dragging Keith across the floor, leaving smeared trail of blood behind them. Everyone was frozen in surprise as Lance dragged the injured Keith into the middle of the room, grunting from the effort.

“Don’t just fucking stand there!” Lance snapped. “Help him!” Everyone moved at once. They all surrounded Keith, fretting over him and checking his injuries. Lance was shoved out of the way, so they could get a closer look. Blood was pouring out of a gaping wound that stretched from Keith’s stomach to his side and down to his hip.

“What happened!?” Allura shouted as she attempted to stop the blood with her hands. “Are you injured anywhere else Keith?” Keith’s head lulled to the side. He was mumbling incoherently.

“Keith?” Shiro crouched next to Keith and turned his head. “Hey, stay awake for me Keith. Can you do that?” Keith continued to mumble.

“Lance, what happened?” Hunk asked, his voice tight with panic. Hunk didn’t do well with blood, so he was standing to the side, waiting if anyone needed anything.

“There were… they came out of nowhere. They were so many we… There was nothing we could…” Lance shook his head. He was too shaken up to think clearly. It didn’t matter. Everyone was focused on Keith.

Lance wrung his hands together nervously and stood to the side. Keith was still trying to say something, though no one could make it out.

“Coran is the pod ready?” Allura called. She was working on peeling Keith’s armor off without hurting him any further. This was proving to be difficult. Keith was struggling weakly against Shiro and Allura’s grip, muttering slurred words.

“Keith, please calm down” Shiro pleaded. “We’re trying to help you” Keith mumbled something else. “What are you trying to say?”

“…ance” Keith fought against Shiro’s hands which were pinning him down. “Lance… help” Shiro nodded.

“Yeah, Lance helped you. He’s here. He’s alright” he promised. Keith let out a noise and then fell back limply. Sweat was pouring out of Keith just as fast as the blood.

“Coran!” Allura shouted. There was a loud noise and then Pidge burst into the room.

“It’s ready!” She exclaimed. Hunk and Shiro worked together to gently lift Keith up and carry him into the infirmary. Lance followed closely behind. Worry pooled in his gut. Keith had taken the brunt of the gun fire. Lance gunned a few of them down, but one guard managed to get close enough to take a chunk out of Keith’s chest plate.

Keith was currently trying to communicate something. No one could understand him. “Lance… he- he- Lan… Lance! H…”

“Keith, please save you energy. You can tell us when you get out of the pod” Keith shook his head wildly, but he was struggling to stay conscious at this point.

“Lance… hurt” he mumbled. Hunk frowned at him.

“Lance is fine. He’s right there. See?” Hunk said, nodding his head behind him. Keith continued to shake his head until they were in the infirmary. Within a few seconds Keith was securely in the healing pod, and everyone finally relaxed. Lance hovered next to Keith’s healing pod, listening in on the other’s conversation. They were all worrying over Keith, unsure of how bad his injuries really were.

No one even looked to Lance.

Lance sat down and leaned against the healing pod. He lifted his hand and wiped his mouth, when he pulled it back it was covered in blood. Lance closed his fist and closed his eyes. He could deal with that when he knew that Keith was safe.

~ ~

It was hours before Keith finally emerged from the healing pod. Lance had fallen in and out of a restless sleep several times when he finally heard the pod door open. Lance shot up instantly, trying to ignore the dizziness that filled his head. Lance blinked the blurriness out of his eyes as Keith stumbled out of the pod.

“Keith!” Lance let out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding. “Are you alright?” he asked. It took Keith a moment to realize where he was and what happened. Keith grabbed Lance’s forearms and searched his face.

“Are you alright?” he asked. Lance hesitated. There was no reason to worry him right now. He had just gotten out of the healing pod.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I thought that you… I didn’t know if—” Keith grabbed Lance’s shoulder and pulled him into a tight hug. Lance winced but hugged Keith back as best he could.

“Me too” Keith breathed into his ear. “When they hit me, I was sure… I was sure that you got hit…” Lance tensed up. “I saw… I saw you get hit” Keith said slowly. Lance felt his stomach lurch suddenly. He pushed Keith back. Keith pulled his arms back and saw that they were covered in blood.

“I- I- I—”

“Lance…?” Lance grabbed his stomach and let out a groan. He doubled over and spit up blood all over Keith. A lot of blood. “Lance!” Keith screamed. He grabbed Lance just as he passed out. “Coran! Allura! Someone! Help!” he screamed as he dragged Lance toward the healing pod. Keith didn’t know where all the blood was coming from. “You’re going to be okay” Keith said, mostly to himself. “You’re going to be okay” Keith closed the door to the healing pod and switched the controls on just as Shiro and Allura burst into the room, the other close behind them.

“Keith? What’s going on?” Allura asked, eyeing the blood covering Keith and the floor. “Are you alright!?” Keith double checked that the healing pod was on and working before turning to the others.

“Why didn’t anyone check Lance?” Keith asked sharply.

“What are you talking about?” Pidge asked.

“Lance!” Keith gestured to the pod, where Lance’s pale blood covered face was illuminated. “He coughed up a lung full of blood and collapsed!” Keith exclaimed. He was confused. How had this happened? “He sat here the whole time-!” No one had bothered to check on Lance.

“That was so stupid of him! Why wouldn’t he tell us that he was hurt!?” Shiro exclaimed. Keith snapped his head toward Shiro.

“Are you shitting me?” he asked dangerously. “Are s- I told you that he was hurt, and you didn’t listen! Why didn’t any of you check him for injuries when we got back? No one even asked him if he was okay! He sat here the whole time you all just left him!?” Keith balled up his fists in anger. He couldn’t believe it.

“Keith—” Shiro tried to say something. Keith shook his head, a hurt look on his face.

“No. Shiro, no. I just- Pray that Lance comes out of there okay. Because if he doesn’t…” Keith closed his eyes and shook his head.

If Lance wasn’t okay Keith would never forgive them.


	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: (From @/linn2005 on wattpad) What if lance were to cut too deep and he’s bleeding so much that he feels like he’s going to pass out. He knows he can’t die because he has a job to do so he goes to shiros room for help? You can decide where to go from there 
> 
> A/N: Ps I’m aware that the way Shiro reacts is not good. I’ve written him being super helpful before so I decided to try Shiro not knowing the right thing to do or say
> 
> Trigger warnings: blood, self harm

“Shit shit shit shit shit” Lance hissed in pain and dropped the razor blade. It fell to the flood with a clang! Lance watched in horror as blood gushed from the cut on his wrist. It wasn’t like usual. There was too much blood. It was coming too fast. Lance’s eyes flitted back and forth across the room looking for something to stop to bleeding. He found a discarded t-shirt and quickly wrapped it around the wound. “Fuck” Lance breathed. The shirt was soaked in seconds. Lance bit his lip as he scrambled to his feet.

Lance didn’t want to die. He cut himself, but it was just a form of coping. Of dealing with everything. With the war, the fighting, the killing. Lance wasn’t suicidal. He had a job to do, he couldn’t die.

He couldn’t die.

Panic rose in Lance’s chest as a wave of dizziness ran through him. He cradled his bloodied arm to his chest and shakily reached for the door. He couldn’t turn the knob at first because of the blood covering his hand.

When he finally did get out of the bathroom he wasn’t sure what to do. The cut was too deep, and the blood didn’t seem to be stopping any time soon, but he couldn’t put himself into a pod. He didn’t know how to work it, and people would ask questions. He also couldn’t just leave it. He was already feeling woozy, like he was going to pass out.

He had to get help.

Lance hurried down the hall, his hand trailing along the wall as he did, keeping him from falling over. He couldn’t tell Hunk, he wouldn’t understand. Pidge wouldn’t know what to do. There was no way in hell he was telling Keith. And he didn’t know how Allura or Coran would react.

That only left one person.

“Shiro?” Lance knocked on the door. “Shiro? Shiro. Shiro. Shiro. Shiro!” Lance was panicking. He felt himself sway on his feet.

“Wh- What do-you-need” Shiro slurred as he answered the door. He rubbed his eyes as he leaned against the doorway. Lance lowered his hand.

“Oh, shit. Were you asleep?” Lance asked. He tried to ignore the blood dripping onto his shoes.

“It’s two in the morning. Of course, I’m sleep- Lance why are you here?” he asked in irritation. Lance shuffled his feet.

“I, uh, I need to… I accidentally… Well not ac—” Lance hissed in pain and ducked his head. “Ahh…” Shiro finally looked up at Lance and realized why Lance was clutching his arm so tightly. 

“Are you hurt!?” He exclaimed. “Lance what happened!?” Shiro ushered Lance through his room and into his bathroom.

“I’m- I’m gonna pass out” Lance muttered suddenly. Black spots flooded his vision. Shiro guided him to the flood, leaning his back against the sink.

“Hey, whoa whoa whoa” Shiro said as Lance hunched over and began breathing erratically. “Lance, tell me what happened” As soon as Shiro’s hand touched Lance’s forearm Lance flinched and jerked his arm away.

“Don’t—” he said, on instinct. Lance squeezed his eyes shut. He was seeing stars. He was going to pass out if he lost anymore blood. “Do you… have… bandages” Lance choked out. Shiro clamored around the room quickly gathering supplies he had.

“Lance, you have to tell me what happened” Shiro said as he knelt back down by Lance. Lance pressed the heal of his uninjured hand to his eyes.

“I- ah!” Shiro’s fingers grazed the edge of the blood-soaked t-shirt. “I- I made a mistake” Lance whispered. He covered his eyes with his free hand as Shiro gently unwrapped the shirt. Lance shivered as he felt the cold air on his exposed wrist. Shiro was silent for a moment before he sighed quiet.

“Oh Lance” he breathed. Lance’s whole body was shaking. “I... um… Lance, I’m going to put this bandage on you, okay? It might hurt” Lance nodded.

It took several minutes for Shiro to get the bandage on tightly enough that it stopped the bleeding. Lance whimpered in pain the whole time. Lance kept his eyes closed the whole time Shiro worked, bandaging and cleaning the blood off of Lance.

“Are we going to talk about this?” Shiro asked quietly as he handed Lance one of his own t-shirts to change into, as Lance’s was stained in blood. Lance kept his eyes down as he pulled his shirt over his head and tugged on Shiro’s. It was too big, so it slipped down over one shoulder, revealing his collarbones.

“I don’t know” Lance shrugged, pulling his feet up to his chest. “Do we have to?” Shiro settled down beside Lance and sighed heavily.

“Lance… were you trying to kill yourself?” he asked softly. “Don’t like” Lance shook his head as tears sprang into his eyes.

“I wasn’t, I swear” he said hoarsely. Shiro stared at him dubiously. He wasn’t sure he could trust what Lance said. He saw the rows of scars, both new and old. Deep and shallow. The most current ones were the deepest.

“Can you… can you tell me why?” Shiro’s voice was filled with confusion and concern. Lance shifted away from him slightly. He buried his face in his knees, try to steady his breaths. He was still light headed.

“I don’t- I don’t know” Lance mumbled.

“Yes, you do” Shiro tilted his head so he could see Lance’s face.

“I just… this all is so… so much!” Lance lifted his head and stared into Shiro’s eyes.

“What is?”

“Just- everything!” Lance threw up his hands abruptly. “Being in space. The- the fighting. The killing. The- god! Do you know how many people we’ve killed?” Lance’s brain was running a thousand miles a minute. Shiro could barely keep up.

“This is a war, Lance. They’ve enslaved half the universe. Do you know how many people they’ve killed? They’re merciless. They kill with no mercy. We have to stop them before they hurt anyone else. This is necessary”

“That doesn’t-!” Lance lowered his voice. “That doesn’t make it any easier” Lance unconsciously began rubbing his bandaged wrist. Shiro eyed him. “This seems like it’s never going to end. The killing the- We don’t have any say in this. There’s no backing out! I don’t… I don’t feel in control. This—” Lance gestured his injured arm. “This makes me feel in control” Shiro’s heart broke.

“Lance, you could seriously hurt yourself. You did seriously hurt yourself” Shiro opened his mouth and then put his head into his hands. Lance could practically see the disappointment dripping off of Shiro’s words. “You have to find a different way to cope or you might- Lance you almost died” Lance’s face burned red in shame.

“I don’t- I don’t know how- I- I- I’m sorry” Lance said, trying to make himself smaller. Shiro’s words were like a knife in his heart. He knew that Shiro was just trying to help, but it wasn’t making him feel any better. Lance knew that he shouldn’t cut himself. He knew that it wasn’t a healthy coping mechanism. He knew. But he still couldn’t stop.

“You don’t have to apologize, Lance” Shiro said, leaning over to put his arm around him. Lance began to cry. “You’re going to get through this” Shiro breathed. “You’re going to be okay, Lance. You’ll get through this”

Lance wasn’t so sure.


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Could you do a langst prompt where Lance is secretly self Harming and Hunk finds out but keeps queit because Lance begged him to? Until one day Lance goes to far? Idk but this would be great jdjfjfjf
> 
> A/N: There's been a lot of self harm prompts lately lol. 
> 
> Trigger warnings: self harm, blood, major character death

“You can’t tell anyone” Lance said desperately. “Please, please, please! Hunk, I’m serious. No one needs to know. I’ll never do it again”’

Hunk thought back to that a lot. He remembered the feeling of numbness in his body as he saw Lance hunched over his sink, a blade in his hand and blood dripping into the sink. Lance’s eyes wide in terror.

‘I’ll stop, I promise. I’ll stop’

Lance swore he would over and over. He gave Hunk every blade, every sharp object. He even let Hunk search his room for more, making sure that Hunk trusted him. Hunk promised Lance that he would keep it a secret as long as Lance never did it again, and he came to Hunk whenever he felt like he wanted to do it again.

Lance kept this promise. He came to Hunk’s door in tears more time that Hunk could count. Hunk would talk to him, rub his back, and reassure him that everything would be okay. Lance would stay the night in Hunk’s room and then in the morning he claimed to be feeling better.

Things seemed to be getting better.

That was, until Hunk found Lance passed out on the kitchen floor in a pool of his own blood.

Hunk rushed to Lance’s side in an instant, dropping to his knees. The blood soaked his clothes instantly. “No, no, no, no, no” Hunk muttered as he rolled Lance over. Lance’s limp body turned with no resistance. Both his wrists were covered in deep slashes, all still gushing blood. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh-my-god!” Hunk didn’t know what to do. Lance was still breathing, thought it was shallow.

Hunk screamed for help as he knelt there next to Lance, covered in his blood. Footsteps pounded as they all ran toward the sound of Hunk’s screams. Hunk cradled Lance’s head in his lap, accidentally smearing his face with blood. Hunk brushed Lance’s hair out of his eyes as he desperately tried to wake him up.

“Come on, come on” Hunk cried as the room filled with people. “Lance, wake up, wake up”

“Wh- Hunk what happened!?” Allura exclaimed as she ran into the room. Tears fell down Hunk’s cheeks.

Why didn’t he tell anyone?

Shiro and Allura lifted Lance and rushed him to the infirmary. Hunk was followed close behind, still dripping with blood. Lance’s skin was getting paler by the minute. He was barely breathing, and his heart rate was slowing. By the time they had arrived at the infirmary Coran, Pidge and Keith were running to find out what had happened.

“What’s going on!?” Keith shouted. Hunk had his arms crossed over his chest, as if to hold himself together. “Hunk, what happened? Is that- What happened to Lance?” Keith said as he eyed the unconscious boy. Hunk shook his head and mumbled something incomprehensible. Coran jogged ahead to ask Allura and Shiro what was going on, while Keith and Pidge stuck by Hunk’s side.

“I- I- I found him—” Hunk stuttered. His head was spinning. “In the- In the kitchen. Lance was- He promised he would- He talked to me. He said he was—” Hunk cut off abruptly and he doubled over, trying to catch his breath. Pidge whispered to Hunk that everything was going to be okay while Keith awkwardly rubbed Hunk’s back. Neither of them really understood what was happening.

Shiro and Allura disappeared into the infirmary. Hunk straightened up and rushed toward the door suddenly. He couldn’t let Lance get out of his sight.

“Hunk, I think it would be best if you stayed out here” Coran said gently, blocking Hunk from the door way. Hunk tried to look over Coran’s shoulder, all he could see was Lance laid out on a table.

“Why- why aren’t they putting him in a pod” Hunk said, his voice breaking. Allura had her ear to Lance’s chest. Shiro was saying something to her. His face was hard. “Coran, why- why…” Coran’s eyes filled with sadness.

“Hunk…” Allura stepped away from Lance and shook her head. Shiro dropped his head into his hands. Hunk’s face went blank. He stumbled away from Coran. “Hunk, Hunk!” Hunk turned and fled. He didn’t know where he was going, he just knew that he had to be away from there.

Lance was dead. His best friend was dead.

He promised he would stop.

He promised he would change.

Why hadn’t Hunk told someone?


	62. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Shangst where Shiro is holding his poisoned lover. Lance does or doesn't die. You're choice. I just think we need more Shance in the woods. Lol

“I love you” Lance wheezed. His voice came out weak, pathetic. He tried so hard to be strong. For him. “I love you more than I love myself”

“Prove it” His body dragged across the dirt covered floor as he knelt down at Shiro’s feet. Lance’s bright eyes shone up at Shiro’s face.

“I would do anything for you” Lance breathed out. He felt weird, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was Shiro. “Anything” Shiro reached his hand down and cupped Lance’s bruised face. He was so gently. So caring.

Lance knew that there was something wrong. Something was different with Shiro. He’d changed. If Lance didn’t know any better, he would think that he was a different person. Lance was different too. He didn’t know he felt this way for Shiro until one day it hit him head on. It was like Lance had opened his eyes for the first time and saw Shiro for who he really was.

That was the day Shiro took him away.

Lance confessed to Shiro that morning, unable to keep his new-found unabashed love for his teammate. Shiro admitted that he too was in love with Lance. He ushered Lance into a small spaceship that instant and whisked him away. Lance never look back.

He had a nice life.

“Would you kill yourself for me?” Shiro asked, his face devoid of emotion. Lance nodded his head vigorously.

“I would. I will” Lance climbed to his feet, his body screaming in exhaustion. He had been awake for days. “I will do anything for you. Anything” Shiro pulled Lance into his arms and connected their lips. Lance kissed him back passionately. These were the moments he loved best. When Shiro realized the extent of Lance’s love. The lengths he would go to prove himself.

“I would never ask you to do that” Shiro swore when they broke apart. He ran his fingers through Lance’s hair. “I love you, Lance. Nothing will ever change that fact. You’re mine” A shiver ran down Lance’s spine at his words. Lance leaned into Shiro’s touch. “I have to go away again” he whispered. A pit formed in Lance’s stomach.

“How long?” he asked. He hated when Shiro left. He was never with him for more than a few days.

“A few days” he said, not moving to leave. He hated leaving Lance as much as Lance hated him to leave. “I’ll be back as soon as I can, I promise” he placed a kiss on top of Lance’s head before releasing him. “I love you”

“I love you too” Lance breathed. Shiro quickly left the cabin, locking the door behind him. Lance sluggishly moved to the overstuffed chair that sat in front of the small window at the front of the building. Lance folded his hands in his lap, his mind falling blank. He was content to wait there for days until his love returned.

~ ~

When Lance awoke he had no idea how much time had passed. All he knew was that something was wrong. His whole body ached. He felt sick, like he had a fever. Lance flexed his fingers and tried, unsuccessfully, to move his legs. There was a strange burning sensation under his skin. It started to spread though his whole body, like a strange numbness. Lance pried his eyes open and saw that he was in an unfamiliar room. There was a window in front of him, but it was too dark to see out of.

It took Lance several minutes to gather enough strength to drag his body out of the chair. He struggled to make his way to the door. Lance’s body was weak, like he had been starved and his muscles had atrophied from lack of use. “What the hell” His voice sounded strained, weak. Lance reached up for the door knob and pulled.

It was locked.

Lance turned to the poorly lit room and examined it. There wasn’t much. A fridge and stove, a small bathroom area that was separated by a curtain, a double bed and the chair that was pushed in front of the window. The only other thing in the room was the locked door behind him, and a small wooden door to his left. It was small, maybe leading to a closet. Though Lance was slowed down by whatever was making him ill, he could tell that he was in some type of cabin. Which meant he was probably in the woods. He had no idea how long he had been there, or even how he had gotten there in the first place.

After making sure that he was alone in the room, Lance made his way to the fridge. It was stocked full of food and water. Lance knew that it was dangers to eat the food, but he was clearly malnourished. He was going to die if he didn’t eat.

He had no choice.

Lance scarfed down several pieces of fruit and a whole bottle of water before he picked himself back up off the ground. The sun was beginning to rise, and Lance could see better. He peered out the window and found that he was, in fact, in the woods. Lance tried to pry the window open, without success. The glass panes had been replaced with some type of hard plastic that Lance wasn’t able to break. He was trapped.

And someone was walking toward the door.

Lance squinted to make sure he wasn’t imagining it. When he was sure the figure was real, he turned around in panic, looking for somewhere to hide. He tried the door to the closet again, finding that it was locked. Lance’s heart was pounding in his chest as he heard footsteps on the porch. Lance quickly dove under the bed, wedging himself as close to the wall as he could. Lance could hear the door being unlocked. It creaked open loudly. Lance pinched his lips together and tried to calm his breathing.

“Lance?” A familiar voice called. Lance relaxed in relief.

It was Shiro.

Lance started to speak up and then stopped. He didn’t know why. Something inside him told him to keep his mouth shut. To stay hidden.

“Lance?” Shiro’s voice rose in panic. “Lance, where are you?” His voice grew louder as he approached the bed. Lance saw the closet door swing open and Shiro dug around inside for something. “Shit, shit, shit” Shiro cursed as he closed the door again. “I knew it was too long. Fuck! I should’ve- I knew it was reckless- God!” he muttered to himself. “Lance, please come out. I can explain everything” he promised. Lance froze as Shiro’s feet stopped at the end of the bed. Lance didn’t move. He didn’t breathe. And then—

Shiro walked away.

Lance let out a quiet breath as Shiro moved past the bed. Shiro continued to call out of Lance as he searched the rest of the room. Lance kept himself perfectly still, though he still wasn’t quite sure why. It was his teammate. It was Shiro. Why was he hiding from him?

“Lance, come on. Where are you? We need to go” Shiro’s voice changed suddenly. It was… deeper. Weirder. “The team has been looking for you. We don’t have time for this! We have to—”

Suddenly Lance felt hands on his ankles. He was forcibly dragged out from underneath the bed. Lance screamed and scratched at the hands that were dragging and holding him down. Shiro’s face flashed above Lance’s. “Stop!” Lance shouted. “Shiro stop!” Lance stopped struggling, hoping that Shiro would let him go.

He didn’t.

“Lance, what were you doing underneath the bed?” Shiro asked with a nervous smile. Lance frowned at him in confusion.

“Shiro what’s going on?” Lance asked, his voice tight with panic. “Where are we? How did I get here?” Something flashed in Shiro’s eyes. Something like… fear.

“Wh- What do you mean?” Shiro asked. His gaze flickered to something behind Lance’s head. His hands were pinning Lance down to the floor, one on his arm and the other on his throat. “Lance you’re—” Shiro licked his lips, his eyes flashing to something else before returning to Lance’s face. “Uh, we’re in…” Shiro sighed and shook his head, obviously giving up on telling a lie. “You’re sick, Lance. But don’t- don’t worry. I’ll fix you” he promised, his face shining with something that made fear shoot through Lance.

Shiro lifted the hand off Lance’s arm and grabbed the object that he kept glancing at. It was a small silver object with a large needle fixed on the end of it. Lance’s eyes widened.

“Shiro. Shiro, don’t” Lance said. He began to struggle again. Shiro knelt over him, preventing him from escaping. “Please. Shiro. We- we can talk about this. I’m not sick! We can- we can—” Lance didn’t know what was in that syringe, but he knew that it was nothing good. He imagined it had something to do with the reason why he couldn’t remember how he had gotten here.

“Lance, everything’s going to be okay” Shiro said, raising his voice. “You’re going to feel much better in a minute, I promise. I promise, Love. Everything will be alright” Lance struggled weakly, kicking and scratching and biting at Shiro, trying desperately to do anything to keep the needle away from his neck. “You’ll be alright!” Shiro shouted as he plunged the giant needle into the side of Lance’s neck. Lance let out a gargled scream as he felt the cool liquid enter his body.

Then everything went dark.

~ ~

Lance slowly blinked his blurry eyes and saw a large figure hovering over him. The figure lifted him up and placed him on something more comfortable. Something cold was placed on Lance’s forehead.

Shiro.

“Lance?” Shiro asked, his face pinching in worry. “Baby, are you feeling alright? I hope I didn’t hurt you” Lance craned his neck and saw that he was in his bed. He smiled.

“It doesn’t matter. As long as you’re here I’m okay” Shiro dropped to his knees and pulled Lance into a tight hug.

“I’m so sorry. I’ll never leave you for that long again. Ever. I promise. God, I was so scared that something had happened to you. I love you so much, I don’t know what I would do without you” Lance clung to the larger man with fervor.

“I love you too” Lance whispered heartfeltly. Lance stared wide-eyed at the wall as a tear ran down his face. “I love you more than I love myself”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> people seem confused with this prompt lol so i’ll explain;; i never really define what’s happening (cause i like things being vague lol) but basically shiro/kuron was in love with lance was was upset that lance didn’t seem to like him back so he drugged him (which was when lance confessed his love for him) and so that no one got suspicious shiro kidnapped lance and kept him in a cabin in the woods where he regularly drugged him so that he stayed in love and didn’t try to escape


	63. Chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Lance has an eating disorder and ends up passing out in training.
> 
> A/N: I have a couple of things to say. First of all, a lot of people seemed confused with what was happening in the last prompt, so I added an explanation at the end in case you wanted to know! Secondly, I'm going to be gone all of next week (July 22-27) so I won't be posting anything during those days, sorry!
> 
> Trigger warnings: eating disorder

“Hey, Lance, it’s time to eat” Pidge said, sticking her head into the training room. Lance lowered his bayard.

“Okay. I’m almost done I’ll be there in a little bit” Lance called back. Pidge shot him a thumbs up and then disappeared. Lance ignored the rumbling in his stomach and lifted his bayard again, going back to his rigorous training. He had been training for hours, but he had no intention of stopping any time soon.

Lance hated meal time. He hated forcing down the thick goo that he knew was packed with calories. In the first few months that Lance was in space he had gained over ten pounds. Lance knew that he could stand to gain a few pounds, but when he noticed the added pounds on his stomach he freaked out. His mind fractured back to it’s old mode of thinking.

Lance knew he used to have an eating disorder. Used to. He had managed to overcome with the help of his family and regular visits to a therapist. It took him years to get back to a healthy weight and be okay with it. It took him years to look at his body in the mirror and not be repulsed by what he saw. To not be disgusted with himself when he ate more than once a day. In the span of a few months in space Lance lost all the progress that took him years to achieve.

The training simulation came to an end, and Lance immediately started another one. He didn’t know how long he had been training. It had been hours. He couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten either. He hadn’t burned enough calories for it to become worth eating the filling goo. Lance usually knew when it was time to eat. When his body had reached its limit.

This time, however, he missed all the signals.

He first noticed it when the simulator began blaring noise at him. Lance looked up in confusion. He had failed the simulation. ‘When did I put my gun down?’ he wondered. Lance shook it off and started the simulation over again.

He tried not to look at himself in the mirror across the room. At how the shirt hung off of his shoulders, revealing his collarbones protruding under his skin. He normally wore his jacket to hide just how small he really was. When people noticed how small he was they made fun of him for it. It had happened all the time when he was at the garrison.

Lance’s head snapped up as his bayard fell to the floor. He doubled over as a short pain shot through his stomach. “Gah!” Lance grit his teeth and waited for it to pass. It happened a lot, but he never got used to the pain. The pain didn’t lessen. It spread through his gut until his entire chest felt like it was constricting. Lance squeezed his eyes as his head filled with pressure. He panted for breath. Then, just as quickly as it began, the pain ended.

Lance straightened up, fear running down his spine. That had never happened before. Lance quickly scooped up his bayard and waited a moment to catch his breath.

Maybe he should go to dinner.

The others hadn’t noticed that Lance wasn’t eating. They barely noticed Lance at all. Everyone was so busy with each other and the general day to day problems that no one paid any attention to how Lance had changed. No one noticed how his clothes hung off him. No one noticed how tired he was.

Lance shook off the dizziness and turned toward the door. He took one step and pitched forward.

He blacked out before he ever hit the ground.

No one noticed how reserved Lance was. No one noticed his absence from meals. No one noticed. No one noticed.

It was hours before anyone noticed that Lance had passed out on the training room floor.

If only they had noticed.


	64. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: lance is questioning his sexuality and goes to talk to shiro about it
> 
> ! SPOILERS FOR SEASON 7 OF VOLTRON (EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT OUT YET LOL) !
> 
> A/N: Shiro? Having an ex boyfriend in canon? Iconic. 
> 
> Trigger warnings: internalized homophobia

Lance drummed his fingers against the table loudly as he stared at his empty plate. He had finished eating but he liked to wait until everyone else was done to leave. Now that they were finally all back together it was like he was reunited with his family. They were on their way back to Earth, to their real families.

“Lance, you okay?” Hunk mumbled, elbowing Lance in the side. Lance lifted his eyes and stalled his hand.

“Yeah” he smiled thinly. He leaned back in his chair, spreading his fingers out again his legs. “I’m fine” he lied. Hunk furrowed his eyebrows but turned back to his conversation with Coran. Lance’s eyes flickered to Keith, who was sitting across from him. Keith was smiling over at Allura, who was telling a story to the whole table. Lance felt a frown form on his face as he studied Keith’s profile. Keith pushed a tuft of hair out of his eyes and realized that Lance was staring at him.

‘What?’ he mouthed at Lance, so not to interrupt Allura. Lance blushed deeply, and he made a face. He crossed his arms and turned to Allura, pretending to pay attention. His frown deepened. 

“Lance?” Lance looked over at Shiro in surprise. “Is something bothering you?” he asked. “You look like you’re lost in thought” Lance laughed shortly as he straightened up.

“What? No” Lance forced a broad smile onto his face. He was good at faking it. “Just thinking about… uh…”

“Keith?” Shiro guessed, lowering his voice. Lance recoiled.

“What? Ew! No!” Lance’s face turned dark red. “I- I- I- Why- why would you think that?” he stuttered. Shiro’s face softened.

“You were staring at him pretty intensely” Lance grit his teeth.

“Well I wasn’t thinking about him. I never think about him”

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” Shiro said gently. Shiro’s serious voice made Lance squirm in his seat.

“I don’t have anything to talk about” Lance said defensively. He was sure that everyone was listening in on their conversation, even though they were all engaging in a lively debate about what their first meal was going to be when they arrived on Earth.

“Okay” Shiro said dubiously. “Just remember that my door is always open” Lance shrugged his shoulders and leaned forward, ending the conversation.

~ ~

Lance found himself standing outside Shiro’s door later that night. He had tried to push the thoughts out of his mind all evening. He tossed and turned for hours, the thoughts rolling around his brain. Finally, when he couldn’t take it any longer, he pulled himself out of bed and marched to Shiro’s door. He hadn’t even knocked yet. He was just… standing there.

“Lance?” Lance spun around in surprise. “What are you- are you okay?” Lance tried to keep his face neutral, but his body was betraying him. Tears sprang up in his eyes.

“Uh,” Lance cleared his throat. “Can- Can I…” His voice broke, a few tears falling down his face.

“Yeah, of course” Shiro reached around Lance and opened the door to his room, ushering him in before following behind him. “What’s wrong?” he asked. Lance paced around the room with his arms crossed. He didn’t even want to say it out loud.

“I- I- I don’t know” Lance muttered. Shiro leaned back against the door and watched Lance. For a moment.

“Yes, you do” he said gently. “Why did you come here?” Lance dropped his arms and balled up his fists. He sucked in a deep breath and blew it out.

“I can’t!” he exclaimed. Lance felt panic well up in his chest. He shook his head. “We’re going home!” Lance cried. “I can’t!” Shiro pushed himself off the wall and grabbed Lance shoulder, trying to calm him down.

“Lance, look at me. Breathe” he instructed. Lance clenched and unclenched his jaw as he copied Shiro’s breathing pattern. When Lance’s breathing had finally evened Shiro moved them over to his bed where they sat down next to each other.

“I think I might like boys” Lance blurted out before he could stop himself. His face burned red in shame. “I mean, I think I might be attracted… to guys” he gnawed on his lip as he waited for Shiro’s reaction.

“Is that all?” Shiro asked. Lance peered up at him.

“You don’t have anything to say about that?” he asked curiously.

“Do you want me to say something about it?” Shiro asked. Lance didn’t know how to answer that. “Is that what’s bothering you? That you might be gay?” Lance flinched at that word. He had been taught from a young age that homosexuality was wrong. His parents and everyone in his family was extremely religious. They claimed that the bible taught against homosexuality and that it was a sin.

“I’m not- I’m not gay” Lance said, his voice barely audible. Shiro leaned in to hear him properly.

“You’re not gay, or you’re not supposed to be gay?” Shiro asked softly. Lance stared down at his hands, unmoving. “Your parents are religious” Shiro stated. Lance didn’t even have to tell him. He could tell by the way that Lance was acting that someone in his life told him that being gay was wrong. “Are you afraid of what your family is going to say?”

“Y- yeah…” Lance said, hiding his face in shame.

“When I came out to my grandma—” Lance bolted up and stared at Shiro, wide eyed.

“Wait, what?” he said. Shiro frowned.

“When I came out—” Lance interrupted him again.

“You’re gay!?” he asked incredulously. Shiro frowned in confusion.

“Um, yes?” he said slowly. “Did you… did you not know that?” he asked. Lance shook his head, still in shock. How did he not know that Shiro was gay? He had never mentioned it, and Lance had never heard it from anyone else. Come to think of it Lance had never heard of Shiro dating anyone man or woman. “I- Lance I dated Adam for like four years. We were engaged. You came to our house”

“ADAM!?” Lance shouted. Shiro shushed him. It was late, the others were probably sleeping. Lance ignored him. “YOU AND ADAM WERE GAY!?” Shiro looked absolutely dumbfounded.

“Yes!” he said. “We dated for- Lance you came. To. Our. House.” Lance had gone to stay at Shiro and Adam’s house for a few days over a long break from the garrison when Lance hadn’t been able to travel home. Lance never even questioned the fact that they only had one bedroom. Them being together never even crossed his mind.

“Wait, were?” Lance asked after he had a few seconds to process everything. Shiro looked away. “You said you ‘were’ engaged”

“Yeah, uh, things just didn’t work out I guess” Shiro paused. Lance wanted to know what happened, but he didn’t want to press Shiro. Clearly whatever had happened still hurt him. “He… Adam didn’t want me to go on the Kerberos mission. He told me it could wait but I… I was stubborn. I was afraid that it was my only chance. Adam gave me an ultimatum, it was either him or the mission” Shiro shrugged his shoulders, tapping his prosthetic hand against his thigh. “I think you can guess what happened” He said, averting his eyes.

“I’m sorry” Lance said.

“I made my decision” Shiro said with a sense of finality in his voice. “But we’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you” Lance hunched his shoulders.

“Right…”

“When I told my grandma that I was gay I was afraid she was going to disown me” Shiro began again, getting back to his original point. “But… she told me that it didn’t matter who I liked, she would love me no matter what” Shiro’s voice softened as he spoke. Lance stared intently at his feet as he listened to Shiro speak. He understood what he was saying, but Lance wasn’t sure his family was going to do the same.

“But what if they’re not okay” Lance said quietly. “How are they going to accept me if… if I can’t even accept myself…” his voice trailed off, his chest tightening again. Shiro put his hand on Lance’s shoulder. “I haven’t seen them in so long… what if I mess everything up by telling them?” he asked fearfully.

“Lance, you don’t have to tell them if you’re not ready” Shiro told him. “You can tell them whenever you feel comfortable. When you think it’s the right time” Lance played with a loose thread on his pajama pants as he listened intently to Shiro. “This is your thing, Lance. It’s completely up to you to tell who you want when you want”

“Okay…” Lance said.

“Your family loves you, Lance. I have no doubt in my mind that they are going to accept you for exactly who you are, no matter who you like” Shiro said. A warm feeling spread through Lance’s chest. He had no words for how grateful he was that Shiro was his friend. “And if for some reason it takes them a while to come around to the idea well… just know that I’ll always be here for you. No matter what. If you’re gay, straight, bi, pan, ace, or anything else. I’ll always be here for you” Lance pinched his lips together and choked down a sob. Shiro had to be the nicest most understanding in the entire universe.

“Shiro—” Lance’s voice broke and he burst into tears.

“Lance, are you crying? Oh god what did I say wrong?” Shiro asked in concern. Lance shook his head and dove toward Shiro, wrapping his arms tightly around him.

“Nothing” Lance whispered. “You said exactly the right thing” Shiro slowly hugged Lance back.

“So, are you going to be alright?” Shiro asked. Lance wiped his eyes and sniffed.

“I mean, it’s still going to take me a while to get used to the idea but… yeah. I think I’m going to be okay” A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he and Shiro broke apart. Shiro smiled at him kindly.

“Good. I’m glad” Lance tentatively smiled back. Gay. He was gay. “Hey, can I ask you one more thing before you head to bed?” Shiro asked after a beat of comfortable silence. Lance nodded. “Was Keith the reason you were questioning your sexuality?” he asked. Lance’s face burned with embarrassment and he punched Shiro’s arm. “Ow!”

“Now is so not the time for that” Lance growled as he climbed off of Shiro’s bed. Shiro rubbed his shoulder and laughed.

“Goodnight, Lance” he said.

“Goodnight” Lance grumbled.


	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Lance gets injured, but doesn’t tell the team because there are no healing pods or he doesn’t want them to find cuts? Idk random idea.
> 
> A/N: I’M BACK BITCHES! It was only a week but I missed writing so much askjdlaksjdlasj,, 
> 
> Trigger warnings: self harm mention, injury, blood, self-surgery

Lance grit his teeth together as he forced another mouthful of goo down his throat. He could feel sweat forming on his forehead. Lance scraped the last bit of food out of his bowl and tossed it in the sink. Their new ship didn’t have a dining room like the castle, so they were forced to eat in the kitchen at a small island in the middle of the room. Lance drug his feet across the floor as he made his way out of the room. Shiro met Lance at the door.

“Heading to bed?” Shiro asked, Lance nodded curtly and cleared his throat.

“Y- ep” His voice cracked as he spoke. Shiro slowed his steps and turned back to stare at Lance.

“Hey, are you feeling alright?” he asked. Lance froze.

“Uh, um…” His brain froze.

“Lance, if you’re not feeling well you need to tell me. We have to be careful now because we don’t have the healing pods to fall back on” Lance shuffled his feet and tried not to wince.

“I’m- I’m fine. I’m just feeling a little tired. I’m sure it’s nothing” he said dismissively. Shiro frowned, not sure if he believed him or not. Lance flashed a faint smile and Shiro and then hurried away from him. When he was alone in the hallway Lance shrugged his jacket off and stared at the tight bandage wrapped around his right arm. Blood was rapidly seeping through it. Lance yanked his jacket back on and rushed back toward his room.

When he finally reached his room, he closed the door and pressed his back against it, exhausted and in pain. After Lance rested for a moment he hobbled into the bathroom that was attached to his room and stripped off his jacket and shirt. He gingerly peeled away the now blood-soaked bandage, revealing a gaping would on his bicep. The skin was torn and jagged around the edge, blood dripped down Lance’s arm as he examined the wound. He bit his lip as he looked at it. He knew that if he left it open much longer it was going to get infected. But Lance couldn’t tell anyone about it. Normally when Lance was injured he wouldn’t hesitate to speak up about it. He knew how important it was that he was healthy now that he was a paladin of Voltron. But that was before.

Now there were no healing pods to heal him.

Now if he was hurt someone had to examine him.

And they would see them.

His scars.

They were old scars. Faded. But they never really went way. The still stood out prominently on his wrists. Lance hadn’t hurt himself in a long time, but he still didn’t like anyone to know about it. Very few people knew about Lance’s scars, none of which were on the ship with him. Lance couldn’t tell anyone that he was hurt, because he didn’t want them to know about his scars. He didn’t want them to think differently of him or to pity him.

But Lance was starting to get dizzy and he wasn’t sure what he should do. On one hand, he had to close the wound so that he didn’t lose any more blood, but on the other hand he didn’t want to tell anyone that he had been injured in fear of them seeing the scars and judging him for it. Lance lifted his eyes to stare at his reflection in the mirror, realization washing over him.

There was only one thing he could do.

Lance had to close the wound himself.

~ ~

“Hey, has Lance said anything to you about how he’s feeling?” Shiro asked Hunk. Hunk lifted his spoon to his mouth and then paused.

“Uh, not today” Hunk said with a frown. “I haven’t seen him that much actually. Why, did he say something to you?”

“Not directly, but there was definitely something up with him earlier” Shiro said worriedly. “Is he the type of person to try and deal with something alone?” Shiro asked. Hunk thought about it for a moment.

“Yeah” he said, nodding his head. “Yeah he is” Shiro chewed on his lip nervously. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to be overbearing, but he also needed to make sure that Lance was okay.

“I’m just- I’m going to go make sure he’s okay” Shiro said finally, pushing himself away from the counter.

“Let me know if he’s okay” Hunk called as Shiro left the room. Shiro’s mind wandered back to his interaction with Lance earlier that night. There had definitely been something wrong with him. Aside from the sweat dripping off his body even though he hadn’t trained all day, and the weariness in his eyes, there was just something about his posture and the way he was acting.

Something was definitely wrong.

Shiro arrived at Lance’s door and knocked on it softly. He waited a moment and then knocked again, louder this time. “Hey, Lance? It’s me, Shiro” Shiro waited a few more seconds and then continued. “I wanted to talk about earlier and make sure that you were okay” His words were met with more silence. “Lance?” Shiro knocked on the door again. He frowned and tried the knob. The door creaked open slowly. Shiro stepped inside and was immediately hit by the overwhelming scent of blood. He stumbled backward and searched the room frantically with his eyes. The room was empty. “Lance!?” Shiro’s asked in a panicked voice. Suddenly there was a loud noise coming from the bathroom. Shiro bolted to the door and pushed it open. He froze in horror at the sight in front of him.

Lance was hunched over on the floor, his right arm held out in front of him. There was a deep gash in Lance’s arm, half of which had been crudely sewn together with thread. Lance’s left hand was covered in blood and still gripping the needle which was tethered to his arm by thread. Tears were flowing down Lance’s face as he chocked back a sob. His entire body was trembling as he sat there on the blood-soaked floor.

“L- Lance wh—” The words died on Shiro’s lip. His mouth fell open in horror as he realized what was happening. Lance bit his lip so hard that it started bleeding, trying to keep himself from crying out. Lance’s eyes flickered up to Shiro’s, the fear and pain evident.

“Help” Lance whispered, the blood from his lip dripping down and mixing with the blood on the floor. Lance’s head lolled forward as his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he slumped over, passing out from the pain. Shiro didn’t even react to that. He felt rooted to the ground. Why did Lance do this to himself? Why didn’t he tell anyone he was hurt?

What was so bad that he couldn’t ask for help?


	66. Life After You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: suicide mention

It wasn't supposed to end this way.

I'm shouting into thin air, I know, but I can almost see you standing over me. Watching. Listening. It's almost comforting, if not slightly creepy. I can feel your disappointed stare as you listen to my words. I'm mad at you. I get that it's not your fault, but I'm in pain, and there's no one to blame. I'm making myself sick thinking back over our relationship. Was there anything I could have done to prevent this? I know it's irrational.

I'm starting to think I'm crazy now, because I can hear your voice. You're telling me not to over-think it. There's nothing I can do to change the past. I have to move on. Move on from you. Let go of the past. But you don't understand. You weren't supposed to be my past. You were my present. You were supposed to be my future. Lance, you were my everything. Now you're telling me that you understand that it's hard, but what else am I going to do? Stay here forever and beat myself up over things that I can't go back and change? You make a good point, but I'm too far gone to listen to you.

I feel your hand on my arm now. You're telling me everything's going to be okay. If I just hold on, everything will get better. I will get over this. I can heal. But I don't want to get over this, over you. I love you, Lance. I always have, and I always will. I can't change that, even if I wanted to. There is nothing in this world that can ease the pain of loving you. You're trying to comfort me now, whispering in my ear. I close my eyes and try to imagine you're real. I don't have to imagine for long. In a few minutes, I'll be there with you.

You can tell me I'm weak all you want, but I won't listen. You're not the one who was left behind.

It wasn't supposed to end this way.


	67. Chapter 67

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: DUnno if you want me to resend this or not ? but: something where Lance accidentally kills someone unarmed or like a civilian and then hides it from everyone. but the guilt is eating him alive
> 
> Trigger warnings: accidental death, blood

"Lance did you clear the living quarters?" Shiro's voice asked loudly over Lance's headset. A bolt of panic ran through him. Lance watched the stream of blood began to stretch across the floor. Lance was paralyzed with fear. "Lance? Are you there? Lance?" Lance's hands shook as he continued to grip the gun in his hands. A small stream of smoke rose from the barrel of the blaster. "Has anyone seen Lance?" There was a chorus of "no's" that followed. "Shit" Shiro muttered quietly. "I'll check the living quarters, the rest of you spread out" This snapped Lance out of his trance.

"Shit shit shit" Lance muttered under his breath. He looked at the figure on the ground in front of him. This wasn't supposed to happen. How did this happen? "Ah, fuck!" Lance paced around the small room, trying to think rationally. He had to do something, and quick. The others were going to be there soon. 

Lance's hands shook as he dropped to his knees and checked for a pulse. Blood was gushing from the would directly over her heart. Lance shook his head as he listened for a heartbeat. Nothing. She was dead. Lance's breath quickened as he heard Shiro talking over his headset. He was almost there. "Sh- I'm- I'm alright. I'm clearing the living quarters now" he stuttered out, trying to mask the panic in his voice.

"Lance--" Shiro breathed out. "Where have you been? Jesus, you scared me! I thought something happened to you" he mumbled. "God, I- You know what, I'm almost there. I'll talk to you in a minute" Lance's eyes widened as he stared at the lifeless body in front of him. What was Shiro going to think when he walked through the door? Would he understand? 

Lance couldn't take the chance.

Lance grabbed the woman by the shoulders and began dragging her across the floor. He wildly searched around the room, looking for a place to hide her body. He noticed a door a few feet behind him. Lance groaned as he picked up his pace and dragged her to it. He pushed open the door and found that it was a storage room of shorts, filled with clothes and other supplies. Lance carefully maneuvered her body against the wall and then slammed the door. He bounded across the room and picked up his bayard and spun around just before the door burst open.

"Lance!" Shiro let out a sigh of relief when he walked in the room. "Thank god! I know you said you were okay but--" Shiro paused. "Why are you covered in blood?" he asked, taking a step forward. "Are you hurt?" He reached up and wiped a smear of blood off of Lance's face. Lance froze.

"Uh- Uh, I- It's..." Lance struggled to come up with a lie. "It's not... mine" he said finally. Shiro frowned and opened his mouth to question him but Allura's voice came over the headset, saving Lance.

"Paladins, get to your lions NOW" Her voice boomed. Shiro forgot about the blood on Lance immediately. Lance glanced over his shoulder at the door behind him one last time before running after Shiro.

~ ~

Lance had a secret. 

It was something that he would never tell anyone. He couldn't tell them. They wouldn't understand. They would blame him for what had happened even though he couldn't control it. He had no idea who was walking through that door. For all he knew it was a galra soldier prepared to take him out.

How was he supposed to know that it was a young woman searching for a rescuer.

Lance had hidden her body before the others came. He avoided the repercussions, but the shame and guilt were still there ever present in his mind.

"Lance?" A hand waved in front of his face. Lance's breath caught in his throat, his face almost slammed on the table as he jerked up. "Whoa, are you okay?" Lance blinked the sleepiness out of his eyes.

"Uh, yeah" he said slowly. Keith frowned at him. Lance had almost fallen asleep sitting at the table. He hadn't slept properly since...

"Really? Cause you look like hell" Keith observed. Lance rubbed his eyes and cleared his throat. 

"Yeah, well, killing people does that to a person" he said flatly. Keith furrowed his eyebrows and glanced around the room. Everyone else had left.

"Serious, Lance, what's up?" he asked, sitting on the edge of the table and leaning in closer to Lance. "You've been weird all week. Did something happen?" Lance shook his head.

"You mean besides the usual space murder spree?" 

"What is your deal?" Keith hissed. Lance crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. His plate of food in front of him completely forgotten. Getting no sleep was causing him to lash out at everyone. He was constantly irritated at everything. All he wanted to do was go to sleep and forget. But everytime he closed his eyes he saw...

Her.

Her eyes.

The relief in her face just moments before he pulled the trigger.

The slow motion as she stared down at the gaping wound in her chest before her knees buckled and she plumited to the ground.

"Lance!?" When Lance opened his eyes again he was on the ground, Keith kneeling over him. "Okay, clearly you're not okay" Keith said sharply. Lance felt his eyes weld up with tears. Keith's face softened. "Alright, you're sleeping in my room tonight" he said, leaving no room for negotiation. Lance's felt groggy as he followed Keith back to his room. Keith waited until Lance was settled on the bed to begin questioning him. "Start at the beginning" he instructed. Lance pulled his knees up to his chest.

"I don't know what you're talking about" he lied. Keith shot him a look.

"Why aren't you sleeping? Let's start with that"

"Right this minute?" Lance asked loftily. "Maybe because some nosy mullet won't leave me alone" he snapped. Keith crossed his arms, still standing in front of him. He wasn't having any of Lance's shit.

"Lance" Keith said gently. Lance curled in on himself. He closed his eyes for a moment. She was there.

"I can't sleep. I- I've been having nightmares" Lance said. It wasn't exactly a lie. Except it was happening when he was awake. He hadn't slept long enough to dream about her.

"I'm sorry" Keith said softly. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked. Lance bit his tongue. He couldn't tell him. He could just imagine the look on Keith's face when Lance told him what he had done. That he had killed a woman in cold blood. Yes, it had been an accident. But it was an accident that cost someone their life. 

"No it's just... the usual" he shrugged. Keith nodded knowingly.

"You can sleep here if you'd like" he said. "I always sleep better when I'm near someone" Lance thought about it. Then he shook his head.

"No, it's alright" he said with a thin smile. "I'll be alright" he stood up and took a deep breath. "I just... I just need to sleep. I'm tired is all" he said. Keith shrugged.

"If you're sure that's all..." he said slowly, clearly not believing him. Lance slowly inched toward the door.

"Yup. That's it. Sorry I snapped at you earlier I'm tired. I mean everyone's tired, but... you know" Lance rambled. "Uh, goodnight" he said as he ducked out the door. 

"Good... night?" Lance ducked his head and hurried down the hall. He blinked slowly.

She was still there.

Lance pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes and groaned softly.

The guilt was eating him alive.


	68. Chapter 68

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Just like anything where Lance has a secret and tells the team or gets outed, then angstify it
> 
> A/N: As soon as I saw this prompt I had like,, so many ideas but as soon as I sat down to write it my mind went totally blank lol. And as you may know when I run out of ideas I write a bunch of vague shit that can literally be interpreted as anything and... I think you may know where I’m going with this. I hope you all like it anyway!
> 
> Also I'm thinking of naming my prompts from now on? Like instead of numbering them so that they're easier to find. Idk, let me know what you guys think!
> 
> Trigger warnings: none

Lance slammed the door behind him and pressed himself up against it, his body shaking. Lance let out a shaky breath and squeezed his eyes closed. A pained noise escaped his throat as he slammed his closed fists against the door angrily. “Fuck!” It was only a few moments before he heard footsteps outside.

“Lance?” A panicked voice called through the door. “Lance are you in there?” Lance bit his lip and willed him to go away. Lance locked the handle just before the person attempted to enter the room. “Lance, please let me in” he begged.

“Go away, Hunk!” Lance winced as his voice cracked. “I don’t- I don’t want to talk to you”

“I need to apologize” Hunk said desperately. He pulled on the door handle again. “Let me in! Please, let me in so I can say I’m sorry” Lance didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to see Hunk or hear his flimsy excuses. Lance bit his tongue to keep from saying something he was going to regret. Hunk struggled for a few more minutes before giving up. “Fine, if you won’t let me in will you at least listen?” he pleaded. Lance stayed silent. He was busy trying to push back the tears.

Hunk took Lance’s silence as acceptance. “Lance, I’m so sorry” he said, his voice high in alarm. “I didn’t- I didn’t meant to tell them. It was an accident I swear! Shiro asked me about and I- I didn’t mean to tell them!” Lance felt his cheeks burn in shame. They all knew. Everyone knew his secret now.

“An accident?” Lance asked incredulously. “You know—” Lance choked down a sob. “You know that was a secret… I told you to- never to tell anyone! Ever!” He heard Hunk lean on the door as he spoke again.

“I know! I wish, fuck, Lance I wish I could go back and stop myself. I didn’t even know what I was saying until it was too late! You have to believe me, I would never tell anyone your secrets but—”

“It’s too late for that!” Lance pushed himself away from the door. He wasn’t far enough away from Hunk. “You already spilled my secret to the only humans within a million fucking miles!”

“Lance the- the others don’t even care! When they heard none of them thought any different of you. They didn’t care about—” Lance let out an exasperated noise.

“It doesn’t matter!” Lance exclaimed, beginning to pace around the room. He wasn’t upset anymore. He was just pissed. “It doesn’t matter if they don’t care about it. I do! I care about it! I told you that in confidence. You knew that it was a secret, that I didn’t want anyone else to know. I thought… I thought you were my friend” A few tears escaped him, falling down his face and splashing onto the floor. He wanted to punch something.

“Lance, please” Hunk said vehemently. He was obviously crying as well. “Just, I’m so so sorry” Lance shook his head.

“It’s to- It’s too late for that” he said sharply, trying to keep his voice level.

“Lance—”

“Hunk, I don’t- I don’t want to talk to you right now” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. He knew that Hunk heard him, based on the sharp intake of breath that he heard coming from the other side of the door.

“If- if you would just let me—” Hunk said between quiet sobs. Lance buried his face in his hands.

“No, Hunk” It pained him to turn his friend away, but what he had done was unforgivable in Lance’s book. Secrets were supposed to stay secrets. Lance couldn’t believe that his own best friend betrayed him like that. “I can’t- I can’t.”

“O- okay” Hunk sniffed. “I’m so sor...” Lance turned away from the door, not wanting to hear him apologize again.

As soon as he knew Hunk was gone he reared his arm back and punched the wall as hard as he could. He could feel the bones in his hand snap as they collided with the hard surface. “FUCK!” He screamed, stumbling back. He cradled his now injured hand to his chest, more tears pouring out. He collapsed onto the floor in a mass of blood and tears.

He couldn’t believe Hunk betrayed him like that.

He wasn’t sure he could ever forgive him.


	69. Chapter 69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Ok so this is gonna be kinda weird but here goes: Lance has been kinda sad for awhile. He still had random good days or at least that's how it was until an alien race decided to make and alliance with Voltron. But it turned out that they had made a deal with the galra. The race would never get actual blood on their hands and the galra knew that so they tell the race just to grab the happiest paladin and flip their emotions permanently. Haggar knew that it wouldn't stop Voltron but she knew it'd make for a hell of nuisance. So they grabbed lance who was in an especially bad mood and he got into a fight with hunk and it just screwed with his emotions for the rest of the day. But he was acting like his normal self so they nabbed him and did the emotions swap he kinda was forced into a Manic happy spell. The sadder he "should" feel just made him just all the happier. I think that's enough for a good plot right?
> 
> Trigger warnings: none

“Where did you disappear to earlier?” Keith asked a few moments after Lance entered the dining room. Lance blinked in eyes in confusion.

“What?” he asked as he pulled down a bowl and filled it with the goo of the day.

“Earlier. During the alliance celebration thingy” Keith clarified. “We couldn’t find you after dinner” Lance grabbed his food and sat down across from Keith.

“I was there the whole time?” Lance said with a frown. “Where were you?” he laughed shorty and turned to his food. He’d been having a good day that day, so he was psyched that they got to go to a party. The party didn’t disappoint. People flooded the streets cheering for Voltron, the defenders of the universe, their saviors. Lance had been having a great time, greeting the people, dancing with some of the children. It had been a day of celebration.

Then something happened.

Lance didn’t remember exactly what. All he knew was one minute he was sipping his punch and watching the celebration go on, feeling happy and content for the first time in a while, and the next he was laying on the ground a little way away from the party, feeling sore and disoriented. He’d sat up, gripping his head and groaning. He was groggy, unsure of what happened. He eventually shrugged it off as having drank too much punch, assuming that it had some sort of alcohol in it. Lance was too embarrassed to admit that he had passed out, so he came back to the party and pretended it never happened.

“I looked for you for like an hour” Keith said, frowning. “Hunk told me that he got into an argument with you earlier and said he wanted to apologize. Everyone looked all over for you and you just… appeared in the middle of the room” Lance felt a bolt of irritation run through him. Hunk wanted to apologize? Why hadn’t he just apologized when Lance was there? Why hadn’t he just kept his comments to himself? “What were you and Hunk fighting about anyway?”

“Hunk told me that I should stop flirting with ‘anything that had a pulse’” Lance grumbled. Lance was mostly upset because he flirted to improve his mood. Flirting made him feel better. Happier. So, when Hunk called him out on it Lance couldn’t tell him why he did it, because then he would have to tell him that he was depressed.

“Oh, well… you kinda do. Flirt with everyone, that is” Keith pointed out. Lance stared down at his food. Keith’s words strangely didn’t hurt that much. In fact, it actually made him smile. A laugh spilled from his mouth before he could stop it. “Why are you laughing?” Keith asked. Lance covered his mouth, unable to stop his laughter.

“I don’t know” Lance said in between laughs. He genuinely had no idea. Any other day he would be masking his pain and then making an excuse to leave so he could be alone. But maybe he was just in a good mood today.

~ ~

It wasn’t until a few days later that Lance realized that something was different. He wasn’t reacting appropriately to anything. Every time someone say something that would usually hurt him, something that would remind him just how much he missed home, or how bad he felt, he would feel this bolt of happiness run through him, making him smile or laugh. While that sounds like it should be a good thing, to Lance it was not. It was kind of terrifying. When he thought about his parents, about his home, he felt happy. That was good. When he thought about how he might die out there in space, never getting to see his parents again, he laughed. That was bad. Lance didn’t know what was wrong with him.

“Lance, can I talk to you?” Shiro said that afternoon. Lance smiled and followed after him. Shiro waited until they were in the hallway before he spoke again. “We need to talk about your behavior over the past few days” Lance cocked his head.

“Okay…” he said slowly. Shiro sighed.

“I don’t know what’s been going on with you lately.” Shiro began. “But you need cut it out. You haven’t been taking anything seriously. Everyone’s noticed. Allura’s noticed” Lance looked down at the floor. “The way you have been acting is totally inappropriate. You’re disruptive, and unfocused especially during missions. If you don’t fix this than someone might seriously get hurt” Lance knew what he was referring to. Allura and chastised Lance during a mission the other day, and Lance had burst out laughing. He was laughing so hard that no one else could hear each other over their headsets. “So please, Lance, fix whatever’s been going on with you” A smile stretched across Lance’s face involuntarily.

“Yeah, okay” he said, trying not to laugh. He bit his lip. Any other day Lance would’ve cried for getting in trouble. He couldn’t stand when people talked sternly or yelled at him.

“Lance, I’m serious” Shiro said sharply. Lance winced, his lips twitching as he forced himself to stay silent.

“I… know…” Lance ground out.

“Lance—’ Lance ducked his head and rushed past Shiro, unable to hold it in any longer. He laughed silently as he ran down the hall. “Lance!” Shiro called after him.

Lance didn’t stop until he was in his room. He slammed the door behind him and marched straight to the bathroom. Lance gripped the edge of the sink so hard his knuckles turned white. He grimaced as he met his own gaze in his reflection. He didn’t recognize the face staring back. It was so bright and full of hope. It didn’t match the image of himself in his mind. Something was definitely wrong, but he didn’t know what.

His limbs shook as a whimper escaped his body. Lance tried to push back the overwhelming feeling of dread as a smile appeared on his face. The worst part was, it didn’t feel forced. He genuinely felt happy. And it terrified him. He knew that he didn’t just get over years of anxiety and depression in just a few days. So how had it happened?

The sadder he knew he should be feeling, the happier he got. He was so happy that it was becoming unbearable. Every time something happened that normally would send Lance in a downward smile, he would smile and laugh it off. His head felt like it was going to explode. Every little incident that filled him with an overwhelming sense of joy also increased the pressure in his head.

Lance wasn’t sure how much more he could take.


	70. 20/20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Lance questions Allura about bringing him back to life. 
> 
> A/N: Sorry for the lack of prompts, I've been super busy the last few days.
> 
> Trigger warnings: suicide mention

"Why didn't you just let me die" The word echoed in her head all night. She just couldn't believe that Lance had said that. That he thought that. Allura brought Lance back from the dead that day without a second thought. Why would she think twice about it? Her friend had died, and she had the ability to bring him back. Anyone would've done it. And anyone would've been grateful. 

Except for Lance, apparently.

Lance had confronted her about it a few days later, after everything had calmed down. It was early in the morning, and Allura was doing her daily walk about the castle enjoying a quiet moment alone when Lance approached her. It was clear that he had not slept at all that night and he was very distraught. She began to ask him what was wrong when he interrupted her with the sentence that haunted her.

"Why didn't you just let me die"

Allura didn't know what to say to his words. Why would he say that? Why was he saying it now? "Lance, what are you--" She tried to say. Lance interrupted her, his eyes rimmed with red as he met her confused gaze.

"In the lion, before. Why didn't you let me die? Why did you have to bring me back?" he asked sharply. Allura recoiled.

"Wh- what? Lance-!"

"You could have just left me alone!" Lance shouted. "All you had to do was let me go, but NO! You had to be a hero and save me so that I could continue killing people for you" Lance clenched his fists at his side. Allura was afraid that he might punch the wall, or worse, her. He shouted a few more things at her, mostly repeating himself, before he slumped his shoulders, his eyes dropping to his feet.

"Fuck" he whispered. "I'm sorry" Allura didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to do. Lance had never had an outburst like that before. She didn't know how to react. "I didn't mean- I don't..." His eyes glassed over for a moment. "I'm sorry I yelled"

Allura hadn't seen Lance at all the rest of the day. Coran had mentioned seeing him in the kitchen sometime that afternoon. Allura had almost forgotten about her strange interaction with Lance until she laid down in bed that night. Allura mulled the conversation over in her mind again and again. Something about that interaction bothered her, aside from the fact that Lance had implied that he would rather be dead. It was the look in his eyes. They were so empty. It was like Lance wasn't there. 

Allura tossed and turned for over an hour, replaying it in her mind. Finally, when she couldn't take it any longer, she got out of bed left her room in search of Lance. She needed to talk to him again to make sure he was okay.

"Why didn't you just let me die?" Those seven words repeated over and over like a song stuck in her head. Allura picked up her pace as she made her way through the halls to Lance's room. She didn't know if he would be there, but she had to start somewhere. She had to find him. She had to make sure he was okay. 

Allura rapped her knuckles against Lance's door lightly. She listened intently, but heard no noise from the other side of the door. "Lance?" she called. "Lance, are you in there?" There was no response. "Lance, I need to talk to you--" Allura tried to doorknob. It was unlocked. Allura slowly pushed the door open and--

Oh, how she wished she had gone earlier. 

Why hadn't she searched for him earlier? Why didn't she see this coming? It had all been there, the outburst, secluding himself from the others, drastic change in mood. 

They say hindsight is twenty-twenty.


	71. Scratches and Scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Lance or Keith runs into an alien version of poison ivy and the other babysits so they can't scratch themself up too bad. (Also one rubbing like anti itch on the other and sees some scars and asks about them...)
> 
> A/N: I’ve had this one for a while but today I just.. really felt inspired to write it :) I hope you all like it! (Also I unintentionally made this a little bit sexual lmao I swear it was not on purpose)
> 
> Trigger warnings: past self harm, abuse, child abuse

“Stop scratching!” Keith shouted in Lance’s ear. Lance whined and continued scratching the back of his neck.

“It itches!”

“You think I don’t know that!” Keith held out his arm, gesturing to the large red patches that covered his skin. “Coran said scratching would make it worse—”

“Well I’m not sure it can get much worse than this” Lance said gritting his teeth as he switched to scratching the side of his face.

“Oh, it could be much worse” Coran said from the other side of the door. “The more you scratch the further it will go into your body, prolonging your suffering. If you leave it alone it’ll go away in a few Quintent” Lance’s eyes widened.

“Quintent is days, Lance, not years” Keith clarified. Lance sighed in relief.

“Yes, ‘days’” Coran confirmed. “You mustn’t scratch, or the disease will spread through your body and it will be much longer before you heal” Coran’s voice was muffled through the door.

“And why do we have to be locked in here again?” Lance shouted as he sat on his hands, trying to keep himself from scratching. He wanted to scratch but he didn’t want to be locked in that room for longer than he absolutely needed to be.

“Qeaclus is very contagious!” Coran said shrilly, as if it was common knowledge. “I’m in danger just standing here!” He muttered something under his breath. “Just… don’t scratch, and I’ll be back in a few hours with some food” Coran said finally. They heard his footsteps as receded down the hallway.

“This sucks” Lance complained as he began squirming. Every inch of him itched. Lance began violently shrugging his shoulders hoping that it somehow relieved the itch. It didn’t.

“This would’ve never happened if you hadn’t made me run through that field of whatever-the-hell-they-were” Keith complained. He kept discreetly lowing his chin to his chest and shoulders and rubbing it back and forth.

“I did no such thing” Lance said, offended.

“You challenged me to a race through that field!”

“I didn’t challenge you” Lance argued. “I… may have suggested—”

“Same thing!” Keith clenched his jaw and threw his head back with a grown. “This is torture” Lance was literally bouncing up and down trying to keep himself up from scratching. It only lasted a few moments before he completely gave up.

“I can’t do this!” he shouted as he dramatically launched himself off the bed where he and Keith were sitting and began vigorously scratching through his clothes, starting with his legs. Lance let out a sigh of relief.

“Lance, stop!” Keith demanded, still rubbing his chin against his chest. “You’re not supposed to scratch” Lance ignored him and moved up his legs to his stomach. He felt better, even though he knew it would only last a moment before it itched again. Keith made a noise of irritation. He didn’t want to be stuck in that room any more than Lance did. And he knew that if Lance had to stay longer he probably would as well. “Lance…” Keith breathed helplessly. “If you don’t cut it out I’ll make you stop” he threatened. Lance continued to ignore him while making disturbing noises as he itched his skin through his clothes. Coran had made them change into long sleeved shirts and pants to prevent them from scratching, but clearly it was not working.

“Fuck it feels so good” Lance groaned. Keith blushed and tried to ignore Lance’s inappropriate moans as he continued to threaten him.

“Lance I’m serious!” he shouted. After a few more seconds of Lance not listening to Keith, Keith jumped off the bed and lunged toward Lance. He knocked him over, landing on top of Lance, and straddled him. Keith pinned his hands down onto the floor. Lance’s eyes widened as he weakly struggled against Keith’s grip. His hands twitched underneath Keith’s.

“H- hey” he said in surprise. “Let me… let me go!” Keith tightened his grip. He hadn’t expected Lance to be this strong.

“Not until you promise to stop scratching” Keith said through gritted teeth. Lance furrowed his eyebrows and tried to roll over. Keith kept him in place.

“But it itches so much!” he said hoarsely. His expression changed with his words. He looked small in that moment. “I can’t- I can’t take it” he breathed. Keith’s face softened. The Queaclus disease had spread much further across Lance’s body than it had on Keith’s. Lance had knocked Keith out of the field once Allura and Coran told them how contagious the disease was and how fast it spread. Lance had to wade through the rest of the field alone after making sure that Keith got out alright.

“I know. I know…” Keith racked his brain for a way to relieve his pain. There had to be something he could do. “Oh!” Keith’s eyes lit up as he got an idea. “A bunch of kids got the chicken pox in one of the foster homes that I was living in when I was little” Keith began. “We couldn’t itch them or else they would turn into scars, so we did something else to relieve the itching” Lance’s eyes brightened.

“What was it?” he asked. Keith gingerly got off Lance and waited for him to sit up across from him.

“You just… is it alright if I…?” he said, his hands hovering over Lance’s arms. Lance frowned but nodded. Keith rested his hands on Lance’s shoulders and began rubbing his hands on them.

“Is now really the time to be giving massages?” Lance questioned. Keith’s face burned red with embarrassment.

“I’m not- It’s- I’m—” Keith stopped and cleared his throat. “If you just rub the areas instead of scratching them it helps” he explained. He moved his hands down to Lance’s biceps and began running his hands up and down them. Lance’s mouth fell open in relief.

“Fuck” he breathed. Keith’s blush deepened.

“Is that- is it working?” he asked. Lance nodded, unable to speak. Though the rest of his body still itched like crazy his arms felt better instantly.

“Can you- can you do my back?” Lance asked nervously. Keith nodded silently. Lance turned around and sat up straight, so Keith could work his magic. Keith began at Lance’s shoulders and slowly worked his way down Lance’s back, all the way to the edge of his shirt. By the time he began to run his hands up Lance’s sides Lance had closed his eyes and leaned back so his head was resting on Keith’s shoulder. Keith moved back to Lance’s arms, beginning at the top and working his way to the bottom.

“What’s this…?” Keith mused as the edge of Lance’s sleeve slid up.

“Shh… feels good” Lance said softly. Keith’s lips parted in surprise as he stared down at Lance’s arms. There were rows and rows of marks covering his wrist and forearm, in various stages of healing. Keith wondered why Lance had never mentioned them before. He had seen him wearing short sleeves before, but he had never mentioned it. None of them looked to be newer than a few years, so Keith carefully covered his arm back up and went back to rubbing the patches through the shirt.

The room was quiet for a few minutes, save for Lance’s slow breathing. Keith was lost in thought, so he didn’t hear Lance right away when he spoke up. “What?” Keith asked, lifting his head to meet Lance’s.

“Are you going to ask me about them?” Lance asked quietly. He wasn’t looking Keith in the eyes.

“I didn’t want to pry”

“It’s fine” Lance sat up and turned around, so that he was facing Keith again. “I haven’t- It’s not something I do anymore” he tugged on the edge of his sleeve nervously. “I don’t do that anymore” he swore. “It was a long time ago. I had a lot going on and… I don’t know… At the time it made sense” he stared down at his feet. “Please don’t think differently of me” he said. Keith was shocked. He had never seen this side of Lance before.

“Lance, I would never judge you for that” Keith said honestly. “We all have scars from our past, both literally and metaphorically” Lance nodded and rubbed his shoulder absently.

“Yeah… I guess” Keith could tell that Lance still wasn’t convinced.

“See this?” Keith pulled up the hem of his shirt, revealing his rash covered stomach. In the middle of it, near his belly button, was a bright jagged scar. “One of my foster parents got mad at me for forgetting to take out the trash. He threw his beer bottle at me and it cut my stomach open” he dropped his shirt. “And this—” he pulled back his bangs, so Lance could see the faded scar that covered his forehead. “Was when my foster mom’s boyfriend came to beat her up and I distracted him while she got away. He hit me in the head with a baseball bat and knocked me unconscious. I had to get like eight stitches”

“I had no idea” Lance said. Keith shrugged.

“Like I said, we all have scars” he said. “I am in no position to judge anyone for anything. You never know what might be going on in a person’s life” Lance twisted his fingers together as he stared at Keith.

They stared at each other, their itchiness all but forgotten. It was like they were both seeing each other for the first time.


	72. One-sentence Prompts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: In case you guys didn't know, I recently hit 4k followers on tumblr! To celebrate that fact I am accepting one-sentence prompts (only on tumblr) for the time being and writing short fics for them! I will post the ones that I have already written on here, and I will possibly add another chapter with the rest later after I've finished writing them!
> 
> Trigger warnings: (Not all apply to every prompt) self harm, suicide, death, torture, blood

Pidge knew the moment her feet hit the ground that something was wrong. Standing around her was a crowd of people, garrison officials and the others families. Her father stood among the crowd. Next to him, an empty space. Pidge didn't even have to see the look in her father's eyes to know what had happened. Her mother was gone.

All Pidge could do was scream.

~ ~

"Why do you always wear that jacket?" Keith asked. Lance met Keith's eyes, his eyebrows raising.

"Wh- what?" he stuttered out. Keith stared at Lance, staying silent. Lance crossed his arms self-consciously. He didn't like to talk about it. It had been his father's before he had died. "It's none of your business" Lance said shortly.

"It was just a question, jesus" Keith breathed. Lance relaxed slightly, leaning back into his chair.

"Uh, sorry" he said slowly. "It was, uh, it was my dad's" he said. Keith's lips parted slowly.

"Oh" he said. Lance nodded. "I'm- I'm sorry" Lance shrugged. Keith hadn't know. He didn't know that Lance hated talking about it. That he hated thinking about. He didn't know that everytime something reminded him of his father, it was like he was hearing the news again for the first time. He hadn't known.

But still, the scent of his father's cologne still lingering on his jacket comforted him, even when he missed him most.

~ ~

The statement caught Hunk completely off guard. "Ex- excuse me?" he stuttered. Lance turned to Hunk, a vacant look in his eye.

"Do you ever wonder if none of this matters?" he repeated, turning back to the window in front of him. 

"Lance, what are you talking about?" Hunk asked, the concern evident in his voice.

"This–" he gestured to the room around him "All of this. The war. The fighting. The killing. What are we really doing here?" Hunk frowned and leaned in closer to Lance. "We work day in and day out and it seems like nothing's happening. Are we even helping? Is it worth it? Are we really accomplishing anything?" His question hung heavy in the air. Hunk didn't know what to say.

Truth be told, he didn't know either.

~ ~

"Come on, just let me see it!" Pidge laughed, trying to pry the book out of Lance's hands. Lance's eyes went wide with terror.

"Back off" he said weakly. Pidge laughed as she pried the book out of his hands and dashed away with it. Lance's heart beat wildly in his chest. "Pidge, I'm not joking" he said. Pidge opened the book and began flipping through it. "I'm serious. Stop. Give it back!" Pidge grinned at Lance.

"Come on, Lance. You're a really good artist!" she said, turing the book around and showing a sketch of a lifelike Shiro, asleep on the couch. On the next page, a doodle of Coran as a pirate. Lance felt himself freeze up as Pidge continued to flip through the pages.

"Please" he whispered. Pidge opened her mouth to compliment Lance again, but abruptly cut off as she turned to the next page. Lance literally couldn't move. He wanted to jump up and snatch the book out of her hands and run away. He knew it was stupid to leave his book lying on his bed. 

"Wha–" Pidge stared at the graphic drawings on the pages. She flipped to the next, and to the next. and the next... "Lance these are..." There were countless sketches of slit wrists, mutilated bodies, shadowy figures hanging from ropes. There were even a few self portraits where he was holding a gun to his temple. Lance slowly rose and took the book out of Pidge's hands, not meeting her eyes. "I told you to back off" he said, tears in his eyes.

He left the room without saying another word.

~ ~

Allura sank down into her bed, her body crying out in relief. She couldn't remember the last time she had sat down, let alone got some rest. Things had been chaotic since they had liberated Earth. They had been working non-stop searching for the rest of the Blades, and the remaining members of the Voltron Coalition. The fighting was virtually over. The war was over. Now it was time for damage control. Allura thought that she would enjoy this part, the slowing down.

She was wrong.

There was no longer a physical fight, now all she did was plan speeches. She met with world leaders and arranged missions for other people. A small part of her wished that she could go back. Back to the fighting. To the action. A small, horrible part of her missed it.

With that dark thought in her mind, she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. All she felt was relief as the darkness slowly surrounded her.

~ ~

Lance clenched his shaking fists and held them down at his sides. "Why?" Lance shouted up at the blue lion standing in front of him. He could barely hear his own voice over the roar of the rain around him. His teeth chattered and his body shook. "Why me!?"

There was no response to Lance's question. Rage ran through Lance's veins. "Why did you chose me!?" he screamed. "Out of all the people in the entire universe, it was me? What do you see in me? I'm not a good pilot. I'm barely an average shot. I can count my skills on one hand, and none of them are things that everyone else can do. I have nothing to offer you" Lance grit his teeth as he stared at the unresponsive lion. He didn't even feel her in his mind. She was completely silent.

"Why- why me?" he choked down a sob. His tears mixed in with the rain, dripping down to the ground. "Why me...?"

Lance feared that he would never learn the answer.

~ ~

"Lance, are you feeling alright?" Lance could barely lift his eyes to meet Shiro's. He thought that he was hiding it well, but clearly not as well as he thought.

"To be honest? I feel like shit, man" Lance said bluntly. Shiro frowned in concern. Lance rubbed his nose on his sleeve. "I think I'm like sick or something. I'm just going to go get a bit of sleep. I think I'll feel better after that" Shiro put his hand on Lance's shoulder.

"Tell me if you need anything, okay?" Lance nodded. "I really hope you feel better, Lance" Shiro said with a small smile. He pulled his hand away, but stopped when Lance spoke again.

"Thanks for noticing" he said in a small voice. Shiro squeezed Lance's shoulder.

"Of course, Lance"

~ ~ 

"You're so dumb" Pidge said with a laugh. Everyone joined in. Everyone but Lance.

"I'm so tired of everyone saying that!" Lance shouted suddenly. Everyone fell silent. "I'm not dumb! I know you all think it's fun to like... 'oh, let's make fun of Lance's he doesn't have any feelings harhar' or whatever but that's not true!" Lance said sharply. "That's not true... I have... I have feelings" he could tell by the blank stares on their faces that they weren't taking him seriously. "I have feelings"

~ ~

Lance pressed the barrel of his gun to the soldier's forehead. The fucker didn't even look scared. Lance tried to keep his hand from shaking, but he couldn't. He'd never killed someone close up before. He'd never had to actually look someone in the eyes and kill them.

"Kill me if you must, but I won't be the one with blood on my hands" the solider rasped. Lance hesitated.

"What are you talking about?"

"You are against us for conquering others, but what do you do? You kill. You kill us. Who are you to judge what is right and what is wrong?" the solider asked. Lance's head spun. He wasn't sure he could do it. The solider was right. Who was he to decide who lived and who died? He wasn't a god.. 

Yet, in a way, he kind of was. He was a savior to the weak. He had looked in the face of evil, and survived. He was literally holding the life of a living being in his hand. Maybe he was God.

Lance pulled the trigger.

~ ~

"You're bisexual?" Keith asked, his eyes wide. Lance crossed his arms defensively.

"Yeah" he said shortly. "You have a problem with that?" Keith shook his head quickly, his eyes still wide.

"No, uh, I'm gay" he said. Lance dropped his arms.

"Oh" he said. "I didn't know that" Keith shrugged.

"I thought it was obvious" he said simply. Lance continued to stare at Keith, a strange look in his eyes. Keith glanced away self consciously. "Wh- what?" he asked. Lance blushed and shifted his weight nervously.

"Uh, nothing. Never mind"

~ ~

Lance could feel the cold creeping into his body. It felt good. A sense of calm washed over him. He let out a quiet breath.

"No, no, no, you need to stay awake!" Keith said, the panic evident in his voice. He slapped his hand against Lance's blood stained cheek to keep him from closing his eyes. Lance parted his lips and sucked in a slow breath. 

"I'm so tired" he said, a small smile stretching across his face. "But I feel... good" Keith shook his head.

"No, no, no, no, no" He pulled Lance closer to his chest, cradling his head. "You can't do this. Don't do this. Come on, stay with me!" Lance's eyes slowly closed as his chest rose with one last breath.

And then he was gone.

~ ~

Lance jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He glanced up at saw Shiro’s concerned face above him. “What?” he asked. Shiro’s frown deepened. He mouthed something to Lance. “I can’t- what are you saying? I don’t know what you’re saying” Lance reached up and pulled off his helmet. He glanced around the now-silent battlefield. The glara solider’s had retreated. The paladins were the only people left on the field.

‘Lance?’ Shiro mouthed to Lance again. Lance tossed his helmet on the ground and let Shiro pull him up. When had he fallen to the ground? 

“Why are you doing that? Shiro?” Shiro’s face filled with fear as he mouthed more at Lance. Except… he wasn’t mouthing. It looked like he was shouting. Hunk and Keith ran to Lance’s side and began mouthing words at him as well. Fear ran down Lance’s spine. “I can’t- I can’t- I don’t know what you’re saying” he choked out.

He couldn’t hear them and he was so very scared.

~ ~

Keith’s eyes glowed bright yellow. Terror ran down Lance’s spine.

“Keith” Lance pleaded. His voice broke on the single word. Keith’s hand tightened around Lance’s throat as he pressed him up against the wall. He looked conflicted, though his grip never wavered. “Please. Please don’t do this” Keith’s eyes flickered to their usual purple and for just a moment, Lance could see him. The real Keith. “Please. I know you’re in there. Just fight this” Keith bared his teeth as his eyes flashed yellow again.

“I’m sorry, I love you” he growled. “I can’t- I don’t want to–” His fist closed around Lance’s throat, cutting off his oxygen. Lance’s eyes rolled back in his head and he slumped over, falling on Keith.

~ ~

Tears formed in Lance’s eyes immediately. Everyone stopped and stared at him.

“Lance, what are you–”

“Why won’t you just believe in me!?” Lance shouted, tears now rapidly falling down his face. “Allura, you tell us, day after day, that we’re here for a reason. That we’re destined for greatness. But none of you include me in that. You constantly put me down. You call me names, you make fun of me, all you think I’m capable of is cracking jokes. But that’s not me! I can do so much more than that and I- I- God!” he broke off, shaking his head. “Why won’t you… why don’t you guys believe in me?” He waited a few moments, not daring to look up. No one knew what to say. 

Lance turned and left the room.

~ ~

“What the fuck is that thing!?” Pidge squealed in disgust. Lance held up the small slimy creature like it was Simba. 

“I don’t know, but I love him” Lance cooed, completely ignoring the fact that the green goop was dripping off the animal and onto his shoes. The goo steamed like it was melting his armor.

“It’s so gross. And it smells” Pidge said, plugging her nose. “Ugh that’s disgusting” Lance cradled the animal to his chest.

“How dare you insult Herbert!” he said indignantly. Pidge made a face.

“You named him Herbert?” she asked with a sigh. She knew that once Lance named something he was going to keep it forever.

“Yes. And I’m keeping him” Lance wiggled his finger in front of the giant tadpool-looking creature and giggled as it tried to bite his finger off with it’s razor shapr teeth.

“This… can not end well” 

~ ~

Lance ignored Shiro’s words of warning as he pushed through the pain and stood up again. He swung his sword down hard, lodging it in the neck of the training robot.

“Lance, stop!” Shiro pleaded. Lance felt sweat dripping down his face and neck. He had been training for too long. He knew that. He was overdoing it. “Stop this, you’re killing yourself!” Lance grit his teeth as he pulled his bayard out of the robot. He reset the robot, changing the difficulty level to high and began again. “Lance–:

“I can’t!” Lance said, spinning around suddenly. Shiro noted the redness in Lance’s eyes. When was the last time he had slept? “I can’t stop. I can’t stop until I’m a better soldier. Until I’m the best. If I was better, if I hadn’t neglected my training before maybe- maybe I would’ve been able to stop–” he trailed off. Shiro’s eyes softened. 

If Lance had been better, maybe he would’ve been able to prevent his best friend from dying.

~ ~

“I feel like I don’t even belong here” Lance said quietly. Keith frowned and glanced around. No one else was around except for him.

“What do you mean?” Keith asked curiously as he hesitantly stepped toward him.

“Would anyone one even care if I was gone?” Lance continued, ignoring Keith’s question. “I mean, really? You guys don’t even need me. With Shiro back you have more than enough pilots. I’m not even useful anymore. And no one wants me here. None of you actually care” Keith furrowed his eyebrows.

“I’m glad you’re here” Keith said.

“Really?” Lance said with a frown. “You’re not just saying that?” Keith shook his head.

“No, really. I’m glad that you’re here. I feel like the others don’t understand me like you do. Most people find my attitude and constant bad mood… off-putting” he said honestly. “You’ve never judged me or gotten tired of it. And just… I’m so glad you’re here. So… thanks” Lance’s eyes widened slowly.

“Oh, uh you’re welcome”


	73. One-sentence Prompts (2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Here are the rest of the one-sentence prompts that I did for hitting 4k followers on tumblr !!
> 
> Trigger warnings: (Not all apply to every prompt) abuse, blood, death

Lance rubbed his eyes as he stared at the figure in front of him. For a moment he thought he was dreaming.

“You… You came back!” he said when he realized that it was real. He was really there. 

“Of course I came back” Keith said with a smile. He looked different. Taller. Bigger. “I told you- oh!” Lance launched himself at Keith and wrapped his arms around him tightly. Keith slowly reached his arms around Lance in return. “I told you I’d be back” he said softly. Lance pinched his lips together. He had no words to express how much he missed Keith.

~ ~

“I don’t want to be here” Lance said, holding back tears. All he wanted to do was crawl into his bed and cry. He just needed to be alone. What he really needed was a hug from his mom, but that was the one thing he couldn’t have. Allura plastered a smile on her face as she waved at the crowd in front of them.

“Lance, please” she said without moving her lips. “You can’t leave now. It would make us look bad”

“Allura, I don’t… I really don’t feel well I think–”

“Just smile, it’ll be over soon” she said, leaving no room for negotiation. Lance crossed his arms over his chest and tried to ignore the pain in his chest.

~ ~

“I hate you” Keith said jokingly after Lance had made a particularly corny joke. Lance smiled thinly.

“Fuck man, I hate me too” The room fell silent at his words. Lance widened his smile, hoping they would think he was joking. “Come on, guys” he laughed weakly. “I’m- I’m kidding” he said. They could tell he was lying, but Hunk laughed shortly.

“Yeah, that’s funny, man” he said uncomfortably. Lance forced out a laugh.

“I’m joking” He turned away, his smile fading. He wasn’t joking.

~ ~

Keith’s heart sank as soon as he heard Lance knock on his door in the middle of the night, hunched over and shivering. Lance peered up at Keith meekly, trying to hide the dark bruise covering his face.

“Lance” Keith said sadly. Lance shook his head, pleadingly. Keith ushered him inside. “Who hurt you like this?” he asked. He knew that Lance wasn’t going to tell him. He never did.

“He loves me” Lance said numbly. “We- we just got into a fight” They were always getting into fights. This wasn’t the first time Lance had shown up at Keith’s door, covered in bruises.

That wasn’t love.

~ ~

“Wait, you’ve never had a girlfriend?” Keith asked. “I thought you were like some playboy or something” he said in confusion. Lance scoffed.

“Did you really think that was the truth?” he asked. “You should know by now that that’s all an act” Lance laughed nervously. “I’m actually like, horrible with other people. I use my loud flirtatiousness to cover up the fact that I’m nervous as hell” Lance explained.

“Oh, really? I honestly had no idea” Lance shrugged.

“’I’m good at pretending”

~ ~

“Lance, I–”

“How could you!?” Lance shouted at Hunk as he stormed into the room. Hunk’s face screwed up.

“Lance, I’m so so sorry–” Lance clenched his fists as his sides.

“I thought you were my best friend! How could you do something like this to me!?” Hunk sucked in a sharp breath.

“Lance,” Hunk said slowly. “I’m so. So. Sor–” Lance waved him off, all the anger leaving him.

“Save it” he said quietly. “It’s too late for apologies”

~ ~

“Shit” Lance choked out as he fell to the ground. “I- I think I got hit” he said, panicked. Keith reached down and helped Lance to his feet. Lance craned his neck to see if he could see the spot where he was hit. “I can’t- I can’t see it. Does it look bad?” Lance asked. “Shit, I can’t feel it either. That’s bad, right?” Lance rambled. “I’m pretty sure that’s bad. Oh my god, am I going to die? Am I dying? I’m dying, aren’t I?” 

“Hey, don’t worry it’s nothing!” Keith assured Lance. “You’re okay. Let’s just… let’s just head back to the lions” he said with a thin smile. Lance let out a breath.

“Oh, thank god” he said, holding his hand over his heart. “I freaked out for a minute, I really thought I got hit” he laughed. Keith laughed shortly.

“Yeah,” he said, his smile fading as he stared at the gaping whole in the back of Lance’s armor. A huge chunk of flesh was missing. Lance was clearly in shock, and couldn’t feel a thing. Keith didn’t want to worry him when there was nothing he could do about it. “We- we should hurry up” he said, urging Lance forward.

He prayed that they would make it back in time.

~ ~

“Yeah, well I’m just the pretty dumb one, aren’t I?” Lance joked weakly. Pidge laughed.

“Hey,” Keith said with a frown. “Don’t say that about yourself!” he exclaimed. Lance turned to Keith in surprise.

“Wh- what?”

“You’re not dumb, Lance” Keith said seriously. “You smarter than you give yourself credit for” A blush spread across Lance’s face.

“Uh, thanks” He said, unsure of what to say. He didn’t expect anyone to defend him.

~ ~

Shiro was so surprised by the question that he wasn’t sure he heard it right. “Wh- what?” he stuttered. Lance stared down at his feet from his spot on the couch.

“Why do you even care about me…?” he repeated quietly. “I’m not… I’m not that great. I’m not attractive. I’m annoying. I get on people’s nerves… Why do you put up with me?” Shiro sunk down on the couch next to Lance.

“Lance, I care about you. Who cares what anyone else says or thinks. I know you. I know that you’re attractive. You’re funny. Sweet. Kind. You care about people. You’re hard working. People love you. They know the minute they meet you that you’re the nicest guy in the room. Lance, you radiate love” Lance didn’t know what to say. “People care about you Lance. I care about you”

~ ~

“Can you clean up the training equipment?” Allura asked Lance. Lance glanced around, not sure she was talking to him.

“Me?” Lance asked. Allura looked up at Lance.

“Yes, you”

“But- but I don’t know how to do that” Lance stuttered awkwardly.

“I know but since you’re piloting the red lion–”

“So I’m just a replacement for him?” Lance interrupted him. Allura froze.

“Wha- uh, no? Lance, that’s not what I–”

“Never mind. I don’t care. I’ll just figure it out” Lance brushed past Allura and headed to the training room.

~ ~

Lance lowered his gun, staring at the scene in front of him in horror. In front of his, the ground was littered with bodies.

He was too late.

The blood drained out of Lance’s face as he watched the blood run across the floor. His friends. They were all gone. This was his fault. Lance fell to his knees, burying his face in his hands as tears streamed down his face. He couldn’t see anything but crimson.

~ ~

“Shiro, please” Keith pleaded. “Don’t do this. You don’t have to do this. I know you’re in there somewhere, please fight this!” Shiro’s golden yellow eyes bored into Keith’s head as he pressed the sharp knife further into Keith’s flesh.

“This has to be done. Forgive me” Keith let out a whimper as Shiro pulled back and drove the knife into Keith’s heart.

~ ~

Lance hunched over, putting his head in between his knees. He sucked in a shaky breath and tried to shake it off.

“You good?” Keith asked, nudging Lance slightly. Lance squeezed his eyes shut. He knew what this was. It was an anxiety attack.

“Uh, yeah” he lied. “Just… exhausted” he straightened up and flashed a thin smile at Keith before walking away, ignoring the pounding of his heart in his chest.

~ ~

“What do you think, Lance? Is he hot?” Hunk asked, turning around the magazine he was holding. Lance’s cheeks flushed.

“What? No!” Lance said, twisting up his face. “That’s gross, dude. I’m not gay” Hunk held back a sigh as he turned around. He was used to this.

“Are you serious?” Keith frowned and looked around the room at everyone. “Stop being homophobic, Lance. Being gay is not gross” Lance’s blush deepened.

“I- I didn’t mean that” he stuttered. “I just meant… I’m not gay”

“Do you think that it would be gross if you were gay?” Keith said quirking his eyebrow. “Cause that’s what you said. And if you believe that, then do you believe other gay people are gross?” Lance clenched his jaw.

“I didn’t mean it” he said sharply. I’m sorry. Can we just drop it”

Lance crossed his arms defensively and slumped down in his seat. Lance didn’t think that liking guys was gross at all, quite the opposite actually. But he was raised to believe that it was, and so he was conflicted. He didn’t want to admit to himself that he found the man in the magazine attractive, because then he would have to admit that he found a large number of other guys attractive as well.

~ ~

Lance banged his fists against the wall as he called for someone. Anyone. He hadn’t heard from anyone in hours.

“Lance!” Lance’s head whipped up as he heard Keith call his name. “Lance, are you there!?” Keith screamed.

“I’m here!” Lance shouted. “I’m in here! I’m stuck!” Lance heard Keith’s footsteps outside of the room he was trapped in.

“Guys, he’s not here” Keith said into his headset. “No, I checked everywhere. I don’t know where else he could be” Dread sunk into Lance’s chest as Keith’s voice faded. He got quieter and quieter until he was gone.

Lance was alone again.

~ ~

“Hey, what’s up?” he said quietly. “What’s wrong?” Lance frowned and turned to Shiro in confusion.

“What?” he said.

“Why are you crying?” Pidge asked from across the room. “Are you alright?” 

“I’m not cry–” Lance reached up and touched his face. He hadn’t even realized he was crying.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Allura asked. “Is something bothering you?” Lance opened his mouth, but no words came out.

“Hey, Lance, can you come here a minute?” Hunk said, sticking his head into the living room. Lance quickly got off the couch and followed him out of the room. 

“You- you need something?” Lance said, wiping his eyes vigorously. 

“No, I just thought you’d want to get out of there. You didn’t need twenty people asking you questions” Lance pinched his lips together and threw his arms around Hunk.

“Thank you” Lance said into his shoulder.


	74. Cosmo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Lance keeps stealing Keith's dog cus he had a family doggo and he keeps cuddling with his dog and Keith is like??? Where did the dog go?? And then finds them both and goes 

“Hey, Lance, have you seen the wolf—” Lance jumped as he was woken by the voice. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you were asleep” Lance lifted his head and rubbed his eyes. He hadn’t remembered laying down.

“Wh- Did you want somethin’?” Lance mumbled sleepily.

“Yeah, I was wondering if you knew where the wolf was? He normally sleeps in my room but the past couple of nights he’s been disappearing, and I don’t know where—” It was at this exact moment that the animal in question poked his head out from underneath Lance’s covers. Keith’s mouth formed an ‘o.’ “Never mind” he said. Cosmo phased out of Lance’s bed and reappeared in front of Keith, rubbing against his legs. Lance gasped.

“You dirty traitor” he said to the wolf. “This was supposed to be a secret!” The corner of Keith’s mouth quirked up.

“You know, Lance, if he wants to sleep in your room with you I don’t mind it, really” he said. A blush formed on Lance’s cheeks.

“I didn’t- I didn’t bring him in here, I swear. I would never steal your dog from you” He sat all the way up in his bed, crossing his legs. His blankets pooled around his waist as he moved. His hair was sticking up in ridiculous directions. “He just… he keeps following me” he said in embarrassment. “And he’s so cute and cuddly that I can’t just kick him out…” Keith leaned down and pet Cosmo as he listened to Lance speak.

“Really, it’s okay” he assured Lance. “I know Cosmo has, like, a mind of his own. He probably has a reason for hanging around you” Keith shrugged. Lance stared down at his hands silently. Keith straightened up with a frown. “What?”

“I- I don’t know. It’s stupid” he said, twisting his fingers together. Cosmo leaped across the room and landed on Lance’s lap.

“What is it?” Keith took a few steps into Lance’s room. He didn’t want to intrude, but clearly Lance wanted to talk.

“You know how… there are like comfort dogs who are trained to know when someone’s in an emotional crisis and comforts them or whatever?” Lance said slowly. Keith slowed his steps as he reached the edge of Lance’s bed. “Well I think… I mean, I know he’s not a comfort dog, but I think Cosmo realizes that… I mean, I think he knows that I…” Lance trailed off, but he didn’t have to finish his thought for Keith to realize where he was going with it.

“Oh” Keith said quietly. He wasn’t sure what to say to that. “He- he is special” Lance stared down at Cosmo, slowly stroking his fur. Keith awkwardly shifted his weight. “Do you want to… talk about it? I mean, why he thinks you’re sad?” Lance gestured for Keith to sit down next to him on the bed. Keith hesitantly sat on the edge of the bed and turned slightly toward Lance.

“Back home, my family has a dog, Ollie” Lance began. “We’ve had him for- for a long time. Since I was a kid. He’s really old now. I mean, he was old when I left. I don’t even know if he- if he’s still—” Lance cut off abruptly and sucked in a deep breath. Cosmo nudged his nose against Lance’s hand, prompting him to keep petting him. “Ollie was my best friend” Lance continued after a moment. “He slept at the foot of my bed every night, and he followed me everywhere. I took him on walks every day, and we played in the backyard” Lance chew on his lip for a moment as he was lost in his memory. “And being around your dog—"

“—He’s a wolf” Keith interjected. Lance looked at Keith suddenly, as if just realizing that he was there. Keith cleared his throat. “Sorry, continue”

“Wolf, whatever. And being around Cosmo just… reminded me of that. I don’t know” Lance ran his fingers through Cosmo’s fur lazily as he leaned against the dog’s side. “I miss my dog. And my family… It’s just hard sometimes. Ya know?” Keith didn’t bother reminding Lance that he didn’t have anyone waiting for him back on Earth. The only family he had was here in space.

“Yeah” he said. He brushed his fingers against Cosmo’s fur as he and Lance lapsed into silence. Cosmo did seem to have taken to Lance. Keith wondered if he really did know that Lance was in an emotional crisis, much like a comfort dog. “Well,” Keith cleared his throat suddenly as he climbed out of the bed. “I’m going to head to bed” he said. “I just wanted to check on… on Cosmo” Keith said. He would never admit it, but he kind of liked the name.

Cosmo suddenly teleported off of Lance’s bed and in-between Keith’s legs. Keith let out a yelp as he started to fall to the floor, but before he hit it, Cosmo transported him back onto Lance’s bed. Keith landed head first on top of Lance. Keith and Lance both screamed as Cosmo jumped and landed on top of the both of them. Keith’s eyes widened when he realized how close his face was to Lance’s. “Uh, s- sorry?” he said in confusion.

“I guess Cosmo want’s you to sleep here” Lance said with a nervous laugh.

“I guess” Cosmo curled up in a ball on Keith’s back and drifted off to sleep. Keith sighed and dropped his head down onto Lance’s shoulder. He couldn’t move now. Cosmo was heavier than he looked. Plus, it’s a universal rule that you can’t wake a sleeping pet even if it’s on top of you. Lance relaxed after a moment and also began to fall asleep.

Another thing that Keith would never admit, was that he needed Cosmo just as much as Lance did.


	75. Chapter 75

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Lance tries to find a way to make the pressure in his head cease.
> 
> A/N: This is really self-indulgent sorry.
> 
> Trigger warnings: self harm, eating disorder

Lance closed his eyes and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyelids so hard that he could see stars. He let out a soft groan and leaned his head back until it was resting on the wall behind him. The pressure had been building in his head all day. He knew that if he got up and did something, it would help, but the longer he sat there, the more helpless he felt. 

All fixes were temporary.

Food helped only for an instant, then he just felt sick. 

Cutting never helped. It only made him hate himself more. And the scars that remained on his skin were a constant reminder of how weak he was. 

Training worked until he was finished. Then his body was sore and he felt no better.

He tried meaningless distractions, music, tv, drawing, writing. They just made his mind feel more cluttered. They began to feel like a chore to him. 

He tried being around others, but he found himself growing tired of them. He felt irrationally irritated at everything they did and said. 

Being alone didn't help either. Emptiness would bloom in his chest, filling his head with bad thoughts. Loneliness ate away at him, even though he knew that he didn't want to be around anyone.

He just wanted it all to stop.

Lance picked himself off his bed and crossed his room. As he neared the bathroom door he hesitated. He quickly turned and walked back to his bed. Dread swelled in his chest as he reached the edge. He grit his teeth and turned back to the bathroom. He repeated this several more times, pacing back and forth, unsure of what to do. 

Some time later Lance found himself staring at his reflection in the mirror, choking back tears. He didn't recognize the face that stared back. His sunken eyes, rimmed with red, and accented with bags from a lack of sleep. He was a shell of his former self.

Lance took the razor he had stowed deep in the bottom of the drawer and examined it for a few moments. He turned the cool gleaming object over in his hand and then slowly pressed it to his skin.

Lance felt like he was stuck in an endless cycle of pointlessness.

Everything he did seemed to make it worse.

Without another thought, Lance ran the blade across his skin. He hissed in pain and--

Everything quieted.

He closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. Every thought left his mind. The emptiness in his chest faded.

Then, just as soon as it ceased, it began again.

Lance stared down at his blood covered hands in dismay as the pressure began to build once more.

He began to sob.


	76. Not the Same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Kuron spends large amounts of time screaming at Lance and calling him names and maybe even physically hitting him when no one else is around. Lance doesn't tell anyone because kuron says they won't believe him. When shiro comes back he notices Lance is a lot more quiet and flinches when he moves too fast around him. Shiro has to ask why and then has to deal with the guilt. He tries to talk to Lance about it but Lance ends up being an emotional mess
> 
> A/N: I’m actually really proud of how this one turned out aksldjlasd.
> 
> Trigger warnings: abuse

“It’s good to see you” Shiro said with a small smile. He had been out of his healing pod for a few hours at this point, but this was the first time Keith had left his side, giving Shiro a moment to breathe. “How have you been since I’ve been… dead” Lance laughed uneasily.

“Uh, pretty… uneventful” Lance shrugged. “Nothing really important” he subtly scooted away from Shiro, crossing his arms. Shiro quirked his eyebrow.

“Really?” he said dubiously. “Nothing eventful happened since I’ve been gone? While in space. Defending the universe. In giant metal lions?” Shiro’s voice sent a chill down Lance’s spine. ‘He’s not the same. He’s not the same’ he reminded himself. It didn’t matter that he was the same Shiro from before. He looked like him. He sounded like him.

‘What if he acted like him?’

“Hey, Shiro, do you have the memories that clone-you had? Like do you remember anything from the past few months?” Pidge asked, wide eyed. She was so fascinated by the whole thing. Her and Hunk crowded around Shiro, while Lance continued to slowly scoot away from them. Keith was outside talking to Allura and Coran.

“Are you alright?” Romelle asked loudly. Lance jumped and cursed under his breath. Hunk glanced at him curiously, but then turned back to his conversation.

“Ah, I’m fine” Lance said, now standing next to her. Romelle frowned when she noticed Lance nervously glancing at Shiro every time he moved.

“Are you… sure about that?” she asked pointedly. Lance let out a breath and turned toward her to convince her that he was alright when Shiro suddenly laughed loudly. Lance jump and spun around, his entire body going numb. Romelle watched as all the color drained out of Lance’s face. “Alright, come with me” she stood in front of Lance, blocking his view of Shiro. She held her hand up, hovering over Lance’s arm. She waited until Lance blinked his eyes and looked up at her before she gently touched his arm and guided him out of the ship.

“I don’t know any of you that well” Romelle began, once they were a ways away from the ship. “But that was not normal for you, yes?” Lance stared down at his hands blankly. He hadn’t meant to react that way. He knew it wasn’t ‘him’. It was Shiro. The real Shiro. He would never hurt Lance.

“That was…” Lance trailed off, unsure of what to say. He had been having reactions similar to these around ‘Shiro’ for a while now, but no one had noticed. Romelle was the first person to pick up on it. “It was nothing” Lance shrugged. Romelle pursed her lips as she watched Lance.

“No” she said simply. “That wasn’t nothing” Lance shifted nervously as he twisted his fingers. “Does this have something to do with the white haired one being back?” she asked. Lance pinched his lips together. “Or… maybe the one who is gone now?” Lance flinched. “Yes? The… the ‘clone’ of… what’s his name again?” Lance swallowed thickly.

“Shiro” he said hoarsely. Romelle nodded.

“You can tell me” she said gently, sitting down at Lance’s feet. He was perched on a rock, his knees drawn up to his chin.

“I don’t- It’s not…” Lance grit his teeth. He was conflicted. He didn’t want to tell her, but he couldn’t tell anyone else. ‘Shiro’ had told him that no one would believe him, even now that he was gone. But, Romelle wasn’t close to them. She was new. Maybe it would be okay to tell her… “The old ‘Shiro’… The clone- he- He wasn’t an exact replica of Shiro” Lance began.

“What do you mean?” Romelle prompted when Lance paused.

“He would… say things. When no one else was around. And sometimes he would- he- he hit—” Lance broke off suddenly and buried his face in his knees.

“Lance…” Romelle whispered. Lance shook his head and stood up suddenly.

“It doesn’t matter” he said flatly. “He’s gone now” With that, he turned and headed back to the ship.

~ ~

Lance was jumpy around Shiro for the next few weeks. As much as he tried to suppress it, reminding himself that nothing was going to happen, his body continually betrayed him. He sweat anytime Shiro was near him. He made himself leave the room anytime he thought there was a chance he would have to be alone with him. Whenever Shiro tried to talk to Lance, Lance made an excuse to leave.

Things continued like this until the first night they were all aboard their new ship. After a few days of getting everything settled, they finally set off into space in search of the remaining members of the Coalition. It was that night that Shiro finally confronted Lance.

“Hey,” His voice scared Lance so much that he audibly yelped. He spun around and threw up his hands to cover his face as he did. Shiro frowned and smiled weakly. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you” Lance glanced over his shoulder and cleared his throat.

“Y- you didn’t scare me” he lied. Shiro laughed. Lance chewed on his lip.

“I just wanted to talk to you—” Shiro said at the same time Lance said—

“—I was just heading to bed—” They both cut off abruptly.

“Oh” Shiro said, his smile slipping off his face. Lance shuffled his feet.

“Yeah, I’m really tired” he said. He hesitated a moment and then began to turn around. “So…” he half waved and then began to walk away.

“Did I do something to make you mad?” Shiro asked loudly before Lance had a chance to get away. Lance slowed his steps but continued to inch his way out of the hall. “Cause… I feel like you’ve been avoiding me. And- and you’ve been quiet” Shiro said, slowly following after Lance. “I just want to make sure that I didn’t do something wrong” Lance winced. It wasn’t Shiro’s fault. It wasn’t his fault that he looked like ‘him’. “The fact that you’re still walking away from me makes me think that I’m right…” Lance crossed his arms and grit his teeth.

“I’m tired” Lance said without turning around, though he did stop walking. “And- and you’ve been gone for a long time. Things have changed. I- We- have changed” he said defensively. Shiro lowered his head and scratched the back of his neck.

“I get that…” he said slowly. “But… but you’ve barely spoken a word to me since I- got… back” Shiro said. They were all trying not to say ‘came back from the dead’ because it still freaked them all out.

“Yeah, well, Keith’s talked to you enough for all of us” Lance said bitterly. He wasn’t mad at Keith, he was just trying to avoid answering his question.

“What’s your deal?” Shiro said, furrowing his eyebrows. “Seriously? You’re acting like I chose to leave. I died Lance! I had no choice in the matter!”

“I died too! You’re not original!” Lance shouted, finally turning around. Shiro recoiled.

“You what!?” Lance shook his head and dropped his arms. They were still at least ten feet away from each other. Shiro opened and closed his mouth a few times. “O- okay, um, we’ll get back to that” he said, clearly still trying to process Lance’s outburst. “Just, please, tell me what I did, so I can make it up to you” he pleaded. Lance clenched his fists at his sides. When he closed his eyes, he could still see ‘him’ perched over him, smiling. Lance still had lingering bruises on his skin from the last time.

“Make it up to me?” Lance said quietly. Shiro could barely hear him. He took a few steps toward Lance. “You think you can fix this?” Lance asked. “That you can just say ‘sorry’ and everything will just be magically better? That the memories will be erased?” Shiro shook his head. He didn’t understand it. He didn’t know what was wrong with Lance. “You can’t erase these!” Lance spat, pulling up the hem of his shirt, revealing a large patch of bruises scattered across his chest and stomach. “Or these” he pulled up the sleeves of his jacket and showed the outline of hand prints all over his forearms. “And the worst part is, I can’t even blame you! Cause it wasn’t you! I have no one to blame anymore, no one to hate. But when I see you- when I look at you I—” Lance broke off and covered his mouth and choked back a sob.

“Lance…” Shiro was speechless. He had no idea. How would he have known? “I’m so…” Lance turned his back to Shiro and tried to compose himself. “Why didn’t- why didn’t anyone say anything…?”

“No one knows” Lance said hoarsely.

“Why-?”

“You- ‘He’ told me that no one would believe me over him. It was my word against his. And who were they going to believe? The leader of Voltron or… or the ‘dumb one’?”

“Lance…”

“It’s fine. You all think I’m a joke anyway” he laughed weakly.

“Lance, I don’t think that—" Shiro said, moving to catch up with Lance again. “I had no idea that he- that that thing—”

“He wasn’t a thing” Lance said flatly. He turned back and met Shiro’s eyes for the first time since Shiro had come back. “He was you”

Shiro didn’t know how to respond to that.

“Or, at least, he was a version of you” Lance said coldly. He began to back out of the hallway slowly. “There’s nothing you can do to change it. You didn’t even- It wasn’t you, okay. I understand that. I know you didn’t do this”

“I am so so sorry. Please, let me… apologize. Or- or something! Let me do something to make it up to you” Shiro put his hand on Lance’s shoulder. Lance jerked his arm away from him, his eyes wide and his heart thudding in his chest.

“Don’t- touch me!” Lance shouted, the panic evident in his voice. It was written all over his face. He was terrified of Shiro. Shiro’s face fell.

“Lance…” Shiro pleaded. Lance hugged his arms to his chest.

“Don’t… just don’t” Every time he looked at Shiro, all he saw was him. The man who screamed in his face until Lance was shaking and in tears. The man who made off hand comments about every aspect of both his personality and physical appearance, even when the others were around, playing it off as a joke. The man who beat him in places that the others wouldn’t see, and even occasionally in places they did see. im

Lance reminded himself over and over. ‘He’s not the same person. He’s not the same. He’s not the same’

But still, a small part of him wondered…

What if they were the same?


	77. 1 Year, 2 Months, 26 Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Lance thinks back on how long it's been since he last hurt himself.
> 
> A/N: More self-projecting lol. (Dw about me though I'm okay~)
> 
> Trigger warnings: self-harm, suicidal thoughts, blood

1 year, 2 months, 26 days.

That's how long it had been since the last time. The last time that Lance had stood hunched over the bathroom sink, his arms shaking as he stared himself down in the mirror. 

1 year, 2 months, 26 days.

That was the last time that Lance had. . . 

Lance had made so much progress. He was getting better. He was better.

He really thought he was.

But now, as he stood staring at his bloodshot eyes. He couldn't cry. He almost never did. Sometimes he felt that if he could just cry, he would feel better. But the tears stayed locked in his eyes, refusing to fall.

Lance's gaze darted down to the half open drawer near his hip. The object inside was calling to him. Taunting him. Lance tore his eyes away and gulped.

1 year, 2 months, 26 days.

He hadn't wanted to do it in a long time. Sure, he thought about it from time to time, but he never seriously considered it until today. Until this moment. 

Lance curled his fingers and bit his lip so hard it bled. Lance watched numbly as the drop of blood trailed down his chin and dripped into the sink, until it disappeared down the drain. He brushed away the remaining blood off his face and then without another thought he drove his hand into the drawer and pulled it out.

1 year, 2 months, 26 days.

He was going to throw it all away, and for what? Why was he even doing this? Why did he feel this way? 

Lance didn't know the answer to any of those questions.

He didn't know why.

Lance clenched the object in his fist, careful not to squeeze too tightly. His heart was pounding in his chest. He could feel sweat form on his brow as he stared down at it.

At the blade.

So many times he had tried to get rid of it. But there was always that voice, that thought in the back of his mind. So, it stayed there, in the drawer.

1 year, 2 months, 26 days.

Lance couldn't tell anyone about it. They wouldn't understand. It hadn't even been a problem again until now. They would think differently of him. They would ask him, "why do you do it?" Lance didn't know the answer. He didn't know why every bad thing, every bad thought, made him want to run his blade against his skin. He couldn't explain it.

He knew it was irrational. He knew there were other ways, better ways, safer ways, to make himself feel better. He knew that.

1 year, 2 months, 26 days.

The longer Lance stood there looking at himself in the mirror, the stupider he felt. He didn't need to do this anymore. He was passed this. He really was.

He knew that if he just waited it out, he would be okay again.

Lance closed his eyes and took a breath. He dropped the blade and hastily shoved it back into the drawer, slamming it as he did. The clock on his dresser flashed twelve as he passed it on his way to his bed.

1 year, 2 months, 27 days.


	78. He Didn't Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Lance has vitiligo but has recently grown comfortable enough around the team to not wear makeup and otherwise hide his skin. The team is super supportive and just accept it as how things are. However, Pidge finally locates Matt and they reunite, and pidge takes Matt to meet her team. Matt, unknowing of how sensitive Lance is about his skin, makes a rude, off handed comment about his skin. This triggers a panic attack due to the similarity of how bullies treated Lance in his childhood.
> 
> A/N: This took super long to write because I was gone all weekend laskjdalksjd sorry guys lol
> 
> Trigger warnings: panic attack

Lance stared at his face in the mirror for a moment and brushed his hair out of his eyes. The corner of his mouth lifted up and slowly turned into a full-blown smile. He had officially gone a whole week without wearing any make up to cover the white patches of skin covering his body. He was unbelievably proud of himself. This was the first time that he had gone that long without covering it up… ever.

Lance had found out he had vitiligo when he was 14. It developed rapidly, spreading across his body. By the time he was 15 he was spending hours using makeup to coverup the unpigmented patches of skin. He was afraid that his classmates would make fun of him.

Recently, the other paladins had been made away of the fact that Lance had vitiligo. They were kind, and encouraged Lance to use less make up, that he should feel comfortable just the way he was. It took a while for Lance to come around to the idea, but once he finally did it, it felt freeing.

Lance felt like himself for the first time in a while.

~ ~

“Guys, this is my brother Matt” Pidge beamed as she bound out of the green lion. Matt stepped out behind her with a smile.

“Matt!” Shiro rushed across the room and threw his arms around him. “I’m glad you’re okay” he said after a moment.

“Me too” Matt said in relief. They finally broke apart and Pidge introduced Matt to the rest of the crew. After retelling her

“I hate to break this up,” Coran said. “But we must get you into a pod to make sure you don’t have any injuries or diseases. Come this way,” Coran said, ushering Matt down the hall. Everyone followed closely behind them.

“Oh, okay” Matt said, glancing at Lance curiously and then allowing Coran to push him down the hall. “Do you only have one pod?” he asked. Before anyone could respond Matt continued. “Because if so, let Lance go ahead and get in first. He might have like some flesh-eating bacteria. Look, it’s all over his face” Matt said, pointing at Lance. Lance froze. “God, make sure it’s not contagious or anything. It looks bad” Everyone stood there in stunned silence. Clearly, they all realized, Matt had no idea what he was saying. He didn’t know that Lance had vitiligo, so he wasn’t being intentionally mean. But still, the words cut Lance deep.

Lance opened his mouth to respond, to let him know that he was actually alright, but no words came out. He felt the familiar heat climb up his neck and to his face. Lance felt stuck, rooted to the ground. Everything went black for a moment.

“Lance!” Hunk shouted. Coran grabbed Matt and quickly pushed him the rest of the way through the door to the infirmary. “Lance, look at me” he said, his voice rising in panic. Lance’s breath was already quickening, and his fists were balled at his sides. His eyes were glued to his feet. “Lance, come on, it’s okay. I know- What he said sucked. But he didn’t mean it like that. He didn’t know”

“Lance, I’m so sorry” Pidge said in horror. She wasn’t sure if Lance heard her because he didn’t react. He hadn’t moved a muscle since Matt said those words to him. They were words that he had many times before, only in those instances they had meant it.

‘Is it contagious?’

‘What’s wrong with his face?’

‘What’s wrong with him?’

‘Why doesn’t he cover that up?’

All it took was one unintentional comment about Lance’s appearance to set him back. All he wanted to do was crawl into bed and hide himself.

Before anyone could react, Lance turned and ran out of the room.

He was never going to let anyone see him without make up on ever again.


	79. Pain Vs. Peace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Lance gets introspective as he considers self-harming again.
> 
> A/N: This is for /spoiledspine on tumblr !
> 
> Trigger warnings: self-harm, suicidal thoughts

Lance lowered his weary body down onto his bed with a sigh. He hadn’t even bothered to take his armor off. He lifted up his helmet with shaking arms and tossed it aside. His hair stuck to his sweaty forehead. He closed his eyes and rested his head against the cool wall behind him.

“Hey, Lance” Shiro stuck his head in the door. “Were all heading down for dinner, you coming?” he asked. Lance pried his eyes opened and forced his mouth to form a thin smile.

“Ah, no thanks. I’m tired. I’ll grab something later” Shiro hesitated a moment.

“Are you okay?” he asked a frown forming on his face. Lance straightened up and cleared his throat. “That was a pretty… tough mission” Shiro continued. “For all of us. Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, inching his way into Lance’s room. Lance shook his head quickly.

“N- Uh, I’m fine. Really. Today sucked but, you know. Seen worse” he laughed shortly. Shiro nodded and paused. “I’ll… grab something after I get a shower. See you in the morning” Lance said with a sense of finality in his voice. Shiro took a step back.

“Alright. See you tomorrow, Lance” he turned and closed the door behind him. Lance blew out a breath and sunk back down on the bed, sliding so far that his chin touched his chest.

It was several more minutes before Lance pulled his weary body to the edge of the bed so that he could take off his armor. He started with the boots, unhooking them from the leg pieces and kicking them off. He moved onto the chest and arm plates. He undid the snaps and began peeling them off, revealing the black body suit that clung to his body. Lance finally rose from his bed completely. He chucked the rest of his armor into a pile on the floor and began to pull the body suit off him. As he pulled it down to his waist Lance was forced to look at the rows of scars covering his wrists. It had been so long ago, and yet, the scars hadn’t faded a bit.

Lance tore his eyes away and finished undressing. He swiftly moved into the shower, turning the foul-smelling water on and waited until it was burning hot before stepping in. Steam filled the small room instantly, fogging up the mirror on the wall. Lance stood underneath the stream of water, his gaze downcast. The scalding water burned against his skin, but he didn’t move to change the temperature. The pain was good. It reminded him that he was alive.

Sometimes he felt like he deserved pain.

Lance didn’t move from his spot until long after the water ran cold. He was shivering, and his teeth were chattering as he stepped onto the tile floor. He reached for a towel and loosely wrapped it around his waist, trying not to look at the scars that he knew covered his thighs.

He couldn’t think about those now.

But as Lance stood in front of the bathroom sink, staring at the blurry outline of himself in the fog covered mirror, he was forced to face his problem head on. He no longer had any distractions from the war inside his head. He braced his arms against the edge of the sink and bit his lip so hard he thought it might bleed.

Lance didn’t want to die.

He didn’t.

But sometimes… sometimes he wondered if maybe death was better than this. Better than the war. The killing. The constantly being in fear for his life. It was all so much sometimes that Lance didn’t know how to handle it. He needed some type of outlet for all the confusing and conflicting feelings this war gave him.

Lance ran his finger up and down the scars on his wrist and forearm. The skin slightly raised and lighter than the rest. It was like braille on his arms, telling the story of his pain.

Lance used to hurt himself. He didn’t anymore. He… he hadn’t in a long time. He used to.

It was in the past.

Lance hadn’t cut himself because he wanted to die. It wasn’t to punish himself. It was a way to cope.

It was a way to distract himself from everything. A temporary release from reality. Being at war left Lance with intense feelings, some of which he didn’t know what to do with. The adrenaline coursing through his veins after a battle made him anxious. He tried finding releases for these pent-up emotions, but nothing really helped. Every high-like period after battle inched him closer and closer back to his old ways. To his coping mechanism.

Cutting made Lance feel like he had control over something. He had no control over anything that happened to him here there in space. He went from feeling multiple indistinguishable emotions to feeling numb. He wasn’t sure which was worse.

Sometimes the need to mark his arms was so strong that Lance couldn’t breathe.

The war, the killing, the constantly being afraid for his life. Everything was piling up. When Lance finally got to sit down at the end of every day, everything seemed to be going in slow motion. And, to be honest, even the good parts of his day sucked. After taking a short cold shower with water that smelled like chemicals, Lance walked down the solid gray hallway into the solid grey dining room and ate solid green goo that tasted just like you would imagine the color green would taste like. He talked to people who, before being teleported into space, frankly, weren’t his best friends. Sure, he was flight partners with Hunk and Pidge, but he wasn’t even sure they considered him a friend until well after they arrived in space.

Truth be told, Lance wasn’t sure he had any friends back at the garrison. He knew that no one there would miss him if were gone.

Before Lance knew it, there was a blade resting on his palm. He wasn’t sure where it came from. He couldn’t remember the last time he had had one.

Tears weld up in Lance’s eyes and he stared at the shiny piece of metal in his hand. He felt paralyzed.

“Fuck” Lance said breathily. A tear slid down his face as his body shook.

Lance was conflicted. He didn’t want to hurt himself. He didn’t. But he needed to. He had to do it to alleviate the emotions raging in his mind.

Suddenly, a sense of calm washed over him. Lance’s face fell, completely devoid of emotion. He squeezed the blade in his palm, watching as it sliced through his skin, causing droplets of blood to form. Nothing. He felt nothing. He was completely numb.

In his head, Lance was screaming. It was like someone else had taken control of his body, locking him up in his mind. Lance’s hand moved of its own accord, like a puppet on strings. He lifted his left wrist, holding it over the sink, turned it over and—

Slash.

He cut.

Just once.

Quick.

Deep.

Lance hissed in pain for just a moment, and then he felt it. The sudden intense feeling euphoria that followed the agony. Lance closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. For one, brief moment, everything was okay. He didn’t feel anything. No bad thoughts, no cluttered mind. His body felt light. He felt free.

But then—

It all came crashing down again.

His wrist throbbed, his head ached, his body sagged in exhaustion. Shame crept up Lance’s neck as he stared at the blood dripping from the gash in his wrist. He dropped the blade, panicked, and reached for a towel to wrap around his wrist.

After he had cleaned up the mess, ashamed of what he had done, Lance crawled into his bed. He was mentally and physically drained. He felt like he could sleep for a whole day, though he knew that wasn’t realistic.

The universe moved on, whether he was ready for it or not.

Just another thing that Lance couldn’t control.

Lance laid in bed and stared at the ceiling. There were only so many times he could use this coping mechanism before something happened. Whether he cut to deep, or someday it wouldn’t be enough anymore. Lance wondered how many more days he could stand it. He knew he couldn’t go on like this forever. The thought scared him.

Was the pain worth it for those few moments of peace?


	80. Toeing the Line

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: suicidal thoughts

The wind whipped around Lance relentlessly, pulling him closer to the edge. It was so cold that Lance could feel it in his bones. It was like he would never be warm again. And maybe that was true. The wind coaxed Lance forward, teasing him. Lance moved until he was toeing the line of safe and peril. His feet hung over the ledge, one move and he would be gone. Lost in the inky blackness, the endless abyss. Into nothingness.

Lance was petrified as he stared up at the stars. They seemed to wink at him, encouraging him to let go. To take the next step. The final step. Terror gripped his heart as the wind urged him forward, causing him to tip forward. Lance stared down at the darkness. It was so cold, so empty. It called to him. Beckoned him to join it.

The air curled around Lance’s fingers, it thrashed around his body. Lance’s hair was whipping in every which direction. There wasn’t a single thought in Lance’s mind as he stared down at the void. It was dark, cold, empty. Comforting.

He embraced the whims of the world, listened to the wind

He closed his eyes and focused on the feeling of the wind pushing him. Coaxing him. Urging him. It whispered to him. Promises. Promises of freedom. Of comfort. Of relief from everything. Lance bit his lip so hard it bled as he braced himself for the impact. For the end. And then—

“What are you doing!?” Someone grabbed Lance’s arm, yanking him back to safety. Lance could barely hear his voice over the roar of the wind. Lance’s eyes flew open, his heart pounding.

Keith.

“You could’ve gotten hurt! What are you… what are you doing…” Keith trailed off as he looked behind Lance to the edge. “Lance…” Keith’s face screwed up in realization. Lance felt like a kid being caught doing something he shouldn’t. He shook his head slightly and then burst into tears. Keith jerked Lance forward into his arms and then backed away from the cliff. “Oh, Lance” Keith breathed. “Lance…” Keith didn’t know what else to say. Lance clung to Keith as he trembled in fear. He was no longer physically on the ledge now. He was safe in Keith’s arms.

But still… the darkness called to him.


	81. Brave Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Lance and Keith watch a scary movie together. It’s scarier than they expected.
> 
> Trigger warnings: none

“O- oh, hey” Lance said when he stepped into the common room. It was already the middle of the night, so Lance had expected the room to be empty. So, when Lance found Keith sitting on the middle of the room he was understandable surprised.

Keith looked up from the laptop in front of him in surprise. “Hey” he said, clearly just as surprised as Lance that someone was in there at the late hour. Keith had a blanket wrapped snugly around him and pulled over his head, so only his face and a tuft of hair was peeking out. Lance pinched his lips together, trying not to laugh. He’d never seen Keith like this before. So… relaxed.

“What’cha doin’?” Lance asked. Keith looked slightly embarrassed as he readjusted the blanket on his shoulders.

“Uh, Pidge fixed their laptop charger, so it can connect to the castle’s power” Keith said, turning the laptop toward Lance slightly. “They offered to let me use it, so I could have a- a night off from training. You know, to relax” Lance saw a flash of red on the screen as some poor teenage was gutted by a masked man. Lance made a face and leaned away.

“Wh- what are you watching?” Keith laughed shortly.

“All Pidge has is horror movies. Pidge has a- well their movie taste is really… bloody” Keith pulled the blanket lower over his eyes and turned back to the laptop. It illuminated his nose, which was the only part of Keith’s face that was visible.

“Wow, I never would’ve guessed” Lance said seriously. He didn’t know what types of movies Pidge watched, but this was nowhere near on the list. Lance hovered awkwardly near the edge of the couch. He didn’t know what to do. He knew he couldn’t go back to bed, he hadn’t been able to fall asleep, but obviously he didn’t want to intrude on Keith’s movie night. “Uh, well, have- have fun with your movie” Lance said, tapping his knuckles against the back of the couch. He hesitated for another second before turning.

“L- Lance…” Keith stuttered. Lance paused. “Do you… wanna join me?” Lance’s eyes brightened. Keith’s words literally put a bounce in Lance’s step.

“Yeah! Totally!” Lance exclaimed excitedly. “J- just let me uh grab a blanket. You look really… comfy” Lance said, the corner of his mouth quirking up. Keith turned and smiled shyly at Lance. Lance nearly stumbled backward in shock. He’d never seen Keith smile like that. If it wasn’t so blindingly adorable it would be almost… creepy.

“Okay” Keith said in a small voice.

Lance was back in the common room in his pajamas and with a fluffy blue blanket draped around his shoulders. Lance settled on the floor, leaning his back against the couch. Keith had started the movie over.

“This movie’s really gross” Keith warned.

“What’s the story?” Lance asked as the title flashed across the screen. He hadn’t had much time to hang out with Keith lately. He was eager to get some time alone with him.

“Uh, there’s two teens in the woods and also a murder. Then… they die” Keith said slowly. “Either one of them fakes their death and is secretly the murderer or… the murderer just happens to look just like the kid who dies. The plot’s really hard to follow” Lance snorted as he settled down.

“Sounds fun” Lance commented. “I don’t watch a lot of horror movies” he said idly as a shadowy figure stalked across the screen.

“Me either” Lance glanced at Keith out of the corner of his eye.

“What kind of movies do you watch?” he asked. The movie focused on two teens walking up to a cabin in the woods.

“Mm I don’t watch movies that much” Keith shrugged. Lance sighed internally and tried to focus on the movie. Clearly Keith didn’t want to have a conversation. “But… I like funny movies” Keith admitted after a few seconds. Lance turned toward him. Keith pressed his lips together as his gaze flicked to Lance’s.

“Really? Me too!” Lance exclaimed. “Those and cheesy rom-coms” Lance’s attention was drawn to the screen as a loud scream rang out, followed by a loud noise. Lance jumped and pulled the blanket tighter around him.

Both of them fell silent after that, completely forgetting about conversation. Throughout the movie the two of them began slowly inching together, until their shoulders were pressed together. At some point Lance pulled the blanket over his head mirroring Keith. It felt safer that way.

By the time the credits were rolling every hair on Lance’s body was standing up, and his heart was pounding. Keith wasn’t doing much better.

“Pidge… watches these” Keith whispered breathlessly.

“That was…” Lance shook his head. “Fuck. What the hell is wrong with them? Pidge is a child” As the credits came to an end the screen went black and then suddenly the shadowy figure popped on the screen, startling both boys. Keith let out a scream as he slammed down the screen of the laptop.

“I’m- I’m going to bed. This room feels to exposed” Keith stuttered as he climbed to his feet. Lance did as well. “Goodnight” Keith turned and started to walk away. “I, uh, had a good time” he said before he was through the door. Lance barely had time to appreciate it before he heard a weird creaking noise and fled the room as well. Lance raced to his room and slammed his door. He let out a breath and then got ready for bed.

Lance had barely laid his head down when he thought back to the movie. Every time he closed his eyes he saw red. Knives slashing through bodies, masked monsters lurking in the shadows, waiting to jump out and STRIKE—

Lance jumped out of bed and turned the light on before diving back under his covers. He probably wasn’t going to sleep at all.

~ ~

It wasn’t twenty minutes before Lance heard a knock at his door. It scared Lance more than he was willing to admit. Lance spent a few seconds deliberating whether or not to answer it, but then he heard a voice.

“Lance? Are you up?” It was Keith. “Open the door” Lance jumped out of bed and ran to the door and yanked it open. Keith barreled into the room, Lance closing the door behind him.

“What are you doing?” Lance whispered. He didn’t know why he was whispering, it just felt appropriate. Keith was still wrapped up in his blanket, but now it was draped around his shoulders. He was hugging it to himself protectively.

“I couldn’t- I couldn’t sleep. We’re you… Fuck were you sleeping? I’m so sorry” Keith said, his face dropping in surprise. Lance let out a short laugh.

“Believe me, I wasn’t sleeping” he said. “I don’t think I’ll ever sleep again after that… that movie” he shivered. Keith glanced around the room.

“I was, um, I was just… I was wondering- I mean, ah—” Keith’s face turned red in embarrassment. Lance bit back a smile and took pity on him.

“Keith do you want to sleep in here with me?” he asked, saving him from further embarrassment. Keith nodded, not saying anything. “We can, uh, at least try and get some sleep if you want. I doubt we’ll get much but…” Keith nodded.

“Yeah, that sounds good” The two of them awkwardly climbed into the bed. There was barely room for the two of them to lay side by side, but they made it work. Lance had to admit he did feel safer with Keith in the room with him. “Are you going to leave the light on?” Keith asked after they both got settled. Lance hesitated.

“I- I can shut them off” he offered. Keith’s eyes widened, and he shook his head.

“No. L- leave it on” he said meekly.

“Yeah, the dark is terrifying to me now” Lance said. Keith laughed breathily, relaxing slightly. “I’m never turning the lights of again. Ever”

“It was a good movie though” Keith said.

“Such a good movie!” Keith exclaimed. “In theory it sounds so stupid, but it was incredible! And those special effects? Amazing! They were so realistic!”

“Gross, but amazing” Lance said. Keith laughed.

“Yeah, gross but amazing” Lance rolled onto his side, so he was facing Keith, who was laying on his back.

“Hey,” Lance suddenly propped himself on his elbow. “Can I ask you a question?” Keith turned his head toward Lance and nodded. “Why were you watching that movie in the living room?” Lance asked. He had been thinking it for a while. It didn’t make sense.

“What?” Keith asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

“I mean, you could’ve watched it in your room or- or a room that no one uses” he pointed out.

“Am I not allowed to use the common room?” Keith asked. Lance shook his head.

“N- no, that’s not what I meant. Like- you know that no on would interrupt you if you were in your room or somewhere else. If you really wanted some time alone then…” Keith’s face flushed.

“I- um- uh—” Keith pulled the blanket up to his nose. “Promise you won’t tell anyone this?” he asked, his voice muffled through the blanket. Lance lowered himself back onto the bed, so he could hear Keith better.

“I- I promise” Lance breathed. Keith’s eyes flittered around nervously, not staying on anything for longer than a moment.

“I was sitting there because… I was hoping that- that someone would…” Keith trailed off, his eyes landing on Lance’s hand, which was laying on the bed between them.

“You wanted someone to join you?” Lance provided, his heart skipping a beat. Keith’s blush deepened.

“Uh, yeah” he said slowly. “It’s just… you know. I train a lot and… I don’t have like a lot of free time to- to hang out with people or anything. It gets… I get lonely sometimes” Keith said meekly. Lance’s heart melted.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Lance asked softly. “I could’ve- We- We could’ve” Keith smiled and closed his eyes.

“Nah, it’s fine” Keith said.

“You don’t have to—” Lance let out a yawn. “You don’t have to do this- any of this- alone” Lance said, waving his hand. When he dropped it back onto the bed it landed on top of Keith’s hand. Neither of them moved. “We’re a team” Lance said. His eyes drooped with sleepiness. Keith knew that Lance was likely to forget all of this in the morning. It was nearly morning already. “We’ll always be here for you” Keith gnawed on his lip. “Is- is there anything else…?”

“I just…” Keith lowered his voice. In that moment, Keith let his brave face slip. He put down the armor that he had worked so hard to keep on. For a moment, a brief moment Keith let it all fall. “I’ve never been good at connecting with people” Keith began. Lance’s finger twitched, brushing against Keith’s. “Even as a kid I just… didn’t get it. I wasn’t good at it. I thought that maybe there was just something wrong with me”

“There’s nothing wrong with you” Lance said fervently. Keith focused his eyes on Lance’s hand which was half intertwined with his own.

“Just… sometimes you know?” Keith said, his voice soft. “Everyone here has someone. Everyone has their own group and I’m left alone. I’m not blaming you—” Keith clarified. “And I know that I’m probably just overreacting, and part of it’s my fault. I isolate myself and I’m not always the easiest person to get along with”

“Keith… there’s nothing wrong with you” Lance interrupted what was quiet possibly the longest uninterrupted string of words that he had ever heard Keith say. “You are one of the most amazing people I’ve ever known. You’re brave. You’re hard working. You’re amazing at motivating people. You’re considerate. You put other people’s needs over your own. You’re crazy intense, in a good way” Keith laughed quietly and hid his face. “I’m serious! And you’re kind, you know, when you want to be” Lance joked. “I appreciate you for everything you are. And I wish you had told me that you felt this way. No one should have to feel like that” he said. Keith ducked his head, hiding his blush. Lance’s words were affecting him more than he thought they would. No one had said such nice things to him in a long time.

“Lance… I- Thank you” he said breathlessly, not knowing what else to say. There was nothing he could say that could convey how he really felt. Lance’s eyes were warm and bright as they connected with Keith’s.

“I promise that you’ll never feel that way again” Lance swore. “In fact, you’re going to be the opposite of lonely” Lance paused to yawn. “I’m going to be around you so much you’re going to be even more annoyed of me than you already are” Keith smiled sleepily.

“You don’t annoy me” he said honestly.

“Oh” Lance said simply. The two of them fell silent for a few moments.

“Thank you. For saying all that” Keith breathed. He could feel the exhaustion clawing at the back of his mind. It had to be nearly morning.

“Mmhm” Lance mumbled. Keith closed his eyes, letting Lance’s words rush over him again. His chest swelled with emotions. The mix of sleepiness and vulnerability were making Keith feel strange.

“Lance… I don’t know how to say this but, I- I think that I’m fa—” Keith peeked his eyes open and saw that Lance had fallen asleep. He was snoring softly, his chest rising and falling. Keith let out a small sigh. His gaze softened. An emotion that Keith couldn’t identify filled his chest. He loosened his grip on Lance’s hand and slowly pulled it away. “Good night, Lance” he breathed.

A few minutes later Keith drifted off into a dreamless sleep.


	82. A Bittersweet Moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Lance and Allura spend some time together while searching the castle. 
> 
> Trigger warnings: none

“Would you like to help me, Lance?” Allura asked. The question startled Lance out of his thoughts. I was quietly brooding in the corner, not listening to the conversation.

“What?” Allura cocked her head and shot him a dazzling smile.

“I asked if you wanted to help me?” Lance straightened up. “The others are quite busy, and there’s quite a lot of ground to cover, I mean it could be anywhere in the castle” Lance was nodding before she even finished her question.

“Yeah, of course!” he said quickly. He had been dying to have one on one time with the princess for weeks. “Right now?” he said, already scrambling to his feet. Allura shrugged.

“Now’s as good a time as any” she said, getting up off the couch.

“Do tell me if you find it, Princess” Coran said, looking up from his conversation with Hunk. “I’m interested if it still works” Allura assured him that she would, and then she followed Lance out into the hall.

“Thank you for helping” she said as they walked side by side. Lance had no idea where they were going or what they were doing, but he was excited nonetheless. “We’ll start in the older part of the castle, I’m guess it’s there somewhere” Lance frowned and nodded.

“Uh, what exactly does it look like?” he asked.

“It’s round, about this big” Allura held up her hand, showing that I was about the size of a baseball. “And it’s silver”

“Okay” Lance’s head kept nodding, despite the fact that he was trying to stop it. “And… what does it do again?” he asked. Allura shot him a look.

“You… weren’t paying attention earlier were you?” she asked. Lance blushed and scratched the back of his neck.

“No, I was!” he said defensively. “I- I just… forgot” Allura let out a soft laugh.

“It’s alright” she said as they ventured deeper into the castle. Lance had never gone this far before. He stayed in the main area where everyone hung out. He had no reason to go this far. “It’s just an orb that contains some Altean magic. It recovers memories from deep in your subconscious. Coran needs it so that he can remember how to fix the castle’s engine before it’s too badly damaged” she explained. Lance nodded.

“Alright. Where do we start?”

~ ~ ~

The two of them had been through half a dozen rooms already, none of which Lance had ever been in before, and still hadn’t found the orb. It had been mostly silent aside from occasional sighs of disappointment from Allura when she realized that it wasn’t in the room. Lance was more than a little disappointed. He thought that this would be a good chance for him to really connect with Allura, but she hadn’t spoke to him in almost an hour. His shoulders slumped in disappointment as Allura slowly exited the room and began walking toward the next.

Lance’s heart beat wildly in his chest as he walked by her side, trying to come up with something to say. Anything. All he wanted to do was have a real conversation with her. “Do you miss your father?” Lance mentally smacked himself. Why would he bring that up? He knew that she still missed him. It was something that no one brought up, they were giving her time to grieve.

“Uh…” Allura hesitated. Her steps slowed. “Yes” she said simply. Lance grimaced and hunched his shoulders, inwardly cursing at himself for brining it up. He was getting ready to apologize when she spoke again. “I do still miss him, but it doesn’t hurt as much now. It’s more… I don’t know” she shook her head. “I’m not sure how to describe it” Lance nodded in understanding.

“You still miss him and love him, but he’s not constantly on your mind. It makes it feel better and worse, like it’s good that you’re moving on, but you feel like you’re betraying him because it doesn’t hurt anymore” Allura turned to Lance in surprise.

“Yes, exactly” she said, her eyes full of some emotion that Lance couldn’t quite place. “You miss your family” she said. It was a statement, not a question. Everyone knew that Lance missed his family like crazy. He talked about it every day when he first arrived in space. Now he internalized most of his feelings, finding that he had no one to talk to. Everyone paired off, leaving Lance alone. Hunk had Pidge, Keith had Shiro, Allura had Coran. Lance had no one.

“Yeah” Lance scratched the back of his neck as Allura turned into the next room. It was different from any of the rooms that they had been in before. The others were small bedrooms that were used for storage, but this room was a kitchen. It was bigger than the one that they used. There were stoves lined up in the middle of the room, and the walls were lined with counters and storage spaces. “I- I think about them a lot. But… not so much anymore. I feel like… like…” Lance trailed his hand across one of the counters, lost in thought for a moment.

“I completely understand” Allura said from across the room. Lance leaned up against the counter and watched Allura for a moment. She crouched down and looked in the cabinet before closing it and moving on to the next. “Sometimes I feel like my father would be sad that I moved on so quickly, but I try to remind myself that I’m moving on so that I can save the universe. I’m doing this for him”

“I try to think of my family when I get back. How proud they will be of me after I help save the universe” he said, his voice shaking slightly “That’s the only way I can get through the day sometimes” Allura turned and peered at Lance curiously. Lance glanced away self-consciously.

“I hope you can return to your family soon” Allura said before turning back to the cabinet in front of her. Lance crossed his arms and shuffled his feet.

“Thanks” Lance turned and began searching the cabinets behind him.

The two of them searched through dozens of rooms, rummaging through piles and piles of junk, some stacked to the ceiling. They had been working together for hours. A part of Lance hoped that they would never find it, so they could continue spending time together, exploring the castle.

Lance and Allura began chatting idly after that. They talked about everything and nothing before lapsing into a comfortable silence. This time Lance didn’t even mind that they weren’t speaking.

“Where is it?” Allura grumbled. She leaned back with a sigh and then began pulling back her hair and tying it up in a ponytail. Lance watched Allura for a moment. She was beautiful. Lance’s heart ached as he watched her tie up her long white hair, pushing it behind her ears. He felt something like longing in his chest.

“I don’t think it’s in here” Lance said, breaking his gaze away from the princess. Allura stood up and brushed off her dress.

“No, I don’t think it is”

“Let’s move to the next room” Lance turned and followed Allura. “This way” Allura said as they turned down another hallway, moving to the next room to search. It had to be the middle of the night, Lance thought, but he didn’t mind. He ignored the exhaustion tugging at his body and pressed on. He would search for a week if it meant getting to spend time with the princess.

They walked through a huge doorway and into the biggest room that Lance had ever seen. The ceiling was made entirely out of glass. The room was at the very end of the ship, so the glass ceiling curved down into one of the walls, creating a beautiful window to the stars. The universe stretched out in front of Lance as far as he could see. Lance walked out into the middle of the room, marveling at the scene in front of him. He was in complete awe of it.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it” Allura said, moving to stand next to him. “This is the ballroom” her voice echoed through the room. “People came from all across the universe to attend the dances. They were… they were extravagant” She breathed. “We would prepare for weeks, cleaning, decorating, preparing food. Everyone had fun. The food, the music” Allura’s eyes went glassy as she recounted her memory. “I still remember my first dance. It was only a few years old. My father brought my right out here,” Allura gestured to where they were standing. “And he took my hand…” she tailed off, lost in through for a moment before turning to Lance, her hand outstretched. Lance shakily put his hand in hers. “We danced for hours, I never wanted that night to end” she pulled Lance closer to her chest and looped one arm around his neck. Lance placed his free hand on her waist and they began swaying back and forth to the tune of invisible music.

“Allura…” Lance said breathlessly. He had never seen her like this. So vulnerable.

“You’re different then I thought you would be, Lance” Allura said, her voice barely audible. “When I first met you I- I don’t know what I thought. But you’re not anything like that. You’re… you’re thoughtful. You’re caring” A sad smile thought tugged at the corner of her mouth. “You’re the only one who has asked about my father. Everyone else tiptoes around me like they’re walking on eggshells. All I want to do is just… talk with someone. Share my feelings”

“You- you can share with me, Princess” Lance said. Allura’s eyes locked with his. “I’m available any time if you want to talk” Her expression softened. They had drifted closer at some point. Lance could feel Allura’s breath on his face.

“Lance…” She said, her voice changing suddenly. “I—” She abruptly cut off as her gaze was drawn elsewhere. “Oh!” she exclaimed suddenly. She rushed past Lance. Lance’s heart sank in disappointment. Lance turned and followed Allura with his eyes. “Here it is!” she said, clasping her hands together in excitement.

Sitting on a pedestal near the edge of the room was a gleaming silver orb.

“Are- are you sure that’s it?” Lance stuttered, praying that it wasn’t. He wasn’t ready for this night to end. He wanted more time with her. He needed more time with her. What was she about to say to him?

“Yes!” she said excitedly. She took the smooth object in her hands and—

Her whole body seized, and the orb fell from her hands and rolled away. “Allura!” Lance shouted as he rushed to her side, catching her before she collapsed on the floor. She slumped into his arms. Her head lulled onto his chest before her eyes finally fluttered open.

“Lance…?” she breathed delicately. The way she said his name sent a shiver down Lance’s spine. It was so soft, so familiar.

“What happened?” he asked quietly, adjusting his grip on her to keep from falling over.

“I- I forgot how much the orb takes out of you. It’s exhausting, really” Allura shook her head and then stood up, pulling out of Lance’s grip. “Thank you” she said, brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes.

“But what… what was that” Allura nodded to the orb, which had rolled a few feet away.

“The orb. It- it transports you to the memory that is repressed in your mind” Lance smiled at her. “I saw a memory of my father” Allura said, a smile stretching across her face. Lance bent down to pick up the orb.

“What happened in your memory?” he asked.

“My father- Lance! Don’t touch-!” As Lance’s fingers wrapped around the orb his body went limp and everything went black.

‘Lance walked around the corner toward the hangar, the question heavy on his tongue. He froze as his eyes landed on the sight in front of him. The words died on his lips. It felt like the whole world stopped around him.

Allura, locked in an embrace with Lotor. He was saying something to her. She leaned back, her eyes filled with something… something that looked like love. Lotor dipped his head down and…’

Lance woke up on the floor, Allura kneeling down at his side. She laughed lightly.

“Are you alright?” she asked. “I told you, the orb takes a lot out of you” Lance kept his expression neutral as he sat up. His chest felt tight, like he couldn’t get enough air.

“I’m fine” he said coolly.

“What memory did you see?” Allura asked. “Was it something important?” Lance shrugged as he climbed to his feet.

“Uh, not really” he lied. “Hey, if that’s everything, I’m… I’m going to head to bed” Allura blinked and took a step back.

“O- oh” she frowned slightly. She had been enjoying her time with Lance as well, and she didn’t know what brought on his sudden change in attitude. “Alright… Thank you again, Lance, for helping me” Allura said, picking up the orb through the material of her dress, careful not to touch it with her skin.

“Yeah, no problem” Lance said quietly, not looking her in the eyes.

The whole evening was bittersweet for Lance. He really enjoyed his time with Allura, but he knew that she would never feel the same way that he felt.


	83. Folie A Deux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Folie A Deux - A shared delusion. Lance has a darkness inside of him, one that he has suppressed for a long time. But what happens when he meets someone with the same darkness?
> 
> A/N: Let me just tell you, the Minute I have time to write again, y'all are going to cry. I have so many angsty ideas.
> 
> Trigger warnings: blood, torture, mutilation, murder, death
> 
> [WARNING: THIS FIC IS HIGHLY DISTURBING, PROCEED WITH CAUTION]

Lance wasn't sure how it all started.

He always knew that he had a sick mind. But he was always able to keep it under control. He dismissed the idea and made himself think of something different. But up here in space, surrounded by war and death. . . He didn't know when the thoughts manifested in his mind again. They scared him at first, but soon the darkness spread until there was nothing he could do but indulge them. 

Then one day after a particularly long mission, in a moment of vulnerability, Lance confessed to Keith that he believed the Garla soldiers deserved more than just death. Keith had been confused at first, asking Lance what he meant. Lance became self-conscious, having not meant to say it outloud, and quickly ended the conversation. 

Keith wouldn't let it go away, however. He persisted, asking Lance about anytime they were alone together. Lance was hesitant at first, afraid that Keith was making fun of him. But soon enough he realized that Keith was serious. Lance explained that he thought that the manner in which they killed the Galra was too nice. They deserved worse. Much worse. They should suffer for everything they did to the universe and the people in it. They all should suffer. 

Soon they were staying up all night talking about ways that they would kill the Galra if they had the chance. Shooting them was too quick, they decided. To easy. They should feel the same pain that they inflicted on innocent people. After a month of this Lance realized something. Keith had the same twisted thoughts that he did.

Somehow it escalated from there.

The first time was in the castle. "Lance," Keith hissed after the others had left the hangar. Lance looked up as he discarded the last piece of his armor. "Come here" he motioned for Lance to join him in front of the red lion. Lance frowned and walked over to him.

"What?" he asked.

"Shh!" Keith whispered, glancing around the room again. "I- I have to show you something" he said quietly. Lance saw something in Keith's eyes that let him know that what he was about to see scared and excited him. Lance followed him into the lion, intrigued. Keith led Lance through the dark passage way to the back storage room. They were never used for anything except to keep a few emergency supplies incase they got stranded somewhere in their lions.

"What is it?" Lance asked as the door slid open, revealing the dark, nearly-empty storage room. Keith waited until the two of them were in the room and the door had closed behind him before he moved toward the object in the middle of the room. He leaned down and did something before flipping the light switch on the wall. Lance stared down in shock at a Galran soldier, bound and gagged. He seemed to be unconscious.

"Wh--" Lance couldn't even get any words out. Keith shuffled to Lance's side. They both stared down at the soldier.

"He, uh, he was hiding outside my lion waiting to ambush me" Keith explained. "I saw him before he realized I was there. I knocked him out and then. . . I don't know what happened. But- The next thing I knew I was tying him up and throwing him in here. No one knows he's here" Keith's voice was barely audible. The only other sound was the heavy breathing coming from the Galran. "I was about to shoot him but then. . .I- I started thinking about what we talked about the other day. About them deserving more than a quick death. . ." Keith began to ramble because he was nervous about Lance's silence. "I know you wanted to- I thought that maybe you- you would want to- I don't know why. . . I don't- I shouldn't have--" Lance reached over and put his hand on Keith's shoulder without ever looking away from the Galran.

"You did this for me?" he asked softly. Keith nodded.

"Yeah" Lance quickly turned and lifted himself up on his tiptoes so he could press his lips to Keith's cheek and then moved away.

"Thank you" 

Lance wasn't sure who made the first cut. Or the second. His mind was a haze of red. There was so much adrenaline running through his veins. Lance held his breath as he drug the knife across the Galra soldier's skin. He was faintly aware of a sound of screams around him. 

Soon, the soldier passed out from the pain as Lance continued to carve into his skin. Lance felt that it was too merciful for him to not be aware of the pain, but there was nothing he could do about it. 

Lance straightened back up, the bloodied knife still clutched in his hand. He wiped a smear of blood off his face as he panted, looking down at the now-mutilated body. The soldier was still hanging on, his chest rising and falling, though shallowly. Lance felt his mouth curve up slightly as he stared down at the mess he had made. 

"Wow" Keith breathed. Lance jumped slightly. He had forgotten he was there. Keith dropped the knife that he was holding and strode across the small space in two bounds. He put his hand on the back of Lance's neck and pulled his lips down onto his. Lance was out of breath when they parted. He was speechless.

"Let's do it again" Keith breathed, his eyes sparkling. 

~ ~

The two became inseparable after that. They were almost never seen apart. They began eating together, training together, they even moved into the same room. The others knew that something was up, but they had no idea why Keith and Lance were acting so strangely. 

Meanwhile, Lance and Keith were spinning out of control. Every moment that they were torturing and killing the enemy they were locked in each others arms talking about how they were going to do it the next time. Anytime they had a mission one of them would knock out a soldier and smuggle them into the storage room in their lion, then that night they found new and creative ways to inflict pain on them in a way that they deserved. They flayed and dismembered, eviscerated and decapitated. The more they killed the closer they became. They were practically joined at the hip. One knew what the other was going to do before he did it. Their minds and bodies were totally in sync.

Lance and Keith were expressing their darkness with the only person in the world who shared it, they were torturing the guilty people who had tortured and killed an unimaginable number of people, and they were and they were doing it without anyone knowing.

Everything was going perfectly. 

Until one time, it didn't.

Lance and Keith had headed to their room after torturing their latest victim. They had to make sure they had cleaned themselves of blood before anyone saw them. The others were all eating dinner in the kitchen when they heard it. A loud thud coming from the hallway. 

"What was th--" Hunk didn't even have time to get the sentence out of his mouth before the door creaked open, revealing a shuddering figure behind it. Everyone lept out of their chairs, aiming their guns and the quivering man.

"Ple-ase" he choked out, blood dribbling down his chin. "Help- me" he collapsed into a heap on the ground, blood pouring out of every inch of him. The paladins stared at him in shock. They were horrified and confused. Where had he come from? How had he gotten on the ship? Who had done this to him?

~ ~

Lance brushed Keith's hair out of his eyes and smiled at him. "All clean" he announced. Keith put his hand over Lance's and held it against his cheek. He put his other hand on Lance's hip and guided him closer. He stole a quick kiss from him and then shuddered.

"Today was amazing" he said, his eyes glazed over. Lance's grin widened. "I can't wait to do it again" Lance leaned into Keith's touch. "The way you dug your knife into his skin..." Lance's eyes fluttered closed. "Deeper, and deeper. I could almost feel it on my own skin"

"Mmhm" Lance bit his lip as he imagined it. "Where would you do it?" he asked. Keith brushed his hand against Lance's throat. 

"Here" he said. He slid his hand down to Lance's collarbone. "Here" Keith curled his fingers so he could drag his nails across Lance's skin. Lance arched his back, leaning further into Keith's touch. Keith stopped abruptly and took a step back. Lance frowned in confusion.

"What is it--"

"Lance, can I asked you something" he whispered. Lance nodded. "This... this thing that we do. To them" he began. His voice shook as he tried to find the right words. "It's just for us, right?" Lance frowned and pulled away slightly.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"The- the cutting. The mutilating. It's because you... you like it, right? Not because they deserve it. You like it" Keith's voice grew louder with each word. He grew more confident when he noticed the look on Lance's face. "You like the feeling. The blood." Keith stepped toward Lance. "But it's not enough for you. It's never enough. You crave more. You need more" Lance shifted uncomfortably. He was ashamed of the way he felt. He disguised his desires as seeking revenge, thinking that Keith would be more likely to join him. He never knew it but he needed someone to be like him. Someone who knew who he was on the deepest level, and tell him that it was okay.

"I- I'm--" Lance didn't know what to say. Shame crept up his neck. Keith took another step forward until his mouth was hovering over Lance's ear.

"I feel it too" Lance's eyes snapped shut. Keith's hands found their way to Lance's hips. 

"Say it again" Lance said shakily. 

"I want to hurt. I want to bleed. I want you to do it" Lance felt electrified like he had touched a live wire. He could tell Keith could feel it too. "We should do it together"

Lance never thought he would find someone with the same darkness that he had inside of him.

~ ~

"I put him in the pod" Shiro said as he rejoined the group in the hall. "He's badly hurt, but he'll survive"

"How did this happen?" Allura mused. "How did he get on the ship?" Shiro shifted nervously.

"He, uh, he woke up just before I put him in the pod" he said, his voice uncertain. "All he managed to say was... 'they did it'. I asked him who he was talking about and he said 'they're messed up'." 

"Who's 'they'?" Hunk asked. They all fell silent for a moment and then seemingly at the same time they all realized who was missing. 

"Where are..." Pidge's eyes widened. "They- they wouldn't do this. Right?" she asked. "They couldn't. Could they?"

"But why would they do this?" Hunk asked. "I mean, they have been acting strange lately... And they've gotten weirdly close... I mean I can't pretend I haven't noticed them sleeping in the same room"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's not get ahead of ourselves" Shiro said, putting his hands up. "Why don't we just ask them ourselves before we start blaming them" The group headed down the hall to the room that Lance and Keith had been sharing. Pidge pulled ahead of them and burst into the room without even knocking.

"Hey, we need to talk to you--" she froze in her place, every inch of her going cold. The sight in front of her was so bizarre that her brain couldn't even comprehend it.

Lance and Keith were laying in a pile on the floor, blood pouring out of slashes on every inch of their bodies. There was a knife clutched in each of their hands. They were both disemboweled, the intestines and organs hanging out of their bodies. Their limbs intertwined, their blood mixing on the floor.

No one said a word. What could you say after seeing that? No one moved to help them. They were dead. There was no way they could be alive like that.

They were dead. Leaving the others to wonder who did this. What had happened.

But they would never know.


	84. Russian Roulette

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: For a Langst prompt, could you do one where the team walks in on Lance playing Russian Roulette.
> 
> A/N: Sorry for taking so long with this one!
> 
> Trigger warnings: attempted suicide

Lance found the gun in the training room after putting away equipment. No one else was in the room when he stowed it in the waistband of his jeans. He hid it in the bottom drawer of his dresser underneath a pile of clothes. He didn't know why he took it. He just did.

It was weeks before he thought of it again. His mental state was spiraling out of control. The missions that he had been on as of late had gone bad, really bad. More people died than they could save. He felt helpless. Everything he tried to do failed. He was tired. There was nothing he could do. He had so little control over his life. He wasn't sure he could go on like this anymore.

Then he remembered the gun.

Lance pulled it out and examined it. He had hardly looked at it before now. After messing around with it for a minute he realized that it was a six barrel revolver.

That's when he got the idea.

He quickly shoved the gun back into the drawer and slammed it shut. He had no idea where that thought had come from. He was afraid of it. He didn't want to die. He didn't.

Things kept spiraling from there. 

The missions got harder and harder. The days felt like they were getting longer. Lance could feel his spirit growing weaker. He felt like he had no reason to live. Everything was so hard. Nothing he did mattered. 

The thought came back. 

This time, he didn't ignore it.

~ ~

One in six. He had a one in six chance of dying. 

Lance closed his eyes, his finger hovering over the trigger. The anticipation was exhilarating. A one in six chance that he was about to die. That his pain would be over. His hands shook, the barrel scraping against the skin of his cheek. He licked his lips and steadied himself. 

Before he even had a chance to pull the trigger the door opened. "Hey, Lance we were wondering if you wanted to go with us to--" Pidge abruptly cut off. Everyone was standing behind her in the doorway, frozen in shock. Lance calmly kept his hand to his head. He couldn't feel anything.

"Lance," Shiro said as he stepped around Pidge, his eyes wide. "Put- put the gun down" he said, raising his hands as he cautiously inched toward him. Lance adjusted his grip on the gun.

"It's not what it looks like" Lance said, his voice and face devoid of emotion. Shiro stopped moving.

"Then- Why- why don't you put the gun down and explain to me what's happening" he said, waving his hand behind his back, motioning for the others to leave. The silently did, fear on each of their faces.

"I'm not trying to kill myself" he said. "I'm not suicidal. I swear" Shiro frowned as he stared at Lance. He seemed weirdly calm. 

"Then why do you have a gun?" he asked quietly. Lance glanced to the side and then back at Shiro without answering. "Lance, what are you doing?"

"I'm taking control of my life" he said. One in six. He had a one in six chance of dying at any moment. Lance tightened his grip, steeled his nerves and held his breath. When Shiro realized there was no talking Lance out of his he dove toward the boy. Lance knew that Shiro was going to wrestle the gun out of his hand after the first shot. 

Lance held his breath, pulled the trigger and--


	85. Bully

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Lance finds out that his bully from the garrison died and he's not sure how to feel about it.
> 
> A/N: Reposting this here because this compilation finally got unprivated! I'm going to be posting my prompts here again instiead of the other place so I'll be deleting the other compilation soon.
> 
> Trigger warnings: bullying

"What about... Anderson?" Lance said, trying to keep his face neutral. His heart was pounding in his chest so hard he was afraid the others would hear it. Iverson frowned slightly and then checked his tablet. He typed for a minute and then peered up at Lance sadly. Lance's heart leapt into his throat.

"I'm so sorry" he said sadly. "Anderson died in the first attack" Something shifted inside Lance's chest it was like a weight was finally lifted from him. He could breathe again. In a moment of total relief Lance made the mistake of opening his mouth.

"Oh, good" he said with a sigh. Pidge made a face of shock and horror.

"Jesus, Lance" she said sharply. "He's fucking dead. Now is not the time for your jokes" And, just like that, the weight was dropped back on him. Slamming into him so hard he couldn't breathe. Tears weld up in Lance's eyes. He balled up his fists and slunk away from the group.

"You wanna tell me what that was about?" Keith asked, following Lance outside the building. Lance pressed himself up against the rough brick wall and scrubbed his eyes, trying to erase any trace of tears from them. He knew it was pointless. His eyes were probably red.

"No" he said shortly. Keith shoved his hands into his pocket and leaned against the wall next to Lance. He looked around them at the garrison. It was weird being back. It was weird for all of them.

"Okay" he said with a shrug. "But I'll be here in case you change your mind" Lance wiped his nose on his sleeve and hunched over, watching as a few more tears dripped off his face and into the dirt between his feet. He fidgeted with his hands, unsure of what to do with them.

"I—" Lance began to speak, and then abruptly cut off. He straightened up, resting his head against the wall behind him, staring off into the distance.

"It's okay" Keith said gently. "You can tell me anything. I'm not going to judge you" Lance grit his teether and scratched his arm anxiously.

"I wasn't trying to be mean" he explained. "But also... I don't care that he's dead" his voice trailed off as he spoke. "I'm glad Anderson's gone"

"I don't remember Anderson" Keith said after a few moments, not knowing what to say. He didn't know what Lance's relationship with him was. He had no idea why Lance was reacting this way to his death.

"Lucky you" Lance huffed. He crossed his arms tightly over his chest and kept his eyes forward. Keith cocked his head as he watched Lance. He kept fidgeting and he could see that Lance's jaw kept clenching and unclenching. "He- he was a dick" he said.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Lance said flatly. "He liked to start shit for no reason. He picked on anyone who he considered 'less' than him, which was anyone who was slightly different. And of course, he was a good kid, so the teachers didn't believe m- the people who he picked on. They were different, of course they were going to get 'teased.'" Lance narrowed his eyes, his muscles flexing unconsciously. "Anderson was a good kid, and very helpful, he was smart, and athletic, and a good pilot, so how could he ever- ever do or say something hurtful to someone!?" Lance spat. His chest was heaving. Keith put his hand on Lance's shoulder, trying to calm him down.

"So, he was a bully?" he asked when Lance's breath evened out.

"Yeah. He- he was a bully" he said quietly. "He didn't bully that many kids, just a few of the nerds, a group of gay kids, and- and me" he said, his cheeks flushing. "Mostly... mostly me. I don't know why. He hated me" Keith furrowed his eyebrows.

"What did he do?" he asked gently.

"He- he sent stupid texts to me. Telling me that no one liked me. He dropped notes in my locker sometimes, calling me a... a fag and that I should kill myself" Keith's eyes widened. "Somehow, every time I was in the hallway... he was there. With his group of friends. Waiting for me. A few times they... they caught me in the locker room after P.E. and they would beat me up and steal my clothes." Lance's voice trailed off until Keith had to strain to hear it. "They made my life hell"

"Jesus" Keith breathed. Lance straightened up and dropped his arms suddenly.

"So... yeah. I'm not sad that he died" Lance said with a sense of finality. Keith blew out a breath.

"Wow" he said, dumbfounded. He had no idea this was going on. Lance had never made any indication that this had happened.

Lance's face broke and he choked down a sob. Keith stayed silent, allowing Lance to collect his thoughts. "I feel... I feel guilty. Should I be sad?" he whispered. Keith didn't know how to respond. He didn't know how he'd feel in that situation. "Am I a bad person for feeling this way?"

"I don't... I don't know..." he said honestly, placing his hand on Lance's back, trying to comfort him. "I don't know"


	86. Satisfied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Lance has everything he's ever wanted in life. 
> 
> A/N: P.s. if you didn't know I posted a sequel for my fic Inner Thoughts so go check it out if you haven't read it already !!
> 
> Trigger warning: suicidal thoughts, self harm

Lance has never wanted much. As child he craved attention. He craved love and validation for all the hard work he did. As a teenage, Lance feared that this would never happen. At the garrison he was constantly ignored, even though he worked hard and improved rapidly. He was one of the top pilots there, and still, no one recognized him. Even his rival couldn't remember his name.

But then that all changed.

When he became a paladin of Voltron people began to notice his hard work. They praised him for his skills and his accomplishments. People across the universe know who he is. They cheer for him in the streets when he steps out of his lion. Their praises fill his chest with warmth. It climbs up his throat and spills over his mouth in the form of a smile. Every comment, every acknowledgement of his skills were like a weight lifted off his chest.

Lance had never been happier.

His teammates even saw Lance for who he really was. They supported him and appreciate him for everything he brought to the team. They noticed his strengths. They laughed at his jokes, they didn't call him annoying or think he was a bother, like so many had before. 

Everything in Lance's life was going exactly the way he wanted it to.

"Amazing job today, Lance" Shiro said, patting Lance on the back. "Seriously, we couldn't have done that without you and your sharpshooting abilities" Lance beamed. 

"Thanks" he said. "You did amazing too. I mean, that swingy move with your robot arm?" Lance swung his arm down in front of him, imitating what he had seen Shiro do earlier. "That was awesome!" Shiro laughed at Lance's impression of him.

"Thank you" He crossed his arms. "You should get some rest before training tomorrow. Seriously, you did some good work today" Lance grinned and glanced at his feet bashfully. 

"Okay, I will. And thank you" Lance turned and headed down the hall to his room, the smile still on his face. He passed Hunk and Pidge as he walked. 

"Heading to bed?" Hunk asked. Lance nodded.

"Yeah, gotta rest up before training tomorrow" he flexed his arm with a smirk. "Don't get this way by sleepin' in" Pidge snorted.

"Okay, see you in the morning" Hunk said, waving at him. Lance nodded and continued on to his room. Lance turned the corner and headed to his room, the smile still bright on his face. 

After entering his room Lance busied himself with his nighttime routine. He grabbed a fresh change of clothes and then headed into the bathroom. He put the clothes in the bathroom counter and then paused.

Everything was going Lance's way. Everything was perfect. Lance couldn't think of a single thing that he could ever want.

Lance stared at himself in the mirror, watching how his bright smile dimmed until it slipped completely off his face. Here, in the silence of his room, he could let everything fall away.

Lance had everything he could ever ask for.

And it still wasn't enough.

Without another thought Lance reached into the bottom drawer next to his sink and pulled out the blade. He lifted the hem of his shirt and stared at the rows and rows that lined his stomach. Some were fresh, the skin around the jagged scars was raised slightly. Lance ran his finger across a particularly large one. He felt numb. 

He didn't understand it. He had everything he'd ever wanted. He had people who loved and cared for him, and yet he was still unhappy. It wasn't enough. He faked it as much as he could, hoping that maybe someday it would be true, but it didn't work. Nothing worked. Lance cut himself just to feel something.

With a quick flick of the wrist Lance ran the blade across his skin, slicing it open. He sucked in a sharp breath and then dropped the blade onto the counter. As Lance watched his blood drip down his body and onto the floor, he considered ending it all. What was the point of being alive anymore? Before he could tell himself that if he could just hold on a little while longer, just until he had this or that. Until people respected him. Until people took him seriously. Until someone loved him. But now, now that Lance had all that and more, he had no more excuses. He was living day to day, waiting for night. Waiting for a few hours of sleep when he got a reprieve from everything.

He had everything.

Why wasn't it enough?


	87. Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Lance falls asleep on Keith cus they are running from something. And, they are hiding so they take turns watching for anyone to come. (Or they are just stuck somewhere) So, Keith ends up like making sure lance is warm enough and just trying to take care of him a panicking that he'll wake up because he actually is really touch starved and lance makes a really nice blanket. Or vise versa...
> 
> A/N: When will I learn that writing claustrophobic fics makes me supremely uncomfortable : )
> 
> Trigger warnings: claustrophobia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.s. in case you didn't know when I put 'Prompt' before the fic description that means that someone requested it and sent it to me and if it says "Summary" that means that I came up with the idea :3

"I'm claustrophobic" Lance announced very loudly and very suddenly. Keith hissed at him to be quite from his crouched position near the rock wall.

"Lance, just get in. This is the only place to hide" he whispered frantically. "Get in before they see us!" Lance stared at the small opening against the ground in fear, unable to move. Keith could hear the footsteps of the Galra soldiers growing louder. "Lance!" Keith pleaded. Lance grit his teeth and got on his hands and knees. He dragged himself through the small opening, his heart pounding in his throat. He felt like his chest was going to explode.

"I'm going to die. I'm going to die" Lance chanted under his breath. He groaned as his chest scraped against the ground below him, and his head bumped against the rock ceiling. There was barely enough room for him to pull himself through. Lance couldn't breathe. His eyes stung as he gasped for breath, still inching his way through the tunnel. Finally, after what felt like hours, Lance emerged into the cavern, if it could even be considered that. The space was barely big enough for Lance and Keith to sit up side by side.

"What are you muttering?" Keith groaned as he settled down next to Lance. He pulled out his tablet, presumably to let Allura know how they were doing. He huffed in frustration and shoved it back into his pocket after realizing that the signal didn’t reach them.

"There's no real reason why this space is here" Lance continued, his eyes wide as he stared at his hands, trying to forget where he was and the fact that the top of his head kept brushing against the ceiling. "The rocks above us should've pushed downward and crushed this space. We're going to slowly be crushed to death. All the air. . ." Keith turned slowly toward Lance as he realized what he was mumbling about. "Slowly being pushed out of our body as our bones snap from the pressure. . ." Lance trailed off, traumatized by his own brain.

"Jesus" Keith breathed. "Why would you even say that right now? That's not funny--" He said with a frown. At that exact moment panic swelled in Lance's chest. He gripped his throat in fear and began gasping for air.

"I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe" he gasped. He tugged on the collar of his armor.

"L- Lance?" Keith reached his hand over and then pulled it back. "Wait, are you actually claustrophobic?" he asked dumbly. Lance was sweating profusely, and his entire body was shaking as he tried to breathe. He was getting paler and paler by the minute.

"That's what I fucking told you" Lance snapped. He pressed his hand to his forehead and groaned. "Not. Trying to be mean" he said brokenly. His heart felt like it was trying to crawl up his throat.

"I- Uh, I…" Keith stuttered, trying to figure out what to do. "Lance you need to breathe" he said frantically. Lance’s eyes widened when he heard the panic in Keith’s voice. Keith clenched his fists and took a deep breath himself. Freaking out was not going to help Lance, he needed to stay calm. But Keith didn’t even know if he could help Lance. Was there anything he could do to calm him down or should he just get him out of there? “I think we should—” Just as he was about to suggest getting out, he heard a voice outside. He froze. Lance was whimpering as his eyes flitted back and forth around the small space.

“Look at me” Keith said slowly. He was keeping his voice as low as he could. Lance’s eyes flickered to Keith’s face. “Lance, I know you’re scared” he said gently. “I wish there was another option, but we don’t have one” he was trying to keep Lance as calm as possible. If they crawled out of there, they were dead. He just needed to keep Lance from passing out. “Do you understand?” Lance closed his eyes for a moment and jerkily nodded his head.

“Uh-huh” he breathed. Keith put his hand on Lance’s arm. Lance’s eyes shot open and he stared at Keith’s hand.

“Can you tell me what you’re feeling?” he asked.

“I feel like- I can’t- Breathe” he said in between gasps. Keith shushed him as he began rubbing his hand on Lance’s arm, reminding him that he was there.

“Is there something that someone would do for you when you felt like this?” he asked. Lance flexed his fingers against his thighs and cracked his neck. His head brushed against the ceiling as he did, and he let out a squeak and then folded himself in half, burying his face in his leg.

“My- my mom” his voice cracked as he spoke. “She- she would lay my head in- in her lap and she’d play with my hair” he admitted weakly. Keith looked down at Lance helplessly. He looked terrified.

“Would it be okay if… if I did that for you?” Keith asked. “If you think it would help” he added. Lance hesitated a moment and then nodded. Keith crossed his legs and then waited until Lance was ready. It took Lance a few seconds to work up the courage to move. He turned on his side, laid his head in Keith’s lap and curled his legs into his body, hugging his arms around them. Keith immediately began running his fingers through Lance’s hair. Lance’s chest was rapidly rising and falling as he tried to steady his breathing. The cavern was quiet for a while, save for Lance’s whimpers and the faint sound of voices outside.

“Tell me how you’re feeling” Keith said a while later. Lance’s breath had evened out substantially, though he occasionally began panicking again.

“B- better” Lance managed to get out. “Still… hard” Keith nodded as he continued to rub Lance’s shoulder with one hand and play with his hair with the other.

“Keep breathing” Keith said. “You’re going to be okay” Lance nodded stiffly. Keith fell silent for a moment, trying to hear if the soldiers were still outside looking for them. It was quiet, but he still felt it would be safe if they waited a while longer. “Lance, why don’t you try and get some sleep. It might be a bit before we can leave” he said. Lance turned slightly so he could see Keith’s face.

“But what about you?” he asked. Keith smiled at him softly.

“Don’t worry about me” he said. Lance frowned. “I’ll be okay” he assured Lance. Lance slowly nodded and then rolled back over. Keith went back to stroking Lance’s hair. It was not only calming Lance down, but it was soothing Keith as well.

It took a while but finally Lance began to drift off to sleep. Keith went completely still as Lance's eyes fluttered closed. His lips parted slightly, and a quiet snore spilled out of his mouth. Keith waited a few more seconds until he was sure that Lance was asleep before he relaxed. He slowed his hand and let out a slow breath, completely exhausted. He didn't know if the Galra soldiers were still outside, or how long they were going to have to hide there.

He was just glad his friend was okay.


	88. The Choices You Make

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Lance has a choice to make. Only he doesn't know what it is, or what the consequences are.
> 
> A/N: Whattup I have a hundred prompts in my inbox but instead I wrote this bullshit. I hope you're all having a wonderful month.
> 
> Trigger warnings: injury, blood, death

"Choose" The voice sent shivers down Lance's spine. It seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Lance looked around at the darkness that had spread around him, stretching into nothingness. He was paralyzed in fear. He couldn't move. Couldn't speak. "Choose" the voice boomed, somehow louder this time. Lance's head felt like it was going to split in two.

"Wh- Who's there?" he managed to get out. His throat felt like it was closing up. He was sweating and shivering at the same time. He felt a wave of emotions rush over him, though they ran by so quick he couldn't identify them. Every hair on his body was standing on end. His heart rate had slowed almost to a stop, even though he knew it should be racing.

"Choose" the voice repeated, instead of answering Lance's question. Lance's head was nudged to the right where he saw seven colored buttons, like ones from a gameshow, resting on a table. Lance moved closer to inspect them. This time, his body moved when he wanted it to. Lance bent over and examined the objects on the table. They were colored, black, red, blue, green, yellow, pink, and orange. They were lit up, and contained the only light in the room. Lance shook his head and craned his neck, trying to find the voice.

"I don't understand" he said in confusion. "What am I doing here?" 

"Choose" Lance threw up his hands in irritation.

"Can I get a little more detail!?" he shouted.

"Choose one" Lance glared at the ceiling. 

"Can I leave if I choose one?" he asked. The voice stayed silent. He shook his head and grumbled to himself. He slid his eyes over the buttons and then let out a noise of exasperation. He didn't understand what this meant. After a few more minutes of Lance proding the voice for answers, and receiving none, Lance crossed his arms and poked a random button. 

The light brightened as the others faded away. Lance shielded his eyes with his hand as the light continued to brighten, illuminating the room further. Beyond the light was more darkness. Lance stumbled back as the room grew brighter and brighter until Lance was enveloped in the bright red glow.

Then everything went black.

~ ~

"Lance. . . Lance, get up" Pidge shook Lance to wake him up. Lance groaned as his head lolled over onto his shoulder. He snorted in a very unattractive way and then shot up, staring wide eyed at Pidge.

"What? I'm awake! What?" he looked around and found that he was in the common room, sitting on the couch. His neck ached from sleeping while sitting up. He rubbed it as he pulled himself to his feet.

"Time for training" Pidge said as she left the room. Lance slowly followed her, glancing back at the spot he had just left with a frown.

"What. . . time is it?" Lance asked slowly.

"Late" Pidge said. "We started two hours ago. Shiro's been looking for you all morning. Did you sleep there all night?" Pidge asked. Lance furrowed his eyebrows. He honestly couldn't remember.

"I. . . guess" Lance scratched the back of his neck and followed Pidge into the training room. He was hit by the overwhelming scent of blood as he entered the room. He stumbled back, running into Coran who was rushing into the room with a large box.

"What--" Pidge exclaimed. Lance glanced over and saw Shiro standing over Keith. "What the hell happened!?" she exclaimed.

"Keith's hurt-!" Shiro said, panic evident in his voice. Lance saw a pool of blood beginning to run by him. Lance froze.

"Oh my god--"

"I'm fine." Keith insisted, gently pushing Shiro out of the way. "It's just a scratch" Lanced moved closer, now that he knew no one was badly injured, or worse, as he had thought. 

"Hold still" Coran instructed as he knelt down next to Keith. He opened the box and pulled out a dark blue roll of some type of material. Lance's gaze traveled over to Keith, who was sporting a fairly deep cut on his upper arm. It was clear not 'just a scratch'.

"What happened?" Pidge repeated. Coran moved around Keith so he could better reach his injury, forcing Shiro to move out of the way. Shiro's face was pale and he looked like he was going to throw up.

"I- I- I don't know how- We were fighting and- and--" He clenched his fists at his sides and glanced at the sword that was laying a few feet away from them, covered in Keith's blood. "I thought it was a practice sword. . ." he said quietly, his face full of guilt.

"It's not your fault" Keith said, rolling his eyes. "It doesn't even hurt!" His words would've been more convincing if he hadn't tensed and squeezed his eyes shut as Coran wrapped the material around his arm. The dark blue bandage turned orange as soon as it was around Keith's arm, and it tightened until it was hugging his skin, stopping the bleeding.

"There. That should do it" Coran announced.

"Wh- Wait, why aren't you putting him in a pod?" Lance asked, having recovered from the shock of what just happened. Coran's face darkened for a moment.

"It's the strangest thing" he said, scratching his chin. "I checked on them this morning, making sure they were in order, but the powers out on them"

"All of them?" Shiro asked, straightening up.

"Yes" Coran nodded. "Strangest thing" he muttered as he began to pack up his supplies.

"That's. . . not good. Right?" Shiro asked. "Has that ever happened before?" 

"No, it hasn't" Coran replied without lifting his head.

"Should we be worried?" Keith asked, still sitting on the ground.

"No, no, no" Coran said, waving his hand at Keith. "Not to be worried. I'm sure. . ." he trailed off for a moment and then shook his head. "I'm sure it's just a fluke in the power system. Should be on any moment now. Nothing to worry about" With that, he grabbed his box and rushed out of the room.

"Good" Shiro said, sighing in relief. "Everything's going to be fine" he said, though Lance couldn't tell if he was trying to reassure them or himself.

"Right, fine" Lance said.

Still, something seemed off.

The rest of the day passed in a flurry of activity. They continued to train, preparing for their next mission which was to happen in a few days. Keith sat on the sidelines with a pout on his face. He hated being excluded, even though it was because he was injured.

Later that night, after dinner and a few hours of just sitting around with everyone, Lance headed off to bed. As he busied himself with his nightly routine his mind wandered back to the dream he had had the previous night. It was so bizarre that Lance couldn't make sense of it. The strange voice, having to choose a button, he didn't understand any of it. After racking his brain for a while Lance recalled that he had pushed the red button before being woken up by Pidge. He shrugged it off and collapsed on his bed, exhausted from the day of training.

As Lance closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, he could see a faint red light shining behind his eyelids.

~ ~

"Choose" Lance's blood ran cold. He was in the dark room again, that seemed to stretch on for miles. In front of him, the seven lights on the table, casting strange shadows all around the endless room.

"Again?" Lance grumbled. He crossed his arms and frowned. He knew that dreams sometimes correlated with something that was happening in his life. Obviously this had something to do with making a decision, but he didn't know what decision it was. There was nothing in his life at that time that had anything to do with making a decision. His life was pretty straightforward at the moment. He slept, he ate, he trained, he fought, and he'd go back to sleep. That was it. No big life changing choices that needed to be made.

Lance shook his head as he stood there in front of the lights. He looked back and forth across the seven lights and slowly came to rest on the pink one. He shrugged his shoulders and pushed it without another thought. The room was immediately bathed in pink light. It was kind of beautiful. Lance cracked a small smile before everything went dark.

~ ~

Lance had almost forgotten about the dreams. He woke up and went about his normal routine that day without anything unusual going on. It wasn't until after dinner that Lance was reminded of the strange dreams that he had been having. Hunk and Pidge had been working on a new weapon all morning, incorporating Altean technology into. They enlisted Allura to help them with the Altean tech. Lance had been nowhere near the room when it happened, but he heard the screams.

He rushed straight to the room, arriving at the same time that Keith did. Shiro and Coran had already entered the room. Again, Lance's nose was hit with the thick scent of blood. His face fell as he braced himself for what he was about to see. 

"Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god" Hunk whimpered over and over to himself. He had his head cradled in his hands, facing the wall. His clothes were splattered in blood. Lance followed the trail of blood on the ground to the source. Allura was sprawled out on the ground, a large metal object resting on her chest. Smaller pieces of metal had splintered from the original object, some protruded from Allura's skin, some were embedded in the wall and floor.

"A- Allura" Pidge said breathlessly, her face a mask of horror. Lance held his breath as he waited for Coran to examine Allura. Before he had finished checking her out she was waking up.

"Wh- What happened?" she moaned as she tried to roll over. Shiro and Keith rushed to her side to pull the heavy metal object off her. She cried out in pain.

"Shh, try not to move, Princess" Coran instructed. He assessed her injuries. He concluded that aside from the minor cuts and bruises from the debris that came off the projectile, and some major bruising to her abdomen, she was alright. 

"So, she's going to be okay?" Hunk asked quietly after Shiro and Coran had carefully moved her to the infirmary where she could be patched up.

"Yeah," Lance murmured, rubbing Hunk's arm comfortingly. "Coran said that she's going to need to stay in bed for a few days to heal, but she's going to be alright" he said. Hunk sniffed and wiped his eyes.

"This is so crazy" he said, his voice muffled through his hands. "The one time the healing pods are down Keith gets hurt, and now Allura? When was the last time any of us got hurt and now it's two days in a row?" 

"Yeah" Lance said, a frown forming on his face. The wheels in his head were turning. It was a weird coincidence. A though tickled the back of his mind, but he quickly forgot it as Keith strode back into the room.

"Is she okay?" Hunk asked lifting his eyes to Keith. Keith scratched the back of his neck with his uninjured arm.

"Yeah, she, uh, yelled at me and said that we all need to get some rest before our mission tomorrow. She said just because she won't be there to boss us around it doesn't mean we can goof off" Lance grinned and pat Hunk on the shoulder.

"See? She's already back to her old self. It's all going to be alright" Hunk's shoulders slumped.

"Yeah, I guess you're right" he said. "But still, it feels like we're cursed or something" Lance laughed nervously and looked away. 

~ ~

Lance opened his eyes and felt his heart drop in his chest. 

Again.

One table. Seven lights. An endless room. The feeling of dread seeping into his bones.

One dream he could shrug off as nothing. Two dreams? Sure. But three dreams in a row? This had to be something, but Lance couldn't figure out what.

"Choose" Lance let out a short breath and shook his head. 

"Why?" he asked. "I don't understand. What is this? What does this all mean?" His voice echoed quietly through the room. After waiting a few minutes of waiting for an answer, Lance stepped up to the table. He examined the buttons, trying to decipher what they meant. Suddenly a thought occurred. "What happens if I don't push one?" he asked. He had to wake up eventually. What happened if his decision tonight was not to decide at all. Would anything change? Would he continue to have these dreams?

"Choose one" the voice boomed. Lance wasn't sure, but it sounded like it was louder than before. Lance crossed his arms defiantly and shook his head.

"No" he said. He took a step back away from the table and waited.

It was a few minutes before he felt it.

It started in his chest. A weird tingling feeling. Soon it spread through his whole body. He could feel it in his toes, his teeth, his head. The tingling slowly morphed into full out burning. Lance dropped his arms and began squirming around, trying to get the feeling to go away. The uncomfortableness rapidly turned to pain. Lance let out a whimper and began scratching his skin. 

"Stop" Lance cried out as the pain became more intense. "Please, stop!" he couldn't take it.

"Choose!" The voice demanded. Lance shook his head harder and then turned and ran from the table, off into the darkness. The ran as fast as he could, but when he turned around, he saw that the table hadn't moved at all. He couldn't get away.

Lance was in tears now. He was struggling to breathe. "Okay!" he said through his tears. "I'll choose, just please make it stop!" Lance lunged forward and slapped the button that was closest to him. He collapsed on the ground as the room was cast in the glow of that light. The pain continued to grow until Lance couldn't move. "I'm sorry!" he sobbed. "I'm sorry I won't do it again! I'm sorry!" Lance dug his fingers into his leg as his vision faded and everything faded to black.

~ ~

Lance was dazed the next day. He could still feel the electricity lingering in his body. Today, unlike the past few, Lance remembered every moment of the dream he had. Every excruciating detail. He had to shake it off though. They had a mission to do.

"Lance what are you doing?" Keith hissed. Lance blinked and looked around. He ducked his head so he was hidden behind the stack of crates. "Are you trying to get killed!?" he asked. Lance muted the intercom. He didn't need to hear his complaints. Lance tightened his grip on his bayard and peeked around the corner. When he was sure the coast was clear and darted across the room to where Shiro was hiding.

"Are you okay?" Shiro asked Lance when he had his back pressed against the wall next to him.

"Uh," Lance cleared his throat. "Yeah" 

"Good. Lance, make sure you're focused. We can't afford to make any mistakes today" Lance nodded. He knew Shiro was just looking out for him. This mission was important. And without Allura there it was going to be that much harder.

"I'm ready" he said firmly. Shiro glanced at Lance cautiously but then nodded. He signaled to Hunk and Pidge to get ready to move. They scanned the room, waiting for the right moment, and then charged toward the door. Hunk and Lance took out some of the guards with their guns from their position at the back of the room, while Shiro and Keith took out the rest in hand to hand combat. Pidge ran through the battle and began hacking into the security system attached to the door.

It only took a few minutes for the paladins to make it the rest of the way through the galra base, taking out soldiers on their way through. Once they made it to the control center Pidge pulled the data that they needed off the computers and they quickly escaped the base before the galra could call for backup.

Lance was in a weird fog the entire mission, and the entire way back. He was so out of it that he almost didn't hear the scream when he stepped out of his lion. He froze when he finally heard it. It was coming from across the hangar. Shiro ran by Lance in the direction of the scream. Lance took off as soon as he saw why Shiro was running.

Pidge was sprawled out on the ground, her forearm snapped into an unnatural angle.

Everyone, save for Allura, was at her side in an instant. Before Lance could even blink Coran and Shiro were moving her to the infirmary. All Lance saw was a protruding bone and the steady drip of blood. When Lance shook off the initial shock he turned to Hunk, who was also in a state of shock.

"Wh- what just happened?" he stuttered. Hunk's face was pale as he stared at the puddle of blood from where Pidge had landed.

"She- she just- she just fell" he said weakly. "She tripped when she was getting out of her lion and- she fell" Hunk shook his head, still staring at the ground. "I- I- We should. . . I should clean this up" he said numbly. Lance got a mop and a bucket and help Hunk clean up the blood before the two headed to the infirmary to see how Pidge was.

Shiro was standing outside the door as Lance and Hunk approached. "How is she?" Hunk asked nervously. 

"Her radius and ulna s- snapped in two places" Shiro said faintly. "Coran says he can put them back in place and that she'll. . . she'll be okay. But she'll have to wear a cast for a while"

"Will this affect Voltron?" Keith asked as he came down the hall. He had gone to let Allura know what had happened.

"I don't think so" Shiro said. She should still be able to fly, as long as she's careful" Keith nodded. 

Lance bit his lip as he took everything in. Three days in a row something had happened. Lance couldn't shrug this off as a coincidence anymore, but he wasn't sure what it was.

It was a few hours later that Coran finally finished the surgery on Pidge. None of them moved from their spot near the door. They all straightened up when Coran opened the door.

"How is she--" Shiro asked, but he was interrupted before he could finish his sentence.

"We're cursed!" Pidge shouted as Coran led her out of the infirmary. Her arm was in a purple cast, and she had a sort of makeshift sling that held it close to her body.

"Pidge, are you alright?" Shiro asked worriedly.

"Cursed!" she repeated her eyes wide.

"Pidge." Coran chastised. "Don't say such things. We're not cursed" Pidge scratched her upper arm, right above where the cast ended.

"Uh, yeah we are" she retorted. "I've been through how many battles, how many fights, and I break my- MOTHER- FUCKING--"

"Calm down" Keith interjected.

"ARM because I TRIPPED" She continued shouting without hesitation. 

"Pidge, you tripped. It's not like a vengeful ghost picked you up and threw you into a wall" Hunk pointed out. "It was a freak accident"

"Freak accident?" Pidge asked. "What about you, Keith?" She asked, pointing to his arm which still had the bandage wrapped securely around it. "Or Allura? She's still on bed rest. Are these all freak accidents? That this all started happening right as the healing pods stopped working?" Everyone fell silent. Lance went completely still. The others continued to talk around him, but he couldn't hear them. The gears in his head started turning. Keith. Allura. Pidge. Keith. . . Allura. . . Pidge. . .

Red. Pink. Green.

Lance's blood ran cold. He felt so stupid. It was so clear now. His dreams. The buttons. Every time he pushed a button that person got hurt. It seemed crazy, but that was what was happening. He was the reason that his friends were getting hurt.

He had to find a way to stop this from happening again.

~ ~

Lance stayed awake as long as he could that night, but exhaustion was clawing at his bones. His body felt heavy as he sank onto his bed, his heavy eyelids falling. It was like the sleep was literally pulling him down.

When Lance opened his eyes next he saw the now familiar table in front of him, seven lit buttons adorning it. He stared at it helplessly. It seemed that there was no escape from this. He couldn't stay awake forever, clearly something wanted him to be asleep. To make these choices. But why? Why him? Why now? 

"Choose" The voice said in it's usual booming but monotone voice.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Lance asked firmly. He wasn't making any more decisions before he got some answers. Lance gazed up at the dark sky above him. It was completely devoid of any light, any movement. But Lance knew that the voice was coming from somewhere. "Why are you making me hurt my friends? What kind of sick game is this!?" his voice grew louder with every word. Rage had been building up in his chest, and was now beginning to spill into his throat. 

"Who are you?" he continued shouting at the voice. "What are you? What can you possibly gain from making me hurt my friends?" As mis mind continued to race, Lance started to feel the sharp tingle of electricity begin to course through his veins. He ignored it and continued. "No, you can't scare me off this time!" he shouted. "I'm not leaving until you tell me why"

"Choose One" He grit his teeth and clenched his fists at his sides as he slowly backed away from the table. He knew it was no use, the table wasn't going to move, but he had to try something.

"What happens if I don't listen?" he asked. "Is this all you got? Some electricity? Go ahead. I heard death by electrocution isn't all that bad" he bluffed. He actually had no idea if it was painful or not. He was terrified of dying, but he couldn't bear to be the reason for his friends getting hurt. And their injuries seemed to be escalating by the day. How much further would it go before someone died?

"Choose. One." The voice commanded. It almost sounded angry. Lance felt the electric feeling in his bones intensify. It was so strong that it brought him to his knees.

"You can't make me do this!" Lance cried out. Sweat was dripping off his body onto the cold ground. Lance held out until he could no longer control his body. He was in so much pain that he collapsed on the floor. As Lance writhed around on the floor, in more pain than he ever thought possible, he stared up at the ceiling through teary eyes and sobbed. "There has to be another way! I don't want to hurt anyone!" He was crying in pain now, but he still saw it. The glow of the colored buttons on the table shifted. All the colors faded but one.

The blue one.

Lance fell completely silent, and the pain immediately ceased. He slowly lifted himself off the floor and stepped up to the table. Without a single thought, he pushed the button.

~ ~

The next few days were a flurry of pain for Lance. Each day, the pain increased more and more. He could barely function, but still, he pushed the blue button. He refused to inflict this pain on anyone else. He couldn't hurt anyone else. The first day, he tripped on his way to dinner and sprained his ankle. Shiro chastised him, saying that he should be more careful. They didn't have the healing pods to fall back on anymore. The next day, on a mission, a Galra soldier his Lance in the eye with his gun. Lance's vision was blurred, and it was possible that the damage was permanent, it was impossible to tell without the pods. The next day it was a blow to the leg during practice that would not stop bleeding. Coran had to change the bandage on it five times before it finally stopped, but still, it continued to throb every time Lance moved. His body was battered and torn. He was tired. So tired. 

The next day was the worst. Lance was still adjusting to not being able to see out of his right eye. He was so preoccupied with looking in his lion for the tool that Hunk needed that he wasn't watching where his feet were. As he moved to leave the lion he slipped on the ramp and fell down, first hitting his head on a tool cabinet and then ramming his side into a metal pole. Lance rolled to the floor, his eyes rolling into the back of his head.

It was hours before anyone found him. Whey they did, they found that Lance had a major concussion and internal bleeding. Coran ended up having to perform surgery on Lance to stop the bleeding. He woke up in a bed in the infirmary. Coran and Hunk were sitting by his side.

"Is he going to be okay?" Lance heard Hunk ask.

"I believe so" Coran responded. "I stopped the bleeding in his chest, but he has a major concussion. We should keep a close eye on him over the next few days"

"He's been getting hurt a lot lately. . . I'm worried" Hunk said, the concern evident in his voice. 

"Don't be" Coran said. "He's just clumsy. I'm sure he'll be fine" Coran's tone left no room for negotiation. Hunk let out a sigh. Lance furrowed his brow and let out a groan as he attempted to turn his head and open his eyes.

"Whoa, whoa" Hunk rushed to Lance's side and put his hand on Lance's arm. "Relax, you're alright. You're going to be alright" Lance blinked his eyes open. His right eye was still blurry, maybe worse than before, Lance wasn't sure. His body ached and his head was pounding.

"Wh- at happened?" Lance squeaked.

"You fell" Hunk said. 

"Yes, you really do need to be more careful" Coran chimed in. "You have a severe concussion and you had some internal bleeding. I had to go in a stop it, but you should be fine" Lance pinched his lips together and laid his head back on the pillow. Concussion. Internal bleeding. How much more of this could he take? How many more times could he get injured like this before his body couldn't take it anymore? Before he was hurt so badly he couldn't be healed?

~ ~

Lance eased himself down on the bed gingerly. Hunk had suggested that Lance stay in the bed in the infirmary, but Lance told him that the bed was hurting his back, so, with a little help from Hunk, he moved back to his room. 

The bandage that was wrapped completely around Lance's middle seemed to pull tighter and tighter as he readjusted his body on the bed, trying to get more comfortable. Every part of him was in pain.

Lance let out a ragged breath as his head hit the pillow. His body felt heavy. Too heavy. For a brief, dark, moment Lance considered pushing a different button tonight. Just to give himself a break. A moment to heal. But he quickly dismissed the idea. He couldn't knowingly do that to someone. They didn't deserve it.

But still, Lance wasn't sure how much more of this he could take.

With that thought in his mind, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

~ ~

"Choo--" Lance waved his hand as the voice spoke.

"I know the drill" Lance said with a sigh. He slowly drug himself over to the table. He stared at the lights for only a moment before he reached over to push the blue button again.

"Stop" The voice said. Lance froze. He'd never heard the voice say anything other than 'choose' or some variation of that. "Choose one" the voice said. Lance furrowed his eyebrows. "Choose one to die" Lance felt ice run through his veins.

Choose one to die.

The blinding glow of the blue light below him seemed to shine brighter, the others paling in comparison. Lance couldn't move. What was he supposed to do? Lance's hand retracted and hovered near his hip. His eyes roamed over the lights. To die. He was going to die. 

But what if. . .

Lance shook his head quickly and clenched his fists at his sides. 

"Wh- why are you doing this to me?" Lance asked, his voice cracking. The voice, as predicted, remained silent. Lance knew that his attempts were futile. The voice never gave him the answers he wanted.

Lance, in a last ditch effort, turned and sprinted off into the dark. His body, not burdened by his injuries in this boundless room, moved quickly through the darkness. He glanced over his shoulder and saw, to his surprise, that the lights were growing smaller in the distance. A small bud of hope grew in his chest.

But, when he turned back he ran smack into the table. He doubled over and rubbed his chest in pain. He let out a helpless scream.

"Why me!?" he shouted into the void. His question was met with silence. Lance shook off the pain of running into the table and turned back to it. He let his gaze wander over all the lights. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. They were all in a row. All the same as they were every night. But it wasn't the same, not really. Tonight, the consequences of his actions were much larger.

Already, Lance could feel the familiar burn of electricity coursing through his veins from taking too long to decide. Lance grit his teeth. "I'm getting to it" he ground out. Lance took a deep breath, staring at the blue light, which was practically pulsing at this point. It was the obvious answer. He couldn't be the cause of someone's death. He could never live with himself for taking an innocent life. "Is this the only way?" Lance asked. "Does someone have to die?"

"Choose one" the voice responded. "To die" Lance closed his eyes and nodded. He lifted his hand and hovered it over his button. The blue light brightened in response, illuminating the room further than it ever had before. Lance's body was cast in the glow. Lance blinked the tears out of his eyes and began to lower his hand.

Suddenly, something ran though his mind. He didn't know where it came from. A name. It echoed in his head like a voice in a canyon. Lance's hand lifted without him moving it. His eyes flickered to the other button. The urge to push it was so strong, that Lance's hand moved away from his own button, seemingly at its own accord. Lance felt sick. Why. . .

Why him?

Lance didn't understand. He would never hurt anyone else on purpose. The moment he realized that pushing these buttons meant inflicting pain on someone, he only pushed his own. He knew that he could never live with himself if he was the cause of someone else's death. 

So why did he pushed the orange button?

~ ~

Lance bolted upright, awake in an instant. A breath caught in his throat as he felt a pain on his neck, and heard a thud on the floor. He pulled his hand back and saw blood. He didn't want to look at what was on the floor. He knew what he was going to see.

Still, it surprised him to find Coran lying on his floor with a knife gripped in his hand, not breathing. His lifeless eyes staring. They were the only thing that seemed wrong about him. The reason that Lance reached for his tablet and called Allura.

Coran's eyes were jet black.

"Allura" Lance said shakily. "Something happened" 

~ ~

Allura came immediately and after moving Coran's body to the infirmary, Lance sat down with her outside the room to explain what had happened. He told her everything. About the dreams and the injuries, he made sure to stress that once he found out that his dreams were causing the injuries he only pushed his own. He didn't want to hurt anyone else.

"Explain to me again about tonight" Allura said with a frown. They were sitting on the floor with their backs against the wall now. It had to be almost morning, and neither of them had slept. They hadn't woken the others yet. Allura wanted to understand before she let them know what had happened.

"Tonight was different" he began again. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. "The voice told me to choose, like always and just before I pushed the blue one it told me to 'choose one to die'" he explained. "I stopped, but only because my body froze. I- I didn't want to die but--" he choked out. Allura nodded, though her face didn't give any indication of what she was thinking. "Then. . . something came over me. I don't know what it was. I knew that if I didn't push Coran's button. . . I- I don't know but I knew that I had to push it" he unconsciously rubbed the bandage that was on his neck, covering the area that Coran had cut with the knife. "And- and when I woke up. . ." he trailed off. Allura knew what happened after that.

"Are you absolutely sure that's how all this happened?" she asked firmly. "And you said that his eyes were black when he- when he died?" Lance nodded vigorously.

"And he was weird before. . . I know he's strange but he's been fidgety and weird the past week that all this has been happening" Lance pulled his knees up to his chest and began gently rocking himself back and forth. He kept remembering Coran's body dropping to the floor next to him. He had done that. He killed him. The only thing he didn't understand was why had Coran been holding a knife to his neck?

"I can't believe he's really gone" Allura said, grief filling her face and her voice.

"I'm so- sorry" Lance said. His eyes filled with tears. She was probably going to throw him out now. He had killed her only tie to her old life. There was no way she would let him continue to be a paladin of Voltron now. There was nothing he could say to her to make this right. He couldn't fix this. He had killed someone, even though he hadn't physically killed anyone, it was his fault.

"Lance, Coran was gone long before you pushed the button" she said. Lance paused and turned at her in confusion. She continued before he could say anything. "I know you don't know much about Altean culture, but there is much lore about creatures, much like your. . . oh, what did Pidge call them?" Allura mused. "Who-wolves?" she guessed.

"Werewolves?" Lance asked. She nodded.

"Ah, yes, those" she said. "We have tails of fearful Bilgos, and deadly Engas, the mystical Yonzud and. . . Koqund" Allura said. Lance felt the hair stand up on the back of his neck as she said the last one. He looked up at her, his eyes wide. She nodded. "That's who it was" She said. It wasn't a question. 

"Wh- what is that?" Lance asked breathlessly. 

"Koqund is the most feared being" she said, his voice lowering. "She is a wicked temptress who meddles with mortal lives for her own sick pleasure. She takes pride on inflicting misery on her prey" Lance fell silent as he listened to Allura. "Koqund devises scenarios, much like your dreams, where what you choose to do in it will affect those around you" Allura continued. "When she grows tired of the game, she kills the individual and everyone around them" she said quietly.

"But- but that's not what happened" Lance said. "We're still alive" Except for Coran. Lance left those words unspoken, but both of their eyes drifted to the door behind them.

"Koqund chooses a host, and a victim" Allura said, resting her hands on her lap. "She latches on to them both. She feeds off the host, inhabiting their body, and inflicts mental and physical pain on the victim. Once the victim chooses to kill himself, she kills the rest and moves on to a new group of people" She cleared her throat. "You were the victim, and Coran. . . must've been the host" 

"So. . . when I killed him instead of myself. . .?" 

"She no longer could feed off her host, and was forced to move on. She didn't have enough power to kill us. You- you saved us, Lance" Lance's face broke.

"But Coran-!" Allura put her hand on Lance's shoulder and forced him to look at her.

"Lance, you have to understand. Coran was dead the moment that demon entered his body. He's been gone for a long time. This isn't your fault. You didn't kill him" Lance buried his face in his hands. It didn't matter how many times she said it, he was always going to feel that guilt deep in his heart. 

After all, he was the one that pushed the button. 

"Lance, if I may ask, why did you choose yourself?" Allura asked. "Why did you take all the pain?"

"I- I didn't want anyone else to get hurt" Lance stuttered. "I couldn't watch you all get hurt because of me" Allura's lips parted as she realized something.

"Koqund must've seen that" she said. "She must've known that you were going to suffer through the pain yourself alone. That's why she made Coran go into your room to kill you. She was going to end the game because she was bored" Lance shook his head. Hearing Allura's explanation of what happened hadn't helped. It didn't make him feel any better about things. He had still killed his friend. Someone who had done nothing but support him and look after him when everyone else left. Knowing that Coran was possessed by this Koqund didn't make it better. It just let Lance know that Coran hadn't been guilty. He wasn't in control of his actions.

Logically he knew that if he had chosen himself to die, the others would have been killed by the being soon after, but still. He felt like he had made the wrong decision. He had killed one of his friends. Someone died because of a decision he had made.

Yes, he was alive. Allura and the other paladins were alive. But Coran was not.

He caused the death of an innocent man.

He was going to have to live with his choice for the rest of his life.


	89. Longing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "The sand hurts" mer Lance. If you want to :D
> 
> A/N: What up I have no excuses for why I've been gone so long sorry. Also I did one-sentence prompts on tumblr so I'll be posting those on here in a bit. (This was one of them but it turned out to be longer than my actual prompts so it gets its own chapter lol.
> 
> Trigger warning: attempted suicide

Keith gazed longingly at the sea. How much he wished he could be out there, underneath the crashing waves. He had always loved the water. As a child he had to be dragged out of the bathtub and out of pools. Every spare moment he had he was submerging himself in them.

He loved the ocean most of all.

He didn’t know what it was that drew him to it. The sereneness of it all? The quiet crash of the waves washing up on the shore? Or maybe it was the unforgivingness. Keith knew how dangerous the ocean was. But sometimes, sometimes late at night he would think about walking out into the water and never turning back. He would watch the waves crash around him and let the water pull him under. Usually, he sat on the end of the pier, watched the water silently, too afraid to indulge his innermost desire.

But tonight was different.

Keith stood, ankle deep in the water. The wind whipping wickedly around him. He shivered but didn’t move. The cold water bit at this skin, but it was almost as if he couldn’t feel it. Or he didn’t mind. He slowly moved further into the water, wading deeper and deeper. In a moment it was up to his chest. And then his neck. Soon Keith’s feet barely brushed against the smooth sand, and then he was free.

He floated aimlessly through the black water. The only light came from the moon and its reflection in the water. Keith couldn’t see the beach anymore. It was lost. He was lost.

A sense of calm washed over him. This was it. What he had always wanted. Keith took a deep breath. . .

And he let go.

He woke up the rough feeling of sand beneath him. Keith tried to suck in a breath, but his lungs were full of water. Someone pushed Keith onto his side and he coughed all the water out onto the already wet sand.

“Oh god, is that supposed to happen? Is that supposed to come out of you?” Keith heard a strange voice. He groaned and tried to pry his eyes open. After blinking the blurriness out of his eyes, he saw a person hovering over him. He closed his eyes, wishing sleep to overcome him, and then—

“Wh- what t-he fuck” Keith coughed out as he rolled back over, realizing what was different about the person above him. He. . . had gills?

“Oh, thank Poseidon. You’re alive” The creature relaxed and laid back on the sand beside Keith.

“Who are you?” Keith asked as he sat up. Something flicked into view and then quickly disappeared. Just as Keith looked down at what was next to him, the creature answered.

“My name is Lance” Lance cocked his head and grinned at Keith, his tail flopping back and forth. “What’s yours?”

He was a mermaid.

“K-Keith” He stuttered. He was in shock. Between his near death experience and seeing an honest-to-god mermaid. “You- you- you—” A coughing fit stopped him for finishing his sentence.

“I- I- I?” The mermaid flashed a blinding smile. “You’re cute” he cooed. Lance’s eyes traveled over Keith’s waterlogged body.

“You saved me” Keith said, instead of stating the obvious.

“Yeah” he chirped. His gills twitched, lifting up and flattening down on his skin. Lance pursed his lips. “What were you doing in the water?” he asked bluntly. Keith frowned and continued to stare blankly at him. His tail. His gills. The brightly colored scales that were shining in the moonlight. It wasn’t until said tail was brushing teasingly against Keith’s arm that he snapped out of his trance.

“What?” he said loudly.

“You were far out there” Lance nodded in the direction of the water. Keith couldn’t pull his eyes away from Lance to look at it though. For the first time there was something he was more interested in other than water. “Why?”

“I—” Fear gripped Keith’s throat as he suddenly remembered what he had been doing that night in the water. He slapped his palm over his mouth and stared down at his soaking wet clothes. “Fuck” he breathed. He had tried to drown himself. The waters pull was so strong on him that he almost sacrificed his life to be in it.

“Oh” Lance said simply. Keith’s body began to shake as he began to feel the cold seeping into his bones. “I see”

“I- I don’t want to die” Keith whispered. “I just- I wanted to- The water—” Lance stayed silent, waiting for Keith to collect his thoughts. “I just wanted to be out there. It’s where I belong”

“Where you belong” Lance repeated. He laughed humorlessly. “You almost killed yourself for cruel uncaring bitch” Keith blinked a few times in surprise. That was kind of harsh. But he was right.

“You get it though, don’t you” Keith asked, his eyes shining with hope. He was a mermaid after all. He had to love the water. “There’s just… something about the water” Lance’s face screwed up for a moment before he uncomfortably readjusted himself on the wet sand.

“Um, to put it bluntly? No.” Lance scratched the back of his head, dislodging a piece of seaweed out of his hair. He rubbed it between his fingers for a moment and then tossed it back out into the water. “I’d much rather be here, on land” Keith fell silent. He couldn’t imagine preferring land over the water. “You want to be in the water?” Lance repeated incredulously. Keith gulped and nodded. “Can’t relate” Keith looked down at Lance’s hands and saw his sharp nails dig into the sand. He lifted his body slightly and squirmed around, his face twisted in discomfort.

“Are you alright?” Keith asked, noticing Lance’s wincing.

“Ironic isn’t it?” Lance laughed brightly, ignoring his question. “We both want what the other has” he grinned, revealing the thin razor-sharp teeth that lined his mouth. Keith marveled at him. He couldn’t believe this was real. That this was really happening. A mermaid. He never in a million years would’ve thought he would meet one, let alone one saving him. Before Keith could utter another word, Lance reached over and took Keith’s hand in his own. He was very gentle so that his talons didn’t scratch Keith. “Can you promise me something?” Lance asked quietly. Keith leaned in, so entranced that he couldn’t speak. “I know you love the water, but please be safe. I can’t always be around to save you” Keith lowered his head in shame and nodded.

“I’m sorry” Keith whispered. Lance lifted Keith’s hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on Keith’s hand and then let it go. Keith looked down at his hand in surprise. Where his lips had touched his skin, there was the perfect imprint of a seashell.

“Wh- what’s this?” Keith asked, lifting his head. But Lance wasn’t there. Keith scrambled to his feet and searched wildly. After a few moments he saw Lance’s head bobbing barely above the surface of the water, several feel away from him. “Wait! Where are you going!?” Keith began to walk out into the water and then stopped when he noticed the mark on his hand glowing. His face fell blank and he back out of the water again. He had given him a reminder. So that he would never do it again.

“I’m- I’m sorry. I don’t want to leave but…” Lance stared at the land longingly. “I- I just. . . The sand hurts me” he said sadly. “I need to be in the water”

“Meet me down there” Keith pointed to the pier, which was a ways down the beach. Lance looked at it and nodded. Suddenly he disappeared from view. Keith took off down the beach, running as fast as he could. He wanted to spend as much time with Lance as he could. He knew that their time couldn’t last forever.

When Keith arrived at the end of the pier he found Lance swimming around below him in the water. Keith laid down with his arms hanging over, so they could dip into the water. Lance floated up so he was on his back.

The two of them sat there watched the waves ebb and flow up and down the beach for a long time, both remaining silent. After what felt like forever, and no time at all, the sun began to rise. Both turned and looked at each other, knowing that they had to leave. This surreal and magical night was over. Silently the two parted ways, both wanting what the other had.

Keith walked up the beach and straight back to his house. If it wasn’t for the small seashell mark on the top of his hand Keith would think the whole thing was a dream.


	90. One-sentence prompts 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Here are the one-sentence prompts that I did on tumblr a few weeks ago! I really love doing these. It's nice to just write short bits instead of killing myself trying to write a whole story lol.
> 
> Trigger warnings: [Not all apply to every prompt] self harm, depression, suicide, blood, death, transphobia

“Lance, are you okay?” Shiro asked, seeing the blood dripping out of Lance’s sleeve. Lance turned to him, his face completely blank. He didn’t care anymore. It was too late for him.

“So now you care?” Lance asked flatly. HIs vision blurred for a moment. He knew he was about to pass out. “You didn’t seem to care before” Shiro’s eyes widened slightly.

“You mean when you told me that you were depressed- Lance I thought you were joking!” Shiro’s eyes traveled down to Lance’s sleeve, which was now soaked in blood, creating a puddle on the floor below. “Lance…” Shiro breathed. “What did you do… ?” he gasped. Shiro fell to his knees and rolled up Lance’s sleeve, finding deep vertical slashes on his wrist.

“Why didn’t you believe me?” Lance sobbed. Suddenly his eyes rolled back into his head and he fell to the floor. Shiro shouted for help as he cradled Lance in his arms. He was bleeding out too quickly.

Why hadn’t he believed him?

~ ~

“Come on, we’re all girls here” Allura said with a charming smile. Her words were like a punch in the gut for Lance.

“Allura” Pidge said quietly. “We’re not all–” Lance waved his hand. He could fight his own battles.

“I’m not a girl” Lance said firmly. Allura blinked in surprise. It was like she as hearing it for the first time. “I- I’ve told you this before Allura” The look on Allura’s face filled Lance’s chest with shame. He lowered his head as he continued. “I- I told you. I’m not a girl. I’m a boy”

“But you were born a girl” Allura said, her face scrunching in confusion. Lance was getting upset. He had explained this to her a thousand times, but she never seemed to get it. “Oh!” Allura said suddenly. “You’re like Pidge? Pretending to be a boy. Yes, I understand now” She beamed.

“No!” Lance shouted. Allura’s face fell. “I’m not a girl! I’m a boy! I always have been and I always will be!” Allura shook her head her face darkening.

“You can’t just change, Lauren” Lance clenched his fists at his side.

“DON’T CALL ME THAT!” he shouted. He opened his mouth to yell some more, but he was suddenly exhausted. He didn’t want to argue his own existence anymore. He turned and left the room without another word, leaving Pidge to explain it to Allura yet again. Lance thought when he left Earth that this was over. That people would stop rejecting him for who he was.

Clearly he was wrong.

~ ~

“Do you miss him?” The question should have sent Shiro into a downward spiral. But now? Now it was nothing. Shiro felt nothing.

“I guess” Shiro said with a half-hearted shrug. Mostly, I just feel numb” Shiro pushed the food around his plate absently. He wasn’t up for eating much anymore. He merely showed up to meals to appease his friends. They were worried about him. Rightly so.

Afterall, Lance’s death affected him the most.

He and Lance hadn’t been dating per se, but everyone knew that their bond was closer than friends. They had been soulmates.

And now Lance was gone.

Shiro wasn’t sure he was ever going to be okay again.

~ ~

“Should- should we stop them?” Hunk asked, his eyes wide. Pidge was in a similar state of shock. Lance and Keith were in a screaming match in the room next to them. It was hard to make out what they were arguing about, but they were both obviously upset about something.

Suddenly, the shouting stopped. They heard the door slam and the sound of sobbing retreating down the hall.

“I guess it’s too late now…”

~ ~

“Are you serious?” Adam said, completely floored. Shiro furrowed his eyebrows. This was not the reaction he was expecting when he returned to Earth. 

“A- Adam?” Adam adjusted his glasses and crossed his arms.

“Did you really think that you could just waltz back here and expect me to take you back with open arms?” he spat. Shiro shook his head slightly. “Takashi, I told. I wasn’t going to be here for you when you got back” 

“B- Adam I- I thought you would at least be happy to see me” Adam’s lips quivered slightly as he tried to conceal his emotions.

“Do you know how hard it’s been for me since you- you- I thought you were dead!” Adam said, his calm exterior cracking. “I loved you so- You were the love of my life, Takashi”

“Adam, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to put you through this–” Adam turned to Shiro, tears welling in his eyes.

“You’re the one who left” he said hoarsely. “You made this decision. I told you–” His voice cracked. “I told you that I didn’t want you to go–”

“Adam–”

“I hate you” Adam said coldly. And with that, he turned and left.

~ ~

“I’m busy, Lance” Shiro said. Lance’s heart sunk.

“You seem to be busy a lot lately” he said, his voice dripping with disappoint. Shiro didn’t even look up from tablet. “I’ve barely seen you today” Lance felt awkward standing next to Shiro. It used to be so easy to talk to him but things had changed. Lance didn’t even know what happened.

“Lance,” Shiro said with a sigh. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. “I’m working. There’s so much to do. Just, go to bed, Lance. I’ll see you in the morning” Lance cross his arms across his chest.

“You always say that” Shiro finally put down his tablet and actually looked at Lance. It wasn’t a warm look. It was… just a look. Lance felt cold. “You aren’t acting like yourself” Lance said suddenly. It caught Shiro off guard.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Lance” Shiro said seriously. “I haven’t changed. I’m just busy right now” he explained.

Lance knew it was a lie. Something had changed, he just didn’t know what.

~ ~

“You wanna help me out Keith?” Pidge and Hunk looked at each other when he didn’t respond. “Keith?” Hunk elbowed him in the arm. Lance looked up at Hunk.

“Huh?” Hunk frowned.

“I asked if you would help me” Lance glanced at Pidge and then back at Hunk.

“Oh, sorry I thought you said Keith” Lance as he stood up. Hunk laughed weirdly but quickly stopped when he realized that Lance wasn’t kidding.

“I… did” He shot a strange look at Lance. “Keith are you joking?” he asked with a half smile. “Haha very funny. Come on let’s g–”

“I’m not Keith” Lance said, his voice barely more than a whisper. Pidge rolled her eyes.

“Come on, Keith, this isn’t funny anymore. Let’s go–”

“I’m not Keith, I’m me!” Lance shouted. “It’s me, Lance! I’m Lance!” Hunk’s face broke as he stared at Keith in horror. He opened his mouth to say something, but burst into tears and then turned and feld the room.

“Keith,” Pidge gasped quietly. “That’s- that’s seriously not funny. You know Hunk is still mourning. He hasn’t even- jesus, Lance hasn’t even been gone a month” Lance was frozen in fear.

“Wh- what are you talking about?” he asked. “I- I’m…” his voice trailed off. He felt the blood drain out of his face as he sprinted out of the room to his bedroom. It wasn’t until the door slid open that he realized something was actually wrong. 

His room was completely empty. His bed had been stripped of everything but the mattress. All his belongings were gone. Lance cautiously moved toward the bathroom. He couldn’t believe that it was real. Not until he saw it. He slowly lifted his eyes to the mirror above the sink. Only they weren’t his eyes.

They were Keith’s.

~ ~

“Lance, could you please just sit still for one damn minute and listen to me” Lance ceased his nervous pacing and sunk down into his chair. Shiro was stood at the end of the table, going over the plan for their next mission. Lance was trying his best to pay attention but Shiro’s speech seemed to be going on forever.

“I’m… sorry” Lance said slowly. Shiro ignored Lance’s apology and went back to explaining the plan. Lance let out a long sigh and began absently tapping his fingers on the table as he tried to follow along.

“And then once we get into the- into the ship we will- gah, Lance, please” Shiro said sternly. “Could you quiet down? Everyone else is listening to the plan. Why do you always have to be disruptive?” Lance squinted his eyes.

“I’m not trying to be disruptive” he said defensively. “I was just tap- Maybe if you would wrap this shit up a little faster” he snapped.

“No one else seems to have a problem with this meeting” Shiro pointed out. Everyone stayed awkwardly silent as the two fought from across the table.

“Okay, well they don’t have ADHD” Lance pointed out. “Sometimes it’s hard for me to sit still and pay attention for long periods of–”

“God, will you stop using that as an excuse” Shiro threw up his hands. “You can’t blame everything on ADHD” Lance blinked in shock. He looked around at the others to see if they were hearing what he was hearing.

“Are- are you seriously–” Lance shook his head. “Wh- I- I don’t even know what to say right now” he stood up and pushed his chair out. “I can’t believe that you of all people-” Lance grit his teeth and cocked his head. 

“Lance, please. Will you stop being so sensitive about everything–”

“Why can’t you just accept that I’m different?” Lance asked. His eyes searched the faces of his friends. His family. They refused to look back. Lance’s heart broke as he turned and walked out the door.

~ ~

“Did seeing me like this make you feel better?” Lance’s voice was so soft, so quiet that Keith almost didn’t hear it. He lowered his head and stared at his hands. He hadn’t meant to barge into Lance’s room. He was just so upset about what he had said to Lance earlier.

“Lance- I- You have to know that I didn’t mean it” he said, still averting his gaze. He knew that Lance hated when people saw him without his makeup on. It made him self conscious. Keith had been teasing him about it earlier, not knowing how much it affected Lance. “What I said earlier, I was trying to make a joke. At the time I didn’t realize it, but I was being insensitive. I’m so sorry. Please believe me”

“Keith…” Keith felt a hand on his arm. Lance tugged on it gently. Keith slowly lifted his eyes to Lance’s face. He studied it for a moment. A blush crept up Lance’s neck as Keith’s gaze washed over him. Lance had a large birthmark that covered most of the left half of his face, and freckles sprinkling his skin. “It- It’s okay” he stuttered out nervously when Keith continued staring at him silently.

“You’re beautiful” Keith breathed out completely by accident. His eyes widened and he clamped his mouth shut when he realized that he had said it out loud.

“I- Oh” Lance ducked his head to hide his rapidly deepening blush. “Thanks” he said in embarrassment. He could barely bite back his smile. Keith didn’t understand why Lance didn’t let anyone see him like this. He was absolutely astonishingly adorable. But, if wearing makeup everyday was what he was comfortable with, Keith would respect that.

He was secretly pleased that he was the only one to witness Lance’s barefaced cuteness. It was something just for him. The fact that Lance allowed him to see him like this, completely vulnerable, even if the moment began on accident, was amazing.

Keith would never forget that moment.

~ ~

“Is this a joke?” That wasn’t the phrase that Lance hoped to hear coming out of Keith’s mouth after he confessed his feelings to him.

“Um, no?” Lance said, suddenly embarrassed. He could feel his heart clenching in his chest and his throat tightening. He had been so open and honest with Keith lately as their friendship grew. He thought that maybe Keith had felt the same way that he did, but now that he had told him he was second guessing that assumption.

“Lance, you can’t joke about this stuff” Keith said, his face red and full of an emotion that Lance couldn’t decipher. All he knew was that it wasn’t a good one. It wasn’t the gentle open face that he had gotten used to over the past few weeks. The kind eyes. Soft smiles. This was a hard stare. A confused, if not slightly disgusted expression. Lance’s mouth felt bitter. “Seriously, it’s not funny. You could really hurt someone with your fake confessions” Keith added. Lance crossed his arms.

“Yeah, whatever” he said coldly. He felt a shiver run down his spine. 

Why had he even bothered trying to open up to someone?

~ ~

Lance looked around the room, his voice still echoing in the otherwise deadly silent room. He was sick of it. Of the jokes. The backhanded compliments. The constantly putting him down. Never appreciating him. Never believing him about anything. No one listened to him. No one cared. They all ignored him. They neglected him. Took him for granted. They didn’t believe that he had any special talents. He had to reason to be on the team other than the fact that he was needed to pilot Blue.

“Lance, what are you–”

“I thought things were different” Lance said, mostly to himself. “I told you all how I felt, that the things you said and did affected me. But I guess I was wrong. Not a damn thing has changed” Lance said flatly. 

~ ~

“Didn’t you want this?” Keith was frozen in shock. He knew he should move. He should help. Call for someone. Do something. But he couldn’t.

“L- Lance” he breathed out shakily. Lance was sat at the dining table, a knife in his hands. It was covered in blood. So was the table. And the floor. Lance twirled the knife sluggishly and then brushed it against a smooth patch of skin. His arms were lined with cuts. Some shallow, some dangerously deep.

“Isn’t this for the best?” Lance continued. It was like he was in a trace. Based on the amount of blood it was likely that Lance was about to lose consciousness. “There’s always been one too many people on this team” Lance’s eyes glazed over and he hunched over, unable to hold himself up any longer. This seemed to snap Keith out of the daze he was in. 

“What did you do?” Keith dashed over to the table and ripped his jacket off. He pulled Lance’s chair out and tried to use his jacket to stop the bleeding on Lance’s arms and wrists. “Oh, god. SOMEONE HELP!” He shouted. There was no way he was going to be able to do this on his own. Keith didn’t know how much more blood Lance could afford to lose. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck” Lance slumped over in his chair. Blood seeped through the fabric of the jacket. There was nothing he could do. Lance was bleeding out, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Lance was going to die.

“Didn’t you want this?” Those were the words that would forever be imprinted in Keith’s brain, causing the guilt to wreak havoc on his mind. This was his fault.

Why couldn’t he just have stayed away from Voltron?

~ ~

“Lance, what are you talking about?” Shiro asked, sitting up in the bed, the sheets pooling around his waist. His faded scars in full view. Lance gripped the edge of the mattress and pressed his bare feet to the cold floor. He needed to get out of there.

“I- You heard what I said” he said confidently, though he felt anything but. Keith mumbled something and drug himself out from underneath the pillow he was hiding under.

“Wh- what are you to arguing about?” Keith asked sleepily. He rubbed his eyes and leaned into Shiro’s side. Lance pulled his eyes away from them and drug his nails across his thighs.

“Lance, why would you say that?” Shiro asked, ignoring Keith’s inquisitive mumbles. “That’s not true” Lance smiled thinly and shook his head stiffly.

“It is though. You’ve always loved him more than you’ve loved me” Keith sat up, now completely awake. 

“Wh- Lance” Keith said with a frown. “That’s not true. We both love you equally” Lance laughed dryly. It would’ve been more believable if they were snuggled up together while he was perched on the end of the bed in the freezing cold.

“I- I don’t know if I believe that anymore” he said sadly. “I don’t think I can do this” He looked up at the ceiling and tried to blink the tears out of his eyes. In an instant he was wrapped up in two pairs of strong arms, as they tried to comfort him. They denied it. They promised that they loved him. But Lance knew.

They had always loved each other more than they loved him.

~ ~

Lance pressed his fingers to the glass in front of him. It was cold on his skin. His heart was beating in his throat as he watched the scene unfold on the other side. “Oh god” He watched as a looming inkly black presence appeared behind his friends. Lance shouted at them. He tried to warn them. He screamed and cried. He banged his fists on the glass until his knuckles were bruised and bloodied. Nothing worked.

They couldn’t hear him.

“Wh- what do I do” Lance searched wildly to find something, anything, to do to stop this. 

The shadowy figure descended on the oblivious group. Lance watched as one by one his friends began coughing and gripping their throats. They began wildly shouting at each other in fear.

“I don’t know how to help them!” Lance shouted. “Please, make this stop!” he pleaded. But there was no response. No one was there. Lance was forced to watch through the glass as one by one his friends collapsed on the ground. “No!” Lance threw his entire body weight against the glass, tears streaming down his face. Why was this happening? Who was doing this to him?

Lance’s attempts to break through the glass were hopeless. The glass never ever cracked. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t save him. All his friends were dead.

And then he woke up.

~ ~

Everyone was deadly silent as they marched eastward, hoping to find some sort of civilization before the Galra inevitably caught up with them. Lance was being carried on a makeshift stretcher, trying to hold in his painful moans. This was worse than hell for him. It wasn’t even the pain that made this unbearable, it was knowing that he was the reason that the others weren’t going to survive. He was slowing them down. Lance grit his teeth and swallowed a sob as he turned himself onto his side, making sure to keep his eyes off what remained of his legs. He lifted his pleading his toward Keith who was holding that end of the stretcher.

“Keith” he whispered. Keith’s gaze flickered down to meet Lance’s. He must have identified the look in Lance’s eyes because he shook his head stiffly and quickly looked away. “Please” Lance said. “It will make things easier. For all of us. You all know that I’m not going to make i–” 

“Shut. Up.” Keith hissed. “You’re- you’re going to be fine. We all are” he didn’t make eye contact as he said it.

“What are you two mumbling about?” Allura asked from the front of the group. Keith shot a pointed look at Lance to keep his mouth shut. Lance shook his head sadly. He couldn’t do that.

“Allura, you need to leave me behind” he said, far more confidently than he felt. “I’m not- I’m going to die. You don’t all need to die because you tried to save me. You’re already heros. The world needs you far more than me” Everyone stopped walking at his words. Lance glanced around nervously.

“Lance, how could you say that?” Allura asked, her voice sharp. Lance lowered his head in shame.

“Allura, I–” Lance’s voice cracked and the tears that he had been trying so hard to hold back came rushing out. “Please, please just let me die! I’ve caused enough pain. This is my fault, I’m the one who wasn’t watching where I was going. I’m the one that stepped on that explosive. I should be the one that suffers the consequences” 

“Lance, you are already suffering the consequences. We are not going to let you die. We’re not going to leave you behind. We are a team” Oh, how long had Lance craved to hear those words. To be validated, knowing that he was truly important in their eyes. How ironic that now he was hearing, when all he wanted was to sacrifice himself to save them.

Now, they were going to die together as a team.

~ ~

“Holy… shit” Lance said in complete surprise. Keith’s face turned red as a blush spread from his neck all the way up to his cheeks. He was completely mortified that Lance had found him like this.

“Wh- are you- f- fuck” Keith dropped his head. Lance’s mouth dropped open as he saw the array of beauty products surrounding Keith on the bathroom counter. He had half of a facemask plastered on his face when Lance walked in.

“You- you…” Lance didn’t know what to say.

“Great. Now you know” Keith said weakly. “I use a shit ton of face products. Ha ha. Can’t you just leave me alone” Keith asked shamefully.

“No!” Lance said, the excitement bubbling up inside him now that the surprise had worn off. “This is an important discovery!” Lance said excitedly. He knelt down next to Keith. “Now I have someone to talk to about skin care! You wouldn’t believe how entirely basic everyone else’s routine is” Keith lowered his hands slightly so he could see Lance’s face.

“You know Shiro doesn’t do anything at all?” Keith said. “His skin is just naturally that perfect” 

“Ugh, of course it is” Lance said flatly. “Everything about that man is perfect, why shouldn’t he have effortlessly flawless skin” Lance shook his head. Keith let out a quiet laugh and then lowered his hands completely.

“Do you… want to try it?” Keith asked, lifting up the container of what he had half put on his face already. Lance’s face stretched into an all-out grin.

“Is that even a question!?” he said as he leapt onto the counter next to Keith and began applying the product on his face.

~ ~

“No” Keith collapsed onto the dusty ground, trying to ignore the dirt that filled his nose and mouth. “No, no, no, no, no” He stared at the body in front of him. There was blood. So. Much. Blood. Keith couldn’t even see the person’s face. Carefully, Keith wiped the blood off the person’s face. He felt his heart stop in his chest.

Lance.

“Oh, god!” Keith stared at him in horror. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know where the blood was coming from. “Lance, Lance!” After trying to wake him a few times, Keith began to do CPR on him. “Lance, please don’t be dead” he pleaded. Lance’s blood now covered the both of them. Keith did CPR for so long he could feel the blood drying on his own skin. But he wouldn’t give up.

He wasn’t going to let his friend die.

He couldn’t be dead.

Keith pounded on Lance’s chest harder and harder. But Lance didn’t wake up. Suddenly, there was a noise that made Keith stop altogether. He froze in fear.

A voice.

“Keith?” The voice spoke. Keith looked up toward the sky in fear. What was happening? Was he going crazy? “Keith, dude, get up” It sounded… like Lance? “Don’t make me push you out of bed”

Keith shot up, gasping for breath. His heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he thought it was going to explode. He was… in bed? Lance was standing next to his bed, staring at him like he was a crazy person.

“L- Lance” Keith said in disbelief. It was a dream. Keith launched himself off his bed, wrapping his arms around Lance in a bone-crushing hug. Lance yelped in surprise, and the two of them tumbled backwards onto Keith’s bed. Keith never let go.

“What the- fuck?” Lance asked in surprise.

“Don’t you EVER die on me again. You hear me? EVER!” Lance opened and closed his mouth, not understanding what was going on.

“O- okay?” Keith nodded curtly and then let go of Lance and walked out the door. Lance stared after him in shock.

“What the hell just happened?”


	91. Learning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Lance loses an eye in an accident and has to learn how to cope with it, with some help from his boyfriend, Hunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a fic for @/king-of-langst on tumblr <3<3
> 
> Heyyo it's been like 18 years since I've posted anything on here my b guys lmao. I've been busy/had bad mental health/was sick for a while/etc. Loads going on. Hopefully I'll be able to get back to writing regularly now though!!
> 
> P.s. Because I haven't written in forever I'm kinda rusty so I apologize :/

Lance held the gun firmly against his shoulder and steadied himself so he was in line with the target. He closed his right eye and huffed in irritation. He took a moment to clear his head and then steadied himself again, this time closing his left eye. Now, his hands and arms were shaking. He aimed at the target and--

He missed by several feet.

Several emotions welled up in Lance's chest, too strongly for Lance to fight them. He bit his tongue and threw his gun to the ground, letting out a few choice words.

He couldn't do this. No matter how hard he tried, he was never going to get it right. He would never be back to where he was before. Nothing was ever going to be the same.

Lance stared down at his bayard laying on the floor. He used to treasure it so, but now it was just a reminder of what he used to be. Lance balled up his fists and kicked the bayard in frustration, sending it flying. It hit the wall with a loud BANG, narrowly missing the doorway where Hunk had stepped through only moments before. He gazed at Lance in concern, having seen the whole thing.

"Lance" he said gently. Lance quickly turned his back and hunched his shoulders. He was clearly trying not to cry. Hunk's heart broke. He knew how much Lance was struggling. What he didn't understand was why he wouldn't let anyone help him. It killed Hunk to see Lance like this. "Lance... I--"

"Don't" Lance said in a broken voice. He waved his hand behind him, trying to get Hunk to leave. He wanted to suffer in peace. He couldn't let his boyfriend see him like this. Before he could say anything else, there was a hand on his back. Lance went completely still. He held his breath, hoping to stop the tears that were dripping down his nose.

"Why won't you let me see you?" Hunk asked quietly.

"I'm hideous" Lance muttered, his lips quivering as he held back a sob. Hunk's hand slid up to hold Lance's shoulder.

"Babe, you know that's not true. You've always been beautiful, inside and out. This doesn't change anything" Lance's heart skipped a beat at Hunk's words. This was one of the reasons that he didn't want to be around Hunk. He knew that he would cheer him up. All Lance wanted to do was suffer in silence. "Please, just turn around" Lance tried to resist Hunk's soothing voice. His calming touch. But, as he predicted, his resistance was futile.

"Okay..." he said shakily. He reached behind him for Hunk's hand. After their fingers were laced together Lance slowly turned around, revealing the face which he was now so ashamed of. Hunk gently touched Lance's chin and tilted it up so their eyes could connect. Hunk's gaze traveled over Lance's lips, to his crooked nose, and then to his beautiful eyelashes.

"Lance, open your eyes" he pleaded. Lance pinched his lips together thinly and slowly lifted his eyelids. Hunk stared down Lance. He took everything in. The scarred cheek, the bruised eye socket, the temporary glass eye that was in Lance's eye. It's milky whiteness was nothing compared to Lance's real eyes, but he was still dazzling. "Beautiful" Hunk breathed, cupping Lance's face with his free hand, wiping away his tears.

"You have to say that" Lance mumbled, trying to hide the blush rising to his cheeks.

"You know that's not true" Hunk said gently. "I would never lie to you. This--" Hunk gently brushed his thumb along one of the scars that riddled his cheek. "--Does not define who you are. Your scars are just a testament to what you have been through. The pain you've suffered to save the universe" Hunk pressed a light kiss on Lance's cheek bone and slid his hand down to clasp it with Lance's. "Now tell me, what happened" Lance sniffed and wiped his nose on his sleeve.

"I- I can't shoot" he said hoarsely. Hunk frowned and waited for Lance to elaborate. "M- my eye... Lance gestured his arm to his bayard which was laying several yards away from them. "I can't- I can't shoot anymore because I... I have to use my other eye to aim. I have to relearn how to shoot" Lance's voice trailed off as he spoke. Hunk began rubbing circles on the back of Lance's hand to calm him as he listened to his problem.

"That's not so bad" Hunk said gently. Lance huffed, his face darkening.

"Not so bad?" he asked breathlessly. "Hunk, if I can't shoot then what am I doing here?" Hunk shook his head as he looked over his distraught boyfriend.

"Oh, Lance. You are so much more than our sharpshooter" Lance wiped away a rogue tear from his eye. "Do you really think that that's all you have?" Lance half-heartedly shrugged his shoulders. Hunk fell silent for a moment, at a loss as to how he could make Lance see how much he was worth.

"I haven't gone on any missions since the accident" Lance muttered softly. "And Coran always tells me to rest, that he doesn't need me" Lance shuffled his feet slowly as he avoided eye contact with Hunk. He was afraid that if looked into Hunk's eyes for too long he would start to cry. He was so vulnerable around Hunk. "I feel useless. And I- I- I just--" A lump formed in Lance's throat as tears filled his eyes.

"Hey," Hunk's voice softened. Lance covered his eyes with his hands and turned away slightly. Hunk "Come on, why don't we do something else. You just need to take your mind off of it for a while" Lance dropped his hands to his sides as a bolt of anxiety ran through him.

"B- but... what if there's an emergency? What if someone calls us and we have to go save them? What if you guys need me and I'm not able to- I'm not- God, what if someone gets hurt because of me!?" He gripped his chest, trying to slow his pounding heart. It felt like it was about to burst out of his chest. "I have- I have to keep trying be- because without this I- I have nothing" Hunk put his hands on Lance's shoulders firmly, forcing Lance to look into his eyes yet again.

"Lance" Hunk said slowly. "I think you could use a cookie" Lance's face scrunched up in confusion.

"Wha- What are you- Hunk!?" Lance yelped as Hunk began gently pushing Lance toward the doorway. Lance protested loudly, though he allowed himself to be led out of the room and into the kitchen where, to his surprise, there was two trays of freshly baked cookies. Lance's mouth fell open as he searched for words to say. He was upset and confused, all he wanted to do was train until his fingers bled, until he learned to shoot again, but all Hunk wanted him to eat cookies.

"Sit." Hunk instructed. Lance clamped his mouth shut and listened. He climbed onto the stool at the kitchen counter and turned to Hunk wide-eyed. Hunk silently opened a cabinet and pulled out a mug. Lance watched him move around the kitchen gathering things and then finally settling down on the stool next to Lance with a freshly brewed cup of tea. He placed it in front of Lance and then looked up at him expectantly.

"Hunk--"

"Drink" he interrupted before Lance could say anything else. Lance stared down at the cup and closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. He felt a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth before he could stop himself.

"You remembered?" he asked quietly. Hunk's expression softened.

"Of course" When Lance was a child, he was the type to go, go, go until he was on empty. He moved constantly and never knew when it was time to stop. As he grew older he found it hard to relax, and even harder to fall asleep. Whenever his head hit the pillow anxiety crept through his veins until he he knew that there was no chance that he would get any sleep. After months of sleepless nights his mother had started brewing chamomile tea for him at night to help him calm down enough to fall asleep. Lance had told this to Hunk one night at the garrison when he was feeling the same anxiousness creep in again. 

"I know you, Lance" Hunk said. "I've known you practically my whole life. I know every freckle, every scar. We don't have secrets between us. I know when you're feeling down, or anxious, or upset" Lance laced his fingers around the warm mug as he listened to Hunk's words. "This isn't your fault. This injury, though it might feel like to you, it hasn't changed who you are. You're still Lance. The Lance I've known since forever. Your worth is not defined by your ability to shoot. And even if... even if you're not able to shoot the same way you used to, I still- we all still love and support you" Hunk trailed off, watching Lance's face closely, so he could gauge what he was thinking. Lance kept his face blank as his mind raced. 

When Lance didn't say anything, Hunk sighed softly and got up. He walked around the counter and grabbed two freshly cooled cookies off the tray and brought them back over to where Lance was sitting. He set one in front of Lance and took a bite out of the other.

Lance quietly lifted the steaming mug to his lips and took a long, slow sip as he processed everything that Hunk said to him. He knew that he was right. Lance shouldn't punish himself for something that he had no control over. But Lance felt that every moment he wasn't practicing and trying to relearn how to shoot, he was wasting time. He barely made time for meals or to sleep because he spent every waking moment aiming at a target. He was exhausted and beyond frustrated, he wasn't sure what to do. 

After taking a few more sips of his tea, Lance let out a breath and lowered his head. "I'm so tired" he admitted. "I just... I don't know what to do anymore. I'm afraid that I'm useless now that this- this- this--" Lance gestured weakly at his scarred face. "Has ruined my life. I feel like there's nothing for me now. Like I might as well leave because I can't help any of you. Shooting is the only thing I'm good at, besides flying, and I can't even do that right now because everything looks so fucking different" Lance slammed his mug down on the counter in front of him unintentionally. Tea sloshed over the brim and dripped down his hand. "You guys are always on missions, doing important things and saving lives while I just sit here. I- I practice so much because otherwise I feel like I'm just being lazy. Like I could be doing more. I should be doing more" Hunk listened to Lance's ramblings silently, occasionally nodding his head to show that he was listening. 

"You don't have to do this alone" Hunk said when he was sure that Lance was finished. Lance furrowed his eyebrows as he broke off a piece of his cookie and ate it. "I know... I know you feel alone right now, but you're not. We're here for you. If you want help training we can help you. You don't have to go through this all on your own. We're your family" Lance, completely overwhelmed with emotion, leaned over and pulled Hunk into a tight hug. Hunk hugged him back just as tightly.

"Thank you" Lance mumbled into Hunk's shoulder. Hunk nodded.

"Promise me you'll take care of yourself, okay?" he said. "Get some sleep. Take breaks" Lance nodded his head as he sniffed.

"I- I will. I'm sorry" 

"It's okay. I just hate seeing you suffer" The two broke apart and finished their cookies while discussing different ideas for what Lance could do to figure out how to aim. After nearly an hour, and much yawning by both, they decided it was time for bed.

"Rest up, okay" Hunk pressed a feather light kiss to Lance's forehead. Lance leaned into his boyfriend's touch. He was overcome with a wave of deep emotions. He drew his lip in between his teeth and stared at Hunk for a moment. He was so thankful to have such a wonderful person in his life. He couldn't believe that he was lucky enough to be able to share his life with him.

"I love you" Lance announced before Hunk left the room. Hunk turned and flashed a blindingly beautiful smile at Lance.

"I love you too. Now go to bed" Lance nodded.

"I will" Hunk hesitated in the doorway for just a moment before leaving Lance alone in the kitchen. Lance turned back to his tea, which was had cooled off considerably by now, and stirred it slowly. He smiled to himself as he thought back to all the things that Hunk had said to him. He realized that he had been wrong to try and get through this on his own. He had so many great friends around him that would drop everything in an instant to help him. 

Lance rose from his seat and empty the remaining contents of his mug into the sink and threw out the tea bag. After swiping one last cookie he flicked the lights off and headed to bed, feeling only love in his heart.

Tomorrow, he would start again. But this time, with the help of his friends.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Foam](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15402771) by [CatelynJones](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatelynJones/pseuds/CatelynJones)




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